Bad Dragon (Church)
After a fit of rage lasting about five minutes…
Spike… is a really bad dragon…
I just lay on the floor staring at him, completely spent from all the cursing.
He's staring back at me.
Growl
He runs and hides behind Twilight. That's right. Be afraid. Oh hey there's more ponies now.
"Ya alright sugar cube?"
Alright. Fuck this. Close my eyes. Applejack isn't here with Pinkie Pie. I’m not in a cartoon with cute little ponies… But, if I am, I can fly away! Ha ha!
Open my eyes.
THAT’S IT, I am done!
Hey these things actually work now!
CRASH
I lay in a pile of books, utterly defeated by a…
BONK
…bookshelf and that one special book that decided to fall off the shelf last and hit me square on the head! Don't they have any paperbacks here?!
"Ow." Scumbag Library.
Sigh
"I hate being a stupid pony…" I grumble under my breath.
All the books start floating off of me. Twilight walks up.
"I'm so sorry Rainbow, I don't understand what went wrong,” she says apologetically.
"Yeah. Me neither..." I say sarcastically.
I go back to staring (and growling) at Spike, who's now cowering behind Rarity.
"Ar- Are you alright darling?" She asks, gently pointing a marshmallowy hoof in my direction.
"No... I don't want to be… here," I spit.
I'm done. I get up and start walking towards the door.
I hear some comments along the lines of 'where are you going' but I tune them out. As I near the door, I come near Fluttershy. She's not protesting at all, only biting her lower lip and fighting off tears as she stares straight into my soul with those huge adorable puppy dog pony eyes.
Fuck.
If I leave… she'll cry.
Sigh
I walk back to Spike and Rarity, sit down my pony ass down on the floor dejectedly, and stare at the fat lizard silently.
Scumbag Spike, shitty dragon.
"Rainbow…? Do you… remember anything now?" Twilight asks sheepishly from behind my back.
More than I'd care to. "Certain… events…"
"Such as?"
"I remember when Celestia disappeared and Nightmare Moon showed up." There was a lot of that when I… she… "That's about it."
"Should I try again?"
"SURE, why not…?" I ask sarcastically.
She shoots me and I suffer another barrage of memories. Clearly Twilight's memories, of Rainbow.
When the torture ends, I hold my hooves to my throbbing temples. Well... it wasn't any worse than last time.
"Did it work?" Twilight asks.
"I was JOKING!"
"Oh. Well… do you remember anything now?"
"They're just your memories!"
"Oh…” she bashfully scratches the back of her neck. “I hoped they would… help spur your own memories…"
"Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, you said earlier that you needed me, what for?” I try to change the subject to avoid any more magical memory torture. “I might as well try to help…" while I'm here.
Everyone looks at Twilight inquisitively. She brought them here for something, and it sure as hell wasn't me.
"Alright girls. Rainbow wasn't the reason I called you all here," Twilight announces, all the other ponies in the room glance nervously at each other. "We're going to Canterlot, it seems Discord's gone rogue again." She rolls her eyes.
Gasps in unison.
I just go back to staring at Spike.
"Come on girls, let's get to the train station."
"H-He wouldn't!" Fluttershy softly protests. "And what'll we do about Rainbow?"
"We'll just have to help her on the train ride there." Twilight turns to Spike. "Spike! Get me… THE book."
"What book?" He asks uncomfortably, peeking out from behind Rarity's ass. I have a feeling he likes it there.
"The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide."
"Oh… THAT book." He runs off across the room, climbs a few steps up a ladder, and grabs a large fancy book from a shelf. I don’t let him escape my gaze. He waddles over to Twilight and gives her the book. She floats it in front of her and opens it, a sparkly golden glow comes from within and washes over her. Appearing satisfied, she slaps it closed and drops it into her saddlebags. "You know Twi, I still think you should put them on display in a glass case."
"I'll think about it Spike, but a magic-blocking book just seems so much safer. We don't really know if they'll react adversely to all the highly theoretical and sometimes unstable spells I'm always testing around here. Ok girls, let's go! Come on Rainbow! Spike, you stay here and watch the library."
"Alright, I guess. If it gets me away from creepy Rainbow," Spike shrugs.
I sigh and stand up. I silently follow them out the door, keeping my head down, just staring at my fee- hooves all the way to the train station.
We're all waiting for the train, on the station platform. The ponies are talking amongst themselves about something – I’m not listening.
Fluttershy carefully walks up to me, "How are you feeling?"
I don't need people to worry about me... "Meh, I'll be fine."
"Oh… I certainly hope so."
She walks closer to me and… rubs her nose on my neck.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh… da fuq? Was that supposed to be affectionate? I feel violated…
Applejack breaks off from their little conversation group next.
"Ya pullin' through, sugar cube?"
"Yep, I'll be fine." I swear to god if they all do this in sequence I'm going to murder someone.
"I know what'll cheer ya up…" She digs a hoof in her saddlebag, pulls out an apple, and offers it to me.
Meh, why not? I am a little hungry. "Sure, thanks." I just stare at the apple in her hoof for a second. I look down at my own hooves. Meh. I grab the apple with my teeth. Applejack gives me an awkward forced smile.
Crunch
Hmm. This apple's not bad.
Oh, now Pinkie is walking over here. Hang on. Doesn't she have fluffy hair? How come it's flat?
Oh… Oh! Oh. Uh oh.
Isn't she like, a psychopath when her hair is flat?
"Oh, Dashie," she says dramatically with sad eyes as she sits down in front of me. "I'm just so super-duper sad that you got amnesia and Twilight's memory spell didn't work and Discord’s a big meanie-pants again and now we're going to Canterlot but Twilight says you might not be able to use your element because you have amnesia and I…” She sighs. “I could really use a cupcake right now… how about you?"
Huh? So she's just hella sad...?
"Ummmm aren't you always in the mood for cupcakes and..."
Holy shit. Cupcakes...
"I'm sure everything will work out in the end, and I think I've lost my appetite for any and all pastries at the moment,” I try to change the subject.
She sniffles and wipes some snot on her leg. "I hope it will."
I can't help but sit there and look sad with her. At least I have an apple to munch on.
Thankfully, a distant steam whistle ends the awkward moment. After a minute, the gaudy, colorful train decorated with heart shapes chugs into the station, pulling and screeching to a stop. The doors open and ponies make their way out of the cars.
"Ponyville to Canterlot! Allllllll aboard!" Shouts a conductor.
I stand up and follow Twilight and the others onto a train car. These weird bench seats are more like little beds. I follow the others' examples and climb up onto one, and sort-of-sit at a window seat. I usually like watching the scenery roll by, maybe it’ll help keep my mind off things.
A long, painfully awkward silence permeates the still air inside the train car. The whistle blows and the car rattles briefly as it’s jerked into motion. The trees slowly start passing by outside the window.
After a good long time, Twilight quietly takes a seat next to me. "So, Rainbow…" she nervously tries to start some semblance of a conversation.
"So, Twilight," I counter.
"I know I kind of asked you this already, but I don't suppose you have any idea how this happened, do you?"
"Not a clue. But I'm willing to blame magic." Stupid magic.
"Maybe Discord's magic…” She sighs. “Does the name 'the Wonderbolts' mean anything to you?"
Suddenly all the six ponies in the car are looking at me and it seems to have gotten more quiet in here. Just the muffled clicks and clanks as the wheels roll over the tracks remain.
I hate how much I know about this fucking show. Um… "Sounds familiar, what do they do again?"
Everyone else looks away, I guess in disappointment.
"Oh… Well, they're a pegasus stunt flyer team. You um…" Everyone looks at me again. Boy, they really are keeping tabs on this conversation. "…they just… you um...” She squirms uncomfortably. “You got an acceptance letter from them two days ago."
This was obviously a touchy subject, if them all looking at me and Twilight's hesitation is any indication.
"Hmmmmmm... Well, I don't remember getting any letters and I can't even remember how to fly."
They all gasp and Rarity over-dramatically wails and faints and falls onto Pinkie, who seems completely unfazed by it.
"Oh my gosh… this IS serious! Maybe Princess Celestia will be able to help…" Twilight suggests.
I take a deep breath and go back to staring at the scenery whizzing by outside the window.
Wait a minute... are they taking me to see queen bitch?!
I look to Twilight, who looks up to me and gives me a weak, pained smile.
You would.
About an hour later…
The train's pulling into the station now. Finally. The ponies don their saddlebags, and I follow them off the train. We're greeted by a bunch of white ponies in shimmering golden armor. One of them, with fancier armor than the rest, greets all of us and exchanges some words with Twilight. She and him seem… comfortable with each other… Come to think of it… he does look familiar. Afterwards, he leads us away from the station, and the other armored ponies surround us as we walk.
I turn to Fluttershy, "Nyu nyu nyu?"
"Um, what?" She replies in confusion.
"Oh, nothing." I guess the boredom is getting the better of me.
This city is a definitely more urban than the other one. The roads are paved with cobblestone and the buildings are more crowded and…
Whoa…
Huge castle. It just keeps getting bigger as we walk. It's almost messy in design with its towers and spires all over the place. Still, it looks like something straight out of a fairy tale.
Or, you know, a little girl's cartoon.
Whichever comes first. As we reach the front gate I can see that the walls are actually made of white marble, that almost looks seamless.
We walk through a courtyard, up some stairs, and into a huge room with a lush red carpet leading up to some stairs with a huge stained glass window behind the landing.
And there's the queen bitch.
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nyu nyu nyu
Well, that Google search was certainly educational.
2229800 Slow reader? LAMPSHADE ACTIVATED!
2231124 I TOLD YOU NOT TO!
2231707 Dear Princes Celestia...
Today I learned that the best way to manipulate me is to use both the words "don't" and "Google" in a sentence.
Your faithful student,
Davidp1522
2235295 Told you not to :3
I may or may not own several of Bad Dragon's 'products', and if, hypothetically, one required the use of such 'products', I would, in theory, recommend the aforementioned company. However, as someone who has neither purchased nor used anything resembling Chance the Stallion, I wouldn't be the most reliable source.
2238910 Furries. Furries everywhere.
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/150/f/2011/212/e/d/lord_tourettes_by_lord_tourettess-d42agfm.png
BUTTNAZIASSTHUNDERCHODEPUBICHAIR DOUCHE IN MY MOUTH
*meeting with celestia*
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR-oofOjFIZ-QuGP_8KfhNcpUuuR1nNeSQwIlaF2VB1nBpTvJgN
I searched it. I am scared for life.
Opens new tab looks at site
Hmmmmmm ok then what's that mhhhemm hmmmm wait WAT WAT Wat. NONONONO