• Member Since 26th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 18th, 2021

Inferno demon Dash


Showing you the darker, more realistic side of MLP in my writing. Smoking, swearing and being a bastard, but that's nothing new with me. Got a cigarette?

T

Discord felt the need to vent about the time before he was trapped in stone, and Spike seems to be the only one who could truly understand such a lifespan as they also talk about the mares they love and the hope of being loved in return, after all, not even a god can make up a pony's mind.

(Written as an apology for MissytheAngle for the horrible story I made for her years ago, ironically this was supposed to be a FlutterCord but somehow ended up with a one sided love triangle, if it's not to your liking Missy I'll be sure to write you a real FlutterCord story)

Edited by beirirangu an old friend of mine that's a damn great editor, at least from what I've seen since I know nothing about it. Thank you my friend.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Idk spike and discord might be taking carpe diem for granded

Man, your writing is so... strange. It's so organic. Discords confession is so nonchalant, and spikes weighty acceptance that they will be enemies is well characterized. I would love more from these two. You do them such justice friend!:twilightsmile:

7955245 car·pe di·em
ˌkärpā ˈdēˌem/
exclamation
used to urge someone to make the most of the present time and give little thought to the future.

This is all i could find on the matter. Also, I really enjoyed the story, keep up the good work boss! If you need anything let me know.

7955777 thank you and really ? No one seen dead post society?

7955257 Shit, thank you very, very much. I very much planned to have more for them, I just like the two of them, I hope I got their characters right.

7955777 Thank you very much very much my old friend, it really means a lot to me. Hoping to make more with this story depending on how people like it, I'm excited to read your own stories my friend.

7956533 do you know robin Williams?

I actually very much enjoyed this one.

The idea, premise, and forward you have set up with this simple 'one-shot' could easily be expanded upon and made into a multichapter or just a more lengthy and definitely more descriptive fiction.

For example, having Discord and Spike get up to begin walking into town because Fluttershy is so late coming back would give new exposition for Discord to reminisce about things that have changed to Spike. Gives action and a sense of momentum, the story feels more that it is moving towards something even while you are giving the reader new information through character dialogue or flashbacks.

Additionally my biggest bit of advice would be to take this fiction as it is and see if you can double the word count. At least. Just by adding deeper descriptions to events or perhaps setting up scenery. The dialogue between Spike and Discord is absolutely essential, but that doesnt mean a bit more description of them during their actions and reactions wouldnt help the reader to see more of this amazing spectacle in their minds eye.

This fiction is seriously enjoyable IDD, There were only three typos that even caught my attention at all, and that aside this writing left me STARVING for more. It felt like an appetizer with just a bite of the main course at its center to truly tease at the delights to come.

You have a gem here, a beautiful idea in concept and now it has its beginnings in your writing, I see such huge, unbelievable potential for story and world building.

Bravo!
-RF

Good story. Interesting concepts. There were a couple of spelling issues, but nothing too drastic. The ones I noticed on a casual read through were

"the final countdown,"

- Did you mean showdown? Countdown seems a bit out of place.

“I’m just baiting my time, is all.”

- "Baiting" should be "biding".

8507210
Thank you very much, I'll get that fixed now. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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