Okay, very creative I will give you that. The execution however, was poor and feels rushed (like a high speed police car chase.) I feel like the story is not even trying to set a narrative the subjects in nature seem scrambled, and while easy to follow is very quick and doesn't let us enjoy the moment. the story itself is missing a hook I only read this far because I respect an author who will put himself(or herself) out there even if it's not great...(I apologize if that seems harsh) The story premise is good, but I feel we learned of his heritage to soon before the character even had a chance to grow on us. Thus the whole moment had no impact. The pictures in my opinion is lazy writing, reading the design is much more fun and easier to visualize (not to mention it doesn't ruin the fantasy) in the fic you just have to describe putting your own pictures in the story if you describe it we can see it. it's one thing to show a picture like in the fic Piercing the Heavens where it shows a vital moment and the picture strengthens the moment (seriously those hit like a truck.) the author notes are a good place to put designs to say this is where you got the idea from or this is what my character looks like in the dresses, or I LOVE ART! etc.
You are creating a world it's not easy i know because I write stuff too is it good no I don't think it is that is why it's not on the site yet. however your idea's for main character are really a cool concept and I like the fact he's Night Born(Luna Related) her magic being like a curse on another being I thought was neat and I like the fact that they are diamond dogs and that you have a story in mind for them I only ask that you slow down the race and enjoy the ride enjoy your time writing them they are your creation relish that and put it on your hot dog(pun totally intended) this comment is not meant to discourage you I apologize if it comes off that way. you have a fun way of describing things I hope you still go forth and multiply. ( No! The chapters not.. get your mind out of the gutter buddy!)
"Oh, I was in recess from Night Court and decided to stretch my legs when I sensed six very erotic dreams involving you. I followed them to their source and found the six young Diamond Dogs in your bed,"
That's okay since I expect this from this story, but how weird that she comes because of erotic dreams.
"No, it's not a fling when I helped the others save Rarity I kind of beat the Alpha dog of the area those six chose me to be their Alpha and mate so I since I wasn't having any luck with the mares I said yes," I told her in a calm tone remembering the hardcore sex we had.
that sounds like he isn't even sure if he want's it.
I looked at her confused at first before she placed a hoof on my hand smiling. "Yes my dear your six mates are indeed pregnant although it is not uncommon for a Bitch to carry one or two pups it seems yours are carrying three to four," She said tilting her head at me.
ohh come one, why does she even knows that? Sorry if I like to be a bit....uuhhh picky about it.
Waaaaaiiiiiittttt, he trasfromes into a Timberwolf and is kind of destinied to kill others?
Luna being his mother makes me happy, I don't even have a problem with what she did as Nightmare Moon, mostly because of Nightmare Moon.
Oh can you maybe make a note where you say which one is which one from left to right? I think I figured it out, but I don't want to always look trough the whole story again if I forget it. ahhhh sorry I think I found the part where you already did it.
I stop reading for now, I really need to sleep. One thing, I hope that even if everyone is equal, that he kind of keeps his "authority" as the pack leader if he wants to say a final word, I just like how polite and respectfull they are acting this time.
I even told her about the girls being in heat and Luna telling me they were pregnant
. I even told her about the girls being in heat and that I of course had to fuck them. I thought he would either take one of them back to his house, or take the girls with him to make sure that they know each other. Not sure how much works with the smell alone that they can probably notice. I mean he could have gone at night too, if he was affraid they might see him.
I hope him turning into a Timber Wolf at will with some training is not some sort of trouble, since I kind of prefer it if the real problem would be for Luna to get her son back. I'm curious about what actually happens. I remembered that she was probably Nightmare Moon when she "tossed him away", but I was curious as to why she didn't already lived with him and who was his mother all the while.
I totally love this story so far, I hope it is a longer one and that he maybe spents each day of the week with one of them, or at least is paying special attention to one of them with Sunday beeing for the whole familly or something. I suddenly like the idea for them having a special day and some kind of special authority.
edit: The way they look I could image Faith - to be good friends with Twilight Jacklyn - to be good friends with Rarity Nickita - to either be friends with Fluttershy or Applejack, since she looks kind of like a giant softie. Rosie - she was the Alpha bitch?, maybe....Twilight, Rarity, Applejack or Rainbow Dash, because she would call her a "cool" leader? Vickey - Applejack?, I have to think about a tiny mole if I see her. Sabrina - ppuuuuhhh maybe the victim to Pinkies antics
8257017 He's not a timber wolf a Rougarou is french cajun or in French its Loup-garou both meaning Werewolf or Wolfman. As for the girls, he does say it has been four years of no sex and the smell of six girls in heat would drive any male lust hungry. And for his family, he was raised by his father and Voodoo Grand-Mère no mother
8260023 I don't know either three of my other stories weren't updated as well But if this continues I will send you a message of the new chapters release.
8262204 We'll see. Send a message next time you update, and I'll let you know if it shows, and if it doesn't, you'll have to make blog posts each time you update, so that no-one misses it.
This story is my new fetish. I've seen it around but never read it until today. I'm glad I took the time to though, since this is promo lemon meringue pie. Just needs a proofreader to fix the mistakes and it's all good.
Also, Nikita is a bae. I'm a straight girl(or slightly bi) and I'd romance the shit outta her. But maybe that has something to do with me being a monsterphile/lycanophile, and she has the most bestial look with her wolf head and massive claws.
Really nice story concept. Though you really need an editor. The pace is also nearing lightspeed it feels like. That stuff bout him being the son of Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna should have been revealed later on down the line....its one thing to vaguely hint that something is there at this point but it seems forced and really disconcerting so early. I still like the story though.....especially bc it has D-dogs not all being villainous. It is refreshing when an author can take character templates for a bad guy and actually make believable non-bad guys or even good guys from them
Interesting plot development even though you did drop that major dump with Luna
love the story, keep up the awesome work.
Pretty dope chapter can't wait for more
I like the plot of this story dont stop cant wait for more.
Okay, very creative I will give you that. The execution however, was poor and feels rushed (like a high speed police car chase.) I feel like the story is not even trying to set a narrative the subjects in nature seem scrambled, and while easy to follow is very quick and doesn't let us enjoy the moment. the story itself is missing a hook I only read this far because I respect an author who will put himself(or herself) out there even if it's not great...(I apologize if that seems harsh) The story premise is good, but I feel we learned of his heritage to soon before the character even had a chance to grow on us. Thus the whole moment had no impact. The pictures in my opinion is lazy writing, reading the design is much more fun and easier to visualize (not to mention it doesn't ruin the fantasy) in the fic you just have to describe putting your own pictures in the story if you describe it we can see it. it's one thing to show a picture like in the fic Piercing the Heavens where it shows a vital moment and the picture strengthens the moment (seriously those hit like a truck.) the author notes are a good place to put designs to say this is where you got the idea from or this is what my character looks like in the dresses, or I LOVE ART! etc.
You are creating a world it's not easy i know because I write stuff too is it good no I don't think it is that is why it's not on the site yet. however your idea's for main character are really a cool concept and I like the fact he's Night Born(Luna Related) her magic being like a curse on another being I thought was neat and I like the fact that they are diamond dogs and that you have a story in mind for them I only ask that you slow down the race and enjoy the ride enjoy your time writing them they are your creation relish that and put it on your hot dog(pun totally intended) this comment is not meant to discourage you I apologize if it comes off that way. you have a fun way of describing things I hope you still go forth and multiply. ( No! The chapters not.. get your mind out of the gutter buddy!)
next chapter please
And this story can go fuck itself.... god damned chosen ones.
The story is good. Characters, really nice. The grammar? Fuck my eyes! Seriously man find yourself an editor.
I'm still going to follow though.
equines are about eleven months so considering he's technically half equine 10 would be a good compromise.
sometimes the notification just doesn'T work, well I have to read the second chapter later, good night.
That's okay since I expect this from this story, but how weird that she comes because of erotic dreams.
that sounds like he isn't even sure if he want's it.
ohh come one, why does she even knows that? Sorry if I like to be a bit....uuhhh picky about it.
Waaaaaiiiiiittttt, he trasfromes into a Timberwolf and is kind of destinied to kill others?
Luna being his mother makes me happy, I don't even have a problem with what she did as Nightmare Moon, mostly because of Nightmare Moon.
Oh can you maybe make a note where you say which one is which one from left to right? I think I figured it out, but I don't want to always look trough the whole story again if I forget it.
ahhhh sorry I think I found the part where you already did it.
I stop reading for now, I really need to sleep. One thing, I hope that even if everyone is equal, that he kind of keeps his "authority" as the pack leader if he wants to say a final word, I just like how polite and respectfull they are acting this time.
. I even told her about the girls being in heat and that I of course had to fuck them.
I thought he would either take one of them back to his house, or take the girls with him to make sure that they know each other. Not sure how much works with the smell alone that they can probably notice. I mean he could have gone at night too, if he was affraid they might see him.
I hope him turning into a Timber Wolf at will with some training is not some sort of trouble, since I kind of prefer it if the real problem would be for Luna to get her son back.
I'm curious about what actually happens. I remembered that she was probably Nightmare Moon when she "tossed him away", but I was curious as to why she didn't already lived with him and who was his mother all the while.
I totally love this story so far, I hope it is a longer one and that he maybe spents each day of the week with one of them, or at least is paying special attention to one of them with Sunday beeing for the whole familly or something. I suddenly like the idea for them having a special day and some kind of special authority.
edit: The way they look I could image
Faith - to be good friends with Twilight
Jacklyn - to be good friends with Rarity
Nickita - to either be friends with Fluttershy or Applejack, since she looks kind of like a giant softie.
Rosie - she was the Alpha bitch?, maybe....Twilight, Rarity, Applejack or Rainbow Dash, because she would call her a "cool" leader?
Vickey - Applejack?, I have to think about a tiny mole if I see her.
Sabrina - ppuuuuhhh maybe the victim to Pinkies antics
8257017
He's not a timber wolf a Rougarou is french cajun or in French its Loup-garou both meaning Werewolf or Wolfman.
As for the girls, he does say it has been four years of no sex and the smell of six girls in heat would drive any male lust hungry.
And for his family, he was raised by his father and Voodoo Grand-Mère no mother
How come I didn't know this updated until today?
8260023
I don't know either three of my other stories weren't updated as well But if this continues I will send you a message of the new chapters release.
8262204
We'll see.
Send a message next time you update, and I'll let you know if it shows, and if it doesn't, you'll have to make blog posts each time you update, so that no-one misses it.
I really like this fic wording is bad but whatever no one's perfect and I can't wait for when the rest of the chapters come out.
we as you would saw shot the breeze
saw = say
so I made enuff to feed
enuff = enough
"Yes want all of
I needs added between "Yes want"
this I t will give
it
only room big enuff to hold
enuff = enough
only yo find the barrier was gone,
yo = to
I walked over to the closet one
closet = Closest
(Found these word mistakes in the second chapter, thought I would point them out to you. I think the story is okay so far, Keep it up.)
You do need an editor, but otherwise this is a good story so far.
What can we expect in the next chapter?
I like the story. Please continue.
8262204
hey gravestone the next page ready yet
This story is my new fetish. I've seen it around but never read it until today. I'm glad I took the time to though, since this is promo lemon meringue pie. Just needs a proofreader to fix the mistakes and it's all good.
Also, Nikita is a bae. I'm a straight girl(or slightly bi) and I'd romance the shit outta her. But maybe that has something to do with me being a monsterphile/lycanophile, and she has the most bestial look with her wolf head and massive claws.
when is the next update coming?
hope to see more this looks to be a great story
I am so eager for more!
I didn't even know there was a 2nd chapter much less a 3rd.... wonder what other stories the system haven't notify/update me of...
OMG. this was Wolfs back history was epic and so was this read can't wait to see what's next.
Dude.... you are a good writer....
But i just can't ignore how many errors and somewhat broken sentence structuring there is....
There's just so much that i can't help but continuously pause and see if i read a spot right... so many things that need fixing.
You really need an editor for this.
Brah those aren't clothes, that just a bunch of thread and rope in knots. LoL.
Really nice story concept. Though you really need an editor. The pace is also nearing lightspeed it feels like. That stuff bout him being the son of Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna should have been revealed later on down the line....its one thing to vaguely hint that something is there at this point but it seems forced and really disconcerting so early. I still like the story though.....especially bc it has D-dogs not all being villainous. It is refreshing when an author can take character templates for a bad guy and actually make believable non-bad guys or even good guys from them
8575699
Made me think if this is a BDSM-inclined Equestria?