• Member Since 1st Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Neoar2000


T

I am Neo, a 18 year old human male that loves Twilight Sparkle very much. One day I found a portal in my yard that suprisingly lead me to Equestria. I entered to it, and then, I finally got to meet my long time crush, my beautiful Twily :twilightsmile: :heart:

Contains: Lots of love between me and her.

(Cover art made by "PonyEcho")

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

Good so far. A little spelling errors here and there, but not bad!

Show, don't tell, hun. You did a lot of shoddy reactions and wrote the story as if you were doing some self insert role play with someone else. The introduction of the portal was poorly done with no explanation as to why you would immediately guess it was a portal to Equestria and not to somewhere else on Earth. This is the top of the list, and I don't really want to go on about it. I won't entirely discourage you because the story, altogether, was decent, though the name seems a little... edgy-teen-ish? I encourage you to continue writing, and to not be discouraged, but rather simply learn from your mistakes.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO.
I... Okay, that cover pic. That cover pic makes me want to curl into a ball and roll into the Grand Canyon.
But the story is probably goodish.

well, this is enjoyable, can't wait to see how the rest of the Mane 6 will take to Neo, and also how Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence will react as well

9039303
Yeah, I was planning to make a better explanation on the first part, to be honest. Thanks for the advice though. I can modify that part and make it better. Again, thanks for the advice, and for following my story ^^

9039376
Thanks for following the story. Be tuned for what happens next ;3

a portal on my yard

That should be in

I give it a try, but personally I hope for a slow romance. At least in a story it helps me to actually get the feeling they love each other, while rushed relationships look more like ..."there you have it" I guess.

9039668
It's going to be a slow romance. That was my plan, you'll see ;3

This is really cute. I like the start of your story. But it felt a little rushed somehow. Good chapter anyways.

Personally, I don’t think this is a story for me, but I do want to give props on that cover art, which is ADORABLE.

9039567
I appreciate the response. I wholeheartedly intend to keep up with your works and watch as you grow into the writer that I know you can be. 😉

9040233
Heh, alright. At least you liked the cover. And yes Twi is super adorable there ^^

9039783
No problem. Dont give up on this story its actually pretty good. I bet most of the dislikes are from people that have not even read it.

When are you doing the next chapter because I like it.

9049417
I hope I can do it sooner, but in these days, I hope ^^

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