• Member Since 1st Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday



I am Neo, a 18 year old human male that loves Twilight Sparkle very much. One day I found a portal in my yard that suprisingly lead me to Equestria. I entered to it, and then, I finally got to meet my long time crush, my beautiful Twily :twilightsmile: :heart:

Contains: Lots of love between me and her.

(Cover art made by "PonyEcho")

Chapters (2)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 41 )

Good so far. A little spelling errors here and there, but not bad!

Show, don't tell, hun. You did a lot of shoddy reactions and wrote the story as if you were doing some self insert role play with someone else. The introduction of the portal was poorly done with no explanation as to why you would immediately guess it was a portal to Equestria and not to somewhere else on Earth. This is the top of the list, and I don't really want to go on about it. I won't entirely discourage you because the story, altogether, was decent, though the name seems a little... edgy-teen-ish? I encourage you to continue writing, and to not be discouraged, but rather simply learn from your mistakes.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO.
I... Okay, that cover pic. That cover pic makes me want to curl into a ball and roll into the Grand Canyon.
But the story is probably goodish.

well, this is enjoyable, can't wait to see how the rest of the Mane 6 will take to Neo, and also how Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence will react as well

Yeah, I was planning to make a better explanation on the first part, to be honest. Thanks for the advice though. I can modify that part and make it better. Again, thanks for the advice, and for following my story ^^

Thanks for following the story. Be tuned for what happens next ;3

a portal on my yard

That should be in

I give it a try, but personally I hope for a slow romance. At least in a story it helps me to actually get the feeling they love each other, while rushed relationships look more like ..."there you have it" I guess.

It's going to be a slow romance. That was my plan, you'll see ;3

This is really cute. I like the start of your story. But it felt a little rushed somehow. Good chapter anyways.

Personally, I don’t think this is a story for me, but I do want to give props on that cover art, which is ADORABLE.

I appreciate the response. I wholeheartedly intend to keep up with your works and watch as you grow into the writer that I know you can be. 😉

Heh, alright. At least you liked the cover. And yes Twi is super adorable there ^^

No problem. Dont give up on this story its actually pretty good. I bet most of the dislikes are from people that have not even read it.

When are you doing the next chapter because I like it.

I hope I can do it sooner, but in these days, I hope ^^

Well, worth a shot, damn! Keep up, man, write more! *even though my waifs is Flutters but still, doesn't hurt loving Twi, right? *Btw, spelling errors, check'em whenever you write, man! :twilightsmile:

Ah, yer welcome mate! When next chapter though? :twilightsmile:

Is this dead? :fluttercry: #ReviveMLWT!

In these days I'll continue with it ^^

Great, you got me hyped now!! :twilightsmile:

22 days later and nothing... Neo, cmon, man! Your story has potential! :twilightsmile::heart: Work on it!! :yay:

Thank you ^^. I'm surely going to work on these days. Is just that I got somewhat busy with life and I also had some problems with some people that I had to solve. But all is good and I'm also not busy. So yeah, I'm surely going to work on these days

Anxious and glad you're back, man! :pinkiehappy:

Not a bad start. Stories where Bronies end up in Equestria have been done to death though. It turns a lot of readers off because it leads to bad self-inserts with gary-stu characters. I've read my share of stories like this where a brony goes to Equestria, meets his waifu and falls in love with her in the first chapter. I'm not trying to stay there is anything wrong with liking Twilight (she is my best pony) but a suggestion would be to have your character not know anything about Equestria and fall in love with her slowly and naturally.

Please don't take this as me trying discourage you from writing the story how you want to. It's just my honest opinion from someone who's read a lot of fanfics from back in 2012 till now. I'm writing my own human x Twilight. So keep with the writing. :twilightsmile:

Hmm... I'm starting to get worried about this, 35 days after my reply and... Nothing! I just hope this revives and be great! :pinkiesad2:

Well. I have to say this. Problems haven't ended. Until now. Also I'm very occupied with my life atm. I'll be sure to update this when I can

Relieved to read this news, Neo, that's great. Hope you can get over your problems soon enough, good luck out there, and sorry if it's starting to get annoying, it's just that this story has such a good potential to be good that it makes me feel bad that it is just... Laid down, waiting in a hiatus to be continued from! That's what bothers me the most, but I guess that you'll sort your problems out and give life to this great story once again.
~Igor :yay:

Twilight is my favourite as well and sadly there are very few Twilight with a Human stories as of late, so I'm really looking forward to see more. :) The potential is there, it's all about the delivery.

fast-paced but an overall awesome story

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!