Hi, I'm Neo, I'm a 18 years old guy, and this is my story.
It all started when I was on my room, just relaxing on bed, checking for new pictures of Twi like I always do every day. (I may mention that I'm a huge Twilight lover, and she's my waifu, so that's the reason of why I check new art of her every day.) And then, I heard something strange close to my zone.
"Hmm? What was that?" I asked myself
So that happened and I went to check outside. Then, I saw a strange thing on my yard. It looked like a portal somewhat, so I went to check what was that.
*gasps* "Oh my god!" I said, shocked after putting my hand on there.
"It's this like a portal of sort, or what it is?" I asked myself, wondering what was that.
I put my hand again on that thing and realized that it was a portal. "Yep, this is indeed a portal."
"I wonder where this portal will lead?" I asked myself, hoping it was a portal to Equestria.
I went to bring and pack some things on a backpack, in case it was indeed a portal to Equestria. Then I came back and luckily the portal was still there. So I made a deep breath and prepared for what is on the other side.
"Alright. Here we go!" I said, then I entered the portal.
Then, I got to the other side, and the first thing I saw was that I was on a dark forest.
"What is this place?" I asked myself.
I wandered around the place, looking for a way out of this place and of course, a good view of the place I got into.
Then, after a long time trying to find a way out of that forest, I finally found it. And then I got shocked with what I saw next, hell I was even rubbing my eyes because I couldn't believe it.
I saw Ponyville itself and I saw all the ponies in there. I got giddy because I knew I was in Equestria. I tried to contain my excitement. I recognized all the places inmediatly. Sugarcube Corner, the central plaza, and Twilight's Castle and her School of Friendship. After seeing the last one I got super excited since I was finally going to meet "her" in person. So I made my way to Ponyville in a sneaky way, and I got in front of the doors of her castle.
"Well, here goes nothing" I said after knocking on the door, a bit nervous.
"Coming!" Twi said from inside the castle, then I waited for her to open the door.
The door opened and a smiling Twilight appeared. Then, her smile faded a bit because of seeing a creature she never saw before, which is me.
"Hello there, um......what are you?" She asked me, confused.
"I'm a human." I replied to her.
"Oh! So that's the name of your species?" She asked me eagerly
"Yes, it is." I told to her.
"I see. What are your intentions?" She asked me with a bit of a glare, doubting if I was an enemy or an ally.
"Nothing bad. I swear, I just came here to have a friendly talk, that's all." I say the honest truth, being a bit scared
"Alright, if you say so. Oh! Where are my manners. My name is Twilight Sparkle. What's yours?" She asked more calmed and her smile returned completly.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! She's talking to me. EEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"My name's Neo." I said to her, smiling.
"Nice to meet you, Neo." She replied to me
"Nice to meet you too, Twilight." I replied and then gave her my hand for a hand-hoof shake. She put her hoof on my hand and we shaked them.
"Sooooo, where are you from?" She asked me eagerly.
"I'm from planet Earth. Where I am by the way?" I asked to her, acting like I never knew anything about it, because it'll be weird if she discovers I know a lot of her world, and mostly, about herself.
"You are on the town of Ponyville on the kingdom of Equestria." She replied to me, happily.
"Oooh, I see." I acted surprised.
"So... are you like an alien of sort? I have so many questions!!!" She pranced excitedly.
I giggled at that cute moment of hers and I answered. "I would love to answer your questions, Twilight!
She grins happily at that. "Well, what are we waiting for? Come on, let's go to my living room!"
"Alright!" I reply to her and then I follow her inside.
When I entered the castle, I was speechless, it actually looked amazingly realistic, compared of what I could see on the show.
"Wow, is this your castle?" I asked, again, acting like I never knew about this.
"Yes, it's mine. Why do you ask?" Twi wondered.
"It looks amazing!" I replied to her, happily.
"Thank you, Neo. This was a gift from a magical chest that came from the Tree of Harmony" She said in response to my statement.
"Oh? Tree of Harmony? How that happened, I wonder?" I asked to her, still acting.
"Well... A villian called Tirek came to the land and wanted to absorb all the magic from all ponies in Equestria. I tried to stop him by myself, but I couldn't at the end and he even absorbed my magic and my friends's. Luckily I discovered the last key for a magical chest that was in the same place as the Tree of Harmony, so me and my friends opened the chest and we all got sort like a Rainbow Power and we defeated him at the end. Then, the chest itself flew and planted on the ground, and this very same castle grew from there. And that's how I got this castle!" She ended all that detailed description, smiling at me.
"Wow.... that's so amazing! Also, magic? Do you ponies have magic?" I asked, still with the acting.
"Well yes, we do! Let me show you" After saying this she levitated an object and I got speechless again. One thing is watching her doing it on the show, but actually seeing her doing this....wow. I truely got impressed.
"Oh my gosh, that's cool! We humans don't have such a thing like that" I admitted it myself.
"Oh? You don't?" She asked curiously.
"Yeah, we don't. Having magical powers would actually make things easier for our society." I said.
"Heh, I'm surprised this is the first time ever you see magic. Magic is something that makes us ponies who we are. It's something that everypony has since birth, even earth ponies or pegasi." She said to me.
"That's interesting...." I continued.
"I'm glad that you find magic interesting, I know a lot about magic, maybe I could show you later with more detail what is magic exactly"
"I would love that" I said to her.
"Perfect!" She clapped her hoofs.
I giggle at that and I say to her: "You're such an adorable pony, you know that?"
"A-Adorable?" She asked at me, blushing a bit.
"Mmhmm! You're very adorable, Twilight." I totally admit, without hestitation.
Then, she blushes more.
"T-thanks Neo" She says, trying to regain her composure.
"You're welcome" I say to her, smiling.
"Sooooo, like I said, I have a lot of questions for you, so let's start with that. You can ask me questions too." She said excited and smiling.
"Alright!" I replied to her.
"Just sit on the sofa, I'll be back in a few. I'm going to bring a notebook and quills" She said before getting out from the room in look for these things she mentioned.
I got myself looking around and I said to myself. "Wow! I can't believe that this is actually happening!"
I was very happy at all of this. Then, she returned with all of those things.
"Here we go." She said and sitted herself in front of me.
"Alright. First question. What's your species?" She asked to me.
"My species are human, and the scientific name for that is Homo Sapiens" I answered.
"Alright. I already realized you're a male since the beggining because of your voice, so... here goes another question. Where do you come from?" She asked to me.
"I'm from Planet Earth, on the solar system. Oh and if you want a bit of more detail I was born on the city of Chicago on the United States" I answered to her.
"Interesting...." She says as she wrote all of this down on her notebook.
"Heh. All is going as I expected to go." I thought happily.
And like that, Twi and me spend many hours, just talking and asking questions about ourselves, our worlds and our lifes. Then, she looked at a close window and realized it was too late.
"Oh my, I guess we got carried away. It's already night time" She blushes a bit at this.
"Oh my gosh, we did." I got noticed myself.
"I'm sorry that we took a long time for this" She frowned a bit.
"No! I liked all of that. I mean, it was amazing to spend time with you and get to know each other more." I assured to her. Then, her frown dissapeared and her smile returned.
"Really? You think so?" She asked, hopingly.
"Yeah! I enjoyed it" I told to her, smiling.
"That's good to hear!" She said happily and then hugged me tight. After getting surprised I returned the hug to her.
"That hug felt so amazing" I thought.
Then we break the hug and I say to her: "I think I should get going, I will search for a place to stay the night" I said this because I didn't wanted to be a burden.
"Wait, Neo! You can stay here if you want." She assured to me.
"It's okay Twilight, I don't want to be a burden." I repeated myself.
"Neo, you're not a burden at all. You seem like a very nice human from what I know now about you and also a good friend, so you can stay here for as long as you want." She said, assuring me.
"Wait, for real?" I asked her, for assuring what she said was true.
"Yes, Neo. For real" She said, smiling at me.
"Aww, thank you so much, Twilight." I hug her tight.
She giggles and says "You're welcome, Neo. Now follow me, I will lead you to a spare room. I have a lot of these on the castle."
Then, she starts walking to the spare room she was going to give to me. After a while, she stops in front of a door, which I assume it's the door for the spare room. Then, Twi proceeds to open the door.
"Here's your room, Neo. You can leave all of your things here." She said while smiling at me.
"Thanks Twilight. I appreciate it." I replied to her.
"Now get some sleep, I may getting some of it myself too" Then Twi yawned cutely.
"Alright Twi. Can I call you like that?" I asked her.
"Of course! You can call me Twi as well." She assured me.
"Okay. So... goodnight Twi. See you tomorrow" I said tp her
"Goodnight Neo, see you on the morning for breakfast." She said, then she closed the door.
After all of that, I laid on bed and sighed happily.
"Wow, what a day! I hope I get to spend more time with Twi tomorrow. I'm so happy!". I said excitedly.
Then I turned off the lights, covered myself with blanket, and then I fell asleep with a smile on my face, wondering myself what will happen tomorrow.
Good so far. A little spelling errors here and there, but not bad!
9039250
Thank you!
9039283
You're welcome!
Show, don't tell, hun. You did a lot of shoddy reactions and wrote the story as if you were doing some self insert role play with someone else. The introduction of the portal was poorly done with no explanation as to why you would immediately guess it was a portal to Equestria and not to somewhere else on Earth. This is the top of the list, and I don't really want to go on about it. I won't entirely discourage you because the story, altogether, was decent, though the name seems a little... edgy-teen-ish? I encourage you to continue writing, and to not be discouraged, but rather simply learn from your mistakes.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO.
I... Okay, that cover pic. That cover pic makes me want to curl into a ball and roll into the Grand Canyon.
But the story is probably goodish.
well, this is enjoyable, can't wait to see how the rest of the Mane 6 will take to Neo, and also how Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence will react as well
9039303
Yeah, I was planning to make a better explanation on the first part, to be honest. Thanks for the advice though. I can modify that part and make it better. Again, thanks for the advice, and for following my story ^^
9039311
Hehehe. Twi is a cutie
9039376
Thanks for following the story. Be tuned for what happens next ;3
That should be in
I give it a try, but personally I hope for a slow romance. At least in a story it helps me to actually get the feeling they love each other, while rushed relationships look more like ..."there you have it" I guess.
9039668
It's going to be a slow romance. That was my plan, you'll see ;3
9039646
Thanks for telling me ^^
This is really cute. I like the start of your story. But it felt a little rushed somehow. Good chapter anyways.
9039810
Awww, thankies
Personally, I don’t think this is a story for me, but I do want to give props on that cover art, which is ADORABLE.
9039567
I appreciate the response. I wholeheartedly intend to keep up with your works and watch as you grow into the writer that I know you can be. 😉
9040233
Heh, alright. At least you liked the cover. And yes Twi is super adorable there ^^
9039783
No problem. Dont give up on this story its actually pretty good. I bet most of the dislikes are from people that have not even read it.
9041550
Thank you so much
When are you doing the next chapter because I like it.
9049417
I hope I can do it sooner, but in these days, I hope ^^
Well, worth a shot, damn! Keep up, man, write more! *even though my waifs is Flutters but still, doesn't hurt loving Twi, right? *Btw, spelling errors, check'em whenever you write, man!
9072669
Thank you so much ^^
9077952
Ah, yer welcome mate! When next chapter though?
Is this dead? #ReviveMLWT!
9088178
Nope. It's not dead ;3
9079849
In these days I'll continue with it ^^
9091057
Great, you got me hyped now!!
22 days later and nothing... Neo, cmon, man! Your story has potential! Work on it!!
9136906
Thank you ^^. I'm surely going to work on these days. Is just that I got somewhat busy with life and I also had some problems with some people that I had to solve. But all is good and I'm also not busy. So yeah, I'm surely going to work on these days
9140413
Anxious and glad you're back, man!
Not a bad start. Stories where Bronies end up in Equestria have been done to death though. It turns a lot of readers off because it leads to bad self-inserts with gary-stu characters. I've read my share of stories like this where a brony goes to Equestria, meets his waifu and falls in love with her in the first chapter. I'm not trying to stay there is anything wrong with liking Twilight (she is my best pony) but a suggestion would be to have your character not know anything about Equestria and fall in love with her slowly and naturally.
Please don't take this as me trying discourage you from writing the story how you want to. It's just my honest opinion from someone who's read a lot of fanfics from back in 2012 till now. I'm writing my own human x Twilight. So keep with the writing.
Hmm... I'm starting to get worried about this, 35 days after my reply and... Nothing! I just hope this revives and be great!
9209199
Well. I have to say this. Problems haven't ended. Until now. Also I'm very occupied with my life atm. I'll be sure to update this when I can
9238619
Relieved to read this news, Neo, that's great. Hope you can get over your problems soon enough, good luck out there, and sorry if it's starting to get annoying, it's just that this story has such a good potential to be good that it makes me feel bad that it is just... Laid down, waiting in a hiatus to be continued from! That's what bothers me the most, but I guess that you'll sort your problems out and give life to this great story once again.
~Igor
9243812
Thanks Igor ^^
Twilight is my favourite as well and sadly there are very few Twilight with a Human stories as of late, so I'm really looking forward to see more. :) The potential is there, it's all about the delivery.
9267837
I totally agree ^^