Berzerker_Mohawk
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Ummm.... which Alpha Legion are we talking about here?
An interesting premise, but I'd take it to Ponychan's /fic/ board and submit it there so they can help with your gammar issues.
Also, it so far doesn't seem Alpha Legion-y to me so much as Black Legion-y, but of course it is only the prologue.
Looks nice, save for the grammar issues that make it hard to read.
Nobody expects the Alpha Legion! The only Legion that can 'ninja' Space Marines. As another 40k Chaos fan, I'll be keeping an eye on this :)
Other thing, is that Alpharius was also the name of the Primarch of the Alpha Legion(who might be dead, or not. No-one knows) would be an interesting point twist ;)
If you haven't, I suggest reading the novel 'Legion' by Dan Abnett, concerns the Legions 'fall' to chaos.
1052064 I've recently bought the book, after finishing reading the Night Lord series. I'm still trying to get as much data from the book as I can. Thanks for the comment
concentratedawesome.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/dwayne_johnson.jpg
You got me curious good sir!
I like this. None of that Pinkie-Pie-party, immediately embracing friendship we had with other CSM/FIM crossovers
Ohh Shit you Ponies Don fucked up now
Wait did Alpha eat the guards brain to gain his memories?
1155277 his blood and flesh too
, technically he just needs is blood
4.bp.blogspot.com/_tTntK_VqGVI/TD_YqDFCIMI/AAAAAAAAABQ/Of91OPYBRII/s1600/blood-for-the-blood-god.jpg
1155277
Astartes can gain an opponents memories by eating part of them.
Looks promising
"the screams of the Warp"
Capital 'T' please.
1271866 Fixed
thanks for the heads up
1272431
You are welcome. I will try to be even more polite with my grammar/spelling correction finding things. I tend to be a massive asshole when it comes to that.
If I remeber correctly, description may be a little out of character, as Alpharius joined with horus to aid humanity - to ensure it was outright exterminated along with the chaos gods, rather than a slow and painful demise spanning millenia.
Yeah, it didnt work.
MOOOOOOAAAAARRRR! Alpha legion is second best legion!
And I shall definatly be following this
Well Here's chapter 2, took forever right? Well I've been busy and in two day i've got a singing concert with my chorus group and then there's the wedding (not mine). There's also College Applications to fill out. I'm still working on chapter 3
Chapter 2 itself have been done 2~3 or 4 months ago. I wanted to finish chapter 3 before posting, but seeing how long it'll be before I finish chapter 3. So here's an early christmas present I guess.
Happy Decemeber
BTW the names Katy and Stacy was from a request from two classmates that saw me typing in class and wanted to be in the story. they didn't care that their character could be murdered..w/e
Ah, but WHICH Alpharius?
Awesome, we need more blood for the blood god, ASAP!
Update?! Hell yeah!
1781967 It could just be his name... Alas, only one primarch was called Alpharius, the other was called Omegon
1783678
You didn't get the reference, I'm afraid.
~ WH40K wiki
1783717 I forgot that. Thank you for the reminder, and please accept my sincerest apologies.
Party for a Chaos Space Marine? Not gonna work, even for Pinkie.
1051486 No such Legion exists
Well. Check your spelling an grammar, sir. And everything else. Too much for me to put in the comments.
I swear,the alpha legion are supposed to be the most level headed of chaos,but they can't calm down for 5 minutes to figure out whats going on without killing anypony......
foolish twilight,there's a reason that the imperium doesn't let us read books like that!
also,I've noticed that tezeench sucks a lot of people into the warp and dumps them in equestria.....this wouldn't happen so much if twilight was running the inquisition...
2482315 actually if you think about the Dawn of War series, most of the Chaos marines in the campaign were of the Alpha Legion like Lord Bale, Carron, and the Dawn of War 2 series. though in the bigger picture they are very level headed, my belief is that most of the legion has fallen to corruption but their leaders have been smart to keep the legion alive and very effective
Edit: My belief has changed, though there are some fallen Legionnaires, Alpha Legion for the most part is still the same
The Alpha legion doesn't worship Chaos, silly.
They just pretend to, secretly they're loyal servants of The Emperor.
The Alpha Legion doesn't have a thirst for blood, either...
awwww, well how long do you expect to take to get the chapter done? I'm waiting with anxious
Yes. This is wonderful. Need more WH40K.
Yay new chapter incoming! :D
I have one little problem how is a regular pony meant to fit in a genetically altered super solider's armour.
I hope the one defiling the armor is torn to shreds by the main character, the researchers and research notes can burn.
interesting, in the world of 40k its very rare for a khornate warrior to gain favor from all the gods, especially since well they hate mages very much. interesting story, keep it up!
Agreed and I was surprised to see that he was of the Alpha Legion, but was a khornate warrior as well, since the Alpha Legion is usually Undivided Chaos. The character was still good though :)
Keep up the good work!
Ughh, Mind probing why is Everyone doing that shit now?
MOAR MOAR MOAR MOOOAAAARRRRRR
Just want to point out that Alpha legion does not serve Khorne, they lean toward Tzeentch.
2644530 It varies from Chaos marine to Chaos marine. The Night Lords' series is a perfect example
2646096
True. I didn't even consider that. Carry on, sir.
http://th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/114/3/c/inquisitor_applejack_by_konrax-d62tx5l.png
i dont think you can convert from chaos, there was never any mention in the games articles or books. this will be interesting!
A Alpha Legion marine vs Twilight... I sense a question war beginning soon.
3185034 Actually it is possible....Just very hard to do. I can't name anyone who's done it, but I'm sure there are examples of such.
Though, to be blunt, if I was the ruler, I'd execute him. (Around sixty dead....And the destruction of a near complete ancient dragon, destroying years of scientific work...THAT IS HERESY!
NO ONE MESSES WITH SCIENCE!)
Still, if all else fails, they can just hit him with the Elements of Harmony. That should do the trick of purifying him...or killing him. Whichever works.