Catastrophic
Alex hopped along behind Cloudy, annoyance on her face. It wasn’t that she wanted to bounce along the floor like an animal. But Alexandria’s master wizard, the most skillful spellcaster in all the world, hadn’t made her cure.
“I meant to get to it,” Joseph said as they walked, in a tone that suggested he hadn’t thought about it once until they showed up at the door. “I was working on something else. Didn’t… get a chance.”
“We gave you a whole day!” Alex squeaked. She wasn’t sure her voice was even reaching the unicorn. Joseph had yet to respond to her, even once. “How is that not long enough?”
They descended another set of steps, past the first level of basements that had been here when they commandeered the high school, long ago. The construction here was cruder, with the marks of earth pony pickaxes and strangely melted rock where unicorn teleport had removed it. Rough I-beams of steel were placed at regular intervals along the walls, secured into concrete pilons meant to do something Alex didn’t understand. All she knew was how important she’d been told this was.
“The potions department is in the old gym, isn’t it?” Cloudy asked, her tone a little more subdued. “Why are we going u-underground?” She walked a little closer to Joseph, a detail the unicorn didn’t miss.
“Because we aren’t going to potions, we’re going to research,” he answered. “Like I said, I didn’t have time to brew your cure. This is a good opportunity to test something better. Potions are slow, and the somatic components are a scalability problem. Ideally we would use enchantment for everything—empowered by even stupid unicorns, and repeatable results each time.”
“I didn’t come here to be a test subject. I just want you to use the cure we know works and make me a pony again!” She tried to hop up onto Cloudy’s back, but she couldn’t quite make it. She had the height, but just not the aim. She fell short, landing on a nearby desk and knocking over several large stacks of paper as she rolled head-over-heels.
Joe did stop this time, looking down at her with annoyance. “Should we put her in a cage?” She felt something lifting her, a terrifying pressure from all sides. Magic was always scary, but most unicorns didn’t have the discipline to just pick up a whole pony. Joe lifted her into the air without any regard for the apparent drop underneath her.
Alex kicked and squealed. “Stop it, Joe! Stop it right now and let me down!”
“She doesn’t like that,” Cloudy said, reaching out with a wing to pat her on the head. “Shhh, Day. Deep breaths. You’re panicking, rabbits shouldn’t panic. You can die from it.”
“I’m not a fucking rabbit.”
Joe shrugged and released her in a flash of magic. She fell, and would’ve dropped all the way to the ground if Cloudy wasn’t there to catch her on her back.
They reached a locked door—solid steel, with complex cylinders connecting it to thick concrete around the outside and faint runes etched inside. Alex peeked up from Cloudy’s head, looking them up and down.
It was a complex security spell. Alex couldn’t tell what it was immediately, other than redirecting teleports from the outside to this spot. There was power here, enough to deep-fry a pony who tried to bypass its protection. She could feel it even in her stupid animal body.
The door swung open, permitting them into a lab that Alex had never seen before. There were a dozen tables and magical workbenches, with glowing crystals instead of electric lights. They ignored each of his tools, many of which resembled things she’d only seen drawn in Equestrian books. Joe had been busy recreating the apparatus of Equestrian science here, with remarkable fidelity. “Is this where those university appropriations checks keep going?”
But Joe didn’t answer her. Not as they reached the far wall, and a towering wire rack of crystals. Each one was a perfect cylinder, covered in runic markings too tightly scrawled for her to read. She could read the labels written on the shelves, saying things like “Water purification,” “spatial compression.”
Joe ignored both shelves, and many others with sensible names, lifting a cylinder off the back of a shelf called “Make Pokémon Real.” With only two other cylinders stored on it. Alex tensed, leaning a little closer to Cloudy. “You’re shitting me.”
“I don’t get it,” Cloudy said, with a little more tact. “That’s going to cure Alex?”
“Yes,” Joseph answered, turning away from them with the cylinder levitating along beside him. He seemed to be marching for the center of the room, where a complex crystal machine melded an entire rack of expensive servers and more Equestrian contraptions. “Well, it will when I multiply a few values by negative one. Unfortunately this line of research was largely unsuccessful… but maybe we can change that.”
He reached the machine, sliding the cylinder into place and stepping up to the controls. “Just go stand beside her on the pedestal,” he said, waving a casual hoof towards the center of the machine.
Cloudy obeyed without question, taking Alex with her along for the ride. “Are you sure I need to be here? I’m not a rabbit.”
Alex scanned the machine, trying to make sense of how it worked and what it was meant to do, but she’d never seen anything like it. Even reading every Equestrian book on magical research didn’t prepare her for this strange hybrid of supercomputer and spell. As Joseph worked the computer, a faint mist began to rise from the server rack, along with the mechanical sound of a pump and the rushing of fluid overhead.
“Positive,” Joseph agreed. “We’re just… repurposing a spell I made to… create more of something by copying species. Simple, really. No need for stupid potions if we just make her directly into a pony. Cast a spell, and I can go back to my work.”
“I don’t like this one bit,” Day whispered. “I’m an earth pony, not a pegasus. Copying you won’t work.”
Cloudy looked up. “That sounds like a shortcut, Joe. She’s not the same species as me. Shouldn’t we at least get an earth pony from upstairs?”
The crystals around the outside already began to glow, and the cylinder spun. As it did, faint mental prongs traced along its edge like a record, translating its tiny grooves into the motion of the huge pony apparatus all around them.
“Too slow,” Joe said, having to raise his voice over the machine. “I can’t think of any I trust with this place. At least you two have been here from the beginning. Anyway, hold still. It shouldn’t hurt. My last volunteer was only unconscious so they wouldn’t see their way down.”
“Wait, what?” Alex asked—before the magic hit her.
The spell lifted her right off Cloudy’s back, holding her frozen in the air. A shaft of light blasted from the far end of the machine, shining through several of the large crystals before aiming back at Cloudy. It shone so bright it passed through her, connecting the two of them in a single line of power.
Then she dropped. Instead of bumping and rolling awkwardly, this time at least she landed gracefully on her paws, feeling the magic wash over her. This wasn’t like the Poison Joke—unicorn magic and enchantment were natural things, and they weren’t painful. She felt her back stretch and bend back into place, her legs lengthen back into what she expected.
Finally, this nightmare is over. Alex closed her eyes, letting the rest of the transformation take its course. Her tail got longer, her face stretched, her ears shrunk back down. She’d been wrong to be worried about Joe’s laziness in not just brewing the cure properly. Maybe he knew what he was doing after all.
“Mystic Rune…” Cloudy squeaked from beside her. Her voice no longer seemed so big and far away, but coming from right beside her. It also sounded higher, and stretched somehow. “I don’t think this is right…”
Oh god. He switched us, didn’t he? She’s a bunny now too.
Alex opened her eyes, and nearly squeaked with fear at what she saw. There was a cat in front of her, all sharp teeth and predatory scents. Except that instead of any color she knew, this cat was soft pink, with a creamy underside and light blue… hair? Alex wasn’t sure the last time she’d seen a pink cat with cloud cutie marks.
Joseph didn’t seem any closer, still towering over her from his controls. Alex looked down, and instantly saw why. He still didn’t have her hooves back, but light green paws connected to her usual darker green coat. Her back arched, and something lifted high behind her. A tail, longer than anything she’d ever had.
“Joe, you really screwed this up. I’m a cat, Cloudy’s a cat… you’re going to fix this right bucking now.”
He finally looked up from his controls, eyes widening in horror. “Damnit, that is not what was supposed to happen. You’re both cats, err… I’m pretty sure I got all the variables.”
“I just said that,” Alex took a few cautious steps to the edge of the pedestal. She found they came much easier than movement had as a rabbit—her walking might be more fluid and graceful, but it was still walking, not the strange bounce-step-hop that she’d been stuck with for the last few days. “Cloudy, why is he being such a dick to me?”
“Because most ponies can’t understand animals?” She winced suddenly, looking up. “Muffins, that means me too now.” She leapt to the edge of the pedestal, waiving a paw up at Joe. “Hey, Mystic Rune! Could you please change us back?”
There was no eye contact, no sign of comprehension on his face. Just nervous fear. “This is bad, this is, uh… right. They aren’t acting like animals. There’s still a brain in there somewhere. Uh… you two! If you can still think at all, listen to me. I’m going to take samples from both of you, then… get you out of my lab before you get yourselves killed. Just… don’t die for a bit while I work it out?”
He aimed his horn at each of them in turn. Alex felt a faint pinch and several strands of her hair-mane-fur-whatever got ripped up by the roots, hissing faintly at the sensation. Cloudy only deflated at the touch, like someone had dumped a whole pitcher of water on her head.
“You aren’t going to change us back now?” Cloudy whimpered, settling onto her haunches on the edge of the pedestal. “Joe, there are young ponies at my house. My kids can cover for a day or two, but I can’t just…disappear. Foals need stability.”
As before, Joe didn’t seem to be watching her very closely, or listening enough to understand what she said. “Okay, that should be good. I’ve got to run some tests on these. I’ll… get you back when I’m ready?”
“Wait, stop!” Alex raised her voice, hopping up onto the controls beside him and baring her teeth. “Don’t even think about it! We’re staying right here until you fix this!”
His horn flashed, and the world was ripped out from under her.
Alex landed with a yowl, though as before she caught herself on her paws with ease. She looked around, and was at least relieved to see she wasn’t alone. Kitty Skies stood there, her back arched and eyes wide. But most importantly, she was about the same size—mirroring their species also did something for age, so that Alex hadn’t come out a kitten compared to her or anything.
“It’s like he wasn’t even trying,” Cloudy muttered, glaring down at the grass in front of them. Alex followed her gaze, and wasn’t all that surprised to see Joe had dumped them somewhere completely stupid.
They were standing outside City Hall, in the grassy garden on one side of the building where average citizens sometimes came to eat their lunch while on business, and the very poor could come to find it.
There were no ponies here now, just the grass and spring wildflowers. But there were dozens of ponies less than a hundred meters away, walking between the shops and structures of Alexandria’s downtown in the shadow of the university spire.
“Oh no, are you saying that it’s frustrating to have a pony not take it seriously when you’re in danger?” Alex began to circle around her, her tail flicking back and forth behind her as she grew more confident. The grass rose most of the way up her legs in most places, where ponies hadn’t come to eat it in some time. But that was fine, it just meant they’d be harder to see from the street. Besides—if she listened, she could hear little juicy things moving in the grass. “At least he didn’t make us, like… hide plastic eggs or something first.”
“It was Easter!” Cloudy squeaked in protest, though her ears were flattened to her head. “What do you want me to say?”
Alex thought about what would satisfy her, but then she realized that she was already behind Cloudy, and the cat wasn’t looking at her. She wouldn’t see it coming.
Alex jumped, pushing her to the ground in a pounce that sent them rolling through the spring growth. Alex put her mouth near her neck for a second, just long enough to hold her down against her squirming. Cloudy Skies might not have wings anymore, or be a pegasus, but she still felt lighter somehow.
“You win!” she mewed. “Quit it, Day!”
She let go, nudging Cloudy up with her nose. “Next time, you’re going to help me right away, won’t you?”
“Yes, Day. Promise.”
“Good.” She pointed off into the grass, where something warm and juicy was hiding from them. “Stay here. I’m going to sneak up from the back and lead it this way. If you catch it, we can share, kay?”
Cloudy’s mouth hung open. “You’re… what are you talking about?”
“Smell it,” Alex crept slowly away through the grass, lowering her voice to a whisper. “And listen. Are you hungry or not?”
As it turned out, Cloudy was hungry. But two mice, one canary, and a squirrel later, and they were less so. More than once a group of ponies would walk nearby, either to enjoy the garden or just to cross it to the street on the other side of the square. Alex and Cloudy darted for cover in every case, sheltering beneath the larger bushes. They were lean and quick, and any ponies who did glance their way were too slow to stop them.
Until another predator came. Alex could smell it before she even saw it, even if her nose didn’t quite know how to make sense of it. Her old perfect memory mixed with instinct, and she ended up freezing still on an old concrete bench as a dark figure approached from the amber glow of evening streetlights.
He was completely black, with openings in his legs and lots of little scratches on his coat. Alex recognized him instantly, and for a moment forgot about the complex work of establishing their territory here in city hall against the cat smells further out.
This predator hadn’t come to compete with them, but his size made him demand respect. “Well this is interesting. The pony I seek isn’t at home, but here I find a cat with her cutie mark on a bench.”
“There’s no point,” Cloudy mewed from the ground beside the bench. “Changelings can’t ever talk to animals.”
Indeed, Chip glanced once down at Cloudy, eyes widening slightly. “That’s not a cat color either. Curious.”
“Chip!” Alex rose to her paws, pacing back and forth in front of him. “We need help! The University Headmaster dumped us here… I smell big bad things everywhere! Can you help us get to… somewhere safe? There’s not much shelter, and I smell tomcats everywhere.”
“Won’t work,” Cloudy said from the ground, a little louder this time. “Don’t bother, Day. He just thinks we look funny.”
Chip glanced once over his shoulder, at the mostly empty streets. Empty of ponies, though there were other things. Stray dogs, cats, a thestral or two. But none seemed to be watching the garden.
There was a brief flash of light from in front of them, blinding Alex’s sensitive cat-eyes. The changeling was gone.
Wait, no, not gone. Something hopped up on the bench beside her, a soot-black cat with a few patches of white on his muzzle. A tomcat, twice her size and a powerful, confident smell. Don’t be afraid. He’s Riley’s male, he won’t do anything to you.
“Never been a cat before,” he said, yawning and stretching. “I’m not sure I like it.”
“Says the changeling,” Cloudy hopped up from the ground, settling on Alex’s other side and baring her teeth. “What do you want?”
Chip winced, ears flattening. He backed up, near the edge of the bench.
Not this again. “Wait!” Alex bounced towards him, wrapping one forepaw around his so he couldn’t get away. “You understood her! Don’t run off, we need help!”
He stopped, relaxing. “For you, Alex. But I don’t think I can dispel this? Whatever’s on you is on good. Stronger magic than a changeling could break.”
“I know,” she let go of him, grinning. “Do you think you could take us to the university? If we don’t stay close to Joe, he’ll forget and not cure us. We need to pester him constantly.”
“I guess so,” Chip glanced at Cloudy one more time, eyes narrowing. “Will she let a changeling help you?”
“Yes,” she winced, lowering her head apologetically. “I’m sorry, uh… Chip, you said? I just… today didn’t go the way it was supposed to, okay?”
“Sure,” he said. “Fine. Good enough I guess. Now come on.” He hopped down off the edge of the bench, tail raised high. “I think the university is this way?”
Alex hurried after him, having to move quicker to keep up with those long tomcat legs. “Aren’t you going to change back? We’d be safer with a changeling.”
“Maybe,” he grinned eagerly. “But I don’t think it’s fair to judge a form with just a few minutes, you know? Being a cat might be useful.”
“Great,” Cloudy said, from his other side. Without prompting, they both fell into step behind him, a signal to any other animals that might be watching: they were already taken.
At least she wasn’t alone this time.
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making Pokémon real? pff... nice to know he have the priority straight.
9638387
Hey if you had the physics of the universe at your horn and were a gamer wouldn't you try to make one of your fav IP's real? As long as you could keep the snorelax's from deforesting earth and the ratta and zubat population down to a reasonable level it could be a paradise
I have a question about the framing story. It appears that Athena is the friendly AI that is taking care of the kid and the time period the framing story is well after all the main story events......but in Meliora we learn that Athena had to be put down So are there different copies of Athena around the universe or was Athena rebuilt some time after the war?
9638473
Honestly I get the feeling that the Seaponies didn't trust Athena and made their own AI's.
That or the AI is an independant one for in case Athena was killed in The War, remember that he is on an Ark of some sort.
In any case, wonderful goofiness on display. This is why the quick and interesting solution is rarely as good as the boring but reliable one.
At this rate Joe's going to turn them into Sylveons next.
Meow.
No. Just... no. Bad Joseph.
Noooo, the image in this chapter has also failed. I wanted to see Kitty Day
nope couldn't find anything cat related on zutcha's deviant art and derpibooru