Born under Leo in the the Year of the Fire Rat. Christain. Englishman. Storyteller. A resident Thomas the Tank Engine fan and casual MLP fan (And a Flashlight fan too. You may start hating me now)
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Bridle City Port is the biggest harbour in Equestria.
Within it are two wagon way companies. The Star Ponies and the Zero Company, or Z Manes.
This Slice of Life story documents the trial and tribulations faced by the hard-working ponies.
(This story is dedicated and a tribute to David Mitton and Robert D. Cardona.)
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7940249 Glad you did. I've got nine more chapters to upload. This was originally on my FanFiction account but I'm reuploading them and adding stuff here and them to fit the show at present, I wrote this during Season 6, so I need to fix a few things.
7941190 It's based on the semi-sister series of Thomas The Tank Engine and Friends, TUGS.
Who are David Mitton and Robert D. Cardona, and how is this story a tribute to them?
7946179 The late David Mitton and Robert D. Cardona were the men behind the models of Thomas the Tank Engine, my childhood classic.
The story is a tribute to them as it's based on their own, failed but cult classic series TUGS. Cardona would later direct episodes of Thedore Tugboat
I've attempted to adapt TTTE stories into MLP settings. If this interests you, PM me.
Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks his voice is a result from smoking.
9325481
That was one things I took from MLP Bigg City Adventures but I think Mitton and Cardona were implying it. Remember in Upriver Sunshine says he had a cough when his engine needed over hauling.
Where are “Quarantine”, “Ghosts”, “Jinxed”, and “Bigg Freeze”?
9329628
I couldn't really think of a good way to adapt those episodes to fit what I had established and changed for this story.
Quarantine I didn't want Bruke and Blair sending OJ to the glue factory, too insensitive and sending him to a retirement home does have the same urgency.
Ghost I couldn't think of what to have instead of the ghost tugs and the galleon. I wondered about windegos and a sea monster. But I just didn't think it would work.
Jinxed I felt would be an almost repeat of Appleloosa's Most Wanted and I couldn't think of an ending for Boomer.
Bigg Freeze Again I wasn't sure how to adapt it. Also I don't really think is the true last episode timeline wise due to the winter, I feel it should be either before Ghost or between it and Upriver.
9329856
I see.
In all honesty, I feel Bigg Freeze should be the final episode. That’s just my opinion, you understand.
This is a nice adaption of the show so far, but I have spotted a few issues here and there.
1. Run-on sentences. A lot of sentences are missing commas and a few are far too long. For example;
This entire paragraph is one massive sentence, and portions of it don't make sense. Here is it again with some punctuation added;
2. New speaker, new line. This seems to catch a lot of writers out, but when a new character starts speaking, start a new paragraph. For example;
And not;
Otherwise, it can get very difficult to figure out who is supposed to be speaking.
3. Awkward sentence structure. Some of the sentences flow a bit oddly, such as this passage fairly early on;
I'd have put Captain Star's backstory in a separate sentence. This leads into the next point;
4. Choice of words, or 'wich witch is which'. A common mistake is using the wrong form of a word, which occurs a few times in this chapter. The quote above is a good example;
A company is a single entity, so was no exception is better English. Thus;
Or;
Here's another example;
The correct form of the word highlighted in bold is 'hear' in this context.
And lastly;
5. Tense swaps. I assume from the writing that the story is relating events that have happened, but the story switches from past to present and back again in several places. For instance;
The story starts in the present tense, indicating you are talking about the city now. But in the next sentence it switches to the past tense, suggesting the events being narrated to us have already happened. With this in mind, here's a fix;
I hope this helps.
10486194
Sorry about all of this. This is made over three years ago when I did not understand grammar and punctuation in prose. I also have dyslexia in my spelling (which I can ironically spell correctly). Though it comes less from an inability to spell words correctly and more in using the wrong words like homophones and as you have pointed out grammatical and punctuation errors.
If it's all right with you I'll keep the story as it is, but I'll know what to avoid in the future.
10486223
No worries. It's a good story, by all means.