• Member Since 7th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday


Born in 1997 Became a brony August 2014.

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Comments ( 68 )

Perhaps 'Learning To Write' might be a better title?
(Again: Sorry.) :pinkiesad2:

7935352 :/ Sorry if this one is rushed to. I didn't mean to rush it I had nothing else to add

i mean okay the idea was finally something imagineable (fist me if i wrote this wrong) but your writing is still a pain. I ask you: Does your keyboard even have a comma? :rainbowlaugh:

7935360 Yes it does have a comma

7935357 Well, at least you're getting your story count up. What is it now? 1'000'000'000 ? :raritywink:

7935364 Then finally for Celestias sake use it finally :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

7935365 still its bad as F***

7935365 I'm not to that amount yet! :rainbowlaugh:

7935372 I went back and fixed some areas

7935384 Aw come on! I tried

ok im outta here

7935380 Well, it certainly feels like it. I go to the bathroom... and WHUMP! There's a new story.

And you say you haven't reached that total YET. Is that a threat? :pinkiegasp: Goes to hide in basement , with tinfoil hat

7935397 Well im not sure if I'll get to that amount :/ I should be focusing on writing my stories better

7935392 Got a demolition crew free?

7935404 Well, things can only get better. Concentrate on making that bar more green than red, that's a start.

7935412 That's what I want to do!

7935414 Well, good luck with that. Personally, I'd rather take my time over each individual story rather than rush out an inferior product, but that's just me.

Kinda like baking, actually. :twilightsmile:

7935426 Next time I'll take my time

7935431 I'll believe it when I see it, but I'll be w-a-t-c-h-i-n-g... :pinkiesmile:

OK, comments made me laugh xD FlushY AF - you're awesome xD
OK, let's read this!

AGAIN WITH SOMEPONY SITTING IN THEIR ROOM, DOING SOMETHING AND KNOCKING ON THE DOOR! FOR FUCK SAKE! ; Yes, we have to be reminded that Sweetie was standing in the doorway, like we were complete idiots or something >.< ; ... Seriously, every time I see your descriptions, I wanna hit something, really hard ;

Rarity watched Sweetie Belle touch her tummy as she responded to Rarity while she groaned.

1. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? "Responded while she groaned" What. The. Fuck. Is. That. Supposed. To. Mean?
2. This isn't followed by Sweetie's dialoge, but more stupid description shit. AT LEAST A LITTLE CONSISTENCY PLEASE? ; ... ok, I think you just outdone yourself. This one sentence is so stupid that I'd say even you can do better... ;

I'm hungry

Then go and make something for yourself >.< ; I swear, I could tear EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE to pieces. I'm not doing this because I don't have all day ;

Alright I'll teach you how to make grilled cheese.

And next two sentences are completely stupid and redundant, because the first one IMPLIES THOSE TWO! ; Give up WITH? For the love of Celestia, can you even into English? :facehoof: ;

Sweetie Belle nodded at her and went to the fridge and got two slices of bread out?

1. Who the hell keeps bread in the fridge? ... That's a serious question.
2. Why is there question mark at the end? :facehoof: ; Rarity treats Sweetie like she was 6 years old AND was mentaly handicapped. I ask: WHY?? ;

and Rarity turned in on for her.

What the fuck? ; I was going to say that Sweetie is not that stupid, but given her cooking in Sisterhoof Social... Yeah ;

Now just wait till the two sides to cook.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CRITICISE THIS ANYMORE! ; Yes, she taught Sweetie to make one of the most simple things in the world. Yes, she can be Master Chef now ; OK, I fucking give up. I can't fucking read it.

Oh, and one thing: You said that you went back and fixed some areas (commas). Yeah, you did. You placed TWO COMMAS IN THE ENTIRE FANFIC! 2! ... I'm starting to belive that you do have mental disorder.

............. I don't even know what the fuck I should say about this piece of crap. Like... What the fuck did I just read?!
There is bad writing. Then there's awful writing, AKA YOURS. I just feel like this fic treats both characters AND readers as complete idiots who are so stupid that they have to be reminded of everything at any time!
Oh my fucking God... I need to chill. Bye.

7935481 I keep bread in my freezer It keeps the bread fresh longer :/ I'm getting to be repetitive with my beginnings of my stories. I do not have a mental disorder. I looked at my sentences and I saw just those two. Maybe I missed more of them I'll go back and see

I was half exspecting the mares leaving and the trash can just going up in flames.

little humor like that could've helped this tale.

7935517 I was thinking about adding some details in it about Sweetie Belle messing up the first few times but I didn't

7935520 The story is not bad.

Under slice of life. I guess this fits.

I think people are so-so about it because they prob find it bland.

7935529 Yeah I think that's the reason also

7935537 Try adding more sisterly moments to something like this.

be it a small reply from sweetie how she thinks her sister is so generous to help her.

Rarity maybe noticing as Her little sister didn't burn a thing, she is growing up.

or as they cook Rarity maybe see's Sweetie as just a small little filly, how she used to help cook for her...now the mantle is shifting as she is getting older etc.

7935555 Yeah it would have worked better if there were more paragraphs like that

7935559 Never be afraid to place yourself in the characters mind.:pinkiecrazy:

That and take chances...people love a risk taker.:moustache:

7935481 Actually, keeping bread in the fridge makes it last a lot longer. I live in Phoenix, AZ, and the dry air fucks buns up within like 2 days, but keeping them cool lets them stay all nice and fresh.

7935565 I'll keep that in mind

7935566 i keep mine in the fridge too. for other reasons....:rainbowderp:

7935566 Well, everyone learns something new all the time. I didn't know that :P

I upvoted you because i want to watch the world burn at this point

7935481 damn, you are a legend haha.
i giva ya lots of respect for writing critique, that you put a lot of time and a lot of love in it :rainbowlaugh: awesome dude :rainbowkiss:

The good/sad thing is this is actually somewhat better than your usual efforts. Couple of grammar mistakes, but overall it's inoffensive. I'm not going to downvote this one.

... I mean, at least this one isn't about characters abusing each-other for no reason, sooooo. That's a mark in your favor at this point. :applejackunsure:

I think you are improving a little bit, but you really need to slow down in your writing. Proofread, then don't post it, go do something else, come back and proofread again. Right now it seems like you're writing and immediately posting, and you're missing a ton of easily correctable errors by doing so. It would also be a good idea for you to try reading what you've written aloud. If anything feels awkward when you say it aloud, it's likely that it'll feel awkward to your readers too.

Grammar should not be your enemy here. Furthermore, commas should really be your best friend as a writer. Stop estranging yourself from them; they miss you and it's been a long time since you sent them a letter. I'd recommend looking over the site writing guide when you have time for help on that. It has a lot of good grammatical pointers and examples. You can access that under the FAQ tab on the site menu bar.

"learning to cook"


(spend 15pound or more and get 15% off papajons)

7936962 Next time i type a story I'll spend a few hours working on it and looking it over

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