• Member Since 29th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 30th, 2014

EverHeat


Comments ( 27 )

Uh. This. >/////<
ok. *deep breath* (The joys of being your first reader)
This is a clopfic.
It should be rated "Mature" not 'Teen"
Check the sex tag too, while you're at it.

Sabbra Cadabra - Black Sabbath

I ain't gonan do puberty because that would require going into...

shudder

...metalcore territory.

I agree this is in fact more of a clopfic than anything Check those ratings and stuff...

Hey Spike guess what you my dear sir have nothing but


ringtone-jam.com/images01/whatisswag.jpg

and you just scored so heres to you

rlv.zcache.com/bow_chicka_wow_wow_bumper_sticker-p128962117994816686en8ys_400.jpg

.......huh. Well....congrats EverHeat. Yours is the first actual clopfic I've ever read. And, might I add, it wasn't half bad. Have a like/thumbs up!

Dude... Mature. I was tooootally not expecting that.

I remember adolescence as being something like that.

Minus the Amused Older Female, of course.

Well...

That was sudden. Pretty good, though. :eeyup:

number first assistant should be number one assistant.

Rarity gave spike a quick kiss, nudging spike on the shoulder, Good job spike, Rarity leapt on spike, Rarity started an intimate make-out session with spike, It took spike some effort, all the Spikes need Capitalized.

he was almost the size of twilight, Twilight needs capped.

I really want to see rarity., Rarity needs capped.

Overall pretty good. Funny at parts, serious at others, some romance. The sex scene was really vague probably an attempt to avoid a mature rating but you still need to tag this with sex and throw it in mature.

864294
Thanks for the corrections! I was not attempting to make this into a clopfic, but I guess it turned out to be one.. I wanted to continue a fic that I read earlier, getting the idea from there. :twilightblush:

868034 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that English is not your first language, or that you're not from America, Britain, or Canada at least. You tend to use words, that while correct, are uncommonly used in those instances. Which does make this quiet a bit more impressive honestly. My suggestion though is that you look for a proofreader for future stories so that the certain wording you use doesn't make people stop and go "WUT?"

868071
Yep, english is not my primary language.
And thanks for the advice, I'll be holding onto that!

871860 Happy to assist and damn it all for there not being a salute emoticon. Have some plot insteaddl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png

Ok you could've actually spread this out more, have one chapter play on the new emotions and thoughts he started to have about rarity, and another with him trying to deal with and understand them. This has potential for at least another three or maybe four chapters, this is not including the sex scene which wasn't bad but could have been a little more creative.

O_O 5 times.....With a dragon......Wow she gona be sore in the morning:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
In all seriosness It was a good clopfic 9/10 on my scale

3A

MATURE MATURE story. And btw wat does youre name mean "EverHeat"

dah...
uhh..
buh buhttt
THIS IS THE WIERDEST STORY EVARRRRRRRRR :applejackunsure: :rainbowhuh: :derpyderp2:

dude good story and all but were is the clop ya kinda skiped around the edges thier

That was really anti-climactic. It was also a bit confusing towards the end; right after Twilight told Spike WHAT puberty was you kinda skipped a whole conversation and it deteriorated from there.

this was a great story hope to see more from you

''...Well okay then, but you better be back before midnight!''

''I will!''

No you won’t...

I loved this... :raritystarry: Thank you!

Neat little story :twilightsmile:

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