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Every year on Hearts and Hooves Day since they started dating, Vinyl Scratch would always do something to surprise Octavia. This year though Vinyl is too busy with her shows to do anything, so Octavia decides to surprise her this time.
Will she manage to make this year special?
An OctaScratch one shot made for Valentine's Day.
Cover image made by the always amazing ScarletsFeed
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This story needs an editor and expansion. There are grammatical mistakes littering every single dialogue, even the most basic ones such as using a comma for a "said" part.
Another problem is the pacing... it's as if you ran a marathon in a minute. It leaves no time for us to enjoy the scenes, the characters, or anything at all. It's more of an outline for a story than an actually finished product.
My advice: Take every single small scene... and expand upon it. Make it larger, grow it, add in a few subplots, just make it bigger. I liked the outline, but it just needed more time to develop.
Edit:
The grammar mistakes have been fixed (for the most part, I still saw one miscapitalized "She said", but with that done I like it much more.
7934273 I probably could do better... probably doesn't help that I'm not that great at romance either.
Very sweet.
7934341 Thanks
.
Hey, folks, wanna risk dying? You do? Then take a shot every time you see the words "smile" or "smiled"!
7934287 Hey, join the club. (Hands out membership card)
Remarkably sweet, even if Valentine's Day is still quite a few days away. You know, in some ways, this seems almost like a parallel to my LyraBon fic I did last Christmas. Fellow musician helping out their friend on a day of love, with some differences. (My fic: anniversary, and yours: Hearts and Hooves day) Just one thing, don't you mean Neon Nights instead of Neon Lights, or is he an OC I don't yet know about?
I'm doing a valentine's special too... ON THE ACTUAL DAY.
7935196 Well, umm, at least its the right time of year.
7935177 Oh, I just did that at random, didn't think of that, oh well.
7935217 If you want a link to the story I was talking about, I can send you one.
7935228 Oh I meant the OC thing, I know what you meant by the fic.
7935240 Whoops, my bad.
7935244 Its okay, I'm glad you liked the fic.
It seemed a bit jumpy to me, but I suppose that's to be expected in a one-shot though.
All in all, I liked it.
*Reads it*
"Where's a doctor? Because I need one right now!!!"
*has heart attack*
"It's too cute!!!"
*dies*
Friend shipping is best shipping
#shipping
My Review of the Story:
Professional: While this story is very short it hits all the major critical crucial points, themes, and ideas very early on, there are no detectable run on sentences and everything is short, concise, exact, precise, and to the point.
For example:
One of my own personal favorite quotes, and it emphasizes all that I said and says so much more because it can show rather than just tell.
And to reply to: 7934273
Yes, fair point, but she did very well in a very short story far more and much better than what I have seen previously before.
The grammar was excellent, the story very short and powerful to me, and it did a romance short story very well even if you claim to be lacking in this Genre.
Thoughts: I really LIKE and LOVE the idea that Vinyl is a Mute and has been ever since birth and it aligns very nicely with my own head canon, so bonus points to you. But why is it not tagged 'Slice of Life'? Just curious, that's all. Also nice job getting it around the time of the actual theme and idea of the event it pertains to, because if it's within a week of the event then that's very good, extra bonus points if it were on the actual day, but for now just bonus points. (Extra points include re-readability)
Grammar: 10
Theme: 10
Ideas: 10
Bonus: 60
Extra: 10
Total Points: 100
Award: Featured in my Collection, and....
Outstanding Short Story of the Week.
Outstanding Short Story
Outstanding Romance Story
7937394 Really glad you liked it, honestly I could've waited for Valentine's Day, but I felt like going ahead and posting it.
The mute thing was fun to explore, a little tricky, but I managed.
Slice of Life? Yeah, I should've added that, I'll do it now.
Very cute. Upvoted and faved. Perhaps there will be a sequel on Valentine's Day?
That was such a sweet story.
Short, but sweet. Got the emotion across well. I like the idea of Octavia doing a recording for Vinyl.
Is it okay if I do an Audio Narration of this (and the sequel)?
(Because I don't want to do it if you're not sure that this would be final enough for a audio reading.)
7997001 Sure, go ahead, I have no problem with that.
7997006
Thank you very much Miss RQ Oblivion.
7997013 You're welcome, I look forward to it.
7997017
Here it is.
Warning: This is MY VERY FIRST time trying anything like this, so yeah, take it easy on me.
8001205 I'll listen to it while I'm eating lunch.
8001216
Kay then.
Thanks for linking my audio narration of it.
8006487 You're welcome.
This one is really good! Very simple, and yet very impactful. It feels like a real relationship and a real proposal, and I love that about it.
Well, I cried.