So Tired

Rarity is working late at night, so Spike helps her get to sleep.

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Comments ( 9 )

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TheMajorTechie

TheMajorTechie #1 · Apr 30th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Coming from your recent string or moderately to unfavorably rated stories being published, as well as your story/follower ratio, I'd have to say that it'll probably be best if you slow down just a teensy bit, and work on better plot points for the story.

0 #2 · Apr 30th, 2017 · 1 · ·

And I can't but think how you do this. The next question I'd ask is why. I guess things like this are bound to happen, I hope you get a kick out of this, because then, well... it really doesn't matter if I say anything, anyways. I guess you might as well be looking for an infamous name for yourself, but I don't know. What I know is that purposedly doing "something.", someone said is just teasing.

FlushY

FlushY #3 · Apr 30th, 2017 · 4 · ·

8129753 zhe next Story Writer

overlord-flinx

overlord-flinx #4 · Apr 30th, 2017 · · ·

I like it. You're doing you.

JackRipper

Moderator

JackRipper #5 · Apr 30th, 2017 · 3 · ·

8129823
Don't jinx it, we don't need another one.

FlushY

FlushY #6 · Apr 30th, 2017 · · ·

8129849 atleast he isnt using a swastika profile pic

unscrewedunicorn

unscrewedunicorn #7 · Apr 30th, 2017 · · ·

It's night time in the town of Ponyville. Rarity still had her lights on...

You start the sentence with present tense, and then switch to past tense. Stay consistent. You do this in about every paragraph. It makes the story painful to read, or even try to comprehend.

"Rarity?", Sweetie Belle asked from her door at her bedroom.

You do this thing throughout the WHOLE story, where you end the dialogue and then follow up with a comma. That's... something I've never seen before. The most original error I've ever seen, actually. Kudos.

All in all, this story is rather horrific. Just a stream of nonsense information that can barely be understood. Doesn't make any sense at all, read your story more than once before you post it, please.