• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

efug25g


I usually enjoy MLP because its cute, its funny, and its very adventurous. My favorite MLP characters are Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Fluttershy. I enjoy reading stories about Twilight the most.

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After a revived Twilight Sparkle becomes reunited with her family and the Princesses of Equestria, the castle grounds in Canterlot shook violently. It turns out that the civil war has started to unfold before their very eyes. As Twilight and Twinklestar left Canterlot to evacuate the citizens of Ponyville, Princess Celestia wastes no time in helping the armies of Equestria defend Canterlot with all their might.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 2 )

I have to say, I'm on edge about this story. On one hand, it is clear that you have a rather detailed vision of the fight in your mind, but on the other, it seems you struggle with getting the idea down on paper. To put it bluntly, there is no atmosphere. You basically just summarize what is going on and what the characters did and why, just telling everything to the readers, not letting them experience it as if they were a part of the battle. That's what I see as the main issue. Then there is also a bunch of awkwardly phrased sentences, tense inconsistencies, spelling errors (including one in the title--Skirmish), a strange overabundance of exclamation marks and some faulty punctuation. Still, all of this can be fixed with some tender loving care, though I aware this is an older story and you might already know of some of the issues. However, if you want to talk about them so you can avoid them in your future stories, I'm willing to lend a hand and explain :twilightsmile:

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