Totally Random!

by Justice3442

B. F. F. F.s (the extra ‘F’ stands for F#&%ing)

Rarity and Applejack walked down a sunlit path of Canterlot High, hand in hand as they happily chatted away on no topic in particular.

“Hey, Rarity, A.J.!” Sunset Shimmer called out as she bounded up to her friends, a bespectacled Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash followed close behind. “Wait up!”

Rarity and Applejack stopped and turned, waving with their free hands as the girls approached.

“Heya, everybody!” Applejack greeted warmly.

“Hello, everyone,” Rarity said politely. She focused her lapis eyes on Sunset. “So, what’s all this about?”

Sunset sheepishly rubbed the back of her head, slightly ruffling her red-and-yellow hair. “Well… This is kinda awkward, but… erm…”

“Are you two bangin’?” Rainbow Dash asked with all the poise and grace of a dingy passenger train that was being propelled with the extra help of rockets as multiples of sordid frat and sorority parties transpired within its cars.

Sunset groaned and rose a palm to her face.

“… Ex… excuse me?” Applejack said, clearly a bit flummoxed.

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity chimed in.

“You know…” Pinkie said bubbly as she began to pop out from behind one of her friends then the other. “Clouting the clams? Dialing ‘O’ on each other’s little pink telephone? Going bumper-to-bumper? Scissoring?” Pinkie finished the last suggestion by miming a pair of scissors, one in each hand, that the cheerily pressed together at the part between her fingers.

Applejack simply blinked a few times. “Ah understood none of that…”

Rarity raised an eyebrow at Sunset. “What brought on this line of questioning?”

Sunset sighed. “Look, we’re all friends so no judgments, it’s just that…” Sunset pointed out Rarity and Applejack’s clasped hands. “You two hold hands kinda a lot.”

“Oh, pshaw!” Rarity said as she waved her hand about dismissively. “Holding hands doesn’t mean Applejack and I have decided to be lovers.”

Applejack’s eyes opened slightly. “That’s what this is about?! Ah don’t see what the big deal is! Lyra and Bon-Bon hold hands all the time and they’re the best friends that friends can be.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Yes… They also engage in best friend ‘cuddling’, ‘cheek kissing’, and also ‘groping’.”

Twilight’s hand rose into the air. “Question,” she said.

“Yes, Twilight?” Sunset replied.

“I’m new to the whole ‘friendship’ thing, so, uh, are those things best friends engage in?”

Rainbow Dash suddenly got very close to Twilight as she looked at her with a huge grin. “Yes… yes, they are.”

“Oh… uh…” Twilight blushed slightly and looked at her feet awkwardly. “When should we begin?”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Knock it off, Dash.” She looked at Twilight. “No, Twilight. Friends usually keep it to hugs,” she looked at Rarity and Applejack with a somewhat accusatory expression. “And the occasional hand-holding,” she stressed.

Rainbow Dash glared at Sunset. “Killjoy…” she uttered.

“Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie called out as she pointed off into the campus. “There’s Lyra and Bon-Bon enjoying some ‘friendship Frenching’ with each other!”

The girls all turned and looked over a lawn of short grass to see Lyra and Bon-Bon enthusiastically open-mouth kissing each other. Bon-Bon’s eyes opened slightly as she took notice of the girls noticing her. With a pink blush of her daffodil-colored cheeks, Bon-Bon broke the kiss and looked away.

Lyra’s eyes flew open and she turned towards the girls that were staring at her and her ‘best friend’. “What?!” she shouted back. “This is completely normal best friend behavior! Don’t look at us like you girls don’t make-out with each other in public from time to time!”

Bon-Bon turned further away as if she was very much trying to hide from this conversation.

“Uhhh… we don’t,” Sunset reported.

“Unfortunately,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“You know what?!” Lyra huffed as she stood to her feet. “Bon-Bon and I don’t have to take this!” she said as she reached down for Bon-Bon’s hand and began to storm off with her very embarrassed ‘best friend’ in tow. “Come on Bon-Bon, let’s go home to our ‘best friend’s’ bedroom with a single queen-sized bed and relieve some stress with a platonic naked groping session.”

The girls watched the pair walk towards the school’s parking lot, then turned towards each other.

Twilight put her hand up again.

“Yes, Twilight?” Sunset said.

“Erm… That was weird right? I mean… super weird, even for best friends.”

The girls confirmed Twilight’s statement with a round of nods.

Fluttershy suddenly piped up, “Um… erm… Neither Applejack nor Rarity actually answered the question.”

The girls all turned back to the hand-holding pair.

“You know what?” Applejack began indignantly. “That’s really none of your—”

Rarity quickly raised a hand to signal for Applejack’s silence. “No, Applejack. That won’t work. If we ‘deny it’, the girls will just quietly assume we’re hiding something. If we say we won’t answer, they will assume that ‘confirms’ their suspicion. There’s only one way out of this.”

“Er… and that would be?” Applejack inquired.

Rarity looked over the other girls and then stared Sunset in the face. “Applejack has a rodeo fantasy where she’s a strong, muscled rampaging bull complete with horns, and I get in full clown make-up and a delightful colorful and frilly outfit and she ravishes me like you would not believe!”

The color drained from most of the girl’s faces, including Applejack’s.

“I… I’m a bit surprised to hear myself say this,” Rainbow Dash began, “but I didn’t need to know that.”

“… I… erm… I could stand to hear a little more,” Fluttershy said.

“Me, too!” Pinkie exclaimed in a bubbly tone. “Who doesn’t like clowns?!”

Sunset shook her head. “Oh, this is ridiculous! There’s no way you two are…” Realization suddenly hit Sunset and made itself visible all over her face. “Oh… Oh…” Her features tightened as she looked at Rarity. “You are good.”

Rarity grinned and winked at Sunset. “I learned from the best, darling.”

Comments

[Tatsurou]

Okay, that was hilarious.
...is it weird I could see that being actually true, and by using the truth she dispelled any attempt at further discovering it?

[ShadowLDrago]

“Are you two bangin’?” Rainbow Dash asked with all the poise and grace of a dingy passenger train that was being propelled with the extra help of rockets as multiples of sordid frat and sorority parties transpired within its cars.

So, no different than her usual level of poise and grace.

[Lupus]

The chapter title can be taken multiple ways, and they're all correct

[Cuber Snuggles]

“Oh, pshaw[!”

I'm assuming that the bracket is not supposed to be there.

[DeltaXeno1138]

Don’t look at us like you girls don’t make-out with each other in public from time to time!

Lyra, you're confusing actual events with brony fantasies again.

Wait.....or is it you're aware you're in a fanfiction where that could actually happen?

[Justice3442]

7920566

Got this! Thanks.

[Nova Quill]

Dialing ‘O’ on each other’s little pink telephone?

That's a new one to me.

Rainbow Dash suddenly got very close to Twilight as she looked at her with a huge grin. “Yes… yes, they are.”

“Oh… uh…” Twilight blushed slightly and looked at her feet awkwardly. “When should we begin?”

Oh SciTwi, you poor, oblivious soon-to-be-popped cherry.

Rainbow Dash glared at Sunset. “Killjoy…” she uttered.

I fully expected that to be 'cockblocker' not gonna lie.

[Acadians6545]

8491246
The female version is a clam jam I believe