• Member Since 7th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Sunday

Frosty the Batty


(If the artist doesn't want me to use this image, please, let me know[OneShot])

Jeremy had always treated his lover, Rarity, like the princess she was.

Or rather, he used to.

One day, Jeremy finds out, through Rarity herself, that she's been doing things behind his back. His reaction? Not-to-subtle anger.

But the question is: will he get his revenge? And more importantly, how far will he go?
Hopefully he won't go too far.

So yeah. I decided to write a second person, romance/drama story. Who'da thought, huh?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this. I kinda wrote this on a whim when the mentioned song played on Pandora. And it reminded of the time I had a girlfriend. This story is similar to mine, just without singing; I have a god-awful voice. And this is the first time I write in second person! Yay!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 48 )


7919374 I've been thinking about an epilogue before I published it....

Maybe I will write it, who knows? :twilightsmile:

I do hope so, Meanwhile I am the first to ask :twilightsmile:

You should definitely write more

7941212 I'm currently working on an epilouge so...

So if he can't have a relationship with Rarity, he's gonna go full hyper-bitch and passive-aggressively call her out as opposed to just saying it. Wow. The MC is a total wuss. Not surprised Rarity wanted more.

Also, second person stories. Ah. They never fail to catapult at least one reader from the story by saying all this is happening to "you" yet "You" don't actually respond in a way you actually would.

Another whale, full of despair and hatred, escaped your lips.

Well no fucking wonder she cheated on the MC's ass. Instead of a goodnight kiss, she probably took an irate orca to the face.

7951663 Yeah, I think I went a little too far with that, maybe...

Nah... I like writing about pussy characters.
Plus, I like how you turned my 'emotional' story into a sappy fic about an oversensitive puss. Good on you, sir.

7951960 But the part about whales erupting from him was inspiring to say the least. I mean that's a fucking super power.

Man grabs your wallet? BwaaaaaAAAAAAH! and suddenly a beluga lands on him. Mobster tries to run you over and BWAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Narwhal through the chest.

Girlfriend cheats on you and goes out with another guy and BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! A Right Whale at the Wrong Time and Place for her.

7952063 Very true. Might end up on one of those 'Useful, but stupid super powers' lists.

7952108 Especially if you can imbue them with different emotions. Pretty sure an apoplectic beaked whale would be quite terrifying.

7952483 I would imagine so, though, I wonder what a 'beaked whale' would look like.

7953450 Google can help. Rare and kinda weird whale.

7953604 I can only imagine since I'm to lazy to look it up myself.

7953604 I can only imagine since I'm to lazy to look it up myself.

7957131 This is were the story ends. Though, what happens from here is up to you to decide!
Also, thank you for the fave!

7957147 this doesn't seem like an ending I know you said it's up your imagination at what he does but that's just a cliffhanger or in some cases a cop out no resolution what about thunderlane did he know I'd think he would seeing as how the whole town knew but we only see them alienating rarity how was he affected

You didn’t know why you left those words in there, but you pain my mind to it. As soon as the song ended, you held the mic out in front of you, and dropped it. You were out of breath, the place was quiet, you were about to grab your phone and leave, but a pair of hooves clapping stopped you. You looked up and saw that it was Ditzy clapping. She was with that stallion with an hourglass mark, and her daughter, Dinky. Who were also tearing up and balling out respectively.

Leave it to Derpy to make you feel better!

7968638 Well, I did kinda leave it to where Jeremy's gonna go soul-searching, there's that...

But, I do understand what you mean, I did leave a bunch of details. And is it is right now for me, I'm not adding more to this fic. So it's really up to how you interpret things.

Maybe Jeremy is being a teensy bit harsh?... But then again, his mare just left him. :applejackconfused:

7995788 and not only that, she's been cheating on him for some time before.

That's the spirit let her know she F.U.B.A.R. everything. :scootangel:

8143363 Thank you! And thank you for adding this for to your fave!

8143702 no prob, always enjoy a good fic. :twilightsmile:

Your jimmies rustled at the thought.

It was at this moment, I knew, this became a meme.

But seriously, pretty good fic. I say this mainly 'cause of its relatability. Had the exact same "breaking up with you 'cause I'm cheating on you and I don't want to feel guilty" situation happen to me; by the third day I was still crying like a little bitch and what-not :rainbowlaugh:

8264394 Thank you for your kind words good sir. And thank you forfavingg my fic!

:OOOO sequel of revenge, recovery, and betterment.

Don't worry, anon...I'm sure you'll find somepony else:pinkiesad2:. It just seems that Rarity wasn't the one for you...or to be frank, was never the one for you:twilightangry2:.

I really wanted this story to continue it is a really good story

I think it would be kinda cool if you made another one and rarity is begging for him back

It would be funny if thunderlane cheated on her too

That could go with my idea of she begs for him back

I don’t know I think once it got around town That she cheated on him and that’s thunderlane cheated on her too I think other stallions would start to avoid her and mares might not trust her around there stallions

Comment posted by harlock5399 deleted Jul 11th, 2019

Please make one following this

“Hey, it’s only been three days for me, lay off. ” You suddenly got up from the table and stormed away, your intent: leaving the house. You heard Applejack call after you, but you ignored her.

How dare you speak to best pony that way

She didn't leave, she cheated.

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