Chapter 2
Chapter 2
“Guess who came to visit?!” Screwball called out cheerfully to Diamond Tiara, holding her front legs out before her, anticipating a hug. Diamond Tiara forced a smile and slowly walked over to her sister.
“Screwball,” she began, the mock smile still on her otherwise unenthusiastic face. “What a surpr- whoa!” The filly found herself dangling above the floor, her sister’s forelegs wrapped around her tightly. She attempted to wrench herself free, but her sister’s strength was far too much for the prissy filly.
“Oh, I’ve missed you so much, lil’ sis! And you’ve grown up so much!” Screwball swung the filly around wildly, ignoring Diamond’s grunts and squeaks of annoyance. “How long has it been? Two? Three years?” Screwball burrowed her face lovingly into her sister’s coat.
“It’s been…” her voice broke off as she began to wriggle herself free of her sister’s grip. “Two years and four months.” Diamond Tiara completed matter-of-factly, pushing Screwball’s face away from her. She successfully managed to push Screwball’s hooves apart and smiled triumphantly, only to fall to the floor with a loud thump. Screwball smiled down at her softly.
“Oh Deggy…” she began, reaching a hoof down to help her sister up.
“Don’t even think about calling me that!” Diamond Tiara shrieked in surprise.
“What?” Screwball looked at her, confused. “Since when did you change your name?”
“I’m Diamond. Diamond Tiara and that’s it.” The filly announced proudly, puffing her chest out. “It’s even my cutie mark, see?” She turned around hastily to show off her flank to her sister. The mare crouched down and began to eye the cutie mark, squinting occasionally and humming as if in thought.
“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Screwball said finally, breaking the incredibly awkward silence she had created only a short time prior.
Diamond Tiara folded her forelegs and smiled, a wave of pride washing over her. “It really is spectacular isn’t-”
“Almost as good as mine, eh Dégueulis?” Screwball swiveled around quickly, her smoky tail flying through the air and hitting her sister, sending her to the floor. “Oops! S-sorry Diamond!” Screwball grinned apologetically and winked at her sister, her plot still jutting into the air to show off her cutie mark of a screw next to a baseball.
The magenta filly rubbed a hoof against her head and slowly rose to her hooves. “Screwbaaaall!” she whined. “I told you not to call me that!” She crossed her forelegs and turned away from her sister, sulking. “I hate that stupid name.”
“Oh, heh, I guess you did. Sorry sis!” Screwball rubbed a hoof through her mane awkwardly. “I mean, who would’ve guessed that ‘Dégueulis’ meant ‘Puke’ in fancy!”
“Yeah, it’s truly a wonder.” The filly added sarcastically, annoyance tingeing her voice.
“It really was!” Screwball started up again, completely oblivious to her sister’s desire to move on. “Maybe if Dad took time to think up your name instead of just picking the first thing he heard from that fancy guy in the hospital waiting room, you’d have ended up with a nice name!” Screwball smiled down at her sister.
The filly looked back, upset. “Wow that makes me feel sooo much better. Thanks.” Diamond Tiara turned her back to Screwball and began to trot away toward her room.
“You’re welcome!” Screwball called after her, an unmindful grin on her face. Diamond Tiara stopped in her tracks and groaned loudly. She fought the urge to say something, instead choosing to continue her walk to her sanctuary, away from her sister.
“But Daaaaaady!” Diamond Tiara wailed into the phone, flailing her free foreleg wildly in the air.
“No buts, missy!” Filthy Rich shouted back. The stallion wiped a kerchief against his forehead, and rubbed his temples. Around him the Seaddle train station was bustling, business ponies and tourists chattering about their own lives. Standing across the way was Silver Spoon and her Father, the latter tapping a hoof impatiently on the ground, a frown adorning his gray face.
Filthy Rich quickly regained his composure and brought the phone close to his face. “Listen Diamond,” he said calmly. “If you had behaved better you would have been here in Seaddle with me right now. But you decided to lie to me and now you have to accept responsibility.”
“But couldn’t you have gotten somepony else to stay here?” Diamond whined. Suddenly a loud crash came from down the hall sending her jumping. The magenta filly dropped the phone onto her bed and quietly trotted to her door; she slowly peeked her head out into the hall.
Screwball stood up awkwardly on her hind legs admiring her bedroom. Diamond Tiara had seen it only a few times since her sister went away (mainly to look for the presents that her Daddy hid from her during Hearth’s Warming Eve), but she definitely didn’t remember it looking as chaotic as it now did.
The once fully furnished room now seemed almost entirely bare, not that it actually was. In the center of the room stood Screwball’s dresser and desk, the two pushed together back to back and books placed underneath each to make them almost even in height. On the top Screwball’s bed teetered unstably, swaying back and forth with each movement Screwball made on the floor below. A half-empty bookcase leaned against one side of the furniture pile haphazardly as if to serve no other purpose than to add to the chaotic nature of Screwball’s room.
The filly watched, bemused, as Screwball raised a hoof to her hat and began to spin the comical propeller sitting on top. Diamond Tiara smiled smugly at her sister and began to turn back to her own room.
Suddenly something caught her eye. The propeller hat began to spin faster and faster, as if by magic, as Screwball stood, grinning. Slowly, she began to rise off the floor, her tail billowing behind her. Diamond felt her jaw drop as she watched her older sister float in midair over to her precariously perched bed, landing on it with expert precision.
“Woo woo!” The magenta mare cheered proudly, pumping a hoof into the air. She smiled widely and fell face first into the cushions on her bed. In an instant she sat back up, opening her eyes to revel in her masterpiece and in turn noticed the glimmer of Diamond Tiara’s namesake from the hallway. Screwball leaped onto all fours and began to wave at her, excitedly, Diamond Tiara standing still, entirely in awe from her sister’s performance.
Just then, Screwball’s creation began to squeak loudly, her bed wobbling uncontrollably. The mare screamed out and shut her eyes as she tumbled upon the bed, desperately floundering about for something to grab onto for balance. Diamond Tiara watched as the pile of books supporting her sister’s handiwork gave way, sending the bed and everything else crashing into a large pile.
Screwball continued screaming, only opening her eyes when the loud crashing noises had ceased. She looked around only to notice nothing around her, but the barren walls. Confused, she looked down and glanced at her destroyed furniture, bed springs and splintered wood jutting out every which way.
“Oh jeez!” Screwball said, slapping a hoof to her face. “I forgot to turn this thing off!”
Diamond Tiara turned her attention from the pile to her sister. Indeed, Screwball remained in the air, her hat buzzing madly to keep her from falling.
Screwball gently poked her hat, the propeller stopping instantly. She plummeted to the floor, landing directly on the pile of broken furniture with a sickening crunch. Slowly, the mare raised her head from the splintery pile. “There! That’s much better!” She gave a quick wave to Diamond Tiara and turned her attention back to lounging on the heap.
Diamond Tiara sighed heavily and trotted back into her room, picking up the phone.
“Did you have to get Screwball? Couldn’t it have been anypony else?!” The filly groaned, diving onto her bed dramatically.
“Nopony else was willin- I mean able to babysit you for so long.” Her Father quickly corrected himself. As Diamond continued whining he found his attention turning once again Silver Spoon and her Dad, both of whom were motioning at him to hurry along. He smiled at them awkwardly and nodded. “Listen, Diamond-”
“Mr. Waddles?” Diamond interrupted.
“Too busy.” Her Father answered, sighing. “Diamond-”
“Lyra?”
“Remember last time she babysat? You broke every string on her lyre! Now honey-”
“Derpy?!”
Filthy Rich groaned audibly and facehoofed. “Listen, Diamond, you need to understand that your sister was the best choice in such short time. Besides, she just got out of… well…” His voice trailed off in search of a word so not to insult his eldest daughter.
“The nuthouse?” Diamond Tiara offered.
“W-what? No!” Filthy Rich shouted. He suddenly noticed everypony in the train station looking at him, confused at his outburst. He smiled awkwardly and pressed the phone to his ear, turning away from the on looking crowd. “School.” He whispered. “Your sister just came back from school. And it’s about time the two of you spent time together.”
“She’s crazy!” the filly cried into the phone. “She can fly! Earth ponies can’t fly!” Diamond Tiara lay on bed, silently waiting for her Father to respond.
“…. You’re lying. Now go have fun with your sister! You’ve kept me in the train station for far too long. We may just miss our chariot!”
“Daaaaaad!” Diamond Tiara began, stopping suddenly when she heard her Father’s phone click off. She tossed the phone back on to its receiver and moped. “This is the worst summer ever.”
“But Dad! I’ve been such a good girl this year! Can’t I go with you to Seaddle and spend the summer with my best friend?”
“No! I’m big, dumb, and mean. You’re staying here with your sister. And that’s that!”
Diamond Tiara cleared her throat after mocking her Father’s voice and grabbed the doll of the stallion from the floor. She looked at it briefly then threw it over her shoulder, sending it flying into the opposite corner of her bedroom.
“My sister? Alright, I guess it’ll be fun!” she said in her regular voice, making her doll dance happily. She quickly reached into her toy box and pulled out a purple unicorn. Frowning, she snapped off its horn and put it down on the floor.
“Hey Dégueulis! It’s been a while!” she mocked in an overly deep voice.
“I know, it’s been forever! I’ve missed you so much! But could you please not call me that? My name is Diamond Tiara now.”
“Diamond, eh? That sounds stupid. Now I’m going to go upstairs and destroy everything in my room.” Diamond picked up the once unicorn doll and motioned as if it were climbing up an invisible set of stairs.
“But sister! Why would you destroy everything! Daddy spent so much time and money to make this house so beautiful! It’s wrong of you to do that!”
“Ha ha ha! You’re such a foal.” The purple doll rocked in the air as Diamond fixed her sitting position. “Can’t you see that I’m crazy? Oh and I can fly! Even though I’m an earth pony!” Her voice was getting noticeably angry as she brought the toy to her face, staring into its lifeless eyes. “I like to disobey the laws of physics just because I can! And now I’m here for the summer to make you miserable! I’m just as dumb as-”
Knock knock!
“Hey sis!”
“Wha-whoa! I’m not doing anything!” Diamond Tiara swiveled around and quickly shoved the toys out of sight. She smiled at her sister awkwardly who looked back at her, a confused look adorning her face. Oh please oh please let her not have heard any of that!
“Uh, you sure?” Screwball asked, trotting into the room slowly. “I could’ve sworn I heard you talking to somepony…”
“Uh-uh nope! Not at all!” The fake grin widened as sweat began forming on her brow. “There’s nopony in here for me to be talking to! You must be cra…” Diamond Tiara broke her voice off and quickly scrambled in her mind for another word. “You must be hearing things. Yup. That’s what I was saying.”
Screwball appeared to ponder what her sister said for a moment, forcing the filly to smile even harder. Slowly a smile began to grow on the mare’s face. “Oh! Well that makes sense!”
Diamond Tiara exhaled in relief and rubbed the sweat from her brow. “So… What are you doing in my room?”
Screwball looked confused and glanced around at her surroundings. Her expression suddenly lightened. “Oh! I forgot I came in here!” The mare dashed to her sister’s side. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together, sis! We’ve got so much to catch up on!”
The very idea sent shivers down Diamond Tiara’s spine. “Well… Actually… I was kinda, uh, I sort of made plans? Yeah! Me and my friend have a play date latter today!” The filly put on a mock frown and hugged her sister. “Sorry, Screwball. I guess we’ll have to spend time some other day.”
“Oh… Well that’s fine! I guess I can get lunch myself today!” Screwball gently broke off the hug and turned around, trotting out of the room.
Diamond Tiara’s ears perked up at the sound of a free meal. Her stomach rumbled gently at the thought of some food. “W-wait! Did you say lunch?” The filly galloped after her older sister, bumping into her flank in the hallway.
“Yeah! I was thinking of heading down to Gustave’s for a bite to eat. But, since you’re busy I guess I’ll go myself today.” Screwball went into her room and began fishing around under the pile of broken furniture for her saddlebags. “Aha! There you are!”
“Wait… The Gustave’s? With the finest food in all of Equestria?” Diamond Tiara had dreamed of going to Gustave’s Fine Equestrian Cuisine for as long as she could remember. Her Daddy had gone countless times before for business, occasionally bringing small bits of food back for her, but she’d never gone there herself. All she knew was that it was the greatest food anypony could ever have.
“The one and only!” Screwball dug her snout into the heap and bit pulled out her saddlebags, only to turn and find Diamond Tiara kicking at the floor innocently, a frown on her delicate face. “Could I maybe go with you anyway?” she asked sweetly. “I’ve always wanted to go to Gustave’s…”
Screwball grinned. “Pshh, of course you can! Lunch is on me!”
Diamond Tiara leapt into the air happily. She darted to her sister and hugged her lovingly. “Oh yesyesyes! Thank you so much! This is going to be so awesome!”
“This is absolutely terrible!” Diamond Tiara cried, appalled at the rundown restaurant standing in the horizon. “I thought you said we were going to Gustaaaaave’s!” she whined, tugging at her sister’s saddlebag straps.
“We are! Gustave’s Sugar Shack!” Screwball motioned at the dilapidated building and continued trotting toward it happily. “I swear,” she began again. “Best food in all of Equestria. Those daffodil sandwiches…” Screwball licked her lips and shivered with delight.
Diamond Tiara trudged alongside her sister, groaning and sighing often and loudly. She had hardly ever been in that area of Ponyville before, preferring to spend her time in the high-class neighborhoods with the social elites. While she hated to admit it, she was curious about the ponies strolling happy and calm on the streets with them.
The filly gazed at the buildings she passed, their windows adorned with flowers and other decorations she had hardly seen on her street. Ponies smiled at her and Screwball, waving to the latter occasionally and striking up short conversations. Diamond Tiara stood around and kicked at rocks on the ground awkwardly, hoping for the rest of their walk to be silent and quick.
The inside of the Sugar Shack fared much better than the outside, but the unfamiliar surroundings still left Diamond Tiara feeling apprehensive. She gazed around the brightly lit eatery, eying the colorful ponies that sat around equally colorful tables with plates full of sandwiches, salads and myriads of other meals. In the far corner stood a counter with bar stools sitting in front, the stallion behind the counter serving glasses of what Diamond Tiara assumed to be apple cider.
“Sure is fancy, huh?” Screwball asked, rubbing a hoof on her sister’s head lovingly.
Diamond Tiara fought back to urge to say something and smiled falsely at her sister.
“Ha! I knew you’d love this place! Whatta you say we get a seat over there?” The mare nodded at a small table with two empty seats.
The filly nodded in response.
“So excited you can’t even speak!” Screwball announced proudly. “Now come on, let’s get you something to eat…”
Maybe this won't be so bad... Diamond Tiara thought to herself. The ponies she knows seem nice enough.
The two began trotting to the open table when suddenly they heard a voice from behind them.
“Screwy? Is that… is that you?”
Besides, Diamond thought, turning to face the pony. It's not like she's friends with somepony like Pinkie... Pie... Oh Celestia no.
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Aaaaaand here it is. The semi long awaited Chapter II to Screw Loose. Quite a lot of this is different from my original plan, namely the inclusion of them going to Gustave's Sugar Shack. IT originally ended with them having some sort of epic couch cushion fight over something minor. While I loved the idea, this just fit the story MUCH better.
Now let's just hope that this story remains with 100% thumbs up after the inclusion of a chapter with ACTUAL story...
For those counting, here's a scoreboard:
97 likes
0 dislikes
166 faves
500% swag.
107 likes? No dislikes?
Impossibru! This story must be made of pure win to achieve such awesomeness!
Ahem I apologies in advance
everypony get screw loose
wtf happend to my life I was once a comic book artist
Screw loose kick off your Sunday hooves
Oki doke kick off my haunch
Apple jack Get back before we crack
Lose your scoots
by the moon... this is not going to end well for diamond.
1159984
She might be lucky that her sanity would be left intact...
who is crazier pinkie or screwy? Tune in next time and find out
120 likes and no dislikes. But a long waiting period...
Ill check next month on the progress, and see 500% swag
So Pinkie's in some place called Gustave's. Cool.
1159950
Ponies happened. Embrace it!
1160368
Don't we all
One of the big things I disliked about MLP-FIM, "daffodil and daisy sandwich". Ponies wouldn't eat daffodils, they're poisonous (deadly).
Beyond that, lovin' this story.
1159950 You illustrated One More Day and were attacked by Linkara. Shame on you.
Cue the anti-physics party, complete with anti-logic flavored treats.
Puke Tiara huh? Heh heh heh, I love Screwball. Karma is such a bitch isn't it Diamond?
Pinkie? Oh boy, here we go...
YES! We needed to throw a pinkie in to liven things up
. Good chapter cant wait for more, and thank you
.
this will be interesting
1159950 All of my yes. Every last bit of it
Glad to see it flew alright
1160572 Screwball is easily best pony. But I have to admit, I was nervous about putting in that part about her real name being Puke. It... it sounds almost too stupid
1160415 Huh, good call. I'll have to fix that. Buuut, I guess that means I can kill all my characters off in Chapter 3 if I get tired of writing...
1079457 *sigh* Same here. My childhood would have been full of pure awesome
1160321 Well it would have been updated about 2 weeks ago but my editor was busy. In the future I hope to make it update more regularly.
Diamond's real name means Puke in french? BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...*20 MINUTES LATER*..HA HA HA HA. She better pray that Applebloom doesn't find out because she might know what "Dégueulis" means since she spoke fancy or heck Sweetie Belle could ask Rarity what it means, either way it'd be nice revenge for the CMC's. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png
I do have to agree with little Pukey, that her dad is dumb, because after everyone in town has babysat for his child, they all refuse to do it a second time. Maybe he should take her to a child psychologist or be a better parent.
As for Screwball, I was expecting her to be Filthy Rich's favorite daughter. She can fly, break the laws of physics, likes fast food, destruction and has a cheerful personality just like
and Pinkie is extremely popular in town.
1161622 Let the story continue and may Diamond suffer even more. It's high time Karma came on by and bitch slap her.
Oh this has soooo much potential. And yes Pinkie Pie Screwball connection. They will be the end of all sanity!
Not complaining or anything like that, but I thought Screwball would be more...random. And crazy
Kind of like Derpy, but a little more reckless 
1169936 She actually started that way! But I was afraid that people would find that I was writing Derpy just with a different color scheme. She needed to be a bit different. So I kept a bit of her innocent cluelessness characteristic with Derpy and added a bit of an affinity for chaos that seems to be her norm. In other words, I had to try and keep her original. But I'm slowly going to make her more like Derpy as it's easier to write and hope people don't really notice...
I can't help but hear this while reading this...
Great chapter, I'm awaiting more.
1182331 Oh jeez, I haven't heard anything by Napoleon XIV in years! Glad you liked it by the way
"You must be hearing things.”
“Oh! Well that makes sense!”
I'm concerned about this.
Pinkie and Screwball hanging together... I'm also concerned about this. But it's gonna be hilarious.
Any news on an update?
1276687 It's in the planning stages still. This one may take a little longer than I wanted, but that's mainly because I'm adjusting to some radical changes in my location (namely going to Germany to study abroad).
What I may do is write two chapters and post one at a time, just so this long gap doesn't happen again. But I'm glad you're that interested in the story
1278141
That's fine, I was just wondering. I've been proding a lot of the stories I've been following to see what's going on.
1609757 RIGHT? What BS! You know, are you interested in pre-reading/ editing? I've been wanting to resubmit this to EQ Daily...
1609813 Ah. A comic for Teh Spiderses. MY FAVORITE
Why is this under new updates? Is it coming back?
1825511 Yeah, I made the mistake of clicking post new chapter instead of edit
I undid it quickly, but it apparently still made it to the new update list. Sadly, this ruins my surprise new chapter that I've been working on.
Aaaaawwww yeeeeeaaaaah booooyyyyeeee! This, is beautiful. I forget, is Screwball in any way canon, like as a background pony, or is she entirely fan-made?
Screwball knows Pinkie Pie?
i16.photobucket.com/albums/b41/The_Greater_Lich/divide_by_zero.jpg
1826950 She's canon, but only for like 6 seconds in the Discord episodes
1826628 Ay, thanks
Dear Luna!!! Named after PUKE!!! Sides... hurting so bad!!!
This story MUST continue, author. excellent work.
1831111 Haha thanks! Now if only EQDaily shared the humor
1830548 Alright.. I'll have to look over it then.
The humor in this story has been delightful so far. I could read the same sentences and still grin!
Also I do believe that this is the first time I read a story with Screwball in it
... and she knows Pinkie Pie
... Well, if 12/21/2012 doesn't do me in... this story will.
Poor mr Rich, he has an insulting name, his wife died, and his two daughters are THOSE TWO.
More please
I wish there was more of this. It's so cute and has just enough humor to keep it fun and exciting.
2781471 Between you and me, I'm working on the newest chapter presently. I had to take a writing break but I'm starting to ome back
Really digging this story idea. Did Discord leave a fragment of his power in Screwball? Or is the explanation for her reality-warping abilities different from that?
1830548 She is also in the backround on one of the early pages of issue #9 of the comics a.k.a. "Zen and the art of Gazebo Repair" part 1 of 2.
2785426 Yay! I can't wait for a new chapter!
2779063 And one of them's named puke.
Update pls