- Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
headless_rainbow
I have Rainbow Dash's head. Give me monies or you'll never see it again. Except in the photos I send you of me molesting it with my futa parts.
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Continue....
So thanks for that.
7962296 I thought about being cruel and releasing the initial chapters one at a time. I guess it's still pretty cruel to stop before I get to the good part too though
Mmmmmm........ Power ponies, there whats for dinner.
Anywho looking forward to the fear and anguish TENTACLES! Umm...... Ill see my self out
7963152 Maybe you could clean up all the stickiness you made creaming yourself before you go
7963490 Hmmm......... well if you insist, my apologies my good author.
Huh. I would've let them live in the 'real' world. You've killed the mane 6 so many times it would've been a twist in a meta sense. Plus it would've given us a unique subplot where they provide commentary on their own and each other's deaths, which could've been hilarious.
Piles of bodies are fun too.
Lol why does AJ always bite the dust first?
8002544
She likes dust the most, or possibly because she conveniently got tied to a pole right away.
Hmm quite interesting story... But parts i like the most are at the end of the chapters.. That pile of corpses starting to look more and more hot! xD
8028907 Well if the commissioner continues this, their intention for it has a similar body count to CRV.
Edit: It makes me sad when people delete their comments
Her pussy clenched and rolled over the invader instinctively as it stretched out her lips, and dove right for her womb door, slamming into it as it had within Applejack’s, and finding a bit more resistance with Rarity’s than with Applejack’s, since the dicks Rarity tended to take were a lot smaller.
I know this is an alternate universe but, I still find it hard to believe that applejack takes more dicks (in the cunt) than Rarity regardless of the size.
Shouldn't Rarity be easier to penetrate than Applejack?
8039192
Usually I have a Rarity that takes a lot of dicks, but I also like to mix it up a bit, and you can rationalize any of them into either slutty or decent personalities.
Though in this case it was a bad joke. Rarity was tighter "since the dicks Rarity tended to take were a lot smaller", implying both that she and Spike are banging and that she's a colt-cuddler .
Eh, that honestly wasn't great. The last chapter and the epilogue got amusing enough to give it a thumbs up overall, but the story is still rather weak. It really needed something else to spice it up and make it stand out one way or another, and I have three thoughts.
The first is simply more puns, both in the dialog and the narrative itself. In addition to better living up to the title, that would help this story stand out because writers very rarely do that with stories, and that's especially true with splatstick/fetish fics which frequently focus more on the acts being committed than the narrative delivery of those acts.
The second is adopting a more comic book inspired style and hamming things up more. The nature of this story is that everything is happening in a comic book, so you could have taken that idea and run with it to really give this a distinctive feeling.
The third is letting them come out of the book alive. While corpse piles are always fun and I liked what you did with Celestia at the end, I think this would have been a great opportunity to have some fun by experimenting with alternative story structures. Letting them come out alive would have given you the outside perspective of the previous victims to play with and have some fun with them commenting on what's happening, something that would be particularly interesting since they would be able to laugh at the others freaking out as they got "killed" and let you have some real fun with Pinkie's fourth wall breaking since she would know what was going on outside while the others still inside were still freaking out, and you could have wrapped it up with a "let's do that again!" for extra fun. Also, I think that ending bit with Celestia really would have worked better if you did more with it one way or another rather than leaving it as a few quick lines tacked onto the end of this story.
8043066
Well, the commissioner didn't want the puns to be actually weaponized and wanted me to concentrate the word count they paid for on fucking rather than dialogue. That's the thing that sucks about having to stay under a word count; I had to leave out a lot of stuff I might have added and condense things I would have otherwise fleshed out.
They also wanted them all dead, so there's that. I can't exactly do whatever I want with the story and still expect to get paid for it!
And yeah, Celestia's bit was tacked on and super condensed to get it done. Again because they couldn't afford enough words for me to do it as I would have without the limit. It makes me twitch just reading that last chapter, ugh.
They're good points though other than that, and this is one reason I recently closed commissions. I'd like to do some of my own stories as I want with no limit on details because of a word count.
8043094 Fair enough. You might still have been able to work a few more puns in there without messing with the word count if you really worked at it, but I definitely get where you're coming from with regards to commissions. It's honestly a big part of the reason I only ever give advice and suggestions like this since it leaves you free to use them or not as you see fit rather than constraining you to my thoughts and limits. The best results usually come when ideas are shared and allowed to grow rather than forced into a specific shape, and my input may very well turn into something much better than a better version of this story in your hands or you might start playing with something we both thought sounded promising but turns out to be crap in practice so you need the flexibility to dump it.
8043166 I was actually afraid I'd annoy with too many puns in this case! Puns hurt. If there are a few you thought of, I'd probably edit them in if you told me
I like constructive advice either way though, and I will take some of it should I ever write another super-hero type story.
8043202 ...You don't want to annoy people? Really? I know what kinds of stories you write.
More seriously, I wound up getting my reading broken up some thanks to the joys of real life so I don't really have any specific thoughts on particular puns. It would probably also be a pain to add retroactively because you usually have to arrange things properly for them to fall into place properly so while you could make basically anything a pun-fest, it would require you to write the whole segment with that in mind so you can chain pun after pun after pun to really get it rolling right. Remember, while one pun usually elicits a groan, cramming a hundred puns into a single chapter brings you into refuge in audacity territory and leaves the readers laughing because they can't believe you did that.
8043268 The first story I wrote on this account was to annoy people, then I discovered that some people actually like this shit, and kept writing
8039192 She doesn't. But none of Rarity's suitors can measure up to Big Mac's girth, so Applejack's hole is stretched wider.
neet
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kDQD2kTerf0]
"Shut the fuck up, Pinkie!"
8156426 Such a beautiful song; it brought tears of joy to my eyes
:v
8410831
That is all.
Why the fuck am I laughing at the parts that are funny or something I don’t know.
Slow burn for pinkie
If only mane-iac could dance over to Celestia and say « I DID IT BIATCH! »
Game time started
Just an idea:I think it would have been better if they died in the comic book world, then live for a few seconds in their world and then die.That way, we could see their confidence falter when they realize that they would die in their world too.
For example:"AJ felt herself transported back, but something was wrong with her.She was badly hurt, but she didn't expect that her altercation with the Mane-iac would affect her outside the comic book world"After that, she hits her head, realizes she's in Ponyville, then dies.
And I think this also gives you the opportunity to use some dark humour, like:"Just as she faded, AJ's regret was that she didn't get to feel her brother's d*** one more time or to lick her sweet little sister"
11518228
That is a good idea, which I'll likely use if I do a similar story in the future. Don't know if that will happen though sadly.