• Member Since 10th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 37 minutes ago

Megaskullmon


The Idea of a song. Is to place the staff within the key. As the song of the vorlon sings to you. Oh for the end of the Shadow war is but a taste John..Just a taste. How it works is pain.B5

Comments ( 52 )

Unoriginal. Congratz.

8047609 Classic Sk1Tz, he's hard one you because he cares.

The description makes it sound like Fallout 1 & 2. By the time you read this, you will know what my thoughts currently are anyway.

Honestly it's pretty well done... good plot, likeable characters, and deacent knowledge of the world it's in..

8049267

Problem is the issue that is normal on this sight..it's not the older version its hated right away.

8049414
I know it sucks.. most fanfic writers get basically hated on for expanding a universe because "it's just a imitation" or "this is stupid the original story does not need this" but you have to sometimes ignore those people and focus on what you want to make

8049444
8049414

Uh. Maybe there are like two bad apples when it comes to automatic dislike for the FoE universe, but I'll tell you that the biggest reason why this story is getting most of it's hate is because it copies the overused as fuck FoE trope of the water talisman plot. It's annoying as hell , because ever since the original Fallout Equestria did it, everyone jumps onto the shark so they can get the same kind of attention.

I will not be accused of being some random asinine user who doesn't know what the hell he's thinking. I didn't dislike this story because boo-hoo, the original is better. I disliked this story because it's so dull and cliched. The only good part of this fic is the starting with the elder ghoul and the book. That's it.

8049103
What I meant was:

FillingOrb1766 added Fallout Equestria: The Walking Shadow to Read It Later

8049687

Uh. Maybe there are like two bad apples when it comes to automatic dislike for the FoE universe, but I'll tell you that the biggest reason why this story is getting most of it's hate is because it copies the overused as fuck FoE trope of the water talisman plot. It's annoying as hell , because ever since the original Fallout Equestria did it, everyone jumps onto the shark so they can get the same kind of attention.

I will not be accused of being some random asinine user who doesn't know what the hell he's thinking. I didn't dislike this story because boo-hoo, the original is better. I disliked this story because it's so dull and cliched. The only good part of this fic is the starting with the elder ghoul and the book. That's it.

Beginning a story is a hard thing. The question I have at the moment is who's story is this going to be: Silent Whisper's, or the Stranger talking to the ghoul? Other than that, the story in of itself isn't badly written (Apart from the cliches, which I can ignore. Maybe water talismans are prone to breaking far more than others are?), There are hardly any typos or incorrect word usages, so it's not a pain to read, and it flows okay. Setting a story's beginning is important. But now that we know how Silent gets almost thrown out of her Stable... Perhaps it's time for the real story to begin.

Overall I think that it's well written and interesting though I think that the main story itself could stand alone without the intro. It was a little jarring and a bit confusing starting with the two starting the intro into the story. I'm not too familiar with fallout stories but it seemed like a good start.

A good story you got here and well written too. I honestly Can't wait to see where this goes so good luck with this story.

An interesting and well written story, continue like this, I'll wait for the next chapter

I'm liking the story it's a good idea and a base line. But the story needs to be more in depth, and the character's need to have more of a personality, as it stands now I found myself skimming over most chapters and being able to get a good grasp on everything. Part of making a good fic is having interesting characters and a story that makes you want to come back for more. That being said your defiantly on the right track, try giving your characters more personality and going deeper into the story, when you do that I can see myself putting this in my favorites.

When everything is said and done, Fallout Equestria: The Walking Shadow, can be a fine story. It has appropriate character development and plot points. Take Silent Whisper for example:

She is the main character of The Walking Shadow. She has several advantageous character traits that can draw a reader in. She is a kleptomaniac, and she has weak magic, those two problems combined with bullying, stress and familial pressure have led her to develop feelings of worthlessness, regret, and embarrassment. She would place herself in harm's way for those she cares about. Plus she is uneducated about many of the dangers in the wasteland which can lead to some interesting encounters.

Unfortunately, Whisper's story suffers degradation despite the presence of an editor. For example, in the description there is a sentence that should have been caught before publication:

A young mare forced to leave her stable for being the chosen one to find a Water Talisman for she can to save her stable.

The sentence is clunky; it does not read well. It needs to be restructured. A possible solution looks like this:

“A young mare is forced to leave her stable for being the chosen one to find a Water Talisman so she can save her stable.”

Or this:

“Silent Whisper is chosen to leave her Stable in order to save it after its Water Talisman malfunctions.”

Furthermore, The Walking Shadow itself suffers from additional issues: ‘tell’ not ‘show,' sentence structuring issues, tense changes, misplaced words, abrupt scene changes, oddly phrased sentences, and punctuation errors.

As is, with Fallout Equestria: The Walking Shadow in its current state I would not continue reading it unless there are improvements. However, I will track this story to see if the quality improves.

Some improvements that can be made are:

Have more editors and proofreaders
Identify then correct the errors in the story
Add details

Well. Not so bad. Story need details. And depth. :trixieshiftright:
Keep writting. :twilightsmile:

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep

WHAT THE FUCK

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

8509431
Well if you look at two of the biggest stories in FOE you will see what I mean: PH and the original.

In original FOE Littlepip was the gayest mare one could ever find and in PH Blackjack might have been BI but there was Morning Glory. ((aka Best pony of all of FoE)). And there are so many theories about a ton of gay ponies in the show like Lyra and BonBon or Vinyl and Octy.

I'm just wondering if this has a gay mare in it...

((also will still read 100% just need to know if I get my lesbian heart will explode with cute shipping moments))

8509450


Lol well I am not fond of doing that to much. There might be I am not sure as of yet Now I do have a story comming called Fallout Equestria: Isle of the lost that does have a female on female relationship. Of course it's between a mutated fire Salamander and a mare so yeah. But I need to see what the other who does the story with me wishes to do.

8509472
How ever this turns out, It sounds great. Don't add something like just because one reader ask for it. It's your story and I can't wait to read it

8509477


Its all done just waiting for my editor to start working on it. Also yeah had some guy randomly ask do I do Clopfics and if I do does the women do most of the work. I am like....Um...no? Sooo i don't get peoples like of them its a bit strange to me.

8509430
I was gonna add a picture of a hand sandwich but the website wouldn't accept the link

8509472
GECKOS!!!!
THE GECKOS HAVE WEAPONS NOW!!!

It all changed, the day the Fire Gecko nation attacked.

8521419


Lol that would be an amazing fallout story.

8521854
I think there is a fanfic of that somewhere, but not with ponies

8557725

It takes time to do chapters so it will be awhile

Just finished reading the opening and I am so looking forward to the rest of the story.

Quick note, consistency is key! Looking over your chapters are some numbers written with capital letters, some are not, and a single one is written as a number and not spelled out. Writing it in a consistent manner will help making it look better

Who's the beautiful mare on the story cover?

Tree growing from his head... Harold? Bob?!

I must say that the cover did its job of drawing me in and to click on the first charter, its really well done so kudos to your artist... too bad that the story itself dosn't live up to the art when it comes to quality. I know that I have become really picky with what stories that I read, so take all of this with a grain of salt and know that it maybe sound harsher than it is meant to be.

One of my main problems with the story is that it makes me think back to the novellas that I had to write back in school, the heart is there, its even overflowing with passion, that is clear as day to see, but the experience to write a proper story is just not there in my eyes. A lot of the descriptiors are very flat and novice, like the scene in the bath that I comment on a bit further down, and the way that her special magical trick is explained. Now there are normally nothing wrong with that, we do all start somewhere, but when there are so many other stories in here to read does it mean that I would rather spend some time on a story that flows nicely instead of this one. That the story looks to be copy paste from the games, Gary, waterchip, snake gang, godly overmare, does not really make me feel like something new is happening. If I wanted to relive the story elements from the games would i go back to relive them instead of reading a story about them.

Nitpicks:

4 calms in the first two lines alone is a few too many. Repetition is never a good thing like that
". I already broke a few bobby pins and was now on my fourth" I ad already broken
"another personality trait of being stubborn." You are showing it so well already, so don't know
"While I was able to stay hidden as long as my special talent allowed me to," This is about the same as saying "I could only shoot as many shots there was in the magazine", yes it is true, but does sound quite silly
" wouldn't able to use magic. It would" comma not period
". Since I was trying not to get noticed I had to looked around before moving forward. " I don't know what the right word would be, but know that that tense isn't right. I would use something such as "spy"
The whole "take a bath to tell about the colours of a pony" is a bit cliche, and way way overdone. Try showing it in a more natural way, and beside do we have the char on the cover, so we know exactly how she looks
" I gulped and come out of the spell lowering my head and tail going back to our home with my brother behind" came, and I would say "right in my tail."
"Whisper.. " lost a period here
" She then face Bulb." either lacking "turned to" "Went to face towards"
"you know that nopony don't treat her well," Double negative
"a few maintenance ponies are getting a bit riled up because of the extended working hours.." One too many periods here
""I'm so.. useless!"" need an extra period here
"but my pure black sister just nuzzled and hugging to relax me." hugged me until I began to relax
" I know that they’re trying to help me.." double period and a lower case letter afterwards
"but I'm sure it wasn't wise to do it during the morning hours.." double period again
"

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