• Member Since 10th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen Apr 6th, 2021

ThePegaKris


Let your smile change the world but don't let the world change your smile.

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This story is a sequel to Sunset in the Winter.

After meeting with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight recalls the very first things she did with her best friends.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

This would really work better as a second chapter of the previous story. The first one felt so much like a scene cut out of a larger work. The ending would feel less abrupt and disjointed if it were leading directly into another chapter.

Now, as for this story, you could really improve it by fleshing it out with flashbacks to the events Twilight is describing. As it is, it feels like a dry summary of the story I want to read. And you can do it, the last story was a nice little scene with some good description. I'd love to see more of that. As it is, it feels like you've given us a nice framing story for a series of vignettes you never wrote.

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