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30 years after Twilight became an alicorn, the Mane 6 have slowed down, gotten married, raised kids, etc, but after a freak accident they begin to take notice of something more important...their mortality.
Contains: mild violence, sexual and alcohol references and implied suicide attempt
This story is inspired by the YouTube video, Remembrance, by Argodaemon
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It's always good to see a new author. I think this is a decent attempt at a first story, but I would like to offer what I hope is some constructive criticism.
First off, you generally want to avoid using terms like "Mane 6". Where you used it above, "the rest of the Mane 6" could easily be replaced with "the rest of Rainbow's friends", and your readers will know exactly what you mean.
Also, Applejack is one word.
Overall, the grammar is pretty good (which unfortunately seems to be unusual for new writers). Only quibble I have is some missing commas here and there, such as "Go ahead sir." This should be "Go ahead, sir." Generally when using a title or form of address, you use a comma to separate it from the rest of the sentence. Another example: "Thank you Sunrise" should be "Thank you, Sunrise"
>>ASGeek2012 Thank you for the feedback. I'll be sure to put that advice toward future chapters.
I will follow this its interesting.
7902502 Thanks for the follow. Haven't decided if I'm gonna put what Thunder Dash is hiding in Chapter 3 or 4 yet.
7902584 chapter 4.
Mmmmmkay, so uh, how old is Thunder supposed to be exactly? From her speech and mannerisms, she sounds like 12 or 13.
7910854 I guess I got her sounding less mature than I wanted. Thunder is a grown mare but I never gave her a specific age so the reader could apply whatever age they saw fit.
7911023
Ahh, got it. Just got confused after seeing she had a fiance lol.
"Either I'm mistaken, or Equstrians marry a lot sooner than we do"
This was a big time skip.
7914566 Each chapter for the rest of the story will have references of some events during that 7 year gap. Please be patient.
7914645 ok
All three if possible. Yeah i know, but all three sound so wodnerful!
This is so sad!!! I started crying curing he last dream scene without Rainbow Dash. WHYYYYY!?!?!?!?!? (By the way, keep this up!)
I think they should adopt Happy Hooves. She would be my favorite.
8000106 I actually was crying during the final dream sequence and the final hospital scene as I was writing it. I'm hoping that I'll be able to pull off the same emotional state with the last three.
I think for story purposes Happy Hooves should be the one picked. Since we all know that Rarity will die sooner or later, a nice painting will be a good reminder of what a good mare she was and that some things can be made eternal (other than her clothes and fashion of course). I don´t think a dance will any sort of effect at all and since Sweetie Bell got the singing covered, it is the only logical choice. But i´m probably thinking way too hard about it and their hobbies have no involvment in the story whatsoever but hey, you can´t blame me for trying.
I usually don´t read obvious sob stories and to be completely honest I kinda started reading by accident( clicked on you latest blog and it got me here) but it kept me intrigued and now I want to know what kind of route this story takes. You got a good thing going here and I hope I get to see it through to the end, take your time and stay strong!
8002115 I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far. I wasn't 100% satisfied with how I wrote the first 10 chapters, so I'm using my writer's block on FiF to rewrite what's already been written. But I'm slowly gaining my creative juices back for this story so I should be getting another chapter up soon.
Nit pick.
Telekenisis is the power to move objects with the mind (or the horn in this case). The power to read minds is known as 'Telepathy'.
8010760
Thanks. I'll get that fixed.
Yes, I guessed right, it was gonna be Happy Hooves! Like my comment earlier, she would have the biggest impact with her art so you can´t just pass that opportunity up. Here comes a question though, even though you explained the purpose of the "Hall Of The Elements", will you follow "Remembrance" all they way through or will they remain dead? (Might be a possible spoiler so answer at your own risk.)
Either way, good job on the chapter!
8013294 I haven't decided if I'm going to take this through to the end of the video, end it before the video or end somewhere in between. I'll probably make that decision closer to the end of the story or even ask for readers' opinions like I did at the end of '...Friends Help You Up'.
Wow... That hit hard in the feels, the last line about cider, Rainbow Dash and Applejack is what I mean. Wait... If Applejack and Rainbow Dash are waiting with cider *gasp* is Rarity going to die soon?!?!??!
8018982 It's a distinct possibility.
If you liked the last part of this chapter, keep an eye out for the rewrite of when Applejack dies. I've got plans to make it better than what it is now.
Awww... and here I thought she was gonna take her own life in a fit of schizophrenic delirium but hey, guess that would probably have required a "dark" tag. Either way, it was a really good chapter and I can totally see how this made you cry. As you wrote "Author´s note", she deserved atleast a peaceful death with all the shit she has endured over the years. Guess this will be answered in another chapter but are the voices only connected to the "Halls" or is it a constant thing in your version of Equestria?
8039267
Kind of a combo of both.
So what, Luna watches over both the "Dreamscape" and the "Afterlife" or is that something all alicorns can do? Does the princesses secretly play the role of the grimreaper? media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljtdaprbo41qafrh6.jpg
Either way, kinda had a feeling that you would take this route with Fluttershy and honestly it is the one that makes the most sense. You are slowly covering most of the obvious "exit strategies", kinda like playing "Who will die in what way" roulette! All in all, I like it and I totally stand behind the shipping in this story!
8054643
Luna more or less is a "welcoming" party.
8054745 So kinda like Charon a.k.a. the ferryman from Greek mythology?
8054794 Yes.
Well... I did not expect a crippled Fluttershy... Well fuck, I dont even have a joke for that, that´s just sad...iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/131665470806.gif
8087160 I'm full of surprises aren't I?
8087205 Hm, you certainly surprised me that´s for sure. So, now that you have a dark tag there is only one question, how dark will you go? Since you are doing this to Fluttershy I can´t even imagine what you will do to Pinkie Pie...
8087487 The "dark" tag got put on there to CMA on the implied suicide attempt. While I'm not putting out any specifics, Pinkie is going to have a rough time.
Wait what about Rainbow Dash's daughter, sicne she was a great part of the cause that made Fluttershy almost take her life.
8088331 I'm a little confused by what you meant with your question. Were you wondering what happened to Thunder Dash?
8088590
yes, if I recall fluttershy tried to kill herself because of what thunder Dash did to her, she had nightmares about it?
Plus withthe lost of one of her closest friends at the time as well.
i know she apologized, but what was her response to what happen in the aftermath?
why wasn't she and her dad there?
8088773 I may elaborate on that in a future chapter but as of right now (timeline-wise) Thunder Dash is still in psychotherapy from Rainbow Dash's accident. (see here)
8087743 Poor Pinkie... as a side note though, first thing that popped into my mind when you said that Pinkie is gonna have a rough time:
derpicdn.net/img/2015/12/1/1034675/full.png
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8125812 The "dark" tag is there to cover my behind with the implied suicide attempt. The most graphic thing in the story (so far) is what happened to Rainbow Dash, even that would probably keep this a "PG" rating at a movie theater.
Friendly word of advice, link to that video.
Fun fact: Haven't actually heard of a dress train before, never really gotten into contact with it, so when she said this line most of us probably thought of this. iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/49214___safe_rarity_animated_a-canterlot-wedding_bridesmaid-dress.gif
While I thought of this: i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/015/025/tumblr_mw01slxcif1r29dxeo4_500.gif
8134607 You really never heard of a dress train?
8134729 Nope, in almost 12 years of English have I never gotten into contact with that word, nice that I still learn something new from time to time!
8135296 I always try to learn something everyday.
Wow. This story really did hit the heartstrings.
8167636 Thank you. It's still got 6 chapters left to be written, so expect more heartstrings to be tugged.
On a side note, the end of this chapter was pretty much written blind. I cried nearly the entire time I was writing it and the chapter where Rarity passes.
So there goes another one, guess we are close to its conclusion.
I have a guess though to how Pinkie will go, it´s the only way for best poneh: img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140216173135/soap-mactavish-plus/images/6/62/Fuck-ponies-dreadnought-meme-generator-best-pony-is-a-dead-pony-f33c74_1372987429.png
8173397 That's mean meme.
8173403 I must make it into a joke otherwise her death is gonna hit me too hard... media.giphy.com/media/Nl6GOXV4p07te/giphy.gif