A Freak Accident
Dr. Joyheart slowly entered the waiting room of Ponyville General with a sad look on her face. She had delivered upsetting news to dozens of families in the past but it just felt...different this time around. Maybe it was because her patient had saved not only Ponyville but Equestria as well, numerous times. She looked around the waiting room and finally found the pony she was looking for talking with a small group of ponies.
"Mr. Thundercloud?" she softly said as she approached the charcoal gray pegasus.
Thundercloud raised up out of his seat slowly as the doctor drew nearer.
"How is she?" he asked, already fearing the worst.
"I am truly sorry, sir,” Joyheart replied, trying to keep her composure. "She broke seven ribs, one of which punctured her aorta, one lung is collapsed while other is barely functioning, her right wing is shattered in three places and has suffered a severe concussion.”
“Wait,” said Thundercloud, trying to keep his lower lip from quivering. “What are you saying Dr. Joyheart?”
“The only thing we can do is keep her in a medically induced coma with the ventilator breathing for her.”
"Is there any chance that she will make it?” Thundercloud asked as tears began to fill his eyes.
Taking a deep breath and looking intently at the wooden floor, Dr. Joyheart quietly replied, “Barring a miracle from Celestia herself, we’re going to lose Rainbow Dash within the next 48 to 72 hours”
"No… it-it can’t…” Thundercloud stuttered as a tidal wave of grief began to overtake him.
“Once again, I am truly sorry,” said a teary-eyed Dr. Joyheart. “If you wish to see her, she's been moved to room 120. I only ask that you visit one pony at a time, in case we need to get to her quickly.”
Dr. Joyheart gave Thundercloud a comforting hug and he rejoined the group of ponies and did his best to tell them the bad news about Rainbow Dash.
Thundercloud and Rainbow Dash’s daughter, Thunder Dash spoke up first.
“Dad, may I go first?” asked Thunder Dash.
"Go ahead Thunder," Thundercloud said softly.
Thunder Dash quietly entered her mother's hospital room, hearing only the rhythmic sound of the ventilator inflating and deflating and the steady beeping of the heart monitor. With her vision being blurred by tears, she used her wings to feel her way to the bedside chair. Wiping the tears from her eyes as she lowered herself into the chair, Thunder Dash saw her mother and finally lost control.
"Mom?” Thunder Dash forced out between sobs. “If… if you can hear me…” She paused a moment to wipe her nose and then continued, “I should have… have listened to you when… when you told me…”
Thunder Dash couldn't continue. The sorrow she was feeling was just too much. So she looked toward the doorway and then floated over and got in the bed with Rainbow.
“I am so, so sorry, Mom,” she cried as she extended her left wing over her mother and cried herself to sleep.
Back in the waiting room, Thundercloud, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack were talking quietly amongst themselves, sharing their fondest memories of Rainbow Dash. As they were talking, Applejack started to become silent. Fluttershy took notice of this, moved over next her, and put her hoof around her neck.
"What's wrong?" Fluttershy softly whispered in Applejack's ear.
"Ah'm jus' thinkin'," Applejack replied quietly.
"Is there anything I can do?" inquired Fluttershy.
"Sorry Flutters," Apple Jack choked out as she fought back her tears. "It's just... well, I'm losin' mah competition buddy. Applebloom an' Mac will keep me on mah hooves, but it just won't be th' same as what Rainbow an' Ah had. Ah mean, we did ev'rything tahgether, horseshoes, tug-ah-war, th' runnin' of th' leaves. All that kinda stuff."
As the conversation continued, Thundercloud noticed that his daughter hadn't returned from visiting her mother yet, so he went up to the receptionist's desk and rang the bell.
"How can I help you, sir," asked the young receptionist.
"May I go back and check on my wife please?" he asked. "Our daughter is visiting at the moment and she's been there a while. Our friends would also like to visit her before they have to leave."
"Who is your wife, sir?"
"It's Rainbow Dash, ma'am,"
"Just a moment. I'll go check."
Thundercloud stood on his hind legs and propped his forehooves on the desk while he waited. After a few moments, the receptionist returned and gave Thundercloud the ok to go check on his wife and daughter.
As he entered Rainbow Dash's room, Thundercloud felt tears beginning to form in his eyes from the scene in front of him. The hospital bed had Rainbow Dash laying on her back in the middle, bandaged up from head to toe, wires connecting her to the heart monitor and a tube in her mouth leading to the ventilator. To the right, with her left wing still draped over Rainbow, was Thunder Dash asleep but still softly sobbing. Thundercloud immediately turned around and went to find the doctor.
"Dr. Joyheart?" Thundercloud said as he approached the doctor.
"Yes, Mr. Thundercloud? What can I do for you?"
"Well, you see," he began as he drew an invisible circle on the floor. "I know you said one pony at a time but my daughter fell asleep crying and I just don't have the heart to wake her right now. I was just wondering if..."
"You and your friends could visit while she's sleeping?" Dr. Joyheart finished for him. "I don't see where it would be a problem."
"Thank you, doctor."
Twilight Sparkle and the others were busy deciding who would go visit Rainbow Dash when Thundercloud and Thunder Dash returned when Applejack, who had been silent since Thundercloud left to visit Rainbow, suddenly blurted out, "Does anypony know how in Celestia's name Rainbow Dash got hurt this bad?"
An eerie silence descended upon the five friends as they looked at each other shaking their head no.
"Excuse me, Ms. Dash."
Thunder Dash nearly flew through the ceiling as Nurse Redheart gently woke her up
"What's going on?" Thunder Dash yawned, trying to remember where she was.
"I'm sorry to wake you up, but visiting hours are over until tomorrow."
"How long was I asleep?" Thunder Dash said sleepily as she rubbed her eyes.
"Almost five hours," Nurse Redheart replied.
"Did everypony else leave?"
"Princess Twilight and her friends left about two hours ago, but your father and another pony are still here waiting for you in the waiting room," the nurse responded.
"Can I get a minute to say goodnight?" Thunder Dash asked politely.
"Certainly."
Thunder Dash got down off the bed and clasped her mother's left forehoof in between her own.
"Mom, I'll be back in the morning," she said, kissing Rainbow Dash on the cheek "I promise not to leave you like I did this morning."
As she returned the waiting room, Thunder Dash could hear her father talking to somepony else. As she looked in his direction, she noticed a neon orange pegasus stallion standing in front of Thundercloud.
"Sunrise!" Thunder Dash exclaimed as she trotted over to him. "What are you doing here?"
"Mom told me about Rainbow's condition and how you fell asleep in the bed with her," Sunrise Sentry told her. "I sat with you and Rainbow Dash for a little while you were asleep. You must have been having some wild dreams the way you were talking in your sleep. Do you remember any of them?"
"Yeah I do," Thunder Dash said defensively. "And no I don't want to talk about them. Sorry sweetheart."
"Thunder, is there something bothering you?" Thundercloud asked with concern.
"No there isn't. I'm fine," Thunder quickly responded.
"Are you sure?" Thundercloud inquired. "You were acting really strange earlier today when I got here."
"I. Am. Fine," Thunder Dash repeated with a hint of anger in her voice.
"Honey, I love you and will always be here for you," whispered Sunrise as he gave his fiancé a comforting hug. "If there is something bothering you, please don't keep it bottled up inside. Okay?"
"Thanks, sweetheart. I'll be okay," Thunder Dash reassured Sunrise. "I love you too."
"Hey, I have a great idea," Thundercloud said. "Since we've spent enough time here today, let's go home."
"I'm gonna camp out in the waiting room tonight in case something happens if you don't mind."
"Would you like to crash at my and Thunder's place tonight, Pops?" Sunrise asked.
"That sounds like a good idea, Sunrise. Are you going to be okay tonight, Thunder?"
"Yes, Dad. I'll be fine," Thunder Dash answered. "Sorry for yelling at you a few minutes ago."
"I forgive you, Thunder," replied Thundercloud as he nuzzled his daughter on the cheek.
Everypony said their goodbyes and left Thunder Dash to stretch out in the waiting room.
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It's always good to see a new author. I think this is a decent attempt at a first story, but I would like to offer what I hope is some constructive criticism.
First off, you generally want to avoid using terms like "Mane 6". Where you used it above, "the rest of the Mane 6" could easily be replaced with "the rest of Rainbow's friends", and your readers will know exactly what you mean.
Also, Applejack is one word.
Overall, the grammar is pretty good (which unfortunately seems to be unusual for new writers). Only quibble I have is some missing commas here and there, such as "Go ahead sir." This should be "Go ahead, sir." Generally when using a title or form of address, you use a comma to separate it from the rest of the sentence. Another example: "Thank you Sunrise" should be "Thank you, Sunrise"
>>ASGeek2012 Thank you for the feedback. I'll be sure to put that advice toward future chapters.