Absolute Power
“Mwahaha!”
Queen Chrysalis laughed maniacally, allowing her disguise to fall and revelling in the shocked, horror-ridden gazes of the ponies around. She could feel it, the love of Shining Armour for his mistress coursing through her, giving her strength like she had never imagined.
Ponies in the cloisters looked around nervously, and she could see the Royal Guards at the back, braced against the door and warring inwardly whether they should intervene. Her puppet, Shining Armor, stood beside her under her control. His eyes glowing bright green as he stared into his believed mistress’ eyes, gazing with love and adoration, and feeding her yet more.
“Enough,” a calm, smooth voice echoed across the room, controlled and constrained but seething with rage. Princess Celestia stepped in front of her, her horn blazing brightly. “I will not allow you to take my kingdom over. Not without a fight,” she glared the Changeling Queen down, her eyes narrowed.
A stray breeze passed through the silenced room, and Celestia’s front lock waved away in its embrace revealing, but for a second, both eyes burning into Chrysalis with the fury of the sun at their depths. She spoke again, through gritted teeth, “I give you to the count of three. Surrender now, and tell us where you have hidden Princess Cadence, or suffer the consequences.”
“Me-he-he,” Queen Chrysalis simply laughed a shallow, cackling evil laugh that shook the ponies to their very bones. Her very voice emanated power as her horn shone ablaze. “You’re too late. I’ve been feeding on your Captain for long enough. You cannot begin to compare the power I have now attained.”
“So be it.” Celestia bowed her head, raising her wings. Her coat shone bright for a moment blinding all who watched. She took to the air, beating her massive wings, climbing higher with every flap. She turned her eyes down to the Changeling Queen, lighting her own horn and taking aim.
Chrysalis simply watched a smug grin spread across her face, baring her fangs at the princess hovering before her, sure of her victory. Celestia had reached her full potential, hanging in the air and radiating warmth. Her coat shone with the lights of the sun, and then, with one final glare down to Chrysalis, she let her magic loose.
The room exploded in a brilliant display of lights. Ponies jumped for cover and shielding their eyes as the two titans fought. Twilight and her friends all took a step back, watching as two beams of magic shot through the air to collided before them.
Chrysalis pushed forwards, drawing from the depths of her stolen magic and fighting against the sun goddess with all her might. Their magic mingled and pulsated against each other. One gained ground, then the other came back again to enclose on Chrysalis’ side, Celestia glowing brighter and hotter, and Chrysalis gaining an aura of green all her own.
This continued for several minutes, until, finally, Celestia attained the upper hoof. Her beam began to grow stronger, thicker. It crept forwards an inch at a time enclosing on Chrysalis.
The changeling Queen, seeing she was fighting a losing battle, began to back pedal, looking around her frantically for an escape. She was backed against the wall and, at the last minute, she caught of Shining Armor out the corner of her eye, still standing there oblivious to all that was going on. She had her salvation, more love would surely—
In that moment of distraction, Chrysalis showed her weakness and Celestia jumped upon it. The queen was engulfed in a wave of energy, “No!” She screamed, her pained voice echoing throughout the wedding hall. The burning brightness enclosing around her, she held up her hooves, reaching for Shining, struggling forwards with each step, the energy eating away at her chitin skin. She was close to her salvation. Oh so close when, suddenly, the brightness came down in a wave of heat. It grew brightener, all engulfing.
And then she was gone.
Celestia alighted herself next to the smouldering remnants of the changeling Queen and looked down at it solemnly with a frown. It is done. She sighed, and looked up, opened her mouth to comfort her subjects, and looked about.
The room was in complete silence. Everypony stood frozen in terror in clusters around the back. Her guards, the groom, the Mane Six were all still there. But the other guests had long since abandoned their seats.
“It’s—” Celestia began, taking a step forward, reaching out with a hoof. “It’s okay,” she wanted to say, “you’re safe now.” However the words caught in her throat when she saw how they recoiled, clutching at each other’s withers and staring at her with blank, fearful eyes. They shivered—terrified.
However, Twilight Sparkle was the one that caught her eyes the most. The young unicorn, standing with her hooves outstretch in front of her friends. She glared at her, her ears dropped low, behind a wave of tears, “... Why?” Was all she could muster.
“I’m—” Celestia turned to her reflection in one of the pillars and looked to herself. Her golden glow was now gone, but one thing still remained. A bright flowing field of dark magic hanging out of the corners of her eyes, obscuring the tears they held.
Something struck her, a familiar likeness she couldn’t avoid.
~ ~ ~
Celestia’s eyes cracked open, tears dripping at their corners. She glanced around her. She was in the air, her magic flowing freely as she fought against Chrysalis. The Changeling Queen could still be heard below her, cackling maniacally and gloating over the noise of their fighting magic. She could see the changeling Queen looking up at her smugly, but, also the slight hints of sweat, of self doubt edging its way into her face. She could easily win this if she tapped into her reserves, Celestia though to herself. She could feel the reserves shimmering at the back of her mind, begging to be let out. Something she hadn’t had the opportunity in a millennia. A simple flip of a switch, and it would be hers again.
But if she did— her eyes darted to Shining Armor, staring aimlessly into the void, a trail of invisible magic linking him to Chrysalis as the Changeling Queen devoured his love. Then to the Mane Six all gathered at the altar. They stared with horror, Twilight Sparkle in particular heading the group as they feared for their princess’ well being.
No. She blinked the tears from her eyes, dispersing the trickles of energy leaking through their corners and turned her gaze down to the Changeling Queen as before.
She had a better solution. But it meant she had to put her trust into her followers, as a leader should.
Celestia allowed herself to relax, feeling the stress fall away from her limbs. She let go of that well of energy tugging at the back of her mind.
For she knew.
It would be better remembered as a hero, and a wise leader; than to live a tyrant.
To have boundless energy;
The strength to solve any problem.
Those who give in to infinite power;
Become a god.
But those who resist;
They may have something yet worth saving.
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You should comb through this later for editing work. Read it out loud as you do. That's a common method for editing to see if a line makes sense, or if it is wonky. I see a number of things where you omit words, have weird word choices, or have odd comma placement.
The first line of dialogue is alright. The second line of dialogue needs a 'Celestia says' before it to work. If you end (or start) a sentence with dialogue followed by a comma going into action, you have to have a comma. If you don't, use a period.
These are correct.
These do not.
In that same paragraph I chose for an example before, "Controlled and constrained, but seething with rage." also is an incomplete sentence. You need a noun in there. 'Rage' is a noun, but it doesn't work as a noun for the rest of the sentence to work upon. You need to specify whose rage (in this case, Celestia's, whether as a pronoun 'her rage', or proper noun, 'Celestia's rage').
Shining Armour should be Shining Armor. I'm well aware armour is a perfectly acceptable spelling, and I default to British spelling most of the time, but Shining Armor is an actual name. It's not something that'll break your fic in comparison to grammar mishaps, but it'll trip a lot of people up otherwise.
As for the actual content of the story, it's alright. It's not really treading any new ground for the most part. There's still a fair amount of debate over whether Celestia was holding back, and the general consensus has always been that if she was, it was because she doesn't really have an 'in-between' level of restraint between moderate power and flat-out annihilation.
7879440
Alright, thanks.
Does it work if I change it like this?
7879458 No. You need a saidism in the second half of the paragraph still. If you want a comma linking dialogue to action, you need to actually have somebody saying something.
7879490
Eeeh. Okay.
I've put in the said-ism and fixed mistakes throughout. The Shining Armour thing I'm still not fully with.
(Edit: And said-ism removed again thanks to some external input.)
I would have loved to see this extended to a much longer degree, but even so, this is also pretty good. Message was a bit blunt though.
7880925
:/
Hm, yeah, maybe. There's always something I don't get quite right in a story.
To me it was something I haven't really seen explored, so I figured why not.
I think one of the issues here is that the story begins with us re-reading a scene we've all seen. Moreover, you've changed the dialogue from the show script for reasons I don't quite get.
The story would be stronger if it started off at the vision, or perhaps had a lead-in; Luna, for example, asking Celestia why she lost a fight she could have won, and that prompting Celestia to remember and recount.
The other bit - you hint at there being a well of power she can tap, but there being something about it that makes her loathe to do so. I want to know what that is, and I think if the story had worked more of that angle it would have been stronger overall.
7892853
True, I see what you mean.
Differences in dialogue is largely due to my memory. I haven't seen that episode in a long time, and haven't the episode handy to check when I was working on the story. I tried to get it as close as I could remember.
It's a little implied that she doesn't want to end up like Sombra who, in my headcanon was originally corrupted in a similar way.
7892905 See, that last bit is an interesting idea that would have enhanced the story had it been something we readers could have gleaned
Thanks for the response :)
7892907
Yeah, if Id thought about your idea (framing it in a discussion with Luna) I could have made that clearer.
Thanks for the comment.
Now only if it was called "Unlimited Power".
pre14.deviantart.net/b25a/th/pre/f/2013/268/b/8/celestiatine_by_nightshroud-d6nwxd7.jpg
7893161
Heh. But that's now safe for a dark celestia fic to use. :3
7910468
Aw...
It's not so much the act of killing, it's the use of maximum power that's meant to be the focus. (I hope I'm not contradicting myself here :/) It's told from her perspective so a lot about her own anxiety, and her fear that if she uses the power she loses herself, and then she'd be no better than Sombra.
But that's probably what I get for trying to bite off more than I can chew.
More words (almost) always makes everything better. Unfortunately I'm not really in any position to pick up another long fic.
Next time (maybe) I'll do better.
7910841
Oh yeah, I've seen some of the things that get written. I mean, clop will get good ratings pretty much no matter what.
My idea is that moving the sun doesn't take all that much power, really. Just a bit of basic telekinesis to give it a nudge and it'll go the rest of the way. It's with the range, and maintaining that connection that the difficulty comes in.
Then there is the sun itself that serves as that massive store of power. It's not difficult to tap into it, but because it's not her own, or something she uses on a daily basis, it's only natural that it would be difficult to control, and a possible source of corruption.
(Yeah, I realise there's probably quite a few concepts I had to build on to make it work)
And it's cool, no need to apologise. The feedback is always welcomed here.
Amazing story about making the right choices as a leader, choosing to be a good leader rather than a tyrant. I like it very much.
One little thing that needs to be changed is: in the second paragraph, it reads 'his believe mistress’ eyes'. I think you meant to write 'beloved' instead of 'believe'.
7923652
Nope, that's about right. Though it should probably be believed.
I'm just going to sum it up like this.
I love this story, I love the thought process of the Demi-Goddess. It's a little cliche but you pull it off well enough to keep the character in tact. I hope to see more stories like this one. Keep up the good work.
8175738
It's comments like these that make me want to keep doing what I do. Thanks!