More Horizons is RARELY a bad thing, especially if you throw some extra psychoanalysis into the mix. I am pleased. XD

Wait, Littlepip's pipbuck? Did Threnody meet Littlepip when she was younger?
And does Cinnamon Twist have history with Blackjack before this story?
Also, another great chapter! I'm curious as to how many ponies are into the secret that Blackjack is still alive.

Hahahahaha, wow this is going quite well, I approve, so nice job!

...unless they wanted virgins…

That won't last long here methinks.

And man! I am loving Blackjack in this, as well as Threnody, she's so cute.
Nice job!

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Threnody was a 5 year old filly when Littlepip was in Junction R-7. She didn't meet, Littlepip, per se, but Pip was an important enough pony that she made an impression on the shy little filly that watched her from her boxcar home. That, and a mare with a pipbuck would stand out in a merc town. She tends to refer to it as 'Junction City' because it was called Junction Town briefly after the the Day of Sunshine and Rainbows, and now it's grown in the 9 years since Pip and BJ did their things.

As far as Cinnamon goes... you'll have to keep reading to find out.

Why am I not surprised, that Blackjack can bond better with a, kinda innocent teenager with a "Helper/Mender" mentality, than with stuck up adults, who think they know everything about the world?

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Interestingly enough, it's largely due to the fact that when someone experiences a traumatic event that pushes them over the line from 'that sucked' to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the brain tends to developmentally lock itself into a temporal space in time where it was last 'safe.' So... considering that Blackjack was in her mid teens when she left Stable 99, that's her last reference point for safety.

So lets see, she watched most of her friends die, she faced an eldritch horror, she was raped, she was killed, some multiple times and even then I feel like I'm forgetting something. A single one of these would drive anyone to madness alone.

Littlepip’s pipbuck was the first one I’d ever seen, but I was a 5 year old filly when I saw it.

Wait, my brain's struggling to connect the timeline. Did she meet Littlepip before? My first thought was that there was some kinda Lightbringer museum with it on display, but that's impossible seeing as the pipbuck melted into her leg.

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See my reply to Double R Forrest to answer your question.

Keep up the good work heartshine

So awesome, love this story!

I find Blackjack as a character fascinating. I mean, I like her a lot, but I always tend to interpret her personality in some rather uncharitable ways.

She's a quintessential Byronic Hero, right down to the tragic flaws and the penchant for seduction, but - and this is very rare for this particular archetype - female. She is, fundamentally, without any context, a serial killer and a rapist, but somehow still reads as sympathetic. She has crippling levels of depression and PTSD. She is a masochist, egotist, and narcissist. Very tomboyish. She also is as blunt as a brick, has no understanding of boundaries, and has about a 90 IQ.

But what I find most fascinating about her is that she's technically evil. Her actions sometimes serve the common good, but she, herself, is evil. Not the cackling evil of a mad scientist who wants to inject everyone with super-smallpox, but the casual, neglectful evil of a concentration camp guard who tries to erase their crimes with sophistry and desperately tries to avoid the pain that self-awareness brings. She thinks her actions are altruistic, but they serve only to feed her ego (a fact that she at least recognizes, when she equates killing with therapy).

That's not to say she lacked self-awareness. She knew that what she was doing was wrong, most of the time. Throughout PH, she vacillates between being convinced of the righteousness of her cause, and despair over the imperfection of her deeds. Her friends - whom she idolized - were actually horrible, horrible people who helped perpetuate her self-destructive messiah complex by convincing her that she could do no wrong, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. Every time she tried to take responsibility for her own actions in Project Horizons, they redirected the blame upon someone else. They made her get over her self-loathing, when they should've slapped her upside the head and told her to stop fucking up so much.

She repeated "do better", like a mantra, and many of her once-enemies did, in fact, reform themselves, but Blackjack? She never actually changed one bit. That was the essence of her tragedy; her inability to reconcile her actions with her feelings. She was so afraid of becoming a monster, of one day finding herself not caring about her own wrongdoing, she never once considered that maybe the best thing to do would be to just call it quits. To stop seeking adventure when it wasn't necessary. To regroup and approach the problem from another angle. To stop burning bridges and rebelliously sallying out on her own, and to actually bother to organize her affairs. The thing is, she was quite literally too stupid to do that. When fear, self-loathing and the diabolical nature of your foes are all that redeem you, well, clearly you aren't "doing better". The fact that her actions often had good results seems a mere coincidence when you examine her intent; she lacks a will of her own, simply dragged along by circumstance. A more strong-willed individual would've had a plan, and they would've stuck to it. She had no plan A or plan B. She was just winging it the entire time. Many of her enemies were strong-willed. They were in control, of themselves and others. They had a program; plans they followed to the letter. She threw a monkey wrench in those plans simply by existing. Wherever she went, chaos followed.

From their own perspective, Blackjack and the rest of the gang were all heroes, cleaning up the wasteland. From everyone else's perspective, if you crossed paths with Blackjack and her band of highly-skilled murderers and sycophants, you were as good as dead, like a combine harvester rolled over your ass. It was a dynamic that was rife with drama.

And now that her merry band of sycophants is gone, and she has no one left to prod her towards her shit, blood and cum-smeared shambles of a destiny, she has - quite predictably - imploded.

Note that I'm a big Blackjack fan. I may sound hyper-critical of her, but I think her character is open to a lot of alternate interpretations from what PH presents. She's an unreliable narrator. She embellishes on her deeds and adds just enough melodrama or heroism or guilt to try and make it sound like she was on the side of good, in spite of her misdeeds. But I think this story right here? This story has an opportunity to show what it's like to look at her from the outside in. And it's terrifying. She's a terrifying individual to be in the presence of.

PH only barely dropped hints of her intimidating nature; it's hard to tell how frightening she is when you're inside her head. But when the perspective shifts away from her, and you actually see her head-on, it's like how Boris Pasternak described meeting Josef Stalin, how one of his arms was shorter than the other and it was like some manner of fiddler crab had waddled out of the darkness. That's how I pictured Blackjack while reading PH. A very uncanny, unsettling person who gives off waves of wrongness. A pariah. To some extent, it turns out I wasn't wrong.

TL;DR - Blackjack's friends basically abused her for their own gratification. They needed her to keep soldiering on, to make it so that it wasn't for naught that they all suffered, and she needed their moral support and encouragement. Textbook case of co-dependency. If her therapist were to point this out, Blackjack would probably come close to knocking her head off, though.

Ah, I have missed reading interactions with Blackjack, they always crack me up.

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That... is quite interesting.

This was excellent. I choked on the ice I was chewing when I read Blackjack's last line.

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She um... has a tendency to do that to people. XD

7905963 What you just said is undoubtedly one of the most intriguing analyses I have ever read on Blackjack, ever. I do agree with you on what the tragedy of her character is. She never learned how to cope with her actions. While "do better" was her spoken mantra as you put it, I think that "don't think about it" is one she followed just as much even though she didn't say it as often. Some ponies may have thought she was able to get past a lot of bad things, but really she was just unusually good at repressing it all (although some would argue that repression isn't a real psychological phenomenon).
I was going to say how I disagreed with the sentiment that her friends were horrible and just used her, but then I thought about it for a bit and remembered. P-21 told her at first that he stayed with her so that he had a chance to live, and then because she was (at least in his eyes) everything that he wasn't. Glory wanted to feel safe and not feel useless (as well as curb her scientific curiosity). Rampage wanted Blackjack to kill her. And Lacunae tried to dump some of the Goddess's emotional baggage in her. So it turns out you seem to be correct in that regard too, and that's on top of all of their own mental problems (geez).
Still, there's a part of me that keeps trying to come up with moments to prove to myself that Blackjack wasn't just a villain or antihero, and that her friends weren't just horrible. I guess it just depends on how much sympathy one wants to give. Some would want to help them, others would want dead or as far away as possible, just like all the other characters when the story reached its end. When I type it all out, it really makes the mixed opinions of her actions within the universe feel more appropriate.
I do have some things I'm not so sure about your analysis. 1. When you say "everyone else's perspective", that didn't feel right. Yes, there were plenty who saw her and her gang as a bringer of chaos, but there were some that saw them as heroes (perhaps feeding them their ideals). I'm curious as to what you think about those who did see them as forces of good. 2. When you call Blackjack an egotist and a narcissist, wouldn't her self-loathing counter either of those characteristics, or is my definition of those words too narrow? 3. While her friends getting over her self-loathing may be questionable in the long run, I don't think that "slapping her upside the head and telling her to stop fucking up so much" would have produced better results, especially in the time span that they had. 4. Can you say anything good about Blackjack (just checking)?
Regardless, like you, I really enjoyed PH. In fact, I think I liked it more than the original FO:E, and I find myself agreeing with a lot of other opinions on the characters.
P.S.

A more strong-willed individual would've had a plan, and they would've stuck to it.

That's totally where Littlepip comes in.

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7905963

The discussion you two are having is sort of why I wanted to write this story. Blackjack is... kind of a mess, psychologically speaking. I wrote a thing that I posted on Reddit at the end of PH about all of her lovely brokenness, but what's been the most fun is trying to put her back together. Looking at what strengths she does have, and how to use those to shore up her weaknesses.

I agree that she was influenced strongly by her friends. However, her friends needed her just as badly as she needed them. Her relationships tend to be rather intense and unhealthy. If it weren't for the fact that a LOT of her issues are related to trauma, I'd probably be looking at giving her a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. But the fact of the matter is, Blackjack went from an institutionalised setting where abuses of basic rights were normal, to the greater wasteland, where stuff wasn't so black and white. Like her mane, the world has more colours and shades to it.

Ethically, Blackjack is... odd. She's more than willing to sleep with anypony that catches her fancy simply because they catch her fancy. At the same time, she paradoxically makes sure that respects their right to say no. In some ways, there is a huge amount of risk that she would be a chronic offender, a point that I believe Train Dodger brought up. Yet, at the same time, she does actually want things to be better. What helps others hurts her, and what would hurt others heals her. And then in other situations, the same old same old routine works just fine. Other times, thinking outside the box is necessary.

Blackjack really needs friends. She needs that support. But right now, she's afraid, and still fighting. I've always found her to be a delightful character, even if she has a lot of traits of a high functioning sociopath. But again, I say traits, because Blackjack is also capable of being extremely empathetic towards others, something an individual with Antisocial Personality Disorder would never be able to do. She often reminds me of a scene from the first series of the new Doctor Who, when the Doctor is talking to Margaret Blain, about sparing someone's life. That once in a while, on a whim- you decide to be kind. Margaret's response of noting that only a killer would know that, and that the Doctor is always running from the devastation that he leaves in his wake sounds very, very much like our lovely Blackjack.

The slightly immature pony inside of me wanted to get in the parting shot. “...I’m still eating your cereal!” I yelled out, taking the box from under my wing and giving it a shake.

“Then you’ll know what my mom’s vagina tastes like, too!” she called back as the door to her bedroom closed.

People breathe, it's what we do.

I should probably stop laughing to breathe.

Damn it, Blackjack...

Oh hey, haven´t seen this line in a while

Level Up!

Adult Life
You are 5% More likely to sway an adult onto your side!

<3

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You know I didn't put much of any thought into Blackjack's character when I was reading Project Horizons, and was just assuming that she was a good person. A hero, but as I was reading your comment and the reply's to your comment... Boy was I wrong to think that. Your comment also made me realize on why Blackjack feels different in this story. More intimidating than in Project Horizons, and all because we are seeing Blackjack from the third person than the first person. It would be interesting to be rereading Project Horizons, but in someone elses point of view...

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She certainly is kind of... intimidating. That was part of the fun of writing this was realising just how scary somepony that is as powerful as she is can be. Especially when they're in a rather dark place.

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They are scary as long as you cannot see the turmoil of feelings inside them. Then motion depends on what kind of heart beholder got. Thankfully, for those like Blackjack, people with cold hearts never can see it.

Marvelous job on describing empathic talent.

I love Blackjack so much, if I was ever able to meet her I think we might get into a relationship. You did a great job on her.

I'd have to disagree, FridayPie.

Part of what has made Blackjack nigh-terrifying here is Heartshine's portrayal of how frightening the turmoil in Blackjack is to a pony who can see it.

Continuing on my previous comments:

Some typos in this episode (not sure if you want a list. 'Beacon' is a bright light, not something you do with your hand/hoof). Not many.

Overall, the quality is maintained. I found it interesting how you sort of red-herringed us with the incident in the basement. At first, I was expecting that Threnody would begin digging into the depths of the stuff down there and uncovering more elements of unhealthy memories for Blackjack (a la the brief venture into Glory's room. When that didn't happen but falling spiders did, I began anticipating that Blackjack would return, and by having a chance to rescue young Threnody (even from something as pathetically easy, by Blackjack standards, as being alone in a dark basement) provide a little more bonding. Instead, you introduced Nails, a character I hadn't anticipated seeing at all. And Nails is still broken, too. I might argue that we haven't met a non-broken character, yet, but given who/what our POV character here is that might simply be a matter of Threnody's perspective.

Train Dodger and Forrest: Magnificent deconstruction of the character. I would argue that Blackjack doesn't believe herself to be a hero or an anti-hero. She's doing what has to be done because she believes that no one else is. She puts her life and her friends on the line repeatedly because she believes she has no alternative. Your commentary about her lack of long-range planning was well-founded. Fundamentally, Blackjack was an excellent improviser in situations where improvisation could be performed via shotgun.

Seeing her here from an external, psychologically-aware and empathically-sensitive point of view really makes it visible just how much of a monster she is. She's not aggressively harmful towards others for its own sake (most of her aggression is towards herself, driven quite reasonably by her losses and her self-blame for the choices she made which caused those losses). As such, she doesn't qualify as evil in that particular regard, but heaven help anyone who could end up as potential collateral damage when Blackjack decides it's time to do things the hard way. I would say she's intensely amoral in a tactical frame, despite aspirations towards being a hero in a more strategic one.

The writing is still selling her quite well. She's turning into an excellent and highly problematic antagonist for Threnody.

I'm still enjoying it.

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If you find these, please let me know! XD I miss things, my editor misses things, and occasionally the two of us will see something wrong, think it's right, and then leave it until Hinds or another reader is like 'um... this is wrong, Heartbutt.'

That said, I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story so far. It's been... a thing trying to get Blackjack working as a character. And I'm always happy to hear when people really enjoy the hard work I've put into the piece.

Well... sometimes hard work. There's been a few chapters that have like, flown out onto the page (which is why my update schedule is about as organized as your average unmedicated schizophrenic), while others have been more of a drag. Hence why it's been 2 months and 15 isn't out yet.

The brahmin were producing more than even Mayor Charity could sell,

Got bored of hanging with zebra (and pony) shamans, did she? At least someone is gonna make it back from that wasteland.

but today the victorian styled building

I have a small issue of the word 'Victorian' being used in Equestria without some kind of explanation. Queen Victoria was a monarch of the UK, after all.

“I’m Nails.”

Oh... Him.

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The Charity bit is an odd... well... I didn't know Somber was going to pull Charity into Homelands as a character when this started. Then he dropped the chapter where she shows up shortly after I published 2 and we both went... wait...

The first thing Threnody noticed about the first character she interacted with in the first chapter of the story was that she had nice flanks.

Blackjack knows.

...Or it was a lucky guess, but I feel like Blackjack is good at figuring these kinds of things out. I doubt this will be the end of that line of flirting, whether it's ever reciprocated or not.

“Did… you get some rest?” I asked, wanting to find a spot to sit, and instantly regretting my decision to neglect cleaning the couch. It was musty and covered in many, many mysterious stains. Mysterious, stinky stains ranging from white to yellow to brown.

Sounds like the solution is fire. Bright, beautiful, cleansing fire.

Having fun with this so far. It's interesting to see Blackjack's swings from the outside, where if anything they're more sudden, lacking the transition afforded by internal stream of consciousness.

“Wait, you have a reset button?” I asked, very confused.

reminds me of a gag in the online comic "ssdd" on "poisonedminds.com":
"ending arguments became much easier when i discovered she has an 'off' button." (between her legs)

I regret taking so long to finish this chapter, damn good. *Ships them*

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I absolutely love this comment heartshine you really sum it all up perfectly.

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I think this Blackjack person has some baggage?

I have to make a confession: I’m one of five Bronies in the whole wide world that has never read Fallout Equestria. Not because I don’t like the setting, but because of its length. I always tell myself that I’m going to read it one day, but I don’t know if I ever will. Likewise I also never read Project Horizons. Not only is that story even longer than FO:E, it’s also has – from what I’ve learnt – some very dark and disturbing parts. I once took a look at the very first chapter and there already was a rape scene. If that’s a sign of things to come, I’m going to stay away from the story.

Since I went into this story with limited knowledge about the previous events, the setting and the characters, this is my first impression of Blackjack and I really like her as a character. She’s a mare who went through more crap than a pony should endure and has basically given up. Only living in the moment and not caring weather she lives or dies. Not to mention her constant mood swings. It’s great how she went from a sober speech about how much she misses P-21 to an attempt at seducing Threnody. She’s broken, but you really want to give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be alright. And then you have to slap her in the face because she starts liking your nose and whispers dirty things into your ear.

For me, the most heart-wrenching part of the first two chapters was Morning Glory’s old room. I don’t know the characters very well, but that part really showed how much she meant to Blackjack. She still mourns her death and wasn’t able to move one in the last four years. Didn't I mention that I want to hug her?

But I also have to agree with Sandalwood about her being a lost cause. It has been four years and almost a dozen of therapists and she’s still a mess with no signs of improvement. Even worse, one of her therapists has to sleep with her on a regular base to make her feel at least a little bit less broken. They had to bring in Threnody, a filly, as last resort. I know this sounds harsh, but you can only help people if they want help. As sad as it is, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, there’s nothing you can do. Of course, there’s always to possibility that Sandalwood, Slade and all the other heartmenders are horrible at their job, but that’s a huge stretch.

But enough of Blackjack. Let’s talk about Threnody, our protagonist. This is going to be a trend, but I also feel kind of bad for her. Despite her claims, she’s still a filly. A filly that has to help ponies cope with mental issues since she was eight years old. A filly that watched a stallion commit suicide in front of her. Crapsack world or not, no filly should have to deal with that at her age. I also like that she still has an irrational fear on dark basements. I think many children share that fear with her. At least I (and my father) did. It helps to make her feel like a real person and not a "wise beyond their years" child.

Nails, was another interesting character. I knew about Blackjack getting mutilated and raped but I never expected one of her former rapists to show up. I’m impressed that Blackjack told her friends to spare their lives. In my personal opinion, the things they did to her were some of the worst things you can do to another being. If I wear in Blackjack’s shoes I probably would’ve wanted them all death. On the other hand, it’s nice to see how even someone who did such horrible things can change and become a better pony.

But, now I can’t help but ask: Does Blackjack has sex with him? She is pretty messed-up and doesn’t really seems to care with whom she sleeps. And maybe Nails, like Slade, doesn’t refuse despite him feeling guilty about it, because sex is one of the few things that helps her to feel better.

(I just imagined Blackjack’s life being even more depressing, did it?)

So overall I love the story. It’s my first “real” Fallout Equestria story and I’m hooked after just the first two chapters. So congratulations, you got a new fan. Now I only have to read 19 more chapters until I’m up to date. 😁

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Re: Blackjack and Nails: no. That's... a line she won't cross. I didn't give Nails a ton of screen time yet, but he's... someone I want to get back to eventually. I'm glad that I explained things well enough so you weren't completely lost. FOE can be daunting and huge, and PH is... monstrous. Even working on it there were times I was like OH GOD WHAT IS THIS. It's impressive, but... a lot.

That said, I've taken a very different tack than Somber. I may not pull punches when it comes to emotions, but one of the things I try to do is make the characters feel more... real? I guess? Like they have emotions that are always in flux, and how one of them feels will definitely affect the others. I am really glad you've been enjoying it, and honestly you're not alone in making Speak the first entry into FOE. I just... feel badly a bit because I just used the Wasteland as a backdrop to tell a character story, as opposed to some epic adventure through the blasted wilds of Equestria after the War.

Also it may soon be 20 chapters cause, uh, Chapter 19 is coming out on Friday. XD

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I'll just tag this comment because it tags the other two comments, and both of those sum up the vibes I'm getting from this Blackjack chick I've only just now met, having never read anything FoE at all. Another great chapter, and I'm still fully invested in this.

Onward and Upward!

Just found this story, gotta say I am sadden that I haven't found this sooner.

on chapter 3, Somehow I feel like Threnody has the greatest chance of seeing eye to eye with Blackjack. Or at the very least, get through to her.

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Started reading this story. It's very good

“Yes, I added a little bit of garlic to it. And some sweet cream. The brahmin were producing more than even Mayor Charity could sell, so she gave me some under threat of death if I told anypony about her little donation.” She said with a bright smile, taking a bite out of Slate’s carefully sliced tomatoes. “Mmm~ Delicious! Thank you, Slate!”

CHARITY IS THR MAYOR!?!?!?

I'm having a hard time differentiating between things that have happened over the years, and things I've forgotten since reading PH but I'm quite sure that's a new development

Slate smiled. “I used to be a whore that worked in Stable 69. Never got the opportunity to meet Blackjack while she was fuckin’ the place up. But I won’t say I didn’t come out of the experience with the more intimate understanding of the reasons for ponies to be all broke inside.” His face fell slightly. “Or a more intimate understanding of the ways they showed that brokenness.”

Wait as in BJ's stable? Isn't that Stable 99? Or did she go after this poor dudes stable too?

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69 was the place that was run by Caprice in PH. It was technically Stable 89, it was the place Taurus, Gem, and Mini tried to drug Blackjack and take her to Caprice. It was also referred to as Flank.