Curtain Lifted
The mane six and Spike stared at Random.
He stared right back.
They blinked.
He didn't.
It took the ponies and dragon an entire minute to notice that Random was substituted by a cardboard cutout of himself.
"MeeM!" It said. Pinkie burst out laughing again, much to everyone's confusion. For the sake of what was left of their sanity, they decided to not question their pink friend.
"Now where did that varmit run off to?" Applejack asked, not having taken her eyes out of the cardboard cutout. At that moment they heard panting from behind them and turned to see Random hunched over and gasping for air as if he had probably ran a marathon.
"Sorry, I'm late! I slept too much, but it's the Author's fault!"
Do not blame me. The day I decide to continue the story and you sleep too much. I had nothing to do with that.
"It's been more than half an year! You should have paid more attention to me than the others!"
Don't let them hear you say that. You're the oldest of them, so you should know better than that.
"Yeah yeah, sorry. What's with the constant picture change anyway? Settled down for good this time?"
…I hope so. No go back to the story.
"Alright."
Random walked over to the cardboard cutout of himself. "MeeM!" It said again. Random picked it up and threw it away in the distance, where an explosion happened. He turned back to the ponies who were staring at him with looks of confusion. He shrugged before looking around.
"Screwy, where are you?"
A window appeared in midair besides him, which opened and revealed Screwball looking out of it.
"Oh, the story is finally back? Great!" She jumped out of the window, which closed and disappeared behind her and landed on Random's waiting arms. He summoned his reclining throne (an idea he had while away) and sat down on it, going back to petting Screwball.
"Where have you been anyway?" He asked.
"Oh, it's a place where a lot of different versions of me found to spend the time while we wait for the authors to release a new chapter on our stories! Can you believe one of them told me she was a human like you before!?{1} She had such cool ideas for Chaos too! I wish I could visit her sometime."
Random nodded at that. "We'll see what we can do later. Now where were we... Ah yes!" He turned back to the mane 6. "We were about to play a game! But seriously, why don't you choose a gaming name? I myself am Cha0s Heir." He then leaned down and whispered to them. "The 'o' is a zero by the way."
"Oh oh, and I am Chaotic Princess! Nopony used that one, so I saw no harm." Screwball beamed at the mane six. I wonder why I still keep specifying who is talking to who. I mean, if you are reading this, then it should be obvious, right? It's not like there's no name in the sentences, like some people make to leave us guessing, going into unnecessary tangents THAT PREVENT US FROM ENJOYING THE REAL STORY AND-
"OH, COME ON!!!" Sweetie Belle shouted from somewhere. Ahem. Back to the story. The ponies, Rarity most of all, looked around in confusion.
"Was that Sweetie Belle?" She asked. The others made a noise in agreement while looking around. Twilight herself was doing the breathing exercise she learned with somepony who will be mentioned in the future. I'm so evil. Mwahaha. Anyways. They decided to ignore that and looked back at Random, who had at some point grown a long white beard while he blew on a bubble pipe.
"I'm getting too old to wait for your response. You teenagers have no respect for your elders!" He shook his pipe angrily at them, like a real old man. "In my time, the youth would not waste time with these knick knacks you have today, and we would share stories of our time in the straw war while they listened intently..." The ponies blinked, some of them even feeling ashamed for some reason while Screwball had stars on her eyes.
"You were part of the Straw War!?" She asked excitedly, to which Random nodded while looking at a floating mirror to shave his beard.
"Why yes. I was on the front lines. Ah, it was a long battle. Good straws were lost that day. We who preferred the looping straws against those who preferred the straight ones that folded at the top. I still remember seeing my allies be buried by mountains of those things. I almost didn't make it out with my straw in one piece. I now have it hung on my wall as proof of that war." He told her while the ponies were imagining a war with straws as weapons.
"And who won?"
"Ah, it ended in a draw. So, to prevent future wars we signed a treaty of non-agression towards each other, and have lived with it ever since." He stood with a proud smile. "And then, ever since lots of people get together to enjoy their drinks with the straws it's called a Cafeteria!" He then stroked his now shaved chin for a moment and added. "Unless it's a Lunch Bay!"
By now, the mane six were utterly lost. Except for Pinkie. But Pinkie is Pinkie. So it is common. She even had a milkshake which she was drinking with a loopy straw. Screwball had one too. The others were having a reeeealy hard time trying to think if they were related. It could be possible Pinkie had a little sister that she didn't know about. The ponies shuddered at the thought. Nothanks, one Pinkie was enough. But looking at Random and Screwball, they came to a terrible, horrible realization: they now had THREE Pinkies! The world as we know it is doomed. Meanwhile, Random looked down to the ground and spotted a shiny coin.
"Ooh, my lucky day!"
He bent down to pick it up, just in time for a blue beam of magic to fly past where his head was a moment ago. The ponies stood there slack jawed before glancing at the source of the beam, seeing Princess Luna curse silently to herself as she came for a landing, decked head to hoof in her battle armor.
"What are you looking at?" Random asked and directed his gaze to Luna who stood glaring at him as Celestia landed, also in her armor.
Random smiled. But said smile didn't reach his eyes. The entire atmosphere around him changed drastically, and the ponies could see subtle changes in him, like the twitch of his fingers, the trembling in his right hand, but not of fear, no, it was a tremble of pure rage trying to be contained. And his smile. While still as wide as ever, it now had a cold undertone to it, like a promise of vengeance. It was the smile of someone ready to lash out at his enemies. But worst of all were his eyes. Eyes that first were of a silly and joyful man, with promised fun for everyone around him, were now eyes of a vengeful man, promising nothing more than pain and suffering to all those who dared wrong him. The ponies stepped back in surprise while Screwball herself slowly floated behind a tree.
"So," The mane six visibly shuddered at Random's tone. "I see you haven't changed anything. You still attack others from behind. You are still the same tyrants I had the displeasure to meet back then. Do you still hide behind a mask? Do you still act like you are better than other races? You two hypocrites..."
While Celestia still had a emotionless mask on, Luna was visibly gritting her teeth at the accusations. Not because he was lying, but because he was telling the absolute truth. Back then, they were tyrants who thought of the ponies as the superior race and that the other races should bow to them. They thought of themselves as goddesses. And it was that arrogance that led to many of the wars that ponykind took part on. She knew it was all true. But it was what Random said next that truly pushed her over the top.
"And you even treated your fellow ponies badly. The Thestrals were a nice race of ponies. They were the ones who were true ponies because they didn't treat the other races the same way you did. But now they are almost gone. Why? Because of your sister seeing them as 'impure' and you turning a blind eye to that. I hope you are proud of yourselves." THAT got a reaction out of Celestia, who visibly tightened her jaw. Luna however, threw herself at Random while yelling in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"BE SILENT!!! THOU KNOWS NOTHING!!! WE SHALL RID THE WORLD OF THINE CHAOTIC INFLUENCE!!!"
Random merely chuckled and backhanded her as she got close, sending her sliding backwards to her sister. Everypony, Celestia and Luna included, gasped at that. How could Random be so strong, to the point of a simple backhand throw a full grown Alicorn backwards!? Luna rubbed her now stinging cheek and growled. Celestia meanwhile, discreetly levitated the Elements Of Harmony to the mane six. The plan was clear. She and Luna would distract Random, giving them time to use the Elements. Looking back at Random, they saw him exchanging punches and kicks with Luna, his body twisting this way and that like rubber to help him dodge. They couldn't believe their eyes, how could someone like him be that experienced in fighting, against an Alicorn nonetheless!? Celestia decided to help her sister by joining the fray, but Random didn't seem bothered. In fact, he was holding his own against both of them perfectly!
Celestia and Luna summoned their weapons to help into the fight, Celestia with her massive Warhammer while Luna brought her Scythe. Random meanwhile, snapped his fingers and a Glaive appeared in his hand, which he used to expertly deflect the blows from the princesses. They were shocked, their weapons are enchanted to help in a fight, yet here was Random, blocking and countering as if it were nothing! Just how experienced was he!? Not only that, he sometimes even let go of the Glaive, which continued to parry the princesses' strikes by itself while he yawned. And throughout that all, the smile never left his face. Twilight and her friends meanwhile had activated the Elements and were ready to fire. Noticing this, the two princesses jumped backwards prompting Random to look at them curiously.
"What are you doing? We are not finished." He said with a frown. Luna just smirked at him.
"Oh, but I believe we are."
"Wha-"
"Random, watch out!"
Random felt himself being pushed out of the way as the massive rainbow beam impacted the area he was before. Seconds later, Screwball's screams filled his ears and he looked up in horror seeing his little sister being struck by the Elements of Harmony. The princesses were in shock too as the filly screamed in pure agony while she took the blast. Meanwhile, inside Random's mind, something snapped. The curtain of insanity that that usually covered his mind slowly lifted as a single emotion made him focus completely.
Pure, unbridled rage.
Random stood back up and snapped his fingers so hard, a literal spark formed. What happened next made both princesses' jaw drop. The spell from the Elements of Harmony SHATTERED, like it was made of glass. That, of course, caused a backlash that blew the mane six backwards as Random walked to Screwball, who now sobbed and whimpered in pain. Random knelt down by her side and gently embraced her, taking note of the stone that now encased her hooves. Channeling his Chaos Magic on his hands, he passed them over the stone, which slowly receded until it disappeared.
And throughout all this, the princesses couldn't seem to manage to move. It was like something invisible was keeping them frozen where they are. It couldn't be magic, as they didn't feel any spell being cast. Random, after speaking some soothing words to Screwball, stood up and turned to the princesses, and they immediately knew why they couldn't move. There was an aura of hate being directed at them from Random. And they knew why.
They hurt somepony he cared about. Now he was going go hurt them.
"You two truly haven't changed over the years..." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "How many..."
"How many what?" Luna asked tentatively.
"HOW MANY OF THOSE STATUES BACK AT THE GARDEN WERE LIVING BEINGS ONCE!?!?" He shouted, mostly towards Celestia, who stepped back in shock.
"H-how- I m-mean, what a-are you talking about!?" She stuttered out.
However, that was enough of an answer as Random made a disgusted face. "I can't believe you both..." He looked towards the mane six, who were groaning on the ground a few feet away. "And you even passed on your sick ideals to these six? You are despicable."
Random sighed. This brief lapse into sanity has just showed him why he gave into insanity all those years ago. Real Life is a cruel mistress, but now that he could essentially give the middle finger to almost all rules of the universe, he decided to escape to his own little world into his mind, and welcomed insanity even before he came to this world.
Lifting his hand towards the groaning mares, it began to glow with multiple colors. "You six are partially innocent in this. I say partially because you still hurt Screwball, but I won't fully blame you because your ideals were poisoned by your rulers. It's as my grandmother once said, 'Sometimes you can't blame a nation for their actions, but their rulers'. However, I think I will keep these with me for the time being." The Elements then floated off their collars and tiara, and began orbiting his glowing hand.
"How are you doing that!?" Celestia asked in shock. "Only the bearers can manipulate the Elements! You are a Chaos Being, how can you use Harmonic Magic!?"
Random tsk tsked at her. "My dear Sunbutt, even in insanity I knew this, and you didn't? Shame on you. You ever asked yourself just what is Harmonic Magic? It isn't only ONE type of magic. It comes from mixing equal quantities of Chaos and Order magic, and keep them in harmony with each other. You never used the Elements of Harmony the right way, is what I noticed. You basically forced the Elements to activate, that's why you had to say bye-bye to dear Moonflank for a thousand years back then. Yes, I can manipulate the Elements, but not because I can use Order Magic to make Harmonic Magic."
The mane six, who had just stood there listening ever since he took the Elements, were completely dumbfounded by his knowledge. And to think this is the same guy who was laughing like a fool not some minutes ago... How he knew all that about the elements was anyone's guess. It was Twilight who stepped forward to ask the question that was in everypony's mind.
"Then how-"
"-am I doing this, you're gonna ask?" Random interrupted and chuckled. "Just a little something I tried back then." He held his glowing hand up as the Elements gently circled around it. "What you are seeing ladies, is Reverse Chaos Magic. I would love to explain, but I'm not in the mood to." He shrugged at their looks of disbelief. He then finally turned back to the princesses. Yes, he wanted to punish them, make them suffer. But he wasn't that kind of person. Doesn't mean he couldn't at least make them feel some pain as payback. He snapped his fingers to summon of of the weapons he always wanted to try out. Out of thin air in front of him, a menacing animal skull appeared, causing all present to gasp and Fluttershy to faint.
Random pointed the skull in the direction of the princesses, who still couldn't move. "Be thankful I was never one for revenge, otherwise this would be much worse." The Blaster opened it's skeletal maw as energy condensed inside it before firing, hitting both princesses with a white beam. As they screamed in pain and their armor dented and cracked in some places, Random commanded the Gaster Blaster to stop firing and snapped his fingers, dismissing it. Celestia and Luna had burn marks scattered all over their bodies as the lay on the ground, barely awake, but alive. Their armors, which enchantments were supposed to prevent being damaged even by the flames of a dragon, was now falling apart, and even melted in some places.
Random approached them and knelt down, the Elements vanishing into his hand somehow. "Now, that wasn't a strong blast. You two should recover when you eat something." He spoke with a hard face. "Remember, you brought this upon yourselves. I don't want to see you two near me or my sister for the time being. I will however, be willing to listen if you decide to honestly own up to your mistakes against us in the future. Now, away with you!" He snapped his fingers, teleporting them away. In Canterlot Castle, they appeared with a pop, conveniently, into the dining room. The chef there, Golden Spatula, who was cleaning the table from the empty dishes at the moment, jumped back with a yelp and fell on her flank in surprise.
"P-princesses!? What-"
"Please don't ask... And bring us some cake and moonpie please..." Celestia groaned out.
Golden blinked but went to do as told. Certain things were above her pay grade after all, and sometimes, she asked herself if said pay grade was high enough for what she goes through.
Back in Ponyville, the mane six stared at the spot where the princesses were a moment ago, too scared to take any action against Random after his little display.
"Relax." He told them. "I just teleported them back to their castle. They will be fine. Now, about you six..." He trailed off, and the mane six tensed in preparation for an attack. "I want to strike a deal." This confused the ponies. A deal? They were cautious, but curious of this, so Twilight mustered up the courage to step forward.
"What kind of deal?" She asked with some hesitation.
"I will agree to stop causing large amounts of Chaos in your town, if you six promise to not treat me the same way your princesses do. I will, however, still use it in small tricks, pranks, and some other things for reasons that I will explain in the future." He said.
Twilight could agree the deal seemed reasonable. But there was another pressing matter. "But what about the Elements Of Harmony...?"
"Ah, those I will only return to you when you do something to TRULY deserve it back." He said in seriousness.
"But-"
"No butts! You are all naked anyway. You accept the deal, yes or no?" Unsurprisingly, a box appeared in front of Random asking just that, and under it the two buttons labelled 'Yes' or 'No' floated. "Don't take too long to decide, for I want to go back to my sister and my insanity."
Twilight bit her lip and turned to her friends, and they formed a circle to discuss it. What they discussed will not be written because the author is lazy. Finally, she turned back and said two words.
"I accept." And pressed her hoof on the 'Yes' button. The box disappeared and Rand extended his hand to shake her hoof. The moment the two limbs met, however, Twilight felt a current through her body, shocking her and making her mane stand on end. She managed to pry her limb away from Random, who was now on the ground laughing. Showing his hand to them, they saw the small buzzer on his palm.
"This is a classic, and you fell for it, hahaha! You should see your face now!" He laughed for a few more seconds as Twilight stared unamused while fixing her mane with her magic, Rainbow, Pinkie and Applejack snickering in the background. He finally calmed down and stood. "But the deal is made. Keep your end of it..." He snapped his fingers, returning everything to normal. "...That I keep mine."
He then walked to the now asleep Screwball and picked her up. She was snoring cutely, and he almost had a bad case of diabeetus.
"Now, I bid you all, adieu!"
And with that, he let the curtains of insanity lower back on him again. Literally, as a curtain descended between him and the mane six, before poofing away showing that he was gone. The six friends looked at each other and awkwardly said their goodbyes before leaving to their separate homes.
In their minds, they knew one thing: The future is certainly gonna be interesting from now on.
Oh yeah, and Spike was still standing there with a confused expression.
"...I have no idea what happened."
{1} Reference to this awesome fanfic, go give it a read!
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Sir! I don't think the number four sheild can take much more!
Redirect all nonessential power! We need to keep that sheild up!
Does this mean Random is a...
Gaster Blaster Master?
Now for some (potential) errors I noticed:
leave?
those
Missing space.
The word order feels off.
I do not think the word ‘choose’ should be there.
Missing space.
Missing space.
were
your
Also, what is the second part supposed to be?
8975070
Papyrus: NOOOOOOOO-
Thaks, the errors you pointed are now fixed. Also, what second part are you talking about?
8975451
The second part I was referring to was the second piece of dialogue of the last part that I quoted.
8975552
Ah yes. He was talking about his end of the deal that was to keep his chaos to a minimum. That clears it up?
8975593
Well, if the pause is removed, the sentence becomes ‘‘Keep your end of it that I keep mine’’. The ‘‘that’’ feels out of place.
media1.tenor.com/images/b01da47cbff30686e4392dea9b14f599/tenor.gif?itemid=11779996
This is a good story, and I really hope that it updates again soon, since it's almost been a year.
Ah what a large loophole! He only said your town, which implies only Ponyville, he can still run amok everywhere else
It's A Screwed Up Life is one of my favorite stories. Mostly because I think Screwball is just that awesome.