• Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Jake The Army Guy

Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES! ~ Abraham Lincoln


A year ago, a portal opened, linking Equestria and Earth.

And then it began to grow.

The two worlds slowly began to merge. Thaumatic radiation, vital to ponies but deadly to humans, spread across Earth, as unstoppable as the tide. In a last ditch effort to save the human race, mankind worked with the ponies to create a serum that will "convert" humans into ponies, allowing them to survive in this new integrated world.

Now, upon the day of Integration, all of mankind has converted.

Except for one man.

Meet David, the last human, and hear his message.

Based on The Conversion Bureau: The First Year by Cloudhammer.

Cover art by aealacreatrananda, used without permission.

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Now with reading by Forrest M!

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 42 )

Really enjoyed this one, although I suppose I'm a little biased... Suppose I really should get back to finishing Project Thesan and Dogs of Winter now, so I can release the other stories in my GDoc inventory... :rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

Gotta say, I pretty liked it. Especially on how you described the universe as a bitch XD

Oh i hopethere is more to come.

Well I think he Got stupid the end. He may get to continue living but as a pony but I would have flipped the Pegasus off becuase being human rocks.

7858583 what i find interesting is the humans still maintain their nature amd intermarriage with ponies would give an interesting result. The other side is the pony bodies have a different hormonal makeup and you see a bit of that when he mentions his friend being the same yet dialed back. Its pretty interesting.

Also i hit the like button but im not gettin a count on it.


Until the first ten thumbs are cast it remains hidden.

While Dave has a point about humanity, but just because ponies has a slightly better understanding with mother nature, doesn't mean they also don't face a congoline of horrors eager to exterminate them.

Ponies had to work their way up from the bottom of the pecking order too.

And the sad part is... Blue kinda has a point, the human race here did what life is supposed to, adapt.

“However, your greatest strength was also your greatest weakness,”

The truth of all things.

In other words, in the super long term, the New Foals introduce the drive and ambition that ponies in general lacked. And New Foals in turn gain the sense of unity ponies have as a whole WITHOUT needing a common enemy as human do half the time.

The fact the doctor is called by a human name hammers home that humans here aren't being expected to give up their cultural identity.

Was actually very pleased to see Jake incorporate that into his story too, is a big facet of my collective of TCB works, just haven't gotten around to putting out stories that take an in-depth look at it yet :fluttercry:

Well, that was a thought provoking story I never thought I would come across...

Sound off, everybody else!!

What would you do if something like this were to happen for real?
Me, I would wait for my mom to decide.
Afterwards, I would most likely follow whatever she did.
If I chose to become a pony, then it would be an Pegasi.

This is a very good short story. I would love to a alicorn. So, I could still read , do magic , and fly anywhere in the world.

Always liked conversion bureau where it wasn' t "ponies are evil" stuff. This one was good, I do think incorporating humans into the pony genome but befits the ponies too. Former humans gain temperance, ponies become more bold.

Short and sweet. Very nice. :moustache:

I liked how the chapter titles were inverted. Made sense, too.

But do humans go to Paradise or the Eternal Herd now? Or do they get a choice?

Huh.. usually when I see these sorts it tends to be the HUMANZ DA BEZT AT MURDERIN PONIES types.

I honestly wasn't expecting a pretty nice one like this, but this story certainly proved me wrong and it's wonderful.

Though I have to imagine Luna and Celestia are trying to figure out "What the hell" right now.


Ponies have a better understanding of Mother Nature? Ha, I say! Ha ha! :rainbowlaugh:

What I've seen in the TV show convinces me that ponies are colorful little control freaks who see Mother Nature as public enemy #1, red of tooth and claw. In their world messy, chaotic, dangerous nature is to be battled, conquered, tamed, and harnessed for the benefit of pony civilization. Ponies control the sun and moon, the seasons, the weather, the lives of formerly wild animals. . . and "nature" is squeezed into a few rebellious pockets like the Everfree Forest, where ponies fear to tread.

Which is basically the same view most humans had towards the natural world for most of our history, prior to about the 1960s when the ecological movement took hold. It just hasn't happened yet in Equestria.

7860126 you kind of need to understand nature in order to control it

Now, upon the day of Integration, all of mankind has converted.
Except for one man.
Meet David, the last human, and hear his message.

I got David's message right here, folks.

Ponies do not have a better understanding with nature, what are you smoking? They litteraly control the weather, and freak out ant everfree because it works on its own. Their whole society is based on magic manipulation.

I would only convert to avoid said death, but I damn well wouldn't see the Princesses as my leaders. Based on humanities personality, I don't expect them too either and possibly bulkanize in this story.

THANK YOU! you actually written the first conversion bureau fic i enoyed its so rare to see one with a actual benevelant celestia. BRAVO!!

A pleasently HFY take on the "last human in the conversionverse" concept. Along with the non-militant sisters makes for an enjoyable read.

You do make an interesting point over there. But I would also say that it takes a certain type of understanding to actually control nature. It may not be the same way we understand it, but it's an understanding all the same.

Well, this was pretty nice. For one, humans keep their personality and culture, so this type of conversion is one that I would not be averse to.

Well that's genius. Short, yet working well. I love this.

Luna stomped her hoof. “So, what, we are to merely stand her as he... kills himself?”


the strong young human shriveled and wither before them,


Powerful stuff, here. Real curious to see where it's headed.

Taking a few steadying breaths, he slowly at back up and looked around.


The appeared vaguely equine, but their bodies shimmered and danced, as if viewed from underwater.


I remember thee was one guy who was holding out until they figured out how to make him an Alicorn.


"I am impressed with you ability to dodge the question,"


David shot to his feet, holding his arms wide. “We took is all!”


Am I helping? I don't know if I'm helping here. I'm like captain nitpick over here. :twilightblush:

I like this guy, even if he is a little insane. Which he is. But he's a great vehicle for breaking down humanity to its cosmic essence. And I really like the concept you've got here with White and Blue.

7975668 most authors appreciate sugestions, and 'mitpicks' of spelling and grammar. However, it is usually considered to be more polite to offer this in PM, that way the comments do not get cluttered after the fixes are made. :twilightsheepish:

While I have heard about the Conversion Bureau stories, this was the first one I have actually come across. Have to say I liked it.

It reminded me of a short story I read 20+years ago, no idea of the name or author, where mankind had basically all become cyborgs. One 'Pure Human' was left in a nursing home, and no one could understand why he didn't take the upgrades that would extend his life. One day alien first contact happens and the alien ambassador is being shown around the town. The man makes a scene about how he has the right to meet the alien as he is the last human. Upon their meeting, the man punches the alien in the face. The end.

Neat idea but the ponies are still pretty hypocritical and the end kinda' invalidates the whole point of the gesture, to go through all that pain for nothing when he could have just converted earlier is stupid. Either stay dead or at least get something better out of it, some form of recompense for the pain; if you're going to be bribed make sure it's a damn big bribe!

Sadly it was so long ago that I can't recall the author or title. :twilightoops:

Dude you made it sound all creepy again. Two words, the Borg. They take the drive and ambition that the borg generally lack and the new drones get a sense of unity without needing a common enemy.

The conversion bureau stories read mostly like horror stories with cute cuddly borgs. But it mostly depends on which story that defines the newfoals or why the fusion is happening. Some good, some bad. Sure humanity has it's ups and downs, but they are getting better with time. So blue and white are only partially right. The day the earth stood still, had a great quote. It's humans time to evolve, don't take their chance from them. Yet it was in these stories or not. Depends on how you want to look at it.

Plus how the newfoals are assimilated not just culturally. But fully assimilated into ponies, there is fridge logic to have there. Technically the newfoals are a new race. As such they will outbreed and consume the old ponies. So that's two species down the drain for a new one, that Celestia and Luna get to command. Kind of makes you think when it's put like that. :) True horror isn't the monster, it's the one that smiles kindly. Why do you think little creepy girls make some of the most awesome scares?

Edit: Plus the whole unity thing, even ponies have issues with it. One human manage to threaten the world and that wasn't even Armageddon level. Yet several ponies nearly single-han... Hoofedly?<--- that a word? Nearly caused Ragnarok in their world. I don't know if that's a good thing.

Defiantly interesting with the whole avatar/spirit thing... But wouldn't they technically still be intervening? Anyways good read.

the Collective doesn't give a damn about its subparts. And it's clear they're picking and choosing what species most benefit THEM, not the other way around. (The Pakleds OFFERED to have themselves assimilated, and the Borg, DIDN'T WANT THEM!)

I think that this story forces itself into a pony versus human dichotomy that doesn’t really exist (”Stories about ponies are stories about people,” as Cold in Gardez says) and if you don’t accept that central premise there’s not much left for this story to stand on. I also find it difficult to empathize with David, since we don’t really know anything about him and his worldview is centered on this one issue that I don’t especially identify with.

Thank you for reading! I'm sorry you didn't like it, but thank you very much for the feedback!

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