In Brightest Night in Darkest Day, we use the fear you kept at bay.To fight the wrong and make evil pay, Sinestro's path, it is our way!
My name is Hal Jordan. I am the Sinestro Lantern, leader of Princess Luna’s elite task force, the Sinestro Corps. Although, it wasn’t always this way. Once, I was known as Simon Jones, and I was just an ordinary guy, living an ordinary life. That all changed when I went to San Diego ComicCon as a Sinestro Corps version of Hal Jordan. While I was there, I ran into this cloaked Merchant who was selling Lantern Corp Power Rings and Lanterns. This guy had one of every Corp color including Black. And my costume was missing the ring, since the only one I could find online cost a leg and an arm. Throwing any caution I may have had to the wind I decided to buy the Ring and Lantern. That’s when everything went black.
…
In the middle of a meadow near a river called Daisy Stream, a butter yellow anthro pegasus mare with a soft pink mane and tail wearing a white blouse, green shirt, and tan sandals was having a picnic with some of her animal friends. Among said friends was a great big grizzly bear, an ill-tempered, bossy, and all around asshole of a white bunny, a few birds, an otter, and a gopher.
“Angel, you really should eat more of your carrots, don’t you think?” Fluttershy asked the bunny,who had two-and-a-half carrots in front of him, and who simply blew a raspberry at his owner while the other animals simply rolled their eyes, being far too used to this at this point.
“Just one more?” begged Fluttershy, to which Angel crossed his tiny little arms with an expression that clearly said NO.
“Just finish off that half of one?”
Angel’s expression remained unchanged at this offer.
“How about a-”
Before Fluttershy could finish speaking, a resounding explosion echoed over the meadow, causing the animals to jump and scatter with fright, and causing Fluttershy to turn her head towards the source of the blast, just in time to see something that looked like a pony fall from the sky into the woods not far from where she was.
“Oh, my goodness! Somepony could be hurt! I’d better go and check and see if that pony’s okay!” said Fluttershy, getting up and darting over to where it had looked like the figure had fallen.
But, when she got there, she quickly realized that thing that had fallen wasn’t a pony… or any kind of creature she was familiar with at all. It was about as tall as the Princesses, and had no fur, except for a small brown patch on the top of its head. It wore a strange shimmering yellow-and-black bodysuit and eyemask with a bizarre insignia on its chest. Resting beside the creature was a glowing yellow lantern. Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel a little afraid. That fear intensified when the creature began to stir from its slumber. Fluttershy quickly backed away from it before the being opened its eyes and sat up.
“Ugh… what happened last night?” the creature muttered as it placed its hand on its forehead, before moving it away as though receiving a sudden shock. “Holy hell, that’s cold!” The creature then made a face that seemed to indicate that something was wrong. “Why is my hand so cold? And why do I sound like Ryan Reynolds?”
Fluttershy was staring at the being scared out of her wits before it turned to stare at her. When it opened its mouth to speak she panicked and froze stiff as a board while in midair, turned and fell onto her back, while a goat bleating could be heard.
The creature blinked several times, not entirely sure what to make of what just happened. It pulled itself up and walked over to Fluttershy. “Are, uh, you okay? Can you tell me where I am? Can you even speak English?” it asked Fluttershy, only to not receive an answer from the female, “Hello?” it asked before waving its hand in front of her eyes.
The creature leaned in close to Fluttershy, having noticed something about his reflection in her eyes, and promptly began feeling his face. The creature then checked his right hand, on which was a shimmering yellow ring with the same insignia that was on his chest. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” the creature said, removing its ring, which caused the uniform and mask to disappear, revealing a brown leather jacket, a white shirt, blue jeans, and black leather boots underneath. A laugh escaped him as he slid the ring back on, causing the uniform and mask to reappear. “I’m a Sinestro Corp member, no scratch that, I'm a Hal Jordan Sinestro Corp member. Now, let’s see if we can’t find you some help,” said Hal, scooping up both Fluttershy and his lantern with a bubble generated by his ring. Taking a steadying breath, Hal took to the skies at breakneck speeds, letting out an exhilarated whoop of excitement. From his lofty perch in the skies, Hal caught sight of a city not far from where he was.
“Bingo,” said Hal as he rocketed off towards the city.
...
It was just a regular day in the city of Ponyville. Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies were going about their daily routines. However, all of that was about to come to an end when a strange yellow-and-black suited figure zoomed down from the skies and landed none too gently in the town square. Panicked gasps and terrified screams left some of the townsfolk as the creature looked around.
“Hey, does anyone know where I can find a doctor for this… whatever she is,” said Hal, indicating Fluttershy, who was still in a catatonic state inside the bubble.
Hal began to hear gasps of recognition throughout the crowd that had gathered to stare at him… followed swiftly by several angry glares and the sound of police sirens.
“If those sirens are for me, then I already have a bad start,” muttered the Sinestro Lantern.
“Attention glowing yellow-and-black thing. This is the Ponyville Police. You have five seconds to put Fluttershy down and to get down on your knees with your hands behind your head or we will open fire!” yelled an Earth Pony with a bushy mustache that was very clearly a cop through a megaphone. As Sinestro Lantern looked around, he saw several more cops wearing tactical gear forming a perimeter around him.
The Lantern heaved a frustrated sigh. “Look, officer, this is all just a big misunderstanding. You see, I’m new here, and, uh, Fluttershy, here, saw me and froze up like this, so I’m just trying to get her some-” said Hal, taking a step forward as he spoke.
“OPEN FIRE!” yelled one of the cops.
As one, the cops opened fire on the Sinestro Lantern, who instinctively put up a forcefield around himself, providing protection from the bullets.
“Alright, that’s it! I was just trying get Miss Fluttershy here to a doctor to see if they could get her to snap out of her little coma, but now it’s time to kick some ass!” snarled the Sinestro Lantern in anger, before summoning a yellow minigun and returning fire to the cops. Each shot hit their marks wounding the officers in their arms and legs and causing the bystanders watching to run for their lives as the Sinestro Lantern rose into the air. Those officers who had not been harmed by the Lantern’s machine gun fire retreated, shooting suppression fire at the Sinestro Lantern. Sinestro Lantern, meanwhile, was summoning and throwing missiles, with no apparent concern for who they hit, only the drive to put the fear of… whatever deity these creatures worshipped in them.
From out in the crowd of panicking ponies, a purple beam of energy struck the Sinestro Lantern from behind. “Okay, that hurt,” he grumbled. “Why do I feel more compassionate all of a sudden?” the Sinestro Lantern asked himself as he turned to look at his attacker. It was a purple unicorn with a blue mane with a violet streak wearing a dark purple hoodie with a white shirt underneath, blue jeans, and purple and white sneakers.
Flanking her was another unicorn wearing a silver-grey sweater with a purple skirt, embroidered with three crystals cut in the shape of diamonds. Her royal purple mane was curled like spirals, which complemented alabaster fur.
Beside her was an orange coated mare who looked as though she had no horn or wings to speak of. She had a blonde mane ironically kept in a ponytail braid. Everything about her screamed country, from the Stetson on her head to the green shirt, red bandana, blue jeans, and cowboy boots beneath it.
Standing beside this mare was a pink furred one of a similar design with a bushy pink mane wearing a light blue jacket with a white shirt that bore a picture of a three balloons underneath, blue jeans, and pink and white sneakers. She also had a small cannon and a broad grin on her face.
“Hello up there!” called the purple unicorn. “I’m Twilight Sparkle! This is Rarity,” she said, indicating the white unicorn, “Applejack,” she continued, indicating the country mare, “and Pinkie Pie,” she finished, indicating the pink mare. “Who, and if you don’t mind me asking, what, are you?”
“And who taught you your fashion sense? You’re wearing far too much yellow, it’s giving me a bit of an eyesore,” said Rarity with a classy accent.
Hal thought for a moment. “They call me the Sinestro Lantern,” he finally said. “And as for the suit, I didn't design it. This is its default look.”
“Default? You mean you can make it look different?” Rarity asked Hal.
“Of course,” said the Sinestro Lantern. “However, I kinda like this look. So, any particular reason you just hit me in the back with an energy beam?”
“Oh, just to ask you a few questions. First off, why are you destroying the city, and is there any way we can get you to stop?” said Twilight.
“An excellent question, Miss, uh… Sparkle, can I call you Miss Sparkle?” asked Hal, to which Twilight nodded. “Okay then, Miss Sparkle. I’m new here, you see, and I met Miss Fluttershy down there. She saw me and went into that catatonic state before I could even say anything to her,” explained Hal. “Real quick question about her though, does a goat bleat every time that happens?”
“Only when she's terrified out of her mind. It also happened with another one of our friends, I still have to look into it.” Twilight said before she gestured for him to continue. “Please continue your explanation.”
“Right. After I had used some of my power to create the barrier around Miss Fluttershy I carried it to the closest city, that being this one. After I asked if there was a hospital I could get her to I heard sirens approaching me before the police came and tried to relieve Miss Fluttershy here from me. However they aimed their weapons at me thinking I had done something to her and when I tried to explain myself as I am now, they opened fire. All I did was defend myself from their onslaught of bullets,” explained Hal.
“I see… and I guess you got a little carried away?” said Twilight.
“Hey, someone shoots at me, I shoot back-” said the Sinestro Lantern, before something very fast and very blue rammed into him. “OW! What the Hell was-” said Hal before whatever it was rammed into him twice more before it stopped to hover right in front of him.
“Aw, yeah, how’d ya like that, freak show!” taunted what appeared to be a creature similar to Fluttershy, except the fur on this one was sky-blue, its mane was rainbow patterned, and it wore a navy blue jacket with a white shirt that bore the image of a rainbow-colored lightning bolt on the front underneath, blue jeans, and black leather boots.
“Rainbow Dash! We almost-!” Twilight yelled at Rainbow before the winged mare was blasted backwards.
“Alright, I was going to try things diplomatically, but it seems diplomacy is lost on you all.” The Sinestro Lantern said, a burning yellow aura of power enveloping him.
The Sinestro Lantern raised his hand and summoned a hailfire of missiles, which he launched at the assembled mares, who barely got out of the way in time. Twilight and Rarity retaliated with powerful beams of magic, which struck Hal right in the chest, sending him flying backwards into a nearby building.
“I’m just getting warmed up!” snarled the Sinestro Lantern, before firing his own beams of energy at Twilight and Rarity, sending them flying backwards onto the pavement.
Rainbow Dash attempted to bum rush the Sinestro Lantern again, but this time Hal was ready for her, and summoned a glowing yellow brick wall between them which Rainbow Dash crashed into head-on, leaving a bunch of the brick to break loose leaving a Rainbow Dash shaped indent.
“That had to hurt.” Hal said as he dismissed the wall and grabbed her head, “Now let's see what you fear most.” he said as his ring glowed revealing her deepest, darkest fear. Hal’s eyes widened before they narrowed, “You've got to be kidding me.” he said as he was kicked away by Rainbow Dash who had regained consciousness.
“Get out of my head,” snarled Rainbow Dash, who was feeling incredibly vulnerable at the moment.
“If you don't like that, then you're going to hate this.” Hal said as he summoned several smiling flower Constructs. “Or rather, you'll fear this.” The Lantern said as they began to sing an incredibly cutesy song.
“We are such happy flowers. We will now sing for hours! Aren't we unbearably cute?” They all sang before one pulled out a flute and sang alone.
“Watch me solo on jazz flute.” it finished before it played the instrument.
Everyone present was confused before Rainbow started to panic like it was straight out of her worst nightmare. A wicked grin formed on the Sinestro Lantern’s face, right before Pinkie Pie fired her cannon, which sent a big wad of cake batter at him.
“Seriously?” Hal asked himself before he got hit by the batter.
The rest of the Elements looked at Pinkie who looked as confused as them. “Strange, I coulda sworn I put confetti in this one. Oh well.”
“ENOUGH!” yelled the Sinestro Lantern in anger as he rose into the air again. “I’ll show you what real terror is!”
No sooner had the words left his mouth than his suit began to flicker and fade as he sank lower, before finally it disappeared completely and sent him sprawling to the ground.
Twilight and the others walked up to Hal, expressions of pure anger on their faces.
“Damn… must not have had a full charge…” Hal muttered to himself as he picked himself off the ground. “Doesn’t matter, I can still take you on!”
Hal then proceeded to attempt to bum rush Applejack, who simply mule-kicked him as he approached, sending him sprawling to the pavement and knocking him unconscious.
“Well,” said Rarity. “That escalated quickly… then ended abruptly.”
Rainbow Dash picked herself up off the ground, although she still looked very shaken. “Wh-what do you suppose caused him to… short out, I guess?” she asked the others.
“I don't know Rainbow, but for now we have to take him into custody. Maybe Princess Celestia or Princess Luna have an idea.”
“Ah know one thing fer certain, he ain't from nowhere in Equestria,” said Applejack.
“Hey, girls! Check this out!” called Pinkie Pie, swinging what appeared to be a yellow lantern of some kind as she skipped over.
“Pinkie Pie, where in Equestria did you get that tacky thing?” asked Rarity.
“I found it over by Fluttershy. Maybe this thing charges that guy’s batteries or something,” said Pinkie.
Twilight stared at Pinkie, “It's a lantern,” she said
“So?” Pinkie said, still smiling.
Twilight shook her head and turned back to the unconscious Sinestro Lantern, before looking at the damaged city, “We need to do damage control, I'll contact the Princess after we've fixed the damage.”
Interesting.... yet again....
Good start
Unfortunate ending.
7850187
Ending? Oh, no, no, no ,no, no, no, it has only just begun! Beisdes, Sinestro Lantern had the Mane 6 dead-to-rights. His power ring merely had the same issue as every electronic device ever when you get it right out of the box: lower battery.
7850193 you write a lot of story's, I didn't even realise you were the author of this one, I am currently reading a few of your stories.
It's good.
I really want to follow this. But ehh. Can anyone here answer my question? Is this guy know for finishing his stories at all? I dont know this guy so this is an honest question haha.
Hmm... good start.
Interesting foreshadowing with Twilight's laser beam there...
looks like a few people went on a dislike spree
MORE!!!
I mean... I may put this in my read later list. But I think something other than displaced or the ol' buy an item from a vendor and whammo, is kind of... meh.
A Midnight Review
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Hello from your neighborhood MidnightChaos, reviewing another Displaced story for shits and giggles, as well the benefit of the author if I can manage it. There will be jokes, possibly memes, and some spelling and grammar corrections. Opinions and wording may be seen as offensive but I will try to tone down the level of bitter asshole I usually put into things.
Before we begin, let it be known I hate this writer more than I ever hated Umbridge from Harry Potter. Let me explain why; he attacks other people, whether directly or indirectly, he screams and whines to try and get sympathy, his approach to criticism is “Quit trolling, hater”, and he consistently plays the victim. Basically, while I have a strong urge to be as verbally abusive as I can, I will hold back. Let’s read this shit.
...This is blatantly and clearly a terrible rewrite of the Green Lantern Oath, and I don’t really read or watch anything superhero based. Sure, I sort of write something to that effect, but at least I’m not this lazy about it anymore. Not to mention, Sinestro is a GOOD GUY and I honestly am fairly certain he was evil. I digress.
*rubs temples* Do you even know what a description is supposed to be? You have spoiled at least half of all the future plot, probably all of it knowing you. On yet another note, why is the Green Lantern Corps evil? Nevermind, probably just a decision you made that has no in-story reason. Furthermore, why is he immediately teamed up with the Mane Six? I’m fairly certain that the ponies would have an issue with someone that is an anti-hero for various reasons. “Threats that don’t fall into either category?” ...He means other Displaced, I’m willing to bet.
Why is he just expanding willy-nilly, that just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Here’s what I have for just a part of my description of Stolen Soul on the Passage of Home;
Yes, it gives backstory that I put in the fic itself, but here’s the thing. I don’t spoil the future plot of the fic in this description. Not to mention, the bits mentioned here act as a prologue that I slip in as story-building in the first few chapters. I did it so the readers had a general idea, but also put it in a way that didn’t hurt the storyline. Plus, the rest of the description ends in a cliffhanger. Yours just makes me groan painfully.
...There’s supposed to be more? Oh happy day, and why is it Story 1 Phase 1? What sense does that make? A phase, in context, clearly means a part of the story and I just… I give up on this bit. The pairings are bad and this story is clearly going to be Gary and edgy as all fuck. I can already feel the paper cuts.
I just feel the need to point out, I’m not sure if Hopelight actually does anything or if he sits back and screams at the screen whilst yelling, “MidnightChaos is a queefy bitch” like you pretty much do. In fact, it wouldn’t jar me if this was your alt or something.
Not to mention, despite this profile having been around for two years, it’s only gotten active recently and in Joker’s support.
Two downvotes on all of his comments is massive? The deserved downvotes on his story where he reuploaded the same thing as another fic with minor changes? The same rule breaking shit he’s been doing is getting him negative reactions? Not surprising, and not to mention this same user fucking has decided that his personal vendetta against me for enforcing rules and giving him constructive criticism was me hating and trolling him. Massive and couple don’t go hand-in-hand.
The rest of this blog has them supporting the removal of dislikes overall. And then them flipping shit about Joker wanting to leave, even though it’s clearer than my sinuses after eating Buffalo Wild Wing’s Blazin Sauce that he wasn’t going to leave.
I’m detracting from the review, but I feel I should mention that this is why I have little to no hope for this story when I haven’t started. Not to mention the fact that I’m allegedly one of the assholes. (Yeah, pretty sure I was accused of that at some point. *shrug*) Basically, over reactions abound. And, in his recent posts, he just did more crap. (Case in point, he made one titled: A Message From The Group Administrater and Supreme Leader and I just facepalmed because he is neither actually in charge nor a supreme leader. Seriously.) Anyways, rant ceasing here.
Copypasta’d.
Nice chapter title, I guess.
...An author’s note with information BEFORE the story. Did no one teach this kid? Did he not read other stories? Talk about bad idea. And, on a new note, please drop the whole “Greetings Gotham” crap, it ISN’T your thing. However, last I checked, you HAD dropped it so good on you. Thanks for telling me what crap I’m going to find though, much appreciated.
No shit, I already called you on that. On a new note, why put it in the description, why not actually use it in the story or something-wait, here’s the explanation. “I do what I want”, yes you do. But not at the cost of the sanity of your readers.
Wound is used a lot. And, again, wasn’t Sinestro already a bad guy? I’d appreciate you putting forth your evidence but you don’t so I’m going to ignore this and call you on it. Fear is never seen as generally good thing, hence why it’s usually played as either evil or mildly malevolent. Anything but a force for good.
...You did that? Why do I sincerely doubt that? I’ve heard “it’s a good idea and a meh story” but never anything else about your fic about the Joker. In fact, I almost feel like reviewing that after this. Anyways, feel free to do what you will here.
As for using the other Lanterns, I couldn’t care less what you do. However, I see little way you could actively focus on Equestria in this sense. You seem to have completely disregarded the How and focused on the What and I’m not even in the story.
*blink* *blink* *blink* I’m sorry, what? Did you seriously just try to play off a mental disorder as an excuse? No, seriously, that’s exactly why I’m choosing to treat you like anyone else at this point, quit playing the victim and making excuses.
...Already excusing things because they sound cool, how excellent. On another note, why would Sinestro Lantern even make sense? I feel like “The Fear Lantern” for as shit as it sounds, would be more logical than that other idea. And, here we go, you giving us a setting we should have either guessed at or had revealed to us, or both. Bad storytelling, just like your meme usage.
Finally, after that wall of text, we arrive at the first chapter for real.
Something tells me that you literally give next to no shits about setting the story up, and instead have decided to bonzai your way past the prologue or set-up. Seriously, not only have you ignored every form of a starting chapter, but this one of the worst ways I have ever seen someone execute a Displacement. You have literally started with a very poorly written oath.
You then follow this with a set-up of the character, in which you describe some things he’s done, and follow that with a bit of storyline so fast and blunt, you’ve basically thrown a brick at me from orbit. Not to mention how completely and utterly ridiculous this even is. You set up a costume that few people would wear without even bothering to finish it, which is ridiculous.
This mention of the Merchant is quite literally the worst I have ever read to date, as well as completely and utterly wrong. The Merchant wouldn’t carry all of that with him, what point would there be? He makes it obvious he has what you need, not that he has everything for that fandom. It’s one of his quirks. And...Scene.
I’m not sure we needed to even- wait. I just showed this to someone else and this is the exact same, minus the anthro, as in your Jigglypuff fiction. No freaking joke, this is literally the same paragraph for both. It’s lazy and fucking depressing that you would do this. “WHAT DO WE SEE?” Terrible descriptions and lazy writing. “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?” Fuck you, we don’t.
Holy shit, that’s a sentence that ran a 10k if I ever saw one. Seriously, do you know the meaning of a period? No, not the woman’s menstrual cycle because that actually has a fuckin point. What you’ve done here is taking the biggest shit you could, and then used The Guide to Grammar for Dummies as your fuckin toilet paper. *read with a Boston accent*
“Just a little more?” *to this Midnight responds by crossing her arms and glaring with the heat of a thousands.* But, I’ll read on anyways, otherwise why would I even start.
Fine, I’ll finish. *expression remains*
On a sidenote, why the fuck isn’t he eating it? He’s a fucking rabbit, he should eat his carrots.
Fifty bucks says there’s explosion or some stupid shit.
I fuckin knew it, I told you so. Fess up the moola. Is this a fuckin Micheal Bay fanfiction? “He didn’t pay his insurance, Jake.” [EXPLOSIONS INTENSIFY] On another note, this sentence ran a 15k! Seem to be a lot of marathons in town this month, maybe you’ve put in some other contestants, or all of them.
...That is shit writing, I can’t believe she actually did this. “Something liek a pony”? It’s a fucking human, how you can you make that mistake? IT’S A BIRD. IT’S A PLANE. IT’S A FROG! Not only is Fluttershy now mentally challenged, she’s also as blind as a ninety year old woman who’s been pepper-sprayed. Not to mention, what even is this action? It’s all too fast and worded poorly.
No. Fucking. Shit. Sherlock. But, here we have yet another actually quite terrible description. It’s blunt and very monotonous, like Maud Pie. Furthermore, can we talk about how you have already started using the Fear Aura bullshit? Seriously, this could be done away with in this form, and you could portray better in some many different ways.
...I just sat here staring at the screen questioning this for like ten minutes. For instance, why the fuck is his hand so cold? What is the point of introducing this idea? And, why even bother to mention who he sounds like, I’m fairly certain very few people care about that element.
...It what? No seriously, what kind of transition and action is this? It just doesn’t sit right and it flies by at a ridiculous pace. Clearly, you meant this scene to be a joke, but it’s painfully unfunny. It’s like a ninety year old comedian from the south. The pure bluntness of this hurts.
Yeah, don’t worry bub, I feel the exact same. It’s like trying to figure out one of the impossible structures, or any mental illusion. No, I’m not okay, and yes I can speak English, apparently better than you. And, just calling her “the female” is wrong and is more bad description and poor word choice. I just…
...What the actual hells. No, seriously, THAT’S his reaction? He just, takes off the ring and instantly comes to this assumption? Sure, I could see that if you were changed species or some other shit, but no freakout and instantly knowing what you look like? You can’t be serious, and, to be perfectly frank, eyes are not the best source for seeing a reflection. Is she wearing Mirrored Shades Contacts™? Not to mention that even his clothes have allegedly changed… Ugh. This is like Harry bloody Potter getting body swapped with Hermione and being perfectly calm about it. Why is he laughing?
...RAPE. RAPE. RAPE. RAPE. In all seriousness, none of this is a reaction a person would actually have, and you can’t bullshit me that you would react like this. You know why I would? I wouldn’t, there’d be cursing but no panic attack at least. And, he already knows how to use the ring? Shouldn’t there be a bit where he tries to figure it out or something?
…*rubs temples*
I suggest a rename. In Blackest Garbage, In Brightest Bullshit.
……………...WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
What even just happened. Did he not react to the fact this is a land of anthropomorphic animals? WHY DID HE EVEN TRY TALKING TO FLUTTERSHY EARLIER!? Also, why are you redescribing him to us, we’re the readers! At least the ponies are reacting appropriately. The only reason this works is because it is anthro, which is easily forgotten and dismissed.
...Recognition of what? Seriously, recognition of what? And why is there a police force in Ponyville, it’s almost like you’re trying to hit all the comicbook cliches you can. This is just bad storytelling and I can’t imagine why you’d make such an awful decision.
“Muttered the Sinestro Lantern,” ...Seriously you went and actually did it? I can’t believe this, what are you on. Why is he having a bad time if those sirens are for him, in fact, why does he think they’re for him? Did he actually rape her?
...Yeah, comic book cliches are most definitely your goal here. Furthermore, why are you already referring to them as Earth Ponies, with the caps and the name? He shouldn’t know what they are as you’ve not made it clear if he was even brony. For sanity’s sake, let’s just say he is. And, “clearly a cop”? How lazy can you be? Why are they already reacting this way?
...I actually can’t, what the actual fuck are you even doing here? No, seriously, IS HE A BRONY OR NOT. EXPLAIN. This just confuses me and hurts me. If he’s not, how does he know her name. Why is he even reacting so calmly, I must ask again. Why are you suddenly calling him “Hal”?
...You can’t be serious. You can’t be serious. YOU LITERALLY CAN’T BE SERIOUS. WHAT THE ACTUAL HORSE-FLYING ASS APPLE.
...Instinctively. Alright, I can kind of understand that. Except for one thing. Why have you given the ponies guns? Even from a logical point, they have MAGIC. Just, wow.
I’m not even going to touch this with a ten foot pole. All I can say is this is fucking stupid beyond belief.
...I can’t believe this shit, what the actual hells. Why would he feel compassion from a blast of magic. As for Twilight… WHAT ARE THOSE. The OOC Brigade approaches.
I’m out. Gone like the wind.
This fic needs completely revamped from the ground up. It is an absolute travesty of epic proportions. I am sorry I could finish it, but I looked at the next excerpt and skimmed the rest of this, all I can say is no. The grammar is bad in terms of sentences and paragraphs, and the actual storyline kills me.
7959004
I fucking love you... you're like the person who writes CinemaSins' lines. Whether you're being serious about this or not just know that I was laughing the entire time.
Every human in Equestria is the same.
He comes up really friendly. Rainbow comes tries to beat him up. Fight insures and the human is blamed for it.
Why did Spike out from the meeting here?
It seems like usually in HIE fics, Spike misses out on that first contact when the Mane 6 meet the human for the first time.
It just hurts.