• Member Since 4th Jan, 2017
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2017

InvertedAxis


This is an alt account for posting smut but all I will say is that I am a carbon based intelligent organism of earthly origin, made mostly of water.

Comments ( 80 )

Wait... how am i reading this on January 8th 2017... when it says it was posted on January 9th 2017..? :rainbowhuh:

7853927 Time zones. And it's telling me it was posted the 7th.

7853935 Ah. Didn't think about that.

Should one be able to deduce that the author is perhaps...

70% water, has two eyes, enjoys MLP, and has the writing skills necessary to make literature about said television series?

7854129
Umm... I don't know man, I think maybe you should just back off. You're making me nervous. Lets just agree on these details and walk away, alright?

7854151 you've given me a mystery my dear author. Your nervousness betrays you and I have narrowed you down to 1 in approximately 234967 people.

Awfully reminiscent of Kaidan's work.

Comment posted by Dee Bee Doo-wop Cooper deleted Jan 9th, 2017

Sex-greedy Twilight is the best

7854196
7854248
Packing my bailout bag right now!

7854980 perhaps we shall go to a mental facility to discuss what's on your mind... mine to...

Well, it certainly is quite the nice idea. I'm rather curious to see where this will go! :pinkiesmile:

“Oh my gosh, this is the best day ever!” Twilight shouted to herself, “I can’t wait to masterbate.”

I like her thinking

7855352
It's to bad my irl quote would be:

"I'm so bored today, time to masturbate"

That was a rather nice chapter! :pinkiesmile: I only wished the public scenes would have been longer. They seemed rather short.

very nice. Looking forward to the rest of this story

7855568
I might sneak some more exhibitionism into the story. The reason I cut it short is that I had already in detail described her masturbating twice in the chapter and it was starting to get redundant.

“Twilight, you are practically an adult and intellectually, you are more adult than most of the nobles that I see each day.”

Does that include your sister throwing a thousand-year temper tantrum, princess? Honestly, your poor nobles always get ragged on.

7854980 Eureka, your main account was created approximately 6.5-7 years ago. Another tidbit of information that narrows the playing field.

Evil scheming intensifies

the only line that could have been better for an ending is if it quoted Deadpool.:rainbowwild:

feels? You put feels in your story? Shame.


Kappa

“Oh my gosh, this is the best day ever!” Twilight shouted to herself, “I can’t wait to masterbate.”

Literally one of the best lines I have ever read in fanfic.

Some Years later, Twilight Sparkle ascended to become the all powerful alicorn of Sex, whose magic is powered by her own horniness (and that of others).
Naturally, the already powerful unicorn became that day the most powerful alicorn in existence... and also the most sought after at Court because of her enlightened advices and all around pleasant behaviour.
She was in fact voted first four times in a row in the official PPPP, the Pony Princess Popularity Pageant. :trollestia:

7858611
Would it make you feel better to know that I almost gave away the whole thing? I was to lazy too switch accounts and was curios as to how the story was doing as far as popularity was concerned and I almost responded to four or five different comments with my original account. My paranoia saved me at the last second though.

7859363
Damn it, how the hell did you guess my comedy twist ending? I'm serious, this was almost exactly how the story was going to end. Maybe it still will end this way, but now, maybe not.

Comment posted by InvertedAxis deleted Jan 13th, 2017

7859913 Hmmm, I should've been more vigilant, touché.

Also I love this story keep up the great work.

Very nice! One quibble: masturbate, not masterbate. There's a couple of other minor typos, but that one's repeated. :derpytongue2:

Comment posted by PVCmech deleted Aug 4th, 2017

7869296
Thanks for the catch, will do.

Also, I was going to say something witty in my author's notes that would give away that I am American (of the United States variety), but I thought the joke up two sleep cycles ago and don't remember what it was at all. Yeah, so... I'm American (for now).

im in love with this fic

Goodness gracious great bales of fire I love this

7880031
Well I am in love with my car, whatcha gonna do bout it?

7880724
Ha! Bales, like hay bales. I get it! Ha! Ha! Ha! (sorry but I got all these exclamation points on clearance and have to use them up somehow! Just be glad I passed up on the capital letters sale!)

This chapter is amazing

Why do I get the feeling that Twilight will gain some tentacle dick?

7880915

Well I am in love with my car, whatcha gonna do bout it?

s2.quickmeme.com/img/e3/e3ef23b51359131729d24e8204bb6e1c8f05ab87d49d9ca84a26b9f7e4587b8e.jpg

Ha! Bales, like hay bales. I get it! Ha! Ha! Ha! (sorry but I got all these exclamation points on clearance and have to use them up somehow! Just be glad I passed up on the capital letters sale!

Thank you kindly I like to pun on occasion

7881069
Well, it depends on what you mean, if you mean a tentacle coming out of her cunt and then going into another mare, well we just saw that and yes there will be more of that. If you mean something much closer to futa, probably not.

7879193
You'll tell us what that joke was if you think of it later, right?

7882305
If it comes back to me then yes, but at this point I think its a lost cause.

Well after that I've got to move this story from read later, to favorites. Some nice fetishy stuff, and cuteness? Well damn. Who could resist?

I'm sorry, I could ignore the few grammar mistakes in the last two chapters but this one I could barely get halfway before stopping out of frustration. I want to continue this story but there are far too many grammatical errors everywhere. You should proofread this first or get an editor. Anyway have a good day.

much to Twilight chagrin

"Twilight's"

“I wouldn’t take that one is I were you,”

"If." A period at the end as well, since there's follow up speaker description.

“I know she doosn’t want any of that.”

"Doesn't."


Overall this was very good, and I love the idea and presentation. Twilight getting accosted by a friendly tentacle plant? Well, while not my normal cup of tea, you write it well enough to keep my interest.

It gets a little dry though.

When the tentacle finally pushed all the way in and sandwiched her sensitive flesh between it and the one in her pussy, she gave a muffled scream and convulsed in bliss as she submitted to another orgasm.

I think what it is, is that when the action gets going, there's a point where things are concise but descriptive, active and a bit "snappy." Generally a good way to show exciting action is to make your sentences shorter so things are literally read faster. Breaking up some of the longer ones may help at the climaxes.

The other part is that more direct language can make sentences shorter, while also putting the character and action closer together. Instead of things like "she gave a muffled scream," you can swap it to "she muffled her scream" (not the best example, but "giving a scream" instead of simply "screaming" is less snappy). Indirect language isn't wrong, but this kind of distinction can add more excitement to those key moments.

She rode her orgasm hard as she pushed herself to continue her masterbation even as her comvulsion faded to after glow. Feeling still very horny but satisfied enough for now, Twilight softly rubbed her mound until the water had finished washing away all her marecum.

With her hygene taken care of Twilight set about fixing dinner and by the time Spike arrived, There were two places set at the table for them.

There are a number of spelling errors in here, but the reason I wanted to point this out is to bring up the point I mentioned after chapter one. See how there are three sentences? One deals with her orgasm, the other with her afterglow, and the last with serving dinner. They all carry the same general tone, in my mind. The third sentence is fine for what it's representing, but I suggest going through the story to find areas with the first two sentences, break them up, make their phrasing more exciting, and don't be afraid to put in more of them. You actually want to draw the feeling out longer, just not with longer, wordier sentences.

I hope that's helpful!

7888433
7888464
I agree with you completely, and if it would make you feel any better, there were way worse ones before I went back and edited each chapter. I am still getting used to writing this style of action so there is definitely room to improve. I think after I finish writing the next chapter, I am going to go back through the chapters and edit them again.

I over did it with the author's notes this time, didn't I?

I am not sorry.

Nice alliteration at the end there.:trollestia:

56

> took on it’s aroma.

its*

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