7 is a Lucky number

by Sparkling Shield

Dark Streak's backstory

A/N: Thanks Pascal. And no, you weren’t raining on my parade; I just needed help/hints/criticism. *thumbs up*
Here, this might clear up some confusion with Dark. And I know it conflicts with some of the statements in Chapter one, but I'm going to fix that.
And if this is confusing, well Buck you; I don’t know what else to do.

*Name: Dark Streak
*Eyes: (Twilight’s) Violet
*Mane/Tail: Cyan and red
*Coat: Silver
Uses Dark Power too much: Pitch Black
Uses Light Power too much: Angelic White
*Personality: Random. Has mood swing very quickly.
*Special: can control Darkness and Light; like a half demon half angel.
*Life Info:
Dark Streak had a good start in life. He was born into a great family, and had an older brother. He was born with a silver coat. Yes, silver. He didn’t always have a black coat.
When he was young, he was always bullied in school for his coat. Other colts saying it was a girl color. Only ones who cared about him were the other fillies. Dark didn’t understand why they cared, but he accepted their help nonetheless. When he was about 10, he was done with the bullying from others. He told them off… and hurt them severely. He had unlocked his dark powers through anger and hatred. This caused his coat to turn a pitch black.

After explaining what happened to his parents, they became resentful, and threw him out, not wanting to get hurt. After being thrown out, he cried tears of sorrow. His parents were the best. Kind, generous, always helped him in his time of need. Not anymore, since they don’t care.
Over the years, he started to hate them more and more. For leaving him, and for setting him off to nearly die of hunger, to fend for his self…

For as long as he could remember, he was on the streets, being a thief and pickpocket. Taking the occasional bit here and there
A short while later, he found out that his powers could help him; they could make him invisible, form small daggers, and could make him transform into a Pegasus. This power he found… strange. He was an Earth pony, but could make himself a Pegasus in a flash. He used this power often, usually to escape getting caught for pickpocketing. Flying was a second nature to him after he learned.

Dark was ok with his life style after a while, but felt like he never belonged. Every day for the same 5 years, he did the same thing. Woke up, picked pockets, and bought small amounts of food.
He started resenting this life style. It caused him to me more and more reckless during pickpocketing, since he was going deeper into thought. Then, it all fell on him.

Someone caught him pick a pocket and called the local police to arrest him. Dark did the only thing he's done his whole life… run. He kept running until he lost the police, ending up in the Everfree Forest. Here, he thought he could live in peace. He was wrong. Everfree wasn’t what he planned to be.

For a few weeks he was there, trying to survive. But, there was so little that could sustain him. Zapp Apples were a treat for him, when he could harvest them. Timber wolfs weren’t a problem. Like most others, pony or animal, they feared him. Berries, some other fruits; this wasn’t a life style he wanted.

After about 2 months after arriving in Everfree, Dark decided to go and see if there was anywhere, like a town or city, near this forest.
He was very tired, with nearly no energy in his body.
He had no idea how far he walked, but he soon realized he couldn’t keep focus. He was slowly fainting from lack of nourishment.
Right before he blacked out, he used his dark powers to transform his self into a Pegasus, and tried to fly. But, since he couldn’t focus, he hit a tree instead.
Then, he blacked out completely.

Then, Dark woke up to find himself in a cottage of some sorts. This was where he met Fluttershy. He had thanked her for taking care of him, and asked if there was a town near here.
Fluttershy led Dark to Ponyville, where Dark suddenly discovered… this was the place.
This was the place he longed for in life; a quiet, nice town. Many of the ponies were friendly, and one or two instantly asked dark to become their Colt friend.
Dark… was for the first time, a bit happy. He started making a living, working at Ponyville Hospital. His Dark powers allowed him to heal himself, but he soon modified that so he could heal the injuries of other ponies. This instantly made him a bit famous.

Yet, Dark felt like there was something missing. Then, some chaotic accident, not caused by Dark, led everypony to hate or fear Dark.
Soon, he was depressed again. Now, he had no job, and everypony hated him…Everypony except 5 mares.

Dark did not realize it, but these 5 were actually ones he met, and helped.
1. Fluttershy: Dark healed some injured animals in trade for treatment
2. Rarity: offered to watch sweetie bell when there were orders to be filled
3. Rainbow Dash: Joined the weather team in exchange for Pro flying lessons
4. Applejack: Apples for healing some dead trees
5. Pinkie Pie: She Pinkie, so we may never know.
These five, believe it or not, had hidden feelings for Dark. Not just “let’s be just friends” feelings, more like “I like you a lot, lets hang out” feelings. They would try to persuade Dark to get out of his house more often, or try to invite him on a picnic.
Dark wasn’t all for going out of the house, but when it came to the picnics, he was all for it. And that’s only because it was just him and the 5, no pony else. These ponies were… different, so to say.
He never realized it, but his coat was lighter than it was back in Phillydelphia. not close enough to silver, but more like a darker gray.
Now, it all leads up to this day…

A/N: and there you have it. CLIFFHANGER ending is a good start, cause it moves into the start of chapter one.
Anyways, see you on the far side.

Comments

[Sparkling Shield]

Sorry for the comments disappearing. didn't know that would happen. Anyways, Back-story has been released, and a rewrite of my Chapter one is in progress. Hope you will like whats planed, cause Dark is going to have his life turned around... for better.

Also, yes, im going Cannon on Season 1, but i plan to put in non-episode related chapters in there.
And, i have currently.. One spot open for an OC, other than Dark. if you want to include yours, just ask AND provide information.
PEACE

[Pascal]

Hey again, Shield!

First, let me say that I'm glad that you're willing to accept criticism, and that you didn't take my first comment as me being unfriendly. I just want to give out my honest opinions and humble advice to try to help out a friend.

Now, on to the story!

I like this a lot better. My suggestion at this point is to further expand on this, and make it part of the story.

Use the universal rule of "show, don't tell." Here's what I mean by that: Imagine that you are reading an article in a newspaper about a murder that happened recently. How would that make you feel? You probably wouldn't think about it much afterward. Now, imagine that you are actually witnessing someone being murdered right in front of you. That would have a lot more of an effect on you!

Rather than telling us about how he was kicked out, show it to us. For example, you could write a scene where he goes home to his parents. He's angry, fearful, and confused. Everyone at school hates and fears him. He comes home expecting to find some comfort and guidance from his parents, but the rug is pulled out from under his hooves when they also turn on him. That's excellent drama! Let us see it first hand, so that we can feel his pain. Then, when he finally triumphs later in the story, it'll be so much sweeter!

I suggest that rather than starting in Ponyville, you start the story with Dark growing up and being tormented in school, and write a few scenes to show in detail how he discovered his powers and is cast out by his family. You could make that chapter 1.

Next, show him out on the streets as he suffers and slowly learns to control his powers. Show what drives him away from Phyllideplhia, and how he arrives in Ponyville. You could make that chapter 2.

That way, we'll have had time to learn not just about what he is, but also who he is. We'll be attached to him, and we'll care about him and want him to succeed.

About his powers:

It's good to know more about his powers, and they sound cool, but don't just tell me about them. Let me SEE them! Write some scenes where he learns to use his powers so that we can see them first-hand.

Here's some examples:

1. While Dark Streak is taking shelter in a church, the priest notices Dark's powers. The priest becomes convinced that Dark is an evil demon, and commands his congregation to kill Dark. Dark discovers new ways to use his powers as he defends himself from the angry mob, and makes a daring escape.

2. Hungry one night, Dark breaks into a random house to steal food. Unfortunately, the house is the headquarters of a local street gang who are in the middle of planning a big heist. Dark is quickly caught, and accused of being a spy for a rival gang. Despite Dark's protests, the thugs decide to kill Dark to ensure that he never talks, and in his desperation, Dark draws on more of his powers than he ever has before to battle the gangsters.

Doing something like that will not only be exciting, but will also let us learn more about Dark and move the story along.

Also, be very careful about how powerful you make him. There's a reason that villains almost always get the all the cool stuff in stories. The story of an underdog triumphing against impossible odds is a classic that has endured throughout history. So far, he can fly, conjure daggers, and turn invisible. I'm not saying that's too powerful or that you did anything wrong. I'm just saying that you should be cautious how you handle Dark's powers. Make sure that however powerful he is, there's always some problem or antagonist that he has to struggle against, and make sure to show us that he not invulnerable and can be put in real danger, or the excitement will die. Having a god-mode character who effortlessly blasts everything out of his way is nowhere near as dramatic as an underdog who has to use every ounce of his strength, wits, and courage to defeat powerful foes.

For example, maybe he starts off battling street thugs, but as his power grows, he attracts the attention of an elite order of monster slayers who believe that he is a threat to Equestria, or an evil cult of demon worshipers who have gained dark powers through demonic pacts.

Now, about his relationships with the other ponies:

There seems to be a bit of a contradiction going on. I can believe that Fluttershy would take him in. She's the Element of Kindness, after all. But why are beautiful mares suddenly lining up to be his girlfriend? Just a minute ago, I was reading about how he was hated and shunned by everyone he met. His own parents, who raised him from a foal and loved him dearly, were so scared of him that they threw him out on the street! Remember how the ponies behaved in Bridle Gossip? It was very difficult for them to warm up to Zecora, and she was just a little different looking. Dark Streak is a guy who's so scary that even his parents didn't want him, so that should affect his interactions with the residents of Ponyville.

I think it would be more realistic to show him struggling to fit in due to his strange powers and upbringing. For example, maybe Applejack would be civil to him, but not want him around her family, while Rainbow Dash would be openly hostile toward him because of his "freaky shadow powers!" Show how Dark Streak earns their respect through trials and good deeds.

I hope this helps, and that I don't sound like I'm being pushy or condescending or anything like that. I'm just offering some suggestions, and as always, I'm neither a expert writer nor a renowned critic. I'm just a friend who loves reading!

Keep going! I'm curious to see how this story turns out, and if you haven't got an offer already, then I might just take you up on that spot for an OC!

[Sparkling Shield]

853744 actually, you are the first to ask about that OC spot. this story isn't THAT known, but my friends seem to like it.
Once i get the other chapters you, it will follow Dark's life, Fitting In (pun shall be intended), basically shows what happened before Ep. 1.
im curentlly working on it. this might turn out to be my best fic yet

See you soon, or get trolled