Work hard. Learn. And use your skills to better Equestria. That's a worthy goal for anypony!
Dozy Dreams has always drifted between waking and dreaming, and to most she's just that; a dozy mare caught up in dreams who makes great pillows. And she is, and does. But there's a side to her talent in sleep that she keeps secret, and when something strange and new happens she must find enough answers, both awake and asleep, to solve the mystery.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I quite liked this! Will we be seeing any more of Dozy in the future?
I hope you use Dozy some more, that's a fun-sounding ability. Maybe she could become a sort of background heroine, with her unique ability and all, like being able to spy on an evil dragon or something while he's snoozing and dreaming about plundering Rarity's boutique. Something like that. There's lots of fun crazy Dual Hearts/Klonoa-esque dreamhopping that could be done with this.
This looks even better on FIMfiction than it does in Gdocs. I look forward to seeing more of it.
And, really, it was my pleasure.
Poor Big Macintosh. Consigned to choose from the three other stallions in Ponyville. Who probably aren't even gay.
"sometimes you feel alright because there’s fluids rushing to the area do you feel any rushing fluids?"
Finding Nemo reference. Epic win, sir!
I liked it, definitely a cute story by anyone's reckoning. I'm still trying to figure out though, rampant narcolepsy.... blessing or curse? ....really it could go either way.
Here's review part 1!
Alright, review time! Let's take a look! I'm going to first give you an overview of my thoughts on plot and general writing styles and such, then get into anything technical I notice.
Overall, the plot's pretty interesting, a pre-Luna dreamwalker. It fits with her special talent, and it's an innovative talent to have, exploring the sort of magic earth ponies might have.
The actual plot's adorable, because again, who the fuck doesn't love puppies. It was quite a good move, how she was able to find Winona through her dreams.
On to the negatives, however.
1. You play the 'she's really sleepy' bit a bit too hard, more to the point of 'she's narcoleptic and shouldn't be allowed out without an assistant to make sure she doesn't fucking die'. Yes, it's good for a laugh or two, but there's no way anyone could possibly function if the sheer act of thinking of numbers causes them to slip into what ponies in your story essentially describe as a coma.
2. It kind of gets confusing, as a lot of the time, things just tend to run together the way you write it. I often find myself having to go back a bit and read things more carefully to find out exactly what's going on, as the transitions between specific points are so small, and her thought process seems so muddled at times that it's hard to figure out what just happened.
However, Dozy's adorable, and she's a lot of fun to follow around.
Now, onto technical things I noticed.
Ponies as opposed to people, maybe?
Sentence is a little bit run on, too many commas there. Maybe try breaking it up?
"That would bounce lively" doesn't really work. Perhaps reword that sentence?
You're missing the second comma in this sentence. Coloured it red.
Needs a space between ... and of
perhaps a comma after instead?
I'm not 100% on this phrasing, perhaps tweak it?
I believe this is the wrong form of lead. You can lead someone somewhere, but once you've done it, you've led them there.
Bit of a sentence fragment there.
I believe that the new paragraph ought to wait until she's actually spoken here.
I think it's just 'Trust Big Mac to'. The first 'to' is unnecessary.
You can't really inquire a question. You can inquire as to something, but those two don't really fit together. Perhaps 'for inquiring as to an innocent little detail'?
Capital I in It's, and space between the ellipse and I
You usually barge in, not barge off. It implies intruding.
Espy works, but it's unnecessary. You're using more fancy words when you don't need them. Never play an ace when a two will do.
Perhaps add a qualifier there? A however or an although might work.
Another space after the ellipse
Another qualifier might work here, a however or a though.
Space after ellipse
More coming soon, before BP kills me
Alright, here's part 2!
Well, there's no real point in going the rest of the way through this going over all the spelling and grammar, so I'm just going to lay into my final thoughts and feelings about it overall.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dozy is absolutely fucking adorable. You've done a great job of creating a likable, huggable, adorable, relatable character, and a great job of showing us the world through her eyes.
I now know what it's like to be a giant adorable huggable dreamwalking lummox-pony. Dozy's really just the sweetest thing. She handles things maturely, if a little shyly, and she's willing to give up her biggest secret to help somepony she cares about. She's realistic. She lives her life, as best she can while being a raging narcoleptic, does her job, has crushes, deals with Rarity being a twat, she's an excellent character overall.
Speaking of aforementioned twat, the established cast are really quite in character. Rarity's ever so slightly not giving anything remotely resembling a fuck about personal space and letting nothing get in the way of her inspiration, Applejack's basically herself, and Mac's a good guy. You can tell just from how they are and how they act. You've given them weight beyond the words, and that's an excellent skill.
In summary, this is an excellent fic. I've recommended it to several people already, and favourited it, too. The characters are fantastic, the mane cast is in character, and the plot is silly, yet somehow honest.
Ya did good, kid.
This was cute.