• Member Since 17th Dec, 2011
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I'm just here to write.


In Equestria's far north lies the city of Dragonfall, widely regarded as the worst city in the entire world. Desperate and vulnerable following a terrible disaster, Dragonfall hires the mercenaries of the Sunheart Company to protect them, the largest organisation of assorted sociopaths in the entire world. And caught in the middle of it all is Lieutenant Agony, internationally infamous war criminal and sexual deviant, who believes himself destined for greatness, if only he weren't also the unluckiest stallion in the entire world.

Dragonfall will not release its prisoners easily, and Agony's awful coworkers are not helping matters. With his quick wits, dashing good looks, and willingness to violate any and all conventions of morality and good taste, can Agony find a way to escape the city, or will his karma finally catch up with him?

You decide!

Part of the Borderworld.

A comment-driven black comedy, with progression decided by popular vote.

WARNING: Story contains no sense of restraint. No content is too stupid or too edgy for Dragonfall to include.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 194 )

Well, this should be interesting...

I'm voting for Option 2. This place could use a little martial law. Though there's no guarantee that the hotels will be any better.


Nonsense. I'm sure the businesses in Dragonfall all hold themselves to the same high standards that one would expect of such a historic and beloved city.

1. Just deal with it and try to fix up the northwest barracks.

This should be fun. I vote for Option 2.

Though I suspect that the option of abandoning all pretenses and calling in the orbital friendship canon would seriously tempt Agony, should it have been available to him.


I imagine that everybody in this setting dreams of one day destroying Dragonfall. Little fillies and colts daydream about it in school, aspiring villains make it their first target with every new evil plan, and sometimes the thought of it is the only thing that gets Celestia through the day.

7864536 FanOfMostEverything confirmed for FanOfPoliceStates.

Agony should bitch at the CO. I want to be contrarian.

I don't know who this Posh fellow is, but he must be very smart and attractive to have workshopped this with you.

I vote Option 1; the hotels are probably worse AND will gouge you for everything you have and then some, yelling at the Captain will probably have him personally make everything worse, and if you manage to improve this place you can possibly force a few extra bits out of the landlords in fees for services rendered.

Number 2, commandeer some shit, it's not like there any police around to stop you.

3! Yell your heart out agony

Why are 1 and 3 mutually exclusive?

Deal with it, turn the barracks into something livable then have a shouting match with the captain.

Or possibly the other way around, depending on how Agony's priorities lie.

I'm going to say Option 1 because there's no guarantee that the hotels aren't just as shit as the barracks.

I vote option 3, I want the Captain to explain why they narrowly voted to go to this disaster. I mean, they can stay in a hotel as well, but I want to hear the explanation of why the other senior officers voted for this contract.

Week's passed. I'm calling it here. If I've counted right, it looks like a tie between options one and three, with five votes each. I'm casting my tie-breaker vote for option three.

New chapter drops in... whenever I have it ready, I guess. :/

Unleash the hobo
Unleash the hobo
Let him tear apart town hall

Your troops will thank thee,
'Cuz they're quite frankly
Sick to death of Dragonfall

oh-wa oh-wa ohhh-whoa

Option 2. Nothing else has the same panache.

If the mayor's so proud of his citizenry's resilience, let him experience it firsthoof. Hobo him up.

Also, I hadn't realized Discord had ever gone into urban planning. Probably part of his efforts to liven up the place. But Dragonfall is eternal. And eternally shitty.

Oh, this is fucking great. I don't see how anyone could downvote this and live with themselves

I choose door number 2. We must unleash the hobo!

Looks like option two wins by a landslide nine votes this week.

Next week, more hobos.

Wow, things are going straight into the shitter fast. Let's go with 2.

Number 1. The only ways Fishstink could kill somepony would be through infection or making them choke on their own vomit by entering the room, and I have to think that the mayor could withstand either. This is clearly an unrelated assassination, possibly by one of the other companies. Involving yourself will only raise suspicions. Best to move on and try to make the barracks suck marginally less.

Also, Agony's mother is amazing and absolutely perfect for him. Well done there.

7922875 Implying that Dragonfall wasn't already a shitter. Or the shitter. The shitter to end all other shitters.

That cover is a thing of utter beauty. Where is that from?


It's a semi-common reaction image in some places around the web. I'm not sure where I found it myself, but it was probably 4chan. From a quick Google search, it appears that the original source is a Hawkeye comic.


Yeah, that would be the sort of thing his writers would put into his stuff.

It's close enough to deadline, and I don't think any new votes are coming in. Calling this one as a narrow victory for option two.

We're definitely going to have to learn more about this mob. 2.

Since we can't release the hobo (he's finally happy) and we definitely don't do discrete.

Option 2. Knowing Agony, he'll probably end up killing half of the makeshift electorate. Maybe if he destabilizes Dragonfall even further, it'll finally collapse in on itself completely. And possibly literally.

Yeah, in all likelihood, more pus will just ooze out of the sore, but it's worth a shot.


I enjoy the fact that only four chapters in, you're already choosing the options you think most likely to lead to Dragonfall's utter annihilation. I can only presume that the others will come to share your motivations.

I think I'll call you the Doomsday Bloc.


Yeah, in all likelihood, more pus will just ooze out of the sore, but it's worth a shot.

Perhaps you might think of Dragonfall as a cyst, rather than a sore. Draining it does nothing. The only way to ensure the pus never returns is to surgically excise the capsule.

Option two. Agony should run for mayor, and needs to know what he's running up against.

Option 2: Investigate the Mob. As a corrupt mercenary company, the Sunhearts are basically just a bigger mob, so it's going to come down to blows eventually. Maybe see if they will whack Blackheart?

2, also oh god this is hilarious


Yeah, that's Silver Vein, although she has a new senpai now. While Lord Second does exist in this reality as well, this version of Silver has yet to meet him. If she survives this story (all up to you, readers!), I may have her appear in King Machine, and it's possible they'll meet then, but that's assuming I ever get to write it. In the meantime, she's stuck in Dragonfall instead, doing what she does best - lusting uncontrollably after a complete psychopath (who is also her boss).

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