Society as We Know It

by Comma Typer

Learning

A green changeling wearing glasses and a top hat and a cane and a suit and a bowtie and some cologne—he stood in front of a makeshift chalkboard. The chalkboard itself had three figures: two adult ponies and one foal.

Blue Alarm and his friends sat on the cold, hard, snowy ground—sunlight hitting most of them through the gray canopy of clouds although barely.

The teacher cleared his throat. "As you will see," he said in a high-falutin accent, smacking the chalkboard with his cane, "here are the minimum requirements you must meet in order to have a family—a stallion, a mare, and a foal."

Humerus raised his hoof.

"Ah, yes!" The teacher grinned, his face beaming. "You have a question." Glancing aside, he said, "It's a gift to have such a curious student in our midst!"

"Uh, who are you looking at, Sensulato?"

The teacher cleared his throat again as if he had a bad coughing fit. "Those guys, of course!" And, he pointed to the several changelings at the side, watching the class unfold.

Red Noise groaned and leaned his head on Humerus who patted him. "Who needs a class on families, anyway?"

"All of us changelings," Sensulato said. "You're among them as well." He pointed his cane at him. "Don't you claim that you know better than the average changeling!"

"Well, what if I do?" Red Noise asked, hovering over the ground and being level with the teacher. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Sensulato raised his cane. "Ah, ah!"

"Red Noise, down!" Neon Guard ordered.

The red changeling moaned "OK, I get it!" and went back to his place, sitting there.

Sensulato made a smile of relief. "Now that all of our unpleasantries have been eliminated, we shall now continue with the fundamentals of raising a family."

Red Noise raised a hoof.

"What is it?"

"What if I plan to be 'single,' as the ponies speak it?" Red Noise asked.

"At least you'll understand Blue Alarm more—you'll be able to empathize with him when he has a family because you know having a family will bring upon not just him but also upon you as a dear friend."

Red Noise shot up to the air, hovering again. "And when did you know so much about having a family? You're a changeling yourself, am I right?"

"I was under the tutelage of several ponies who have had real, actual families in their lives," Sensulato answered, making his high-falutin voice more elaborate. "I've asked them many questions and I've recorded their eye-opening answers all in my greatest work yet—you could call it my magnum opus, even!"

"Your magnum opus was a long paper about family?"

"Don't you dare—!" and he raised his cane.

Neon Guard grabbed Red Noise and brought him down. He glared at the rowdy changeling who responded with a shrug and then crossed forelegs.

Sensulato sighed. "Will I get interrupted anytime soon?"

A changeling on the side raised his hoof.

"Now what?!"

"Uh, you stole my chalkboard."

---

"That ended quickly," Neon Guard said as the four walked around in the hive, passing by other changelings doing whatever it was that they were doing: in this grand craggy hallway, one could see a carrot dog eating competition where the two finalists were battling it out as they consumed carrot dogs by the second in front of a cheering audience; over there, some changelings were playing with electricity as they turned on and off lightbulbs connected to wires and sockets all leading back to a portable generator; still, over there in another part of the hive, a few changelings were playing a variety of musical instruments in front of a fire as they sang to songs and hummed along.

Red Noise shivered. "Can't we do something about the weather? It's freezing!"

"The pegasi said the cold weather is necessary," Humerus replied. "And, even if it isn't, lots of us still want it!" He scooped up a few snowballs and showed them to Red Noise. "See?"

"What about Thorax?" Red Noise asked. "I'm sure he doesn't like the cold."

"I just saw him an hour ago when you weren't looking." He smiled. "I think he likes the cold."

---

"Thorax!" Pharynx yelled as he watched his brother throw snowballs at a group of changelings—who were also armed with snowballs.

The throne area was covered in snow including the throne itself. On one side were dozens of changelings with stacks of snowballs on their side while wearing scarves, sweaters, and other warming clothes. On the other side were dozens more, also equipped with stacks of snowballs and winter clothes—and that other side had Thorax and Pharynx as their leaders.

Pharynx shot past a few broken rock columns to where Thorax was—hiding behind yet another column.

They were now back-to-back, a snowball in one hoof each.

"What's the plan?" Thorax said between huffs. "I don't know if we're winning or losing or—"

"Nobody expects a charge," Pharynx said, creating more snowballs from the snow below. "You go out and fly to their territory while storming them with snowballs. I will give you supporting fire."

"Supporting fire?!" Thorax yelled. "But, where did you get all the firewood? And, don't you think fire is, uh, not allowed in a snowball fight?"

Pharynx groaned as he slammed his head with a hoof. "I'm going to help you by pelting snowballs on our enemies while you charge."

"Oh, right!" Thorax said, smiling and nodding as he held up a snowball for his brother to see.

Pharynx pushed the hoof away. "Style won't be necessary—just go!"

Then, Thorax flapped his wings and flew, holding many of the simple snow-based projecticles in one hoof.

He hailed the changelings with snowballs and they were retreating.

Pharynx, not having fired a single snowball yet, smiled. "Huh. I guess my brother might be more powerful than I thought."

---

"And, how come we haven't heard a single word about it?" Red Noise pointed out.

"Because we're talking!" Humerus said. "You're not paying attention because we're talking!"

They reached the end of that hallway, turning to the left to begin another one decorated in more Hearth's Warming decorations—bright trees, bright lights, bright banners and ribbons and wreaths and even a fireplace on wheels.

The changeling moving the fireplace had a little gathering of changelings who were hovering as they warmed themselves while kept up with the fireplace.

Humerus's eyes lighted up. "Ooh! I wanna take another ride on the Fireplace Express!"

"You've taken it more than a hundred times already," Neon Guard reminded. "Are you sure you want to—"

"Whee!"

And out Humerus went to join his fireplace buddies at the moving fireplace, being greeted warmly by his fellows who recognized him as yet another recurring "passenger." Then, it wheeled into a side room, disappearing from Neon Guard's eyes.

"No matter what time it is," Red Noise commented, "Humerus will always be Humerus."

The three walked on, passing by those Hearth's Warming decorations that a few changelings were fixing up.

"So..." and Neon Guard looked up, not facing Blue Alarm. "Any concrete plans? Any solid arrangements about your, uh, future family?"

"Symphyla," Blue Alarm simply said.

"Oh, you mean the changeling who reads up on baskets of books," Neon Guard. "I'm sure the both of you will do pretty well together, considering your matching interests."

"Matching interests?" Red Noise interrupted, now flying with them. "They're alike in a plethora of ways!" He spread out his forehooves as if to emphasize that.

"I know," Blue Alarm said. "But, she's also different."

"And, how different is your 'different'?" Red Noise said.

Blue Alarm stopped by a Hearth's Warming tree.

The other two stopped there as well.

Blue Alarm picked from the tree a candy cane of the usual colors: red and white. Then, he picked another candy cane of less usual colors: blue and white. He turned around, held the two candy canes out, and said: "This different."

Red Noise grabbed the more usual candy cane and licked it. "Good explanation. Tasty, too."

Neon Guard slapped his wing.

"Hey!"

"That's for the eye, not for the mouth!" Neon Guard said.

"It's sweet! It has taste! That means it must be eaten!"

Neon Guard rolled his eyes. "I give up. I'm sure we have a lot of candy canes in stock, anyway."

Blue Alarm then licked the blue candy cane. An innocent smile appeared.

Neon Guard smiled, too, though only a little. "So, this one's gonna get your heart or what? Or, you'll get your heart?"

"It's going to be...awkward," Blue Alarm said, blushing.

Red Noise spotted that. "Wait, did I just see you blush? Did I just see your face go red?" He snickered—though did his best of covering it up. "You better confess it right now, Mr. Lucky Guy! You're in love!" Then, shouting it out: "In love!"

Blue Alarm blushed even more, covering a cheek with a hoof. "Uh, that's not what I meant or...even implied—"

Neon Guard brought out a mighty guffaw at that—he would have collapsed had he not leaned on the rocky wall.

A few changelings passing by looked at the strange and unusual sight—but they moved on.

Red Noise rounded a hoof on his blushing friend's neck. "And, what's so awkward about a little bit of love? A crush?"

"Uh, you don't get it?" Blue Alarm said, pulling himself away but keeping a close distance with him. "It's our time when we were the bad guys, stealing love. It turns out that...it's gonna be a trip down memory lane. An awkward trip down memory lane as both of us fall in love and, uh, talk about our favorite things and hang out together at our favorite places and, uh, other things."

"Eh." Red Noise cracked his candy cane and crunched it up inside his mouth. Then, after a harsh gulp: "After Hearth's Warming, our lives will get a whole lot more interesting with you being dazzled by love—the romance of the day, the romance of the hour! We'll get to see you and her eat at those fancy restaurants with candles and with that tiny food that's so bland and disgusting but you do it because it's a lot of bits for her! Eh, eh?" He budged his blue friend with his shoulder.

Blue Alarm blushed yet even more, his face becoming redder—almost as red as his friend's.

"Ah-ha!" Red Noise shouted, rubbing his cheeks with a circling hoof. "This is undeniable, no? You can do your best to hide your feelings, but there's a reason why they call me 'Red Noise'!"

"Because it's your name?" Blue Alarm muttered.

Red Noise halted his rubbing. "Ha-ha. Very funny." He arched both of his eyebrows. "Trying to be smart. And funny."

Neon Guard stepped in between the two. "Let's not get too ahead of ourselves here."

Blue Alarm kept licking his blue candy cane as he looked at the two of them.

Red Noise looked at the far end of the hallway. "Yeah, there's a better opportunity for you out there."

"Uh, and you mean...?" Blue Alarm then continued licking his candy cane.

"Symphyla's right there."

Blue Alarm gasped and closed his mouth with his candy cane there.

A changeling was pushing a cart of yet even more candy canes along with packages of other mouth-watering sweets—muffins, cakes, pies, jelly, chocolate, sugar bread. That changeling was of a sea green chitin; her wings were pink, her carapace was yellow. Eyes of blue—only blue, a blue that glittered and shimmered under even the dimmest of afternoons. She had a smile—a smile that spoke of a changeling ready to laugh and to enjoy all that she was doing.

Blue Alarm coughed, looked away, bended his ears, and kept his candy cane in his mouth.

"This is your only chance!" Red Noise whispered before shoving him right into the cart's path.

Neon Guard took a step forward.

Red Noise stopped him with a hoof. "Let's see where this goes."

Neon Guard glared at him once again—then, stayed his hoof and watched.

Blue Alarm was in front of her.

Symphyla was in front of him.

And a cart stood between the both of them.

Blue Alarm scratched his head. He cleared his throat. He bended his ears again.

Symphyla merely giggled. "You're really bad at this, aren't you, Blue Alarm?"

Red Noise's eyes went wide. "What?!" he whispered to himself.

Neon Guard made no expression—just a neutral face taking in the scene before him.

The hallway was awfully quiet and lacking in many changelings—here and there, some changelings were crossing it to get from one side to the other, from one room to another. But, only a few even took notice of what was happening as they either walked around or flew above it.

Symphyla giggled again. "You're forgetting that I'm a changeling. I can sense love, even when it's right in front of me."

Blue Alarm opened his mouth to say something—and, only single syllables came out, accentuated by the persistent blush.

"But, I know you didn't want to talk to me. Well, I am busy, too. I got to resupply and replenish all the Hearth's Warming trees and stockings hanging around, you know!" She gestured to the cart she was holding. "This one arrived only three minutes ago. Straight from Whinnyapolis!" She smiled. "If you excuse me, Blue Alarm, they've been waiting for these treats for too long! These should've arrived hours ago."

Blue Alarm, hesitant at first, then nodded and moved out of the way, letting her and the cart pass by with the wheels creaking and squeaking before it turned right, disappearing so.

The three changelings looked at where the cart and its changeling had been.

Then, Red Noise floated in and grabbed Blue Alarm—still blushing. "What do you know? She was polite and you always liked polite changelings right?"

"Why wouldn't I like a polite changeling?" he responded. "Or a polite pony? Or a polite anyone, for that matter?"

Neon Guard nodded. Then, turning to Red Noise: "I think we should respect his boundaries. He's clearly not in the mood to talk to Symphyla—not yet, if that should soothe you." Then, raising his head, he said, "Let's go and see what Cornicle is cooking up in the kitchen. I'm sure he's got lots of suggestions about what to make for the season!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's...cool," Blue Alarm said, still eating his candy cane.

---

Nastic looked at the tiny room he and Long Winded lived in.

Two rock beds—bunk beds protruding from the rocky wall. A rug was on the snowy floor of stone. A hard table of concrete was the only thing there that was not made of rock or stone—and on it were unfixed piles of newspapers, all depicting various events in color while their headlines blared something, but not much could be gained anyway since they were all so scattered and disorganized. Holes in the ceiling made rays of sunlight a part of this room.

Nastic groaned on the top rock bed as Long Winded sat on the bottom one—that changeling was holding a humongous book in his hooves, and his eyes were racing through the pages.

Nastic rose up from his bed and sat on it, too.

"Oh, you're awake!" Long Winded said cheerfully, looking up to meet his grumpy face. "You've been asleep for half the day already! Are you hibernating?"

"What do I look like to you?" Nastic answered in a tired way. "A turtle?"

"Turtles don't hibernate. They brumate, remember?"

"You're reading that big book on animals again, aren't you?"

"Again? This is my first time reading through this massive roll!" He held the book up, pages open with its vivid photographs and illustrations of a variety of animals. "Wanna take some time off and read? You'll learn which animals hibernate and which ones brumate! They're not the same!"

Nastic turned over on his bed.

"Aw, really?" Long Winded expressed, disappointment in his words—ears flayed and sagging, too. "You're still sleepy?"

"Actually, I like the idea of hibernating for the moment because it sounds so comfortable."

"Are you sick?"

"No."

Silence.

"Then, what?" Long Winded asked.

"I'm still not used to winter. I didn't ask to survive these frigid conditions."

"That's winter for you. It's cold and it has lots of snow so we can have games that we wouldn't have!"

"Snowball fights? I know. It doesn't feel so good when your own king smacks your face with dozens of snowballs."

"You joined that fight?" Long Winded said, surprised. "You didn't tell me!" Then, he flew up to Nastic's bed. "Come on, you have to tell me everything! I've never played in that kind of game before. That's because everyone else is calling the both of us to do something like help set up the wires and the lights, arrange the arrival of the Hearth's Warming materials, make sure the vinyl players work correctly, carry the carts and wagons of Hearth's Warming trees, analyze the snow to see if they're viable for snowball fights—wait a minute." He then took off and floated right beside the bed. "Did they...did they just desert me and leave me out to play that game?" Irritation was on his face as he balled up a hoof. "Too bad! They missed me! They're missing me even right now. Why would they wanna run away from a skilled snowball fighter like me?"

"I thought you never participated in a snowball fight before," Nastic said before standing up on his bed, facing the hovering Long Winded.

"That's because it looks easy. Just form a snowball in your hooves by picking up the snow from the ground." He mimicked that by scooping imaginary heaps of snow from the air. Then, he patted that imaginary heap until it became an imaginary snowball. He held it in his hoof. "Then, when you are ready to throw it at someone...throw it." Then, he threw the imaginary snowball. "Easy!"

"I don't think it's that easy," Nastic said, taking a step forward but also watching that step—he was now on the edge of his rocky bed.

"Maybe it is! I don't know." Long Winded shrugged and landed on the snowy ground.

Nastic sighed.

He went off his bed and landed, too.

Then, a red changeling came inside.

Nastic and Long Winded looked at the outsider who landed on the crunchy snow.

"I got confirmation that Blue Alarm has a crush with someone in the hive!" Red Noise announced.

Nastic and Long Winded looked at him, then at each other, then back at him.

Long Winded smiled. "Really?! You're serious?!"

"I'm one-hundred percent serious!

Nastic groaned. Then, eking out a grin: "At least there's something to think about. Blue Alarm won't be busy snooping on anyone's business for the time being."

"And," Red Noise continued as if ignoring what Nastic said, "he's planning to marry her!"

Long Winded dropped the book and his jaw. "No way that's possible!"

"Yes way it is since you just heard it," Nastic snarked.

Gesturing about with his hooves, Red Noise went on: "So, I don't have all that we need to know about what's gonna happen in the next few weeks, months, or years! This is gonna change everything about him! Not literally everything, but everything enough about him!"

"But, who's his crush?" Long Winded prodded, leaning closer with his ear facing Red Noise.

"Symphyla."

Then, a confused frown. "Sounds familiar, but I can't quite recognize who she is...."

"She's the changeling who collects food and sings? Also, greenish in color."

"Oh! OK."

Nastic looked at Red Noise. "Look, I know that it's great news and all, but the reality of it is—it's not that important—"

But Red Noise took off without saying anything else.

Nastic stood there, looking on at where that red changeling had been.

"Just imagine the wedding!" Long Winded exclaimed as grabbed Nastic's hat from the table of newspapers.