1 - Going Where You Shouldn't
You are Pinkie Pie. Yes, I know you might not be Pinkie Pie, but let's pretend, or this story can't happen. Pinkie needs your help, so let's put that aside and focus on her. I mean you. You are her. Get it?
You've worked through the day, moving rocks where they'll grow best. Not that rocks grow, not like trees, but they do. Your family understands this and you know just where to put each little pebble to make things work. Worn, but in a good way, you wipe off your brow and have a look around.
Hey, what's that? You see something new. It's an old house. That's not especially new, old houses happen. But this one is close to your farmland, and you're positive it wasn't there before, so what gives?
You give a shout out for the rest of your family, but no one replies. They must be doing chores or something else boring. Ever since you learned the meaning of the word 'fun', you've lost some of your old patience for not-fun. What else could you do?! Time to explore! That house wasn't going to explain itself, or is it?
You pronk up to the big iron gate that surround it and reach out, tapping at it with a hoof. The left side of the actual gate just falls right inwards, barely hanging on to its hinge as it makes a loud squealing noise at the movement.
"Hello?" you call out. If someone's home, you don't want to be rude about it. Still, who would just go and move in between morning and evening like that?! Weird!
Nopony replied.
Now, if you were most anypony else, you might turn around and go home, and maybe you should. But that would be a very short story so we'll just assume we don't make that decision, er, I mean you. You don't make that decision. Please? Okay!
So you creep up on your little hoofsies to have a better look at this big scary house. The steps are made of stone, and that's actually kind of comforting. Stone you know. Sadly, a lot of the house is made of severe-looking wood too. Wood and stone and iron. Lots of iron, like a completely unreasonable amount of pointy iron bits that you would never put in any house you were making. Not that you are making a house.
Where were we? Oh yeah, you're in front of that house. The sun's going down and it's getting dark. You reconsider a moment just to be startled by a bang. The gate is closed and looks all secure and locked despite how it looked before.
You run back there and give it a good shaking, but it's just as solid as it looks. You're stuck. Well, darn. Guess you'll have to find another way out...
You do a slow circle and see there's the front door, and what looks like creepy stairs going down to a basement. That choice is easy. You go bouncing up to the front door and try giving it a loud clop-clop. "Anypony home?!" you shout at the top of your little lungs.
No answer.
You reach up and try the knob, and it turns, lucky you! The door swings inwards with a tortured groan as if it hadn't been opened in like a thousand jillion years. You cringe a little, then poke your head in to have a look around. It's dark, but you see some light coming from upstairs down a hallway. You can't see what it might be from here though.
You do see a few dusty chairs, a fireplace with ashes still in it, and some portraits. The portraits hang on the walls and capture the images of very stately ponies. They're earth ponies, like you! They look very old-fashioned and, worst of all, their eyes seem fixed on you.
You try dancing a little to the left, and they follow. You try to the right, and still there they are, staring.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" You chirp. If the paintings are alive, maybe they want to be friends?
Suddenly they all close their eyes.
"Oh... okay..."
Your head hangs a little, stung by that rejection, at least until something slaps up against it.
You start with surprise and hop back as a picture frame falls to the floor. Suddenly another frame comes loose of its picture and hurls itself at you and you leap to the side to avoid it. Is this a game, or were you being attacked? Whatever it is, you don't much like it so you start dancing and bobbing around the frames that shatter with loud crashes each time one hit the floor or a wall.
You hear a metal thunk and see one knocked over a lamp. That looks useful! You grab it in your mouth and scurry away from those angry pictures into the kitchen. At least, it looked like a kitchen? There is a big counter, and you're pretty sure that there's a stove and oven. Some pans hang quietly, rusted and old.
Nothing is moving, and that is good. You set down that lamp you got and pull out some flint. You have a lot of assorted rocks, alright? That shouldn't be so surprising. You smack it good until a spark jumps to the wick inside the lantern and it begins to glow softly, letting you see your surroundings more clearly.
You pick up the lantern in your mouth again and start wandering that kitchen. "Hello?" You call out, not even expecting an answer, but it makes you feel better to break the silence. The frames aren't being tossed around. Besides the noises you're making, you are alone in that dark house.
Hello and welcome to the story! Let's make a choice! You can vote for as many or few as you like, influencing little Pinkie's thoughts.
Don't feel bad. If you didn't notice, she's in on this. In fact, she's the one writing. She insists.
Choices:
1) Get upstairs to that light
2) Thoroughly search this kitchen
3) Maybe we can slip out the back?
4) Scream until somepony comes
5) Giggle at every ghostie
6) You can see a door heading down to the basement, maybe check that out?
7) Chastise those mean paintings
8) Let's explore the outside of the house more.
To vote, just comment your vote(s)!
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I vote 2, 5 and 7!
2 and 7.
2 seems very popular, but 1 or 5 look interesting as well. I'm just excited that another CYOA is out there! It's an underrated genre.
5 or 1
7836495 Just making sure the vote is 1, 2, 5? Also welcome!
7836505 affirmative.
6 (and that is where she gets her hacksaw
)
7 or 2
Choice six.
Who knows, maybe macguffin muffins are hiding there.
Choice Five... Giggle at the ghosties. If you giggle at them, they know you are friendly, right?
7) Chastise those mean paintings
Seems like Pinkie, simples!
Oh, you still kept reading this comment?
What did Pinky do to those trees in the everfree forest?
7) Chastise those mean paintings
4 and 6
5 and 6 just because that seems like what I (pinkie) would do
Readers make the shots....Here I was thinking Displaced was the worst thing here.
This is YOUR story. We're here because we want to see what YOU can do with the setting and it's characters.
Isn't this RP nonsense banned here anyways? MODS!
7, 5, 6, in that order.
Ok, now we'll get to see how long I can stand to read something written in second person, by an author whose work I usually like. (Because it's second person, but "you" is Pinkie, not the reader, I think it would work just as well if not better as third person omniscient, but it's your fic, and I have an extreme dislike of second person fics.)
1, 2, or 6, not with any particular preference. I despise 2nd person, its low-brow even for amateurs or hobbiest, but I guess a CYOA story is usually written in this style so I'll try and be objective. I checked out "PonyFinder" and found that I liked I, if only I discovered it before Christmas as I know the perfect person to gift it to, oh well. Anyway, I like the story thus far, it has an interesting self-aware style that I admire, when will you start work on the next chapter?
7
1 2 5 7
7836849
ever played Dungeons and Dragons? CYOA is actually pretty popular and I really don't see how it is roleplaying. Yes, this is his story and we are looking at things from Pinkie's perspective, but these kind of fanfics get the audience involved with the story. We chose the path, he writes based on the choice. Don't like it then don't read!
I think I like the conversational writing style, although it's a little limited in its applications.
Look all I know is that Pinkie giggles at ghosties. 5.
7837458 Pinkie Pie knows no limits.
7837302 "Don't Like, Don't Read".
I heard that plenty of times back on ff.net too. Mpreg and slash fans were always hysterical with their writing too.
7836849
"We?" Are you British royalty? How many people ya got in there? Can we talk to Cybil?
7837470 And yet story genres you don't like keep existing... It's almost as if not liking a genre doesn't have any effect on it's existence. But that can't be right. Clearly more research is needed.
7837466
Oh! Unless... unless this is before Pinkie's grandma taught her to giggle at the ghosties?
And maybe she teaches her now?
No, doesn't seem in the cards... but now I wanna read a story about young Pinkie getting scared and taught to laugh her problems away, thanks.
7837470 I'm not sure why you're comparing a tried and true, wildly successful, style of storytelling to... that?
Educate yourself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure
This is not a second person smut fest. This is an adventure readers can direct.
7837498 We, as in, people who don't know about this author. Anything else you need explained, dunce? Points for the passive-aggressive approach though.
7837918 Can you explain why Applejacks don't taste like apples?
Or why kids love cinamon toast crunch?
Or where these other people you represent are?
It's kinda a jerk move that they picked you to speak for them and then threw you under the bus and left you looking like some pretentious jack-ass who just throws around "we" when he's really just talking about himself. One of these guys should really come forward, because it's not cool the way they're leaving you hanging like this.
7837755
">> Hamster_Master I'm not sure why you're comparing a tried and true, wildly successful, style of storytelling to... that?
Educate yourself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure
This is not a second person smut fest. This is an adventure readers can direct."
thank you for backing up my initial point against Hamster_Master
Interesting beginnings! I'm happy to see another cyoa experiment so soon after the last!
In an airport at the moment so the typo hunt will have to wait a bit longer.
2,1
We're here in the kitchen so we may as well finish looking around. Maybe there will be ingredients for cake! Then we can go and look at that light.
7837755
It's a 'strawman' argument and is always a logical fallacy. It's countered by doing as you have done, i.e. point out the fallacious analogy and offer supporting evidence to educate.
Good show!
I say 1, 2, & 5. Let's see where this adventurous filly goes.
2
1) Get upstairs to that light.
And Only that.
Most of these corrections assume you are writing in the 2nd person present active tense.
Sorry.
on her, I mean - on her. I mean
What what else could - What what else could
wasn't going to explain itself, or was it - isn't going to explain itself, or is it
You pronked - You pronk
surrounded it and reached - surround it and reach
just fell right - just falls right
hinge as it made - hinge as it makes
Stone you knew - Stone you know
the house was made - the house is made
you were making - you are making
Where we we - Where were we
gate closed and looked - gate is closed and looks
see there's the front - see there's the front
as if it hadn't been - as if it hasn't been
another frame comes loose of its picture - another frame comes loose of its mounting (unless you truly are saying that the frames go flying and the pictures stay on the wall)
Was this a game, or were you - Is this a game, or are you
Whatever it was, you didn't much like it so you started - Whatever it is, you don't much like it so you start
that shattered with - that shatter with
one hit the - one hits the
You heard - You hear
saw one knocked over - see one knock over
grabbed it in your mouth and scurried - grab it in your mouth and scurry
it looked like - it looks like
There was a big - There is a big
Nothing was moving, and that was - Nothing is moving, and that is
set down that lamp - set down the lamp
wandering that kitchen - wandering the kitchen
it made you feel - it makes you feel
frames weren't being - frames aren't being
noises you made, you were alone - noises you make, you are alone
2, 1, 5. It's getting late and you're hungry from working all day. Then let's see if we can find somepony, giggling at any ghosties you may encounter.
Keep going! ;)
7841865 Something to do in the morning, but will the ghosts of these typos go after Pinkie?
2) Thoroughly search this kitchen
There could be food in it or something we might be able to use as a weapon if we're attacked by something.
Jesus fuck... that thumbnail scared the shit outta me. I scrolled down and for a split second it looked like Pinkie's hair deflated.