• Published 10th Jan 2017
  • 1,475 Views, 46 Comments

Conversion Zebra - Alex Warlorn



One trans-species zebra tells his state of things after his visit to the Conversion Bureau.

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A new Zebra's point of view

Hey, welcome to my blog, my name's Ryan, and I'm a zebra. I wasn't born one, I used to be human, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I'm not afraid to admit to being a trans-species Zebra.

And before you ask, the whole rhyming thing is a learned culture trait, and I'm still a New Yorker with Irish and German ancestry and proud of it!

Call me a 'new foal' and I'll punch your lights out. I'm not here to tell you a story with a real beginning, middle, or ending, I'm just here to tell you how things are from my point of view. There are plenty of trans-ponies who thought losing their fingers and getting a tattoo on their butts were going to make their lives better, other accept what had happened was a disaster and it was treated like one.

Yeah, one day I went down to the conversion center, filled out the paperwork, and downed the potion, and boom, goodbye fingers, hello stripes.

Ugh. This BS again? Fine! I am VERY certain I am NOT a new personality that happens to have the real Ryan's memories, I had to prove legally I was still me to keep from getting slammed with inheritance tax to myself! Jackasses should have paid for my phycological examine,oh wait, that's prejudice now isn't it?

I'm no longer a predator, I'm a prey, that might mean I'm more prone to flight rather than fight, but backed into a corner... everything else can just switch off and you'll go THROUGH anything or anyone to get away. Learning to balance these new instincts and making up for the ones you lose is what part of that help afterwards is meant to be for, not to brainwash anybody into thinking sun-butt is the best thing ever!

Are we REALLY gonna do all this? If it'll stop with the rude looks. I was confirmed catholic and I'm still Catholic, I do NOT worship queen sun-butt nor whatever goddess natural born Equestrian Zebra have! I still enjoy a good hamburger! I can still swear. And if you ask if I'll just do whatever I'm told like a good 'zombie newfoal' then I'll punch your face in!

A freakin' WEEK after I converted I had a natural-born unicorn mare tell me that I was a soulless zombie with no will of my own and the kindest thing to do would be to 'put me down' and free me from my fate as a 'corpse puppet.' I always watch my back now.

As long as we're shattering fantasies, let me shatter some of yours. First, the Human Liberation Front, HLF, are a buncha racist lunatics no different from the KKK. They're NOT some heroic if slightly misguided people doing what must be done to save the human race.

And BEFORE you get started the Ponification for Earth's Rebirth, PER, are JUST AS BAD! There was a teenage girl who'd signed up to become a dragoness, and they ambushed her, and use a pegasus potion on her... Her first act with her new hooves was to break their bones. Her second act was to sue'em for damages and have them arrested! And since a body can only take the potion once in a lifetime, she'd never be the dragon she WANTED to become! They're a bunch of people who see human beings are garbage who need to be disposed of anyway, they were part of 'Will Never Have Children' groups, PETA, you name it.

Oh, did ya hear? A trans-species pegasus got into a hoof-fight in a bar in Cloudsdale, apparently it was a debate over the Equestrian creation myth verses their origin according to greek mythology. And a new pony selling bacon in Ponyville caused a scandal.

And there are the ponies who have converted to Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Buddhism, Hindu... funny how you never hear about those in the news huh?

I think what REALLY confused the paranoids is sun-butt didn't delcare those places now irradiated by Equestrian magic (let's not mince words, it is irradiated) were suddenly part of Equestria, not was it part of Griffinstone, Diamondia, Labrynthus, Zebrabwe, The Black Hive or The Rainbow Hive, United Buffaloo Tribes, Oukoku-Ryu, etc.

If anything, the worst heat Celestia has been taking is from her own people for the amount of bits she's been pouring into helping converting human technology for hooves, and producing enough of a potion for 8 billion people. That really drains the coffers.

But that was when the other nations on Equestria caught wind, they quickly got in on the act, and suddenly, ponies weren't the only thing humans could become. Sadly, things with the minotaurs... the less said the better.

And just one thingie, the Veil is just a name. It's not a literal magic wall. Firing artillery at it just makes the bombs go THROUGH it. It's like firing cannons at Chernobyl isn't going to make the radiation go away. So I really wish idiots and lunatics would stop thinking they just needed a big enough explosion to make Equestria go away. ... A lot tried. Thankfully, sun-butt was pretty understanding about firing an atomic bomb at her country. But the surrounding kingdoms weren't exactly happy. Never mind the sniper who tried to assassinate Prince Shining Armor and the sniper was dragged away screaming that the sniper was hero.

So why a zebra? Suffice to say, I've always liked Zebras. Okay, they weren't my favorite animal. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd always found them beautiful. Don't think I'm stupid, I knew they were dangerous like any wild animal. But I liked them.

I had a friend who became a buffalo. Guy said he 'wanted to get back to his roots.' No comment.

Like I said, I wrote this blog just to give my view on things. Not to tell a beginning, middle, or ending. Just please, stop thinking because I wasn't born a zebra that I'm somehow a zombie, or that my life is somehow 'better' than before. I did this to survive, not for a 'better life', I did what life is supposed to, I adapted.

Princess Twilight Sparkle says she has access to another universe were another species of humans evolved, but with a slew of differences, like a whole ton of brightly colored hair and skin, and apparently a lot of human versions of ponies. Princess Twilight said keeping it hidden now felt kinda meaningless. She's now negotiating with humans of our world coming to THAT human world... even if it means having to become a pony to actually USE the portal. Maybe I'll sign up there... just kidding. I don't want to abandon Earth just because it got flooded with a new type of energy that proved deadly to humans of our universe. I guess that's why lots of people chose.

There ARE those spending trillions of their fortunes to establish little space colonies in the few years Earth has got left... well, good luck to them, but Earth is my home, it's where my family is too, and I'm staying here, even if it means I've got to wear fur and lose my fingers.

Oh yeah, fur, I kinda gotta admit, with fur, clothes are kinda gratuitous, I never thought I'd be a nudist, but there ya go. I went around with a bathrobe for a while, since that at least didn't overheat with the fur. Okay, maybe I was looking for an excuse on that one, heh.

Thanks for readin' this blog entry to the end. Made a good excuse to test out my 'speech to text' program, it was actually cheaper than those new keyboards that they're working on. Hope you walk away from this enriched than impoverished. And whatever choice ya make, good luck.

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Comments ( 46 )

I'm not a big fan of the Conversion Bureau settings any more, but I'm glad to see something of a fresh take on the whole scenario. Like the negotiation-verse stories for instance.

I particularly liked the deconstruction of the various tropes, from the setting, in this story. I always thought it was a bit of a cop out, with the barrier stopping human weaponry or material from passing through. I mean why would it allow Equestrian material/ponies to pass through at all, or let them back in. Since wouldn't they absorb atoms from our universe? Thus stopping them passing back into their own =/. I liked that this also brought up the good point, that Equestria is annexing mass swathes of land, without letting the various other countries of their home world know, what was happening. And of course, I liked that this blog attacked that newfoal name and its pacifying effects. It was one of those things, that when I went back and re-read earlier conversion bureau fics, that really, really stood out to me.

Comment posted by SomeRandomMinion deleted Jan 11th, 2017

7856988

I'll take that as a compliment.

7856828

Like the negotiation-verse stories for instance.

I despise that version of the setting with every fiber of my being with the fury of a thousand suns.

I always thought it was a bit of a cop out, with the barrier stopping human weaponry or material from passing through.

This was meant more to poke fun at the idea that it was a wall that you could blow up.

I liked that this also brought up the good point, that Equestria is annexing mass swathes of land, without letting the various other countries of their home world know, what was happening.

It was poking fun at how paranoid it would be to assume someone like Celestia would do such a thing.

And of course, I liked that this blog attacked that newfoal name and its pacifying effects. It was one of those things, that when I went back and re-read earlier conversion bureau fics, that really, really stood out to me.

It was poking fun at the idea that transforming into a pony must mean death of personality or some other horrible nonsense, and utterly 'de-personing' that attitude would be.

Comment posted by SomeRandomMinion deleted Jan 11th, 2017
Comment posted by SomeRandomMinion deleted Jan 11th, 2017

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7857682

Yeah I do have to wonder why? I mean it's far from perfect, it's clearly meant to tackle a more xenolestia ruler of Equestria, rather than a more sensible and kind version of Celestia. But the stories did expand on Celestia and give her some a few reasons for her hostility to humankind, and her desire to convert them. Twilight pretty much tearing this xenolestia's arguments to shreds, rather than an almighty human. *Shrugs* I'm not saying you've got bad taste for disliking the negotation-verse though, I do have nitpicks and issues with it myself. But that's true of most fanfics ^^;

7857682
7858238

You really want me to work myself up as I list off the reasons?

Comment posted by SomeRandomMinion deleted Jan 11th, 2017

Why does this story have no likes? This cannot stand.

Also, congrats on writing the only Conversion Bureau story I can stand. Shame that this is the series with the most interaction between the cultures and nations of Equs(is there any other name for their world?) and Earth

7857453

I despise that version of the setting with every fiber of my being with the fury of a thousand suns.

....eep.

It was poking fun at the idea that transforming into a pony must mean death of personality or some other horrible nonsense,

Yeah. The only way that would happen is for your conciousness to be copied and have your original body destroyed and OH WAIT

7858886

Also, congrats on writing the only Conversion Bureau story I can stand.

Ever read Hegira? That's a favorite of mine, another Conversion Bureau story where Celestia and the Bureau aren't the bad guys... with heavy doses of "gritty action movie" and "gryphons are awesome."

I love this story. I think the Pony POV style interview helps to give the whole Conversion Bureau a new perspective.

I also like the twist on the storyline. I cannot really nail it down, but the lack of black and white, hero and villain actually feels refreshingly unique.

8016984

Ironic given who our narrator is.

Course Celly is understanding, the pony leadership is thankfully very kind and intelligent. I do like this different view of the Conversion, I grew tired of the "ponies are the bay guys human fight back" settings the idea the HLF is a deluded terrorist group and the ponies really ARE benevolent(at least most are) feels right. Seeing Equestria as evil feels too different from cannon.

A good convertion story at last

Ryan, a trans-species zebra

Shod this story be put here ?
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/211095/tsp-trans-species-ponies

8086836


Thanks! This is a RECONSTRUCTION of the premise.

8086838 The part where Princess Twilight is in negotiation for the humans in the EG universe for the humans turned "whatever" to use the mirror portal is genius.

8086854

I figured it was about time that elephant in the room stopped being ignored. The "best" I've ever seen where it was even remotely mentioned is where Sunset ended up Africa and got killed and eaten. -_-

8086881 ...what?

Good grief, never understood why The Conversion Bureau triggered so many people. Some type of bandwagoning? All that energy and time to oppose a setting with a loose theme: People become ponies because of something, something MacGuffin portal eating Earth. Rape and gore and "this type of sexual behavior disgusts me" don't get the shit type of treatment TCB got. How bizarre. The original was a mess but some of the spin offs are quite amazing in writing. Includes some of the anti' or shadow stuff.

It's fantasy. It's fiction. It's fun.

Gone...

...before it's time because some hypocrites acting like children who couldn't keep the ignorant hate boners in their pants. Such egos.

8086958

I can appreciate writing something as a retort, it's often what motivates me. However, ALL THERE IS ANYMORE is the deconstruction and the anti'. Basically, the Anti has BECOME the setting! They're fighting against something that no longer exists! And the 'humans become ponies' has gotten to the point where it's more just something you can replace almost anything with as the reason humans and ponies are fighting each other.

It's like the dim-witted dad that started out as the subversion of the wise and intelligent 50s father, has become the new standard issue.

This was an interesting read, I liked that the conversion included other nations other than Equestria.

8125775

That's the idea. I wanted to present the setting as it SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

I just find it funny that he keeps calling Celestia 'sun-butt' but manages to call Twilight Sparkle & Shining Armour by their proper names.

Also I would be very interested in reading a The Conversion Bureau fic if you wrote it. The way you present it here makes it sound rather interesting.

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I just find it funny that he keeps calling Celestia 'sun-butt' but manages to call Twilight Sparkle & Shining Armour by their proper names.

He wants to make a point that he doesn't blindly serve and obey her as the paranoids thinks happens.

Also I would be very interested in reading a The Conversion Bureau fic if you wrote it. The way you present it here makes it sound rather interesting.

Thank you, that was the point. The antis are all that's left. We've had enough deconstruction. Let's have a reconstruction of lots of people turning into ponies and bringing their human ideas to Equestria.

Hmm. I liked it. Pretty neat take on the Conversion Bureau setting and a nice way to not only make a character but run a general summary of the past, present and future of the possible story in only a couple words. I don't think I've really seen stories down this way (maybe only three or four) and I kinda like it. It's a quick summary and recap while still being a story. A fun read.

8291555
Thank you. I had some larger details originally, but it felt too much like just a setting description than the character themselves describing it, so I started from scratch and worked in what I could.

8291555
Thank you very much for your comment!!!!!

8291578 8291581 Honestly, you've given me ideas for how to burn through random ideas with little stories. Not sure if I'll try to emulate it or not, but it's such a neat approach.

8291601

Happy to heart I gave you something.

7858886

Did you read the sequel? And did the read the third story to this I commissioned?

I like this story, one of the big issues with The Conversion Burea is that it tends to be a bunch of stories that alternate from Humans Are Bastards! and Ponies Are Bastards! written by Tautological Templars who would probably start a Nightmare Eclipse fanclub.

This story is a more believable case of what would REALLY happen if the human and equestrian worlds crashed together.

8627852

I like this story, one of the big issues with The Conversion Burea is that it tends to be a bunch of stories that alternate from Humans Are Bastards! and Ponies Are Bastards! written by Tautological Templars who would probably start a Nightmare Eclipse fan club

.

And don't get the 'flawed but badass humans verses the well meaning but delusional ponies' which IMHO are just another flavor of bad as the ponies are left just as OOC as before only with a facade of acting like themselves. Others go the route of mind control on the ponies.

This story is a more believable case of what would REALLY happen if the human and equestrian worlds crashed together.

THANK YOU!!!!!! THAT WAS THE WHOLE IDEA!!!

Very interesting take on the TCB scenario. Might as well address ALL the tropes, both pro and anti in one big gulp, and just get on with telling a story. Nicely done. And that bathrobe... :rainbowlaugh:!

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Very interesting take on the TCB scenario. Might as well address ALL the tropes, both pro and anti in one big gulp, and just get on with telling a story.

The tropes are pretty much why I wrote this. There's so much room for 'nurture vs nature' and culture clash in this setting... instead it turned into an alien invasion story with flawed but badass humanity verses the well meaning but delusional invaders.

Nicely done. And that bathrobe... :rainbow laugh:

!

Happy you found that funny. THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENT!

I still think it would be hilarious for this guy to meet Zecora and she falls for him hard.

"To be alone is no longer my fate; at last this mare has found her one hot date!"

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That feels a bit... too fairy tale or sitcom for Frank's style of story. Amusing to think about none the less.

8642160
To me it's more the humor value of the normally cool and controlled Zecora falling head over hooves for someone. But the newfoals and the rest will, sooner or later, find themselves falling for members of their new species. Might get even more complicated if the rest of the newfoal family ends up belonging to an entirely different Equestrian species.

Are we REALLY gonna do all this? If it'll stop with the rude looks. I was confirmed catholic and I'm still Catholic, I do NOT worship queen sun-butt nor whatever goddess natural born Equestrian Zebra have! I still enjoy a good hamburger! I can still swear. And if you ask if I'll just do whatever I'm told like a good 'zombie newfoal' then I'll punch your face in!

Okay, this was definitely an amusing read :pinkielaugh:

Have a like a favorite :pinkiesmile:

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