Chapter Four - Scootaloo For The Win
“Alright, Sugar Cube. Ain’t nopony here to laugh at ya, and ain’t nopony here to make fun of ya.” Applejack smiled at Twilight when Rainbow Dash suddenly interrupted.
“We got that out of our system before the meeting,” the cyan pegasus snickered drawing a giggle from Pinkie and a Glare from the orange farm-pony.
“I know where foals come from,” the princess of friendship glared around the table, “Foals come from special cuddles. And making out leads to special cuddles. And Pinkie could be in real trouble if it turns out that Spike is underage.”
“Pinkamena Diane Pie is in serious trouble for stealing my precious Spikey Wikey!” Rarity pounded the friendship table with a well manicured hoof.
“Oh come on, I backed off for, like, forever!” Pinkie Pie protested in annoyance. “After that whole ‘Trenderhoof’ embarrassment, it was pretty safe to assume you weren’t interested.”
“What about Scootaloo?” Rainbow Dash Argued angrily at the pink party pony.
“She used an enchanted arrow to try win a bet with her friends, and probably isn’t really interested in Spike anyway, and even if she was, Spike is clearly the equivalent of an adult pony because dragon-rules!” Pinkie Pie stopped to inhale giving Applejack the pause she needed.
“Ah think Pinkie Pie is right about the first part of that. Scootaloo is clearly NOT the victim here.” The orange mare then turned to Pinkie. “But Ah’m not so sure about the rest of her reasoning. Ah mean, if Spike hatched when we all got our cutie marks, then he’s pretty much gotta be slightly younger than Apple Bloom.”
“Honestly, darling,” Rarity rolled her eyes, “We can’t apply pony age to Spikey Wikey. He’s clearly working on a different biological time-scale than the rest of us. After all, we didn’t take our little sisters with us to fight King Sombra.”
“That doesn’t necessarily make Spike an adult.” Twilight face hoofed profoundly. “That could just mean that we’re massively irresponsible ponies. Where’s Fluttershy? Maybe she could weigh in on this from some kind of biological perspective.”
“Greetings my little ponies!” Discord conveniently stepped out of wormhole carrying the aforementioned yellow Pegasus.
“I’m sorry we’re late.” Fluttershy hopped free of the draconequus and fluttered to her seat at the table of friendship. “Our lunch date ran long.”
“We went all the way…” Discord winked slyly, drawing a blush and a giggle from Fluttershy. “All the way to the Forbidden Zone!”
“No!” Pinkie Pie glared. “That joke has gone far enough!”
“We were just having a lovely Picnic with the Queen of the 6th dimension, and lost track of time.” Fluttershy admitted meekly. “I’m sorry that we kept you all waiting.”
“We’re trying to determine if Spike counts as an adult or a minor by pony law.” Twilight explained quickly.
“Really? You’ve been dragging him into life and death battles for how long, now?” Discord looked at the gathered ponies in disbelief. “What happened? Did Marshmallow Seamstress finally...”
“Not me, darling,” Rarity’s voice chilled the room, “Pinkamena took advantage of my poor gentle-drake after he was hit with a stray love arrow.”
“Hey!” Pinkie protested. “It’s not like I was the one who enchanted him! And all we did was make out a little.”
“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight glared in frustration. “You have to take this seriously! Making out leads to cuddling and cuddling leads to babies!”
“Twilight, Ah’m still pretty sure you don’t know how that works.” Applejack scrunched her face up as Discord rolled on the floor laughing.
“I was personally educated by Princess Celestia herself!” Twilight banged the table dramatically. “I think I know where babies come from.”
-=-=-=-=-
-Long Ago-
“Princess Celestia! Princess Celestia! The royal beagles are fighting in the garden!” Little Twilight Sparkle ran to her mentor in terror, leading the Princess quickly to the site of the altercation.
Upon arrival the princess suppressed a smirk, and spoke soothingly to her student. “It’s quite alright, my little pupil. They are not fighting, they’re just… cuddling. Come on, let's give them some privacy. We can have cake and tea in my study.”
“Can we have books and cake and tea?” Twilight asked excitedly, the puzzle of the cuddling beagles forgotten.
-=-=-=-=-
“And then Miss Fluffy Tum had a litter of puppies, and I asked the Princess where they came from, and she told me it was from when they were cuddling before.” Twilight couldn’t help but notice her friends reactions ranged from eye rolls, to snickers to outright laughter. “Okay, maybe I don’t know every single little detail, but that’s not the point! We have an enchanted dragon and an alpha level friendship problem between Rarity and Pinkie Pie! Our friendship is the basis of our national security! This. Is. Serious. Ponies. I’ve consulted Princess Ember, and I’m waiting for her reply. Hopefully she has some insight as to the question of Spikes maturity. Until then we still have to deal with Spike’s enchantment and resulting friendship problem.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Rarity wasn’t even interested in Spike until he was interested in me.”
“My Spikey Wikey is only, ‘interested’ in you because Scootaloo stabbed him with that dreadful arrow!” Rarity glared.
“Sounds like a clear case of Bolts Before Colts to me.” Rainbow scratched her chin with one hoof. “That’s how we’d call it in the Wonderbolts. Which I’m part of. Because I’m awesome.”
“Wait.. Bolts before Colts?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah.” Dash shrugged. “It’s pretty obvious. If you know someone on your team has their eye on a certain somepony then that pony is off-limits. Because the team comes first, because there’s no ‘me’ in team.”
“Congratulations Rainbow Dash!” Discord beamed. “That’s actually the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“Thanks.” Rainbow grinned then did a doubletake. “Wait… what?”
“Alright, I get that.” Pinkie Pie nodded. “But Rarity wasn’t the one interested in Spike. Spike was the one interested in Rarity. I mean, you can’t just set up a friend zone AND be special some ponies! And again, enchanted arrow, not my fault.”
A letter appeared before Twilight in a burst of magical fire. “Ah, here’s Ember’s reply now. This should settle whether or not Spike is underage by Dragon Law. This whole thing could just be a silly little tiff over nothing.”
“Dear Princess Twilight,
Is that really a real question? Seriously? We were going to hand over our entire kingdom to Spike. In fact we did and he was briefly the Dragon Lord. Remember that thing that you were actually there to witness?
Spike can make out with ponies if he wants to I guess. Since he likes ponies so much he can marry a pony for all I care. It’s not like I like him or anything. We’re just friends. BAKA!
Sincerely,
Dragon Lord Ember”
“Well some dragon is feeling tsundere today.” Discord rolled his eyes.
“I know, right?” Pinkie nodded in agreement. “But like I’ve been saying since I brought Spike back here, can we get him back to normal? It’s kinda fun having him fawn over me all the time, but it’s kinda sad too, because I know it’s just a spell, and when it’s over he’ll just go back to following Rarity around.”
“Pinka… Pinkie dear,” Rarity’s voice softened. “I’m so terribly sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in my jealousy that I never even thought about how hard this must be for you.”
“It’s alright,” Pinkie Pie sighed. “Honestly I just want my friend back to normal.”
“Well, that’s awkward enough by itself.” Twilight nodded. “If you hadn’t actually kissed Spike it would be pretty straight-forward. As it stands the spell can only be broken by a kiss from the pony who used the arrow in the first place.”
“Whoa!” Rainbow objected. “Didn’t we just establish that Spike is an adult? Because Scootaloo is definitely NOT an adult.”
“Where is Spike anyway?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow.
“I restrained him to stop him from constantly making out with Pinkie Pie and locked him in the north tower until we could figure this out.” Twilight admitted with a heavy sigh.
-=-=-=-=-
“Okay, Spike, I’ve snuck in the castle and gone All The Way to the top of the north tower.” Scootaloo stared intently at restrained Dragon. “This is how this is gonna go down. I’m going to untie you. We’re going to tongue kiss, and you’re going to pet my mane, maybe grab my flank, and tell me I’m the Cutest Cutie Mark Crusader. Then I’m going to win the bet and prove that I am the most awesome Crusader.”
“I thought you were trying to figure out which…” Spike shook his head quickly. “You know what. Never mind. Let’s just get this over with.”
-=-=-=-=-
A gaggle of adorable Kirin foals sat in a semi circle around an unseen mare as she finished her story. “And that is how your Aunt Scootaloo became the cutest Cutie Mark Crusader.
The End
I won!
CHEATER!
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Thats all well and good. But whose going to teach Twilight exactly where foals come from?
Because I would love to see her reaction to that.
...Dat ending...
And that's how Equestria was made!
Well done sir! Glad you decided to finish it!
Well... that happened.
that was cute...
img10.deviantart.net/79a3/i/2016/235/b/b/ruby_twins_crimson_and_red_by_hillbe-daf21tv.jpg
Kiri...
Hah I kinda want a sequel about the main 6 going to Celestia to ask where babies come from.
Cough
But really good story matey
Wait....who do the Kirin belong to? I mean which mare.
good story but weak ending, poor Pinkie.
Good story over all though i was expecting a bit of a better ending than that. Either way i loved this story to pieces. Great work.
Who won anyway?
I was actually rooting for Pinkie
7879044 Scootaloo won. Because she went the distance. Even though she didn't know where... exactly... she was going, she went "all the way" to win. And that is why Scootaloo is cutest Crusader.
What the buck? Did not see that coming but still funny. I hope you write more, maybe torment someone with unwanted affections from several others.
7879105 the mother of the kirin?
This happened...I only feel bad for Twilight.
Well... that was fun.
Quite good
I'm a bit conflicted about this:
On one side is a QUITE out of genre.
On the other... well it's definitely funny.
Poor ember, hehe
7879118 The mother of the Kirin is the unseen mare right at the end.
7879920 seriously?
When does Queen Doris pay us a visit?
pic.kickass.re/20150811/13353/c225e67866b54ab7bc63a309c0aac498.png
7880005 Finally, somebody got that!
7879923 Well of course. Who did you think the mother was? I thought it was pretty obviously the unseen mare telling them the story.
7880118 my first guess based on your sequel, Pinkie
7880119 Okay, now I gotta clear this up for real-real. The "Sequel" is actually this story's second chapter. The original was supposed to be just the first chapter (it was a super short one shot I wrote on a dare). I published the sequel when I decided I wanted to continue it, but when it hit the featured box while the first one was still up, the mods got annoyed and declared it was a second chapter and not a sequel and revoked it's submission and made me resubmit it as a second chapter to the original. Somehow even though it's unsubmitted, it still shows up in the side links of the original. But in reality it's already been folded back into the original story as a second chapter. Sorry for the confusion.
Cap.
__________________
Okay ... So an Aunt is the sister of a mother. So who's Scoots sister too? And who got pregnant by Spike?
7880401 Adult friends of the family can also be afforded the title of "Aunt" or "Uncle" in some cases as well.
7880564
True. So who are the cute little dragon-ponies born from?
7880670 Well at the moment it could be virtually anypony but Scootaloo.
I'll probably get around to answering it in the sequel. Honestly, I haven't decided yet, but you can safely eliminate Scootaloo, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy... oh and Ember because she's not a pony. 
"Scootaloo is cutest Crusader."
... That's okay with me.
Side note:
I would expect by dragon law Spike would be little more than an hatchling; especially considering the lifespan of an dragon.
So Ember does have feelings for Spike?!?
7880982 And yet they were going to turn over the Dragon Lands to him. I never said Dragon Law was smart, just that by Dragon Law Spike is qualified to run a country. Thus a legal adult.
7881136 How should I know? YOU try reading a tsundere waifu. Obviously Spike couldn't, or his kids woulda just been dragons.
7881281 All I'm saying is that the way Ember wrote it, she really wants to have Spike as a lover and mate.
7881382 That could well be, but she underestimated just how dense Spike can be.
7880129 that confuse a lot
7881520 Yeah I agree. There was confusion and delay.
But the mods said "The Shippnening" was not part two but chapter two, and there was a flame war and that was a thing. The story moved on. 
7881552 haha okie dokie lokie
7881392 There's only one way: Pour on 100% sexy dragoness charm on the dense Crystal savior.
Honestly... *sigh* I hate the way you ended it. It's so weak and doesn't give us any closure on the Mane 6. We don't even get to read about Twilight getting 'the talk' from her friends...This just doesn't sit right with me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the story, but the ending... I know this was focused on the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but COME ON! Don't leave a pony hanging!
.......Celestia made this mare a Princess. ....she made her immortal, and the Princess of Friendship, which also literally makes her the princess of all magic. Screw this, take it away Goku
https://youtu.be/59bXrmLUqIE?t=36
...and Celestia is directly at fault for this. Btw, I'm fully aware of just how hilarious this story is, and that that's what I probably should be commenting on, but I choose to massively overanalyze fictional pony age-of-consent laws! Because......because that sounded less wrong in my head.
Thank you for making me fear for the safety of all Equestria. I definitely didn't do that enough before
....y'know, I just realized that this has deviated wildly from all semblance of in-character...ness. In fact, it did that some time ago. It is, however, so hilarious that I really should have woken up my roommate with all my barely-held-in laughter.
Forget what I just said about lack of in-characterness. At least for best Eldritch Abomination
7880112 OMG I need 10 gallon of brain bleach stat! Just had to watch that movie in full on youtube ANGCVTUJVDESHMK WTF??
things like that make me glad the 80's are over.
.
The princess gets the Jiggly Giblets Chicken Dance award of the 20th century for the hell scene, not that anyone would probably want to contest it.
I suppose it was Queen Frenchy that Discord & Flutters visited then? I was hoping King Fausto (scary coincidence) copped it in the end, really didn't like that actor from Fantasy Island and The Man with the Golden Gun
So...who was the unseen mare?
And you really should teach Twilight the truth about foals...
7953109 Glad you like it.
This story reminds me of something familiar, and I just can't quite put my finger/hoof on it yet...
Wait...
Three girls... who's the best/ cutest...
It's Aphrodite, Her and Athena with the lead up to the Odyssey and Iliad!
*Really Likes Greek Mythology*
(Skip to around *:03 in video)
7837338 You mean Spike enslaving the crusaders in a sex dungeon?
That's Fifty shades of damn right there.
this isn't an alpha problem. its a inverted omega problem... right?
Sweetie Belle is obviously the cute one. Scoots is the daredevil and Applebloom is the unofficial leader.