Alone during Hearths Warming Eve, Ocean Blue is content to stay in her little box between two buildings, when she spies Sweetie Belle and her friends walking past her ally. Curious she follows only to sink into her dejection and close herself up.
With the help of a Unicorn, Lily, Ocean grows to leave her box and rejoin the world she once wished to abandon.
Couldn't find a good cover image, and didn't have time to make one, so I opted for a stock one from the series. I wanted to let you all know that in case you thought this story was about these ponies.
Chapters (1)
It's an okay christmas fluff story but there can be improvements.
You could have expanded on Oceans character a little more in the beggining so I would be more invested in her character besides just the whole poor lonely child trope.
Speaking of tropes....
To quote from AJ, "we don't normally wear clothes" though I get you are emphasizing how unfortunate Ocean is but you could have her covering herself with an old rag/blanket to keep her warm from the cold instead
Also, after this you could have had a quick biography of whi is Lily is to Ocean so I can be invested in that character.
Also, it seems kind of rush in the end and a few confusing plot points.
This story definately need more time to develope...
7831959 Yeah I was already aware of the plot holes. If I had more time in the year, I would develop it some more, but for once, I wanted to do a short fic, and I haven't written anything since August so I'm rusty. If I had more time in the year I'd have developed it more thoroughly, but I'm not sure how this would have played out in only the target number of 1.6k words.
Aside it all, I'm sticking to my guns. I'm not bothered if people don't like it, the message makes the story for me.
7832069 Hoping your writing is better next year
Not bad, I can quite easily imagine it an episode of the show itself. However, I think there is far bigger potential trapped in this story. Ocean could elaborate more on her thoughts and feeling than just envying friends and family. We could have actually seen her trying to make some friends than just turning away. It'd prolong the story a bit, but I think the outcome would be worth it. Just a tip for the next time