- Member Since 7th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen Dec 28th, 2023
SweetCelestiaWhy
Would the real SweetCelestiaWhy please stand up?
SweetCelestiaWhy
Joined 7th Apr, 2015 ·
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A great way to end the year!
7832196
Nothing like some good old fashioned lovin' to make New Years all warm and fuzzy.
Well! You're welcome for the inspiration, and thank you for the consideration
I must say, you captured it in just the right vein. The dubious R63 world grows!
7832796
No, thank you, honey.
You made it all possible.
The only issue I have with this is the ending where she said he didn't care she was in heat I'm just thinking yea he did care you just didn't stop
7833976
Dubious consent makes the act all the more fun.
7833160
You flatter me
Well done. Going in my faves!
Now, I do love me some Rule 63, but this just takes the cake.
Good ol' fashioned reverse rape. Good shit.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/999/733/6d6.gif
So I never got around to commenting on this. Especially considering the inspiration, I'm sorry
Thoughts-
A little dream sequence, and some lead-in. Excellent! Yeah I get it, this stuff is clop, but I need some lead-in before we jump between the sheets, so thank you. You also balanced accent with readability well. There are some people who believe that any use of accents or colloquialisms in character dialogue will make the whole story incomprehensible. Others believe in writing accents so thick, you can't tell what you're reading. Both are wrong. Characters with an accent bring you into the scene more, thus they should be preserved, but they do need to be balanced out, and not so thick that they damage readability. You handled them well.
And as for the action? We're eased into it and given reasons in the test for how it ends up happening. Not rushed, not forced, and I believed it could happen without any extensive character departures. He didn't care that she was in heat, but...well heck, neither did she, clearly!
Great lines-
I'm having trouble picking out only a few! There's less 'oh yeah, fuck my hole' in this, and more sensual descriptiveness. Makes for a stronger story - you're talking to somebody here who sees a need to use curse words as weak in literature. Don't feel bad that I didn't single anything out specifically for praise here. It just means there were too many good ones to list!
Nitpick lines-
"The words had barely left his lips when a colt spray hit his face," - I'm sure this was just a typo, but wow what a typo!
"Mmmyeh. Jussliektha," - What? I think he's saying 'Mm, yeah...just like that..." but this might be an example of too much colloquial speech.
Good, hot, steamy fun. I admit I saw a lot of Gleam or Shine in this story, right down to the dream, the sleep, and the thing with the drawer. I'll take it all as a compliment, which you deserve too for your good work!