Far, far in the distant past, where chaos reigns and monsters roam, the realm of Adlaborn thrives. Under the rule of its founder and guardian Sint Erklass, Adlaborn and its Reindeer inhabitants stand firm against all manner of threats from beyond - both natural and supernatural.
But the lives of its people, particularly one Anna Erklass, face irrevocable change when two mysterious foals are sent to its doorstep, with the power to shift the celestial bodies, and the task to lead Equestria in the years to come.
With danger both beyond and within Adlaborn's walls, the young Reindeer princess must deal with the changing of the times, as the fate and future of both Equestria and Adlaborn cross paths. And beneath the grounds, darker forces stir, clawing for the foals, and grow ever stronger.
Borrows elements from Disney's Frozen.
A distant prequel/companion piece for Joy to the Worlds - both can be enjoyed separately.
Co-written with VoxAdam, additional writing/cover art by Jed R, with ideas adapted from TB3 and TheIdiot, and proofread by DoctorFluffy
Set in the greater universe of SPECTRUM, though reading that is very much optional, and the story can be enjoyed as a standalone, independent piece.
For Jasmin
Why sat this in the Conversion Bureau universe if it's going to be a 100% standalone story with no references in it?
7821680 It's tangentially related to the stories linked, and can be enjoyed on its own merits or if you've read the others, a companion piece.
At it's heart it's a lighthearted Christmas fantasy.
Brilliant to see this up :-)
7821734 Couldn't have done it without ya!
#ReviewTrade!
This is a review brought to you by the review trade.
So:
Grammar in the fic is good. You'd think it's obvious, but with the fics I've reviewed and read, it's really not. No spelling mistakes is a rare and good thing. However, I must say that the chosen level of language clearly exceeds the abilities of the author. There are plenty more subtle mistakes in the text, that, on occasion make it confusing or even downright unreadable.
e.g.
Wagered - made a bet on it. This does not fit with the text. She was convinced of it, she believed it, but it wasn't quite a gamble. you say "I'd wager" if it's a casual hypothetical, not actual life-or-death.
This reads as if she was heaving with her teeth. Hilarious, but kinda wrong.
You double down on a dare or a bet. When something hits you, you double up. Confusing, I know.
Also not entirely convinced that it actually works for a quadruped.
etc.
The errors are subtle, but numerous, and I'd say that while truly an earnest attempt at good fable-esque English, it, ultimately fails, making text confusing and weird instead of whimsical and legendary.
The references are nice. Sudden Russian reference, Anderson, probably few I've missed. I do that myself and I like that sort of thing.
My biggest beef with the fic, aside from the failures of the language, is the fact that I have not a faintest clue who those people... err, raindeer are. I understand that the first chapter is sort of in medias res, but with the second chapter it would really be helpful to do some character introductions. Who are they? What are their powers? How do they relate to Equestria and canon (that one is sort of there, but so bare bones, I think I came out even more confused when I read this). etc.
There's Anna and Elsa from Frozen, but they're deers, and then there are Russian toponyms (Vologda, Zamok Ustyag (btw, I'd use Kitezh. That one was at least magical in the fables)), rather than Norwegian and Anna also has magic. There's Blueblood (not sure whether it's the same Blueblood as in the show), though Celestia and Luna are barely foals... I've no idea what elements of Frozen or of the show are or are not used, and what else should I expect.
Also weird non-pony names are weird. Especially if you read Lilja with hard "j" as I think most native English speakers would.
I guess the people who read the original works would understand what's going on more, but the description assured me that reading those is not necessary.
So all in all, this, at the moment, is more of a train-wreck of a story than an actual fic, I feel. It needs serious editing to fix up the language, and a long hard think about the structure, exposition and what elements are indeed strictly necessary for the story.
7824940 Ah, thanks for your time!
English is not my first language, so in order to avoid redundancy I experimented with the vocabulary.
As for the names and locations, call it a composite culture of Slavic and Nordic influences.
Overall if this seems inconsistent then I do apologise, since I've strived for both a standalone fic and a tie in with the larger universe.
Long story short, I thank you for your time and criticism.
Cheers, and Merry Christmas!
7824991
If you have a google doc, I'm willing to help out with the editing, if you want.
9997520
Glad you've found the story enjoyable.
The past is in the past, but thanks
Dont worry, despite the date, the story is still in progress. I just got caught up with writing Act Two of the main story.