• Published 30th Dec 2016
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The King of Love Bugs - NavelColt



Embracing the power to share love rather than steal it, the changelings work to reinvent themselves and their kingdom while Thorax seeks to introduce a more peaceful hive to Equestria.

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Day at the Museum - Part 2

"Within the first year of the After Banishment—or AB—calendar alteration, a solar eclipse occurred for the second time in recorded history. Scholars believe Princess Celestia, exhausted from her busy schedule and newfound role in moving both the celestial bodies, forgot to move the sun prior to positioning the moon. Shortly thereafter, a religious cult calling for Luna's release, known as the 'Lunar Republic', gained traction in eastern Equestria. They cited the occurrence as a divine sign that Princess Luna was meant to rule Equestria as its sole monarch."

"Cimex, stop it."

"Within the first year of the After Banishment—or AB—calendar alteration, a solar eclipse occurred for the second time in recorded history. Scholars believe-"

"Cimex, you're going to annoy the ponies with that!"

"Within the first year of the After Banishment—or AB—calendar alteration, a solar eclipse occurred for the-"

"Cimex, don't be such a nymph!!"

"Within the first-Within the first-Within the first year-"

Cimex continued to press the button. For his transgression, he was mercilessly tackled to the ground by Xenica. They rolled about in a chirping ball of blue and purple gossamer.

From a safe distance away, Thorax looked on solemnly.

"It's just so tiring," he whined, gesturing to the colorful tumbleweed as it bumped around. "Their best behavior doesn't last, whether I ask nicely or sternly. I've never had this issue at home before. They've brushed off or ignored everything I say, and I seem to be the only one who can't get anywhere with them."

"Parenting of any kind is a trial as much as it is a joy," Mild Menagerie said sagely. She noticed that the crowds seemed to have largely grown used to the changelings and their foalish outbursts. "Have you tried channeling their energy into productive outlets, rather than scolding them for being energetic when not appropriate?"

"Well, not successfully, I guess. Princess Celestia did something like that shortly before we got here, and it was really inspiring. I can do that sort of thing when talking with a changeling one-on-one, or with nymphs, who are a lot more open to suggestion; but I still struggle with groups of adults at times."

Mild swept her gaze over each of the drones. Paired off in groups of two, not one of them had ventured too far from Thorax. Xenica continued to wrestle with Cimex down the central aisle. Labrum had come to the rescue of the timid Clypeus, who struggled to overcome a particularly tight wall of ponies.

Then there was Apidae and Calor. They’d been corralled by Celestia to an untouched corner, blocked off from view behind her wings. Whatever they were plotting was anyone's guess, although they were in no short supply of smiles.

"I'll tell you a little secret, King Thorax," Mild said abruptly. "In pony culture, parents often take the stern approach when it comes to reprimanding foals because the young are often incapable of ever being serious themselves. Adults, on the other hoof, know how to be serious but choose when not to be.

"Perhaps taking a stern approach with the adult changelings is your issue. They don't take your worries seriously because they've already calculated them in their own way, and are choosing to focus on having fun. It's natural to lay restrictions and have expectations, but if you frame them differently, you may find a world of difference."

Thorax hummed. Snapshots of the changelings stepping before him, protecting his honor from the city's naysayers, flooded his mind. He'd done nothing but stand there, but they'd taken charge of that situation, hadn't they? And what about their hurriedness to console him when he was visibly upset? Or reminding him of their visit's priorities whenever his anxiety got the better of him?

Now, Thorax felt like groaning. The changelings were his anchor, but he'd done nothing but stress the chain. He'd promised himself—and them—that he wouldn’t be a buzzkill on this trip. But instead, he scolded Cimex several times, encouraged the group to stay behind while he sought out Twilight, and had been a worrisome mother hen whenever the changelings had so much as casually spoken to the princesses.

Thorax did his best to drain the red from his cheeks. "That's great advice, thank you. The adults sometimes act like nymphs because they're still getting used to feeling emotions rather than feeding off them, and so like nymphs, I've gotten used to trying to keep them in check. But, you know, it's been several months since we transformed. I can't keep using that excuse forever."

Thorax tracked the ongoing racket of Cimex and Xenica. The slightest hint of true distress or pain, and there would be words for Xenica, but he wouldn’t intervene. Cimex would have to learn to deal with the consequences of his mischievousness sooner or later.

From his blindspot, Thorax heard Celestia's giggles join Calor's. Apidae's enthused questions and comments egged them both on. He could scarcely imagine what the princess had them working on, but he didn't dare pry. Should he spoil a surprise for himself, he'd never hear the end of Calor's distress.

Thorax then found his quiet pair, Labrum and Clypeus, carefully examining the tall cutout of some black and red creature. A centaur, most likely. It had been animated with a charm to flex its arms on loop. Clypeus was backing away from the odd art piece, but Labrum's chest halted him.

Labrum then spoke. Thorax couldn't make out the words, but he needed no context to sense the warmth coming off him. Labrum nudged Clypeus's flank towards the exhibit with care while closely following him, blocking any further retreats.

Thorax wore a sympathetic smile. It would be a lie to say he knew either of these changelings well yet, but he knew enough. He knew that it was rare to see Labrum openly expressing himself. Around Clypeus, however, he was another changeling entirely. He'd seen it in his glancing peripheral throughout the entire trip, and it'd only grown more obvious. There was something precious there.

Thorax's body moved on command.

"I'm sorry, Miss Menagerie. Thank you for your advice. If you'll excuse me, I think it's about time I started focusing on having fun, too."


"Go on, Cly. It won't bite you. That's the creature Princess Twilight fought, I think. I wonder if there's a talking button on it, somewhere. The buttons tell you about stuff."

"It's not going to jump out at me, is it?" Clypeus grimaced as he was gently nudged closer. "Labrum, you weren't here when the dragon jumped out at me earlier. The ponies are trying to give me a heart attack!"

The nudging stopped and was replaced with a pleasant ‘aww’. A tangerine leg draped around Clypeus's neck, and the grey drone thrummed as he was hugged.

"I'm here now, dragon or no," Labrum said. "I know you hate jump scares, but I don't think all the displays are like that one. This one looks like it's designed to flex, and that's it."

Labrum's face harbored hope for further exploration, but Clypeus shot it down when he inserted his head beneath an open neck. Pats befell his shell as he settled and relaxed.

"Let's just cuddle instead. That's less scary," he mumbled.

"Oh, is it?" Labrum fell to his flank. He squeezed the petite changeling tighter. "What a bold plan; cuddle the day away. Don't think I've heard that one from you before."

"Says the changeling known to leap on me when he's bored and wants attention."

Labrum exaggerated a sneer. "Yeah, okay, but there are times for cuddling all day, like when we're at the hive. Thorax wants us to explore the museum while we're here. If you don't do it now, you'll regret it later, Cly. C'mon, let's look at this exhibit."

Clypeus frowned. Labrum stuck out his tongue, and a grey nose was booped.

"Future Labrum surrenders himself to being a plush toy of your choice if you agree to explore with Present Labrum."

Skeptical lime eyes stared back.

"It's just a display, Labrum. Why don't we look at some other ones? I saw one that has these rainbow apples, and I think there were jam samples, too. It looked delicious."

Another boop. Clypeus gave a faux hiss, and Labrum laughed.

"You're a real scaredy-bug today. Don't worry, I'll check it out for you first—make sure it's spook-proof."

Labrum pulled away from the embrace and ventured towards the display in his friend’s stead. Like a retriever examining the unknown, he poked his head around the exhibit perimeter, scanning the intimidating cutout from top to bottom. Clypeus crouched down to the floor, watching and waiting with widened eyes for any sudden movements.

"No mechanisms for jumping out at you," reported Labrum. "It's really flimsy, actually. It would fall over if it tried."

"Promise?"

Labrum's welcoming face emerged beside the centaur's waist. "Promise. Now, can you see if there's a talking button on the front somewhere? There's nothing but cardboard back here."

Clypeus crawled up to the exhibit. A few written words were recorded on a wide poster board by the centaur's biceps, organized beneath a large, extravagant title.

The Terror of Lord Tirek.

Clypeus found his eyes scanning back up to the flexing likeness when a sudden voice caused him to seize up.

"In the year 142 BB—or Before Banishment, a pair of strange and powerful creatures descended on young Equestria. Brothers, Scorpan and Tirek, disagreed with how to handle their mission of stealing Equestrian magic. While one sought to retreat after learning of Equestria's charm, the other sought domination.

Though initially imprisoned for his crimes against ponykind, the tyrant Tirek would find a brief window of opportunity to carry on his conquest plans in 3 AR—or After Reunion. Thanks to the heroism of Princess Twilight and the Elements of Harmony, Tirek was again imprisoned within Tartarus."

"Well, he looks stronger than Chrysalis, but I'll bet she's more intimidating. What do you think, Clypeus?"

Clypeus jolted in place and turned in time to see a pair of antlers powering down. They'd just finished pressing the exhibit's button with magic.

A familiar warmth settled in the drone's chest and every extremity, injected by his king's mere presence.

"It looks like you guys are enjoying the museum so far," Thorax said. He smiled at the shy drones in sequence. They smiled back timidly, and for Thorax, that effort was just as loud as words.

"You know, I haven't gotten to see everything in this room yet. Would you guys like to check some of it out with me?"

With a little effort and even more patience, the alpha changeling beckoned the pair, and together they explored the farthest right aisle of exhibits. It was a section filled with middle-of-the-road history regarding agricultural advances and the founding of famous cities. Somewhat dull perhaps, but also calm and void of anxiety-triggering crowds.

A gossamer tail brushed against Thorax's own as Clypeus attached himself to his side. Thorax watched him as they walked. With a thin frame and shorter stature than the other adults, the grey drone was the very picture of vulnerability. What little Thorax knew about him was what Calor's ramblings had taught him. He was renowned within the hive for being easily spooked, but he also had a noticeable temper to counter those who dared to pick on him.

Thorax put on a tiny smirk. If he was here, he must be a cuddlebug. Calor's invitations had been triple-checked. And if he was as shy as he appeared to be, that meant one of the few changelings lucky enough to hug this bug was trotting along just behind.

Thorax cast a subtle eye at Labrum. Even by looking at him, his energy was hard to place. The changeling moved with the silent grace of a cloud and appeared just as calm. If Thorax hadn't witnessed the former enthusiasm first-hoof, he'd have pegged the drone to be just as introverted as Clypeus.

Another tail brush disturbed Thorax's thoughts. How unusual it felt not to have loud exclamations doing so instead.

"I'm sorry I haven't been more attentive with you guys today. Cimex, Calor, Apidae, and even Xenica are all really outspoken. They tend to steal my attention when they're around, along with everyone else's."

Uncomfortable silence begot a visible wince. Thorax felt his stomach tighten the longer it lingered. It reminded him of his brother, who’d often ignore him with such silence. Finally, Labrum stepped forward to match Thorax's pace.

Thankfully for Thorax, this silence was born not from an attitude, but a simple disposition.

"That's why Calor made sure to bring Cly and me together. If only one of us had come along, we'd probably be miserable by now. But we've been able to pair off together whenever we've needed it. Right, Cly?"

A sharp chirp signaled agreement. Clypeus left Thorax's side at once for Labrum's. The drone's wings buzzed in a brief display, heralding another hug. Adoration poured from Thorax.

"I'll never get tired of seeing changelings get along," he praised. "Having someling you feel comfortable around is invaluable. How I wish I had that at your age, Clypeus. It took me leaving the hive as an adult to find anyone even willing to be my friend."

While Labrum swam in the bliss of plentiful love magic, Clypeus's smile began to slip. His focus shifted to Thorax, a concentration uncharacteristic of him.

"I don't remember you from before I molted and became an adult, Thorax. You must’ve left by then, or maybe you were just avoiding other changelings. I'm sorry you never had friends back then, but I'm glad you went away. You ended up coming back and helping everyling because of it. I never would’ve met Labrum if you never became king."

Thorax fawned, but his sentimentalities were cut short. A sharp snout dug into Clypeus's neck and reduced him to a wriggling, giggling mess.

"If I might interrupt," said Labrum. "I thought you were the changeling who wanted to goof off all day today by cuddling. Where's this serious heart-to-heart coming from?"

Attempts to step away were foiled immediately as Labrum tripped and gripped the drone, trapping him in an awkward dance of struggling and tickling.

"What are you-no, not in front of the hive leader, Labrum!"

The snout climbed Mount Clypeus and peaked its chin, forcing it upwards.

"What are you worried about Thorax for?" Labrum giggled right along with him. "He eats this stuff up. I'd think you'd want to worry more about the ponies. I mean, they think we're all weird beetle creatures already, not to mention whatever it is I'm doing."

Clypeus's wings buzzed in a rush of anxiety, but the playful onslaught masked any chance of fear. "Yeah, exactly! So knock it off! You're a total bully when you want to be, you know-" His giggles turned into laughs, which prevented him from speaking further. Unbalanced and lacking a hoofhold, he gasped and pulled them both to the ground, where he was quickly subdued again. Clypeus twitched and flailed about helplessly, pinned beneath an invasive, nuzzling nose.

But his restraint was obvious to any observing eyes. Not for a moment did he truly try to fight back.

Entranced, Thorax found himself enamored with the infectious display. The creeping guilt he'd felt choking his mood earlier had subsided. Now, the more he watched a once shy, reserved changeling so openly laugh and play, the more confident he became. It was confidence in the empathy he'd tried so hard to teach the changelings for so long. It was alive and well, flourishing in even the most unlikely changelings.

Voices began to emerge all around him, and Thorax dared a glance.

"Daddy, the colorful bugs are playing around!"

"They're charming, hun. Not all that scary now, are they?"

"Are these really changelings? They look different, sure, but they act so differently, too."

"Right! I remember beasts that hissed and growled and ensnared ponies in cocoons. What happened?"

"Juvenile, perhaps, but not the least bit threatening. Maybe the new colors are for far more than show, after all."

"Changelings feed off of love. Under our former queen, we were taught that love had to be taken."

His heart raced, his hooves sweated, but Thorax still spoke, loud and clear for the entire room to hear. He wanted to escape to an unnoticed corner, but he did not. He wanted to cast away the spotlight he'd suddenly thrust upon himself, but he did not.

Instead, he stood tall, because a good friend had once stood at odds for him, hoping to bring about change. If that change was to be achieved again today, it was his turn to champion it.

"Our queen led us astray. Love never had to be taken because we can create it for ourselves. Just by expressing affection, we nourish our minds and bodies. Just by caring for each other, we become strong."

He turned to his playful pair and inspired them to stand; with one leg, he held them in a brief yet secure embrace. He looked again at the crowd, and among the looks of intrigue was one of pride. The gorgeous sun monarch now watched him fondly.

"I became king of the changelings because I showed them a better way to live. We're completely self-sufficient now, but we've come back to Equestria because we want to do more than live happily in seclusion. The changelings want to learn about pony culture and make new friendships, and I want to erase the image of changelings that Chrysalis created. And if I can't erase it, then I want to at least bring Equestria something better. You all deserve it, and so do we."

He stopped, but only because his lips had grown dry. A hoof sharply jabbed him in the side. It was Labrum, and he was grinning.

"Bravo, King Thorax."

Celestia parted the sea of patrons as she made her way towards the king. Mild Menagerie followed in her wake, greeting familiar faces along the way and graciously staying out of the alicorn's way as she addressed her subjects.

"Equestria shines as a beacon of hope and prosperity, not just for ponies, but for all creatures big and small who would have peace in place of strife. I am honored to have the changelings as our guests today. Their story has just begun, and one day soon, I hope to see our museum record even a snippet of that story."

The alicorn did not turn, nor did she spare any subtle glance, but changelings began to breach the borders of onlookers to join her all the same. They gathered under the shade of her wings, and as if on cue, a few happenstance camera flashes twinkled.

"In the meantime," Celestia continued. "Mild Menagerie and I have helped the changelings arrange an impromptu exhibit of sorts. I believe it would be particularly enjoyable for those with young foals. Before you leave us today, please consider dropping by and saying hello."

She cast her eyes across the room, and the room looked with her. Situated in an unassuming corner was a modest sign, held aloft by a pair of plywood boards. Written in perfect cursive upon it was, 'The Reformation of Love Bugs.' Small, dried trails of paint dripped from every other letter. A tasteful lavender rug, thick with woven fibers, served as a small sitting area just beyond it. There, a red and yellow changeling sat by a large stuffed bear.

The changeling beamed to her sudden audience.

"Hello, everypony! My name is Apidae. I’m a liaison between the Changeling Kingdom and the Crystal Empire. I love to sing, explore, and learn new things about new places and creatures. I thought it'd be fun to talk with anypony who's interested in our culture. If you have little ones, I'd love to tell them funny stories about adventures I've been on."

Suddenly, the large stuffed bear erupted in a haze of blue flames, stunning the audience. A cobalt changeling with a foalish grin sat in its place, and he waved enthusiastically.

"And my name is Calor!" Within moments, a small group of foals rushed to him, bouncing excitedly in response to the flashy display of magic. He offered his attention at once and bounced in place with them. "I help King Thorax create fun and creative activities for our hive. I love to make others laugh and feel happy! If anypony or their little ponies would like to dance or play, let me know! I also give great hugs. Just ask Thorax!"

Thorax felt his heart skip a beat as the mention earned him a few dozen fleeting, bemused glances.

"Surprise!" Celestia proclaimed softly, catching his eye. Mild Menagerie swiftly resumed her duties as curator, giving the alicorn a chance to talk casually. "Admittedly a thrown-together idea, but from the looks of it, a worthwhile one."

She invited him to look again. Already, Apidae had the ear of several adult ponies, politely talking them through an apparent tale or two. Not a yard from her side was Calor, in the midst of amusing his young new fans with a series of transformations into stuffed animals. Upon each change, he played peek-a-boo and made a goofy face. From foals and parents alike, the laughter could be heard from afar.

"Admittedly a little jealous of those little ones," Celestia whispered. Thorax chuckled.

"It's perfect. Princess Celestia, you really are incredible. Did you actually notice which changelings could best do something like this in such a short time? It took me over a month just to remember everyling's name."

His remaining drones snickered. Celestia shot a wink.

"Don't give me too much credit, Thorax. You've been at this for less than a year, whereas I've had several millennia of practice. Besides, I'm not the one currently winning over the ponies of Canterlot with their charm. You've woven your own destinies since the moment you entered this city. The innocent play of your changelings, your introspective words, and now this little creative side project. Changing the public's view of changelings does not look like a grand undertaking, Thorax; it looks just like this."

"She's right. Your speech was beautiful, Thorax," said Clypeus softly. "You looked so nervous, but you still did it. And you didn't even have to. Labrum and I were just playing around. You could’ve gone and done something else or just watched, but you didn't. That's inspiring coming from you."

Thorax cursed his fidgeting with a subtle but forceful lip bite. On reflex, his hoof went behind his head.

"You guys are going to embarrass me," he whined. "I just wanted to make sure everypony had the right idea. There's so much meaning behind how we spend time together now. More than anything, that's something I want to make sure everypony knows about the new changelings."

Exhaustion came to him like a sudden weight on his inhale. Thorax sighed and eyed the rays of sunlight streaming through the skylight. The sky had begun to saturate, which meant the evening was nearly upon them. Celestia's eternal smile revealed little, but if he had to guess, their time at the museum was nearly up. Once 'The Reformation of Love Bugs' ran its course, they'd likely be heading out. It would soon be time for dinner, which meant it was time for Papa Thorax to round everyling up.

"Should we go help Calor and Apidae?" Thorax offered to his group. "You don't have to help if you don't feel up to it, but it might be nice to have all of us over there. I'd like to be able to answer questions, too, if anypony has any for me."

Clypeus opened his mouth, but his attachment to the ground was altogether rejected. He chirped frantically.

"Aye aye, Thorax," said Labrum, effortlessly heaving Clypeus onto his back from underneath. "En route to Apidae and Calor!"


"Say the line, Starlight!"

"This is ridiculous, Twilight. You realize this is ridiculous, right?"

"It's Discord, of course it's ridiculous! Now say the line!"

The ungodly jaws of a jet-black dragon threatened to eviscerate her, but Starlight curled her lip still. Grasping a long, silver blade in an aura by her horn, Twilight swung helplessly in the face of the beast, a deep red cape billowing on her back. A climactic melody led by brass and wind instruments lamented on from somewhere unseen, and from all around them, plunderseed vines crept menacingly closer, blocking off all routes of escape.

A sudden flare of fire pierced through Twilight's shield of magic, and she fell on her back. The dragon's mighty claws upheaved the ground on either side of her, and a python-sized tongue flicked in anticipation. Starlight rolled her eyes.

"Say the line!"

"For Celestia's sake...now, sword of truth, fly swift and sure. Let evil die and good endure."

A blinding light enveloped Twilight’s sword, seizing it from her control. It soared through the air towards the dragon with perfect precision, slicing through its goatee as it did. When the beast's chest was struck, it wheeled back onto its hind legs and let out a deep, horrific cry of ‘death’.

"Aauuugh! Right in the ticker!"

"This is absurd," Starlight mumbled. The chaffing of her elaborate red gown was starting to infuriate her.

Sighing, Twilight stepped forward. A piece of her daring rescue armor popped from existence with every step. When she reached the dragon, he had been reduced to a gangly, serpentine draconequus lying on the ground.

"Game over, Discord. No more games, no more stalling. The faculty event is over, and thanks to you, I’m extremely late for what is no doubt an important day for Thorax. Are you done?"

In an eerie reverse-fall, Discord rose to his claw and goat hoof. Casually brushing himself of dirt, he snapped his claw, and a pocket watch appeared between his talons. He adjusted his monocle and eyed Twilight with a triumphant smirk.

"Bravo, Princess Twilight and friend," he said, summoning replicas of himself to give a short round of applause. "I didn't think you'd manage it, but of course, you did. What devotion you have to entertain a friend at the expense of other engagements."

"Like she had a choice," Starlight muttered.

A floating doorknob entered reality by Discord's waist, and he turned it. A mindscape of horrors and nonsensical sights could be seen in the realm beyond. With one hoof in the door, Discord turned and cast the mares a parting wink.

"Enjoy your respite, ladies. I believe I've had my fill of fun and frivolity for now. I'll be sure to sing the praises of your friendship to dear Fluttershy upon her return. She’ll be so delighted to hear what model friends you all have been, although probably after expressing her disappointment with the level of shenaniganry I had to resort to; but who cares about that, right? Oh, and Twilight...do tell our good boy Thorax that I have a limitless supply of paper bags, should he need to relieve any hyperventilation by dinnertime. Immediate family always makes visits so much more complicated."

The lord of chaos stepped through his makeshift doorway, and the realm of nightmares was sealed and whisked away in an instant. Twilight was left with her protegee in what was now a long-abandoned clearing, save a few remnants of party streamers tangled within the grass.

"Don't suppose you have any idea what that meant," Starlight broached, walking up alongside her mentor.

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter right now," Twilight said decisively. She turned and gave the unicorn a prompt hug. "More importantly, thank you for sticking around, Starlight. I could’ve handled him alone, but this was all a lot less aggravating with you around."

Starlight chuckled and returned the embrace. "You're welcome. Always easier to drudge through tasks when you have a friend there to hate them with you. Now get going, will you? I'm sure between Thorax and Celestia, there's a whole lot of 'where is Twilight?' going on up there. I'll finish cleaning up here."

Twilight nodded. She looked up to the distant city with renewed resolve. Her wings spread with purpose, and with a great burst of wind, she took to the sky.

As velocity brought forth a sense of thrill, she giggled to herself. "Teleporting into the capital would be rude. Sorry for the wait, Princess Celestia, Thorax. I'm almost there."

Author's Note:


What if, what if, what if the world was cuter?
If you haven't seen the Animaniacs reboot yet, folks, you ought to get on that. :pinkiehappy:

Humans build different relationships on different wants and needs. Changelings build all relationships on pure love. This was the idea behind this chapter, along with showing how even introverts can emerge from their shells around the right people, or in the right situation. :pinkiesmile:

Food for Thought:
Some of you might compare some aspects of Clyepus and Labrum's relationship to romance, or something of equal definition. But in a society of love-eating creatures, that's not necessarily the case. :twilightsmile: They could very well just be best friends.

Friends, siblings, lovers - these relationships are not defined or even distinguishable from each other just by gestures of affection or high emotional attachment within changeling society because these things are considered the norm in all relationships. The lines are blurred together from what human society has historically labeled.

Question it. Why is it considered abnormal for best friends or siblings to tickle each other, cuddle or have an emotional connection (especially when it comes to men)? Why does human society often treat these things as exclusive to sexual relationships or parent-to-young-child relationships? The psychological excuse that these things lead to sexual motive is entirely subjective to an individual, meaning this mindset is just archaic stereotyping. I believe the only things that need to separate a sexual relationship from any other kind are the sexual actions, themselves.

Platonic affection should not be taboo. Stigma and emotional suppression are partly why the world is messed up. I am nothing if not hyper-progressive towards relationships. :trixieshiftright:

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