Perchance to Dream

by David Silver

98 - Diplomacy

The car rocked with the sudden jerk my father gave it, but he righted himself quickly. "What the hell was that? It came--"

"Pardon me," spoke Twilight. "I didn't mean to alarm anyone."

I raised a hoof from the back. "Everyone, meet Princess Twilight Sparkle. You can't see her at the moment, but she's all the horse I am."

"We're not horses." Twilight sounded mildly offended at the idea. "We're ponies. Nice to meet you all. Sorry for intruding, but I really can't wait to speak to Linda. Wait, that wasn't Linda's voice. True? But, how?"

I cocked a fuzzy brow at that. "Better question, how are you reaching me if there isn't a statue to use?"

"You did leave something... Namely your human body. It's very hurt, and asleep. We're taking care of it as best we can, but I hadn't realized you had literally swapped places. That seems so obvious on reflection, hmmm. Either way, your human body isn't stone, so we can't just... unstone it, not that they should have done that!" I could hear an angry hint in her voice. Perhaps she did not approve of that method. "Look, I saw what happened last time we did that. Are you alright? I'm calling as a friend, not a princess. Are you okay?"

Mother slapped the dashboard. "Hold on there. You need to bring us up to speed. We're tired of chasing blindly behind, and this is sounding crazier by the moment." She held up a pointer at the dimly glowing glass. "Let's start with 'your human body'. You have Linda?"

"Who is this? Yes. We have her, and she's safe. I'm so sorry the princesses, er, the other ones, got carried away. That wasn't right."

Cous' leaned forward in his seat. "Twilight Sparkle?"

"Oh, yes. Have you seen me in your media? They got the voice eerily spot on, even if my physical features are inaccurate in proportions." She cleared her throat, still not visible. "I suppose introductions are in order. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"Patrick Frohein," reported my Father.

"Sarah Frohein," added my mother, they both sounded formal.

Twilight gasped dramatically. "Are you her parents? It's an honor to meet you both! Wait, I heard one other voice. What is your name, sir...?"

"Just her cousin, Roy Frohein." His smile was awkward. "I didn't expect... this."

"Tell me about it." I heard Twilight sigh gently. "You're all in a car, right? Are you going to be somewhere safer to speak shortly?"

Father nodded. "We're just pulling into the driveway now." He slowed the car to a gentle stop and pulled the key free. "So, what's going on? How do we get our daughter back?"

"I'm happy to report that you have her right now, just in the wrong body. As for how to switch that back, I think she, or he, has a better idea of how to do that than I do."

Knowing my body was on the other side, I did. I just had to... switch back. Was that something I could do on command? I did it the first time. Why not again? "Right... not now though." All three of my family members turned to look at me like I was crazy. "Look, there are important things going on that need this splash I'm making. It goes beyond just me. Twilight, tell them what we were working on before this all fell apart."

Twilight cleared her throat before she came into view. There was the magic purple horse across our windshield. "Members of our nation are currently being held prisoner by your own. We've been working to secure their safety, well-being, and ultimately recovery. The going has been slow, but I feel we are making progress." She brought up two hooves just to spread them. "Things became more complex when we realized that ponies may be being thrown far wider than just your country, and even if we do secure an extradition agreement with your country, we would have to negotiate fresh with every other country."

Roy rolled a hand towards me. "That's pretty messed up, but doesn't explain how she became a he."

Twilight's head sank a little. "That's a whole other story. I'll let Linda, or do you prefer True Shot right now? I'll let them tell you that story." She perked up. "Allow me to say that she, or he, has been a great help to Equestria, that's my country, and we are very glad to have him, or her, them. We're glad to have them as a friend and a citizen."

Mom undid the door on her side of the car. "Can we take this inside? I need a little more room to breathe."

A thought came quickly. "How many others are gathered about?"

Dad undid his door. "It's long past the time of secrets, Linda. Let's break the news."

Twilight smiled in at us. "I'll hop to a new reflective surface in five minutes." She vanished.

Everyone spilled out of the car. I fell to all fours, as was my new natural state. With a soft clip-clop I trodded towards the door and my incoming doom.

"When'd you get a horse?" called a new voice.

We all looked over at a neighbor that had spotted me. It wasn't time to play pretend, so I smiled at him. "Nobody owns me, but nice to meet you." I dipped my head and scurried inside away from his confused expression.

"True!" came a familiar female voice just an instant before I was being hugged around my fuzzy neck by an ecstatic Starlight. "It's so good to see you! But why are you... you know..."

Trixie cocked a brow. "Why are you a pony right now? Does this mean we can go back to being ponies?" Eyes turned to Trixie, including members of my family that were not 'in' on it. "What?" She waved a hand at me. "You see one pony, another's that surprising?"

Well, that was the pony out of the stable, so to speak. I had curious family members poking at me while others questioned my friends... plus one? I hadn't yet met her, and soon she was a pony just like Trixie and Starlight. There were four ponies in the house and the family created a constant buzz of conversation, not that I could even start to blame them.

A ring reached my ears. It was my ringtone. "Who has my phone?"

Tod fished it out and held it up. I willed it closer and it flew across the room before wide eyes to reach my face as I answered. "Hello?"

"Misses Frohein, I presume?" spoke Director Swanson.

I felt everything run cold. "Hello," I said as neutrally as possible. "How can I help you?"

"You've done more than enough." I heard something being put down on the other end. "I will not be pursuing you."

My ears lifted. "Oh?" I wanted to know much more than that, but the more I said, even in questions, the more I gave away. I let her be the talker.

"I've been fired. This conversation is between two private citizens."

Fired? I... didn't want that. I mean, I wanted her to not throw me in medical prison forever, but It wasn't anything personal. "If it matters, I thought you did your job well."

There was a silence for a moment. "Thank you." A little laugh escaped her. "Perhaps I'll use you as a reference."

A wry smile spread over my equine lips. "I would speak well of you, Miss Swanson."

"Misses."

She was married? "Pardon. I... hope things work out."

"It's my fault." I heard something small being put down, her glasses? "Ever since I met you, I tried to strong arm you. A gentler touch would have yielded easier results, and less terminations. You've won, Miss Frohein. You won. Your little publicity blitz has erased the idea of secrecy from the entire program."

There was something there. She was hurt, on some deeper level that went beyond a financial misstep. Oh... "Are you the breadwinner in your--"

"He tends the house," she cut off. "Not that it's any of your concern at this point. You won. They'll make it a big publicity thing, practically hurl new identification at you when you get home. You win. You get the happy ending." She was ranting at that point, her anger bursting free. "No one will know or care about me, and maybe that's just what I deserve!"

Maybe it was being a pony. Maybe I was soft before then. Either way, my little equine heart was breaking. I didn't want to leave my nemesis broken. The thought of her suddenly without a safety net, collapsing with her family... "Can I help?"

"Can you help?" She sounded shocked. I heard another voice. The phone was put down. She was arguing with someone else. Maybe her husband?

The phone was picked up. "Linda?" I knew that voice!

"The changeling!"

"I have a name," replied the voice in a good natured way. "If you want to help, really want to help, tell me."

She was... "Are you her husband?"

"Do you?"

I glanced up to see my family had become engrossed in chatting with Twilight, who had taken up the hallway mirror and was chatting in return. It looked friendly, even if many of my kin were confused by the whole thing.

"If it doesn't hurt anyone, yes."

"Safe answer. Look, you have a way home, that much is obvious. You know how to get there, and you've gotten yourself back and forth, with your pony posterior intact. Get us there."

Was I being asked what I thought I was? "Is this what Swanson wants? She seemed fine being a human woman."

"I'll help her adjust. She won't be alone, and she won't have a... history following her. Can you do it or not? Get us there, and we'll be out of your mane."

This all felt so very extreme. "Can't she restart here? How bad is--"

"She made a lot of enemies chasing after your sudden gallop. She thought she was on top of it, she wasn't. It was her mistake, but it won't just go away, so I'd rather we did. I've enjoyed the cushy husband gig, helping out once in awhile but mostly just there. I'll be the provider now." I heard Swanson's loud squawk. "She'll learn to be loved." His voice dropped. "I'll learn to love. I'm willing to do this, will you help?"

Well, damn... "Your call was didn't include the number. Give me it, I'll save it, and call you as soon as I know what I actually can do."

"You're a good pony." A soft chuckle came through. "I knew that the first time I saw you. Sorry for putting the fear in you." He gave me his number and I saved it like I said, and we hung up.

I felt... empty. It was a victory, but where was the cheering and where was the sense of it? I didn't feel like I just bested great odds. I felt like I got my way by screaming louder and better than the competition. Yay me...

Tod sat down on a chair next to me. "What's wrong?"

I glanced over at him, but said nothing.

"You're going to make me say it." I said nothing. "Why the long face?"

Oh god. I put a hoof over my face and he chuckled. "No, really, what's wrong? That phone call looked rough."

Should I tell him? I didn't feel like keeping anymore secrets. "That was the lady that would have thrown me in a dark box forever. Turns out she was fired. I... win. No one is after me."

"That's good, right?" He looked me over. "Being a pony is odd, huh? I got to try it out once before. It was cool."

I perked an ear at that. "You did, huh?" I smiled a little. "Did your tail tickle your bottom?"

"It did!" He burst into laughter at that. "I guess 'real' ponies stop feeling it after a while."

I asked him how his experience as a pony went, and he told me, and how they found me, and what it felt like to be a pony. It was nice, just talking to Tod, listening to his adventure. It was... good to hear someone other than me had a touch with the impossible.

Author's Note:

Please move your tray into the upright position as we come in for our landing.

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Comments

[DDDDDDDDD23]

Linda is acting out of character. I kind of want her to freak out over what she did once she is back in her human body. I think the pony body is affecting her mind.

[tsaukpaetra]

How interesting that the one who went first proclaiming their losses indeed caused much greater loss in another. We don't think it has quite set in just how much he screwed over Swanson. But, if Swanson and lover do cross over, it would probably be much more effective than using True as a liaison. This conference call will happen, we do swear it!
Poor Frohein family, this family reunion certainly has been exciting. We're glad her mother pulled her in, thing might have gone very differently had she not...
Keep going! ;)

[Booster Spice]

Different ways this can be taken, depending how current world, hollywood or It things are like?

[Starlight Nova]

Didn't this story used to be, like, much longer?

[keroko]

"Make a big publicity splash." Is that government code for "try and sweep the darker bits of keeping ponies prisoner under the rug?"

I do feel a tad sorry Swanson, as she only did what she could within the framework given to her from up top, but as she pointed out herself she and her colleagues did set herself up for this by trying to strong arm someone with far more cards to play.

[David Silver]

8472930
Oh, that they will. Nothing untoward will ever have happened, that they will admit to. It's all happy endings and flowers!

[David Silver]

8472916
It's only gotten longer, not shorter.

[David Silver]

8472700
What should she panic about doing precisely? The only time she's outright gone into full panic mode was when her psyche was splitting in half towards the start of things.

[Greenhorn]

Since the cats were thrown out of the building, I wouldn't be surprise if Hasbro decide to contact Linda soon (maybe even interview Trixie, Starlight, and Twilight) - probably to discuss the copyright?

[RadicalDishonesty]

Well. That's a very awful position, Swanson is in now.

It looks like... she followed orders, but the way she did was unacceptable, now that it's all said and done?

It still stinks, even if she was leaning on Linda.

So... what about Kevin? Is he still persona grata?

[David Silver]

8473519
He has not been fired.

[keroko]

8473519
Sounds more like Swanson was given a set of orders, one among them being 'keep this a secret' and now that the smokescreen is well and truly blown the Powers That Be are throwing her (and probably several of her colleagues) under the bus in order for said Powers to get away scot free and curry favour with Equestria.

"Oh no, we had no idea that was going on! Don't worry, the people responsible have been sacked. We had nothing to do with that, honest!"

One wonders if Celestia and her well over a millennium of political experience is going to fall for that.

[terrycloth]

8475005
She's not supposed to fall for it. It's just supposed to be plausible enough that she won't look bad going along with the story if it's convenient.

[keroko]

8475054
... They don't know Equestrians all that well, do they?

[Warrior Kitten]

Shes assuming. Just because Swanson isn't after her doesn't mean others wont be.

[Sylica telca]

Oh crap her job! How's she gonna get paid now since Swanson got fired!?

[David Silver]

8510358
The government is still there.

[Luckyfanisaac]

Twilight's head sank a little. "That's a whole other story. I'll let Linda, or do you prefer True Shot right now? I'll let them tell you that story." She perked up. "Allow me to say that she, or he, has been a great help to Equestria, that's my country, and we are very glad to have him, or her, them. We're glad to have them as a friend and a citizen."

Why can’t they go international?