Perchance to Dream

by David Silver

2 - Workplace Ethics

I went through the morning rituals; eating breakfast, washing, dressing, coffee, you know the drill. It was Friday! That blessed day that one had to get through before a weekend of winding down. I was looking forward to that. I was also keyed up about that dream. I'd never had a continuous dream, but I'd heard about them.

No time for that though, so I hurried off to work.

I sat down at my desk, flicked the computer on, and grabbed for the mail that had been dropped off for me. "Yeah!" I pronounced as I read the first. One of the many permits I had been chasing through red tape hell had gone through, at last. I pulled up the company email and got to typing furiously to share the news with the rest of the crew.

"Hey, Linda." I looked up to see a female coworker of mine. She was a good girl, a bit of a shy waif, but a good girl. She looked a little embarrassed about something. "That was... a really nice email... But you really shouldn't... There are rules about that."

Before I could ask her much, she hurried off. What was that about? I had an idea how to find out and turned back to my computer and checked the sent folder. Most of it was filled with various job-related things related to getting things moving, except for one that stood out near the top. It was to that coworker, from me. I didn't remember sending her anything. Had my password been compromised? That was serious, so I got to changing it even as I opened the email to have a peek.

Good Evening Sasha,

You glow with a radiant charm that everyone but you can see. Don't doubt yourself for even a moment longer. You are a goddess come from the sky and deserve to know that. Smile. Your perfect other half awaits you, but they need to see you show some of that wonder that hides within you. If you require any assistance, please write me back.

Yours Faithfully,
Linda

I hadn't written that! It had sexual harassment written all over it. It was a small miracle I wasn't already being called into HR right that very instant. Red with worry, embarrassment, and a manic need to fix it, I swapped my password and jammed out a quick email to the tech department to make sure I wasn't being hacked or anything even worse than that email.

"Christ," I sighed out once that was done. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. That wasn't how I planned on the day going.

Thankfully, nothing else horrible happened that day, and I arrived home, a little frazzled, but also relieved. It was Friday, which meant I was free for two whole days!

There was a lot of self-pampering I did to unwind. Soaking in my favorite scent, listening to some music that my coworkers would never have guessed I even considered, and ordering in a feast. There was an Italian place not far away that delivered. Not pizza, god, what do I look like, a college student? A nice big steak with a spaghetti side and a hunk of garlic bread that rivaled even that Equestrian cookie, that was more like it.

Fed, soothed, and almost forgetting my worries, I nodded off on my couch as a movie played.

I was in stone. For a change, I heard something. Someone was speaking, a female.

"--say it's not him?"

"I'm certain it's not, but there is a certain... familiarity. His eyes... I will leave this in your hooves, sister. I can't see to this impartially."

"As you would have it. I have detected no dreams from the statue thus far."

I could hear her tapping on the shell. When awake, it seemed the shell was quite thin and fragile. I heard it break and decided I should stop holding my breath and emerge with a wide stretch, sending bits of rock tumbling to the ground.

Celestia was there, though she colored and moved to flee. "Good morning, Linda. This is my sister, Luna. She will be your company for the day."

Luna raised a brow at her sister before turning to me. She was tall, like Celestia, but not quite matching. "You do have a strong resemblance. Am I correct that you have the mind of a mare, despite your obvious stallion attributes?"

I wasn't sure I liked where her eyes were darting and moved my legs to protect modesty. "Yes, it is. I'm Linda, as I'm guessing Celestia introduced. What's this about company?"

Luna hiked a brow. "You are new to our land. Sister assumes you do not wish to be left entirely on your own. I also had some questions. Do you not dream?"

What a question. "Sure I do. It's right here." I waved a hoof around the room. "A heck of a dream at that."

Luna frowned a little. "I know well the difference between waking and slumber. We are both awake and aware."

Of course a dream would say that. It'd be a creepy dream otherwise. "Sure sure."

Luna rolled her eyes, clearly seeing through my placation. "Be that as it may, you reside within the form of one sister once held quite dear."

A thought hit me. "Were they, you know, a thing?"

"A thing?" Luna blinked. "Oh, a modern saying. Yes, in a matter of speaking... I would chastise you on prying in other's affairs, but this has become your affair." She leaned forward. "Celestia... True Shot tried for much of his life to find Celestia her match, but all sister wanted was for him to turn his arrows on himself, just once. It never happened, and it is far too late to ponder seriously." She shrugged softly. "We were both younger, more foalish. You having his form stirs ancient hurts in her. It is obvious you are not him, but that only makes it worse, in a sense."

That was more intricate in detail than my dreams usually got. So I had the face, and body, of Celestia's unrequited love? That made things awkward. "I'm not trying to hurt her."

"We are both aware of this. That is why Celestia assigned me to be your caretaker. While True Shot was a pleasant friend of mine, I never harbored feelings towards him stronger than that. Let us assume a moment that this is not a dream."

I hiked a brow at that. "Theoretically, sure?"

"Do you have any other dreams?"

That wasn't an awful question. "Since I started having this one, all others stopped. I just dream this one, or I'm awake, one or the other."

Luna wobbled a hoof. "Are you certain..." She ran a tongue over her lips. "Could you not be True Shot, dreaming of being a mare?"

I blinked at that. "One, I'm not even a mare."

"Oh?"

"Female, yes." I nodded. "But not a mare. I'm human."

Luna gave a soft 'ah'. "Well let's put that aside for now. I'm not normally awake at this time of day, but your coming required we at least meet since I do not think I can convince you to come free of your stony shell at more reasonable hours. You are a free pony, where is it you wish to go?"

Was this a test of some sort? "We're in a city, I think? I'd like to see it."

Luna nodded. "Then we shall, or rather, you shall." She yawned widely. "You do not require my company to see the sights, simply keep the castle within view at all times."

She floated over a bag that jingled with coins. "Try not to waste it all right away, and take care of yourself. Celestia would be quite upset to see her friend harmed, be it simply his form or not. I would also recommend you return before returning to stone, for safety."

That was all moving too fast for me. "You're ditching me, like that?"

Luna yawned wide. "Yes, like that. I have other avenues to explore concerning you. We'll meet again." She rose to her hooves. "For now, enjoy Equestria. You have much to catch up on, be you True Shot or Linda, dreaming or awake."

She stepped from the room regally. Somehow, I knew she was pretty, despite being, you know, a horse.

I glanced down when she was gone, reminding myself that it was a crazy dream, and in that dream, I was a guy. Was I trying to work out some odd curiosities? Was I bi?

I had to laugh. Trying to psychoanalyze myself in the middle of a dream of magical horses seemed like a dead end by definition. I picked up the bag with my magic horn without thinking about it and pointed a hoof at it. "See, this is how you enjoy a dream. Let it work and stop sweating the specifics." I could hear that man's voice speaking my words. He sounded like a nice person at least.

I wanted to put that bag away somewhere, and... it happened. It floated up beside me and tucked itself away as if I was wearing a pouch, which I was not. It was gone, like dreams do, just waiting for me to want it again, then it'd be back, I felt certain. I stepped free of the waiting room I started in and wandered through the castle, admiring the art and the horses all dressed like guards and royalty. I was still the least dressed person there. A world of horses, and the human is the nudist? That was an irony to me.

I knew what my first stop would be and found my way out of the castle. The guards nodded at me as I went, but didn't try to stop me, so I was soon out on the streets of... Canterlot, that's right. "Very punny," I said to myself as I wandered down the street, looking around for my quarry.

I didn't find it before a smell reached my big horse nose and made it flare. There was a stand selling food, and that felt like a great idea. I abandoned all thought of clothes and walked up to the pony dressed like an Italian. Typical dream, taking what I had just experienced and working it in. I smiled and pointed at the stand, "What do you have?"

The slightly pudgy pony smiled brightly. "I have a variety of delicious treats, but, for you, I think something special, eh?" His horn glowed as his cart opened on the top and out came a calzone. "Alfalfa with sesame seeds on a seven-grain bread, extra cheese and the best red sauce you ever tasted!"

That sounded good, even if I wasn't sure what alfalfa was. Probably a horse thing, or so I figured. "I'll take it." A coin appeared as if by magic, which I guessed was the case. It went into his money box even as he handed me my calzone.

The smell had my nose twitching and mouth growing damp. With an eager chomp, I began to demolish it. It was hot, but I didn't care. Despite how recently I had eaten while awake, my horse belly was empty and my dream-self was famished. It was full of flavors, both new and old. By the end of it, I was licking bits of sauce free of my snout.

"Liked that, huh? Thank you for your business, sir."

"That was great, thank you." I dipped my head a little, feeling better about life in general. "Say, do you know a good place to get some clothes?"

"I had thought you were, perhaps, a tourist?"

That wasn't far from the truth. "You could say that, but I want to fit in."

"I know the feeling." He pointed a hoof down the road. "Third on the right side. They have all manner of fancy clothes." His head tilted a little. "Say, are you a hunter?"

A hunter? My bow floated in front of me as if to remind me I was wearing it. "Right! Sort of. I'm not hunting now."

"I should hope not," laughed out the Italian pony. "There's fair little game in Canterlot that one is allowed to hunt. Good luck, sir."

I thanked him once more and walked towards that clothing shop he pointed to. On the way, I heard bickering. A glance to the left showed two ponies having a loud argument about something. That seemed sad. This was a magical place, and my dream. Nobody should be arguing in my dream!

Twang, Twang! I hadn't even thought about it, but my magic gracefully grabbed two arrows and fired it right at the ponies. The moment I noticed, I gasped with alarm. I didn't mean to stop them that way!

The mare and the stallion jerked as the arrows struck true. The arrows sank into them and faded away. I felt them reappear in my quiver with a faint rustle of wood on wood.

The stallion's eyes went from an angry scowl to a half-lidded state. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, you know?"

The mare turned from accusing to smiling. "Me too. This is a big deal, right? Come on, we can make it through this, together."

They embraced, then did that funny bouncy-walk away. They hadn't fallen into immediate romantics, as I had feared, it just... reminded them of what they had in common. That could have gone much worse.

Huh, maybe being an equine love archer could be nice.

Author's Note:

The adventure continues. Linda is in Equestria, without supervision and with no alarm to awaken her after a long week's work. Maybe it's time to make some real typos?

Comments

[Fresnor]

I can just picture Linda and Cadance getting into a competition.

[kris664]

This is getting more kimi no na wa like...

Because she obviously didn't send an email...

He must have done it...

Somehow...

Kimi no na wa...

[SolangeEggbert]

"meat" -> "meet"

[David Silver]

7814451 Fix'd. What think you of the chapter?

[badninja]

So what would happen if Linda went into a coma on Earth I wonder?

[David Silver]

7814622 Based on the evidence given so far, and a quick google of comas... it depends? If it requires a functional dreaming state, a coma may put her in True Shot's hooves permanently, or not at all.

[terrycloth]

Oh god, thought-controlled arrows on a hair-trigger. At least they're non-lethal.

[Daremo]

related with getting - related to getting

---

I'm much too late for any of the meaty typos, but there was a nibble left.

Still enjoying the premise of this series with every new tidbit of information that is revealed in each chapter. It's clear now that there's a bit of a two-way connection happening with Linda and True Shot.

I hope that somehow Linda/True Shot can provide Princess Celestia with what she wants/needs out of this little abberation in the operation of the universe.

Trying to psychoanalyze myself in the middle of a dream of magical horses seemed like a dead end by definition.

It's more akin to sado-necrophiliac equestrianism, but that's just beating a dead horse.

[David Silver]

7815475 Only one typo? Fixed at least. So, who is the dreamer, and who is the dreamed?

[tsaukpaetra]

We have to wonder who's subconscious is at play...

[Unfelt]

An avoidable crime ?

" Tragedy strikes in the NorthWest commercial district of our fair city of Canterlot, when two pony were shot and subsequently killed by a passerby in Orion Street. Witnesses have described the tragic incident as "sudden and unprovoqued", as an unindentified male unicorn fired two arrows in rapid succession into the hearts of the unfortunate victims, killing them instantly.
Other witnesses have described the suspect as "seemingly lost" and "visibly distraught" after the incident. Present on the scene, witness Upper Crust recall : " She was shouting incoherently about "a horrible dream", saying things like "this is my body's doing, not mine !", and slandering our Princesses' names, calling them the responsibles ! I swear the influx of these mentally unstable strangers is destroying our beautiful city ! "
The unidentified suspect has been traced as coming from the Palace by the guards, but we have no other information at this moment. The Palace, contacted, has yet to give any answers about the whereabouts of the suspect in their walls.
In the meantime, the suspect has been transfered to the Coltham Insane Asylum by the autorities.
I ask you, readers : do you think this is an issue of mental health, or more clearly an issue of weapon control, as many have underlined before ? Indeed, one would think a restriction on bow carrying would have stopped this tragedy !"

Righteous Opinion, columnist for the Canterlot Post.

[Mist_Chaser]

That email worries me. A bad sign that while she is in True Shot's body, somepony is trying to play cupid in hers...

[wlam]

Was I trying to work out some odd curiosities? Was I bi?

Seeing how the notion never seems to have occurred to her before, I'm going to go with "no." Speaking from personal experience, it's really fairly noticeable when you are.

[Luckyfanisaac]

I think there should be someone to protect her when she turns back into stone.