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CommissarAJ


I left my witty one-liners in my other pants

T

During an otherwise ordinary bus ride on the way back from the Friendship Games, Indigo Zap and her friends reflect upon what they have seen and experienced.

Until one of them has an unsettling realization about the very moral fibre of their characters.

Rated Teen for mature language.
Special Thanks to SolidFire for his editing work.
Cover image by the talented Uotapo
Story inspired by the works of Mitchell and Webb

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 78 )

I like this. I honestly didn't pay much attention to the Shadowbolts in the Games. There was some introduction but honestly they were just near-faceless antagonists. No-gooders who for some reason didn't seem TOO surprised that magic was real. I can't even remember their names.

But this helped give them focus and personality in my head.

I haven't seen the Friendship Games yet, so I shall track and like this for the future! :twilightsmile:

Well, at least you girls aren't wearing skulls on your school uniforms. :pinkiehappy:

I wish the Shadowbolts had more character development, but honestly their portrayal as characters in the movie was wasted on just saying bad things to Twilight. They didn't have any real interaction.

BenRG #6 · Dec 19th, 2016 · · 1 ·

This is a nice little insight into just what makes your normal Crystal Prepper what they are. I can't blame Cadance from losing her cool at the end there. Trying to teach these kids the Magic of Friendship must feel like pushing a boulder up an endless slope.

Nice story, I especially liked Cadance telling of the Shadowbolts for their rude behavior.

7804860 That's one of the reasons I hate Friendship Games so much. They built part of it up to be some face off between the Humane 5 and the Shadowbolts, and they were clearly polar opposites of the Humane 5. Instead of some interaction with our heroes, the most they ever did was tease Twilight. They don't even say good bye to her or apologize for making fun of Twilight! Talk about wasted characters.

Nice story. You deserve a mustache:moustache:

Oh my God. Just SO many great lines!
Freaking Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Wrecked. I'm gonna have to remember that one! :rainbowlaugh:

s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg

“No. Nononono! That is absolutely bullshit!” Zap replied, waving her hands in front of her face as though this were all a bad dream. She couldn’t be a bad guy, she was a prized student. She was one of the top athletes at the school, a top-league academic, and in line to achieve more accolades and scholarships than anyone else in her grade, moreso now that Twilight Sparkle was out of the picture. Indigo Zap was going to breeze through college on a full sports scholarship and then get a Master’s degree and a PhD and become an astronaut and be the first woman to set foot on Mars and then she’d get elected president and have a Great Dane named Teddy who’d also be the first dog bodyguard!

That was not the future of a ‘bad guy.’

What do you mean? Bad guys can totally be President. (:trollestia:)

Personally, I've always imagined Sci-Twi being the one to confront the Shadowbolts about their need to be better friends.

This was wonderful. My one big regret in the Equestria Girls series is how Twilight immediately jumped ship to join Canterlot High, abandoning the Mane-6-equivalent group of friends she could have made back in Crystal Prep. They had even originally scripted it that way, there's some behind-the-scenes storyboarding that's been released showing that. I love seeing the Shadowbolts get a bit of the development they deserved.

7805085 Meh. I was gonna post that one too because it was so obvious.

7805358 It is, but I couldn't resist,

"... since one couldn’t just tell their students they were behaving like a bunch of brats, at least not if she wanted to be ex-Dean Cadance the next day." - Unless you're saying that Cadance actually wants to get fired, you should change this to either, "... at least not if she wanted to still be Dean-and-Not-Unemployed Cadance the next day," or, "... unless she wanted to be ex-Dean Cadance the next day."

Though liking it, her name's Sunny Flare, not Sunny Flair.;)

And now, back to reading for me. Enjoying it so far though.^^

7805358 Well, it DOES say in the description that it was inspired by that...

Lovely chapter. And the end of that was hilarious. XD

That rant was amazing. :rainbowderp:

Unfortunately, the characters of Equestria Girls can literally have their reputation in the blink of an eye. One song, girls, and you're good to go!

Dan

#this fic in light of the electoral college.

How apropos.

This doesn't really work.

This is usually the part where I add "for me", but... I can't do that here. I'm so sorry.

Reading this entire story I realized you fell into the trap every Shadowbolt writer does at one point or another (including myself before I scrapped 3 story drafts whilst coming up with my own fics): that being trying to capture the essence of the Shadowbolts by being as faithful to their movie versions as possible.

While this is an understandable thing to do--because it's how a lot of good fanfiction happens--It's also the kiss of death for our gals here.

Because as awesome as FG is, let's face it: Movie Shadowbolts can barely function in a story where they argue over who gets the last waffle. Trying to have them frankly discuss morality and metafiction?

Well, it was painful--amd mildly hilarious--to watch. :twilightsheepish:

Next time you write these folks, have some fun. There are faint glimmers of you wanting to do that with Zap/Zest/ Flare, but you seem to get scared at every last second and send them straight back to Obnoxiously Loud/Random/Undefined. Do more. Ask who your Shadowbolts are.

Your Cadance is excellent, no problems there. Also Indie's Mars Rant was priceless. That was you having fun.

Round out Movie Shadowbolts with your own Shadowbolts (which, if possible, still recall Movie Bolts as best they can). And then, for bonus points, figure out how they can have chemistry in their conflicts afterwards.

I wish you the best.

Somehow I missed the end of this story.

It still doesn't really work (least of all Cadance's outburst--crowdpleaser it may be it's so out of left field it enters stage right, even with the tells you see in beforehand, but the end shows you finally having fun at last. Honestly, next time just do a whole story with the Bolts from the last 20 or so paragraphs and it'll be an awesome read. Oh, and fix your Cadance. :D

P.S.. "Principal", and "Flare". :raritywink:

I love Sugarcoat. Celestia save me, I really do. :rainbowlaugh:

7805186

Damn you Ingram and your catchy song including the line 'Crystal Prep High'

While Cadence has a right to call out the Shadowbolts here on their attitudes, I think the writing is a bit off.

It's safe to say none of these girls have been handed ANYTHING in their lives, Crystal Prep I'd say it's safe to say has an incredibly darwinistic attitude, basically borrowing from law school where students are actively turned against each other. Crystal Prep clearly encourages a 'every student for themselves' mentality. And it's also safe to say IMHO that their standards are BRUTAL! Suri was SCARED TO DEATH of Cinch. Basically, there is no room for kindness, or friendship at Crystal Prep.

In other words: these girls aren't spoiled brats, they're the OPPOSITE: they've been brainwashed that everything has to be 'Second place is for losers' and 'ME!ME!ME!' or you can forget about getting ANYWHERE in life. "It's not like we're friends here after all."

CSC
CSC #28 · Dec 20th, 2016 · · 1 ·

“That’s enough!” Dean Cadance shouted, silencing everyone and everything on the bus. “Do you girls really want the truth? Fine! You can have it! You are not just the ‘bad guys,’ you five are some of the most self-absorbed, egotistical, spoiled brats that I have ever come across! You’ve had everything in life handed to you you for so long, the very idea that other people have wants and needs that occasionally have to come before your own is as alien as a three-headed monkey! Day after day I have tried my best to instill into you some measure of virtue but even the most basic principles of decency seem too hard for you to grasp, despite it being something that every other child learns when they’re still pissing the bed! You tout yourselves as a bunch of princesses, but the only thing remotely royal about any of you is how much of a royal pain in my behind you’ve been!”

All of the girls were taken aback by Cadance’s outburst, silenced by a combination of shock and awe at the verbal bombardment. For her part, Indigo tried to speak up to defend herself, but it was soon clear that their Dean was not yet finished.

“Most people have the sense to realize that acting in a polite and civilized manner is an important part of growing up, but it took you five a near-apocalyptic event to even come close to recognizing that you are the root cause of all your dysfunctional relationships! And despite all this, I have still refused to give up on any of you because the last thing I want is for any of you to wake up twenty years from now and realize that the reason your life is a complete mess is because you were a horrible person to everyone around you! Yet even the simplest lessons are amiss on all of you as you all have your collective heads shoved so far up your own butts that you can fellate your own appendix. If Principal Cinch had told me this job would involve having to babysit such a bunch of whiny little snot-nosed troglodytes, I would’ve told her go fornicate with a cactus!”

:rainbowderp:

I think I'be gained a new respect for Dean Cadence. At least somebody said it.

7806048 Just because they have to work hard in school doesn't mean they've never been handed anything.

If the Shadowbolts are from wealthy families who want them to focus on school -- which is most likely what we're meant to assume from their fancy prep school (since institutions called "prep schools" in America are generally elite private institutions) and from Cadence's rant here -- they're going to have a much easier time maintaining their academic careers than they would if they had other responsibilities. it's still a lot of work, but they have a lot more time to do that work (or to otherwise polish up their college application material).

Of course, monomaniacal focus on academia to the exclusion of all else and up to the point where you have literally no friends is also really unhealthy, but many teenagers couldn't work that hard on school if they wanted to.

JESUS DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING I NEED TO KNOW IF INDIGO GETS TO BE THE FIRST PERSON ON MARS AND THEN BECOMES PRESIDENT!

We’re not quitter;

Add an s to quitter, I think.

sic semper tyrannosaurus wrecked.”

Major Lol!

A fine story to read!

“So was anyone else impressed that Cadance managed to go through all that without swearing once?” Sour Sweet remarked.

honestly I noticed that as well she just used her extensive vocabulary to trade out the swear words with ones that are similar but need a dictionary or context to understand

Bravo :rainbowlaugh:

Earned a place in my "Best Story" list.

This is quite the Shadowbolt story! I love how it develops them with such a simple realization. Even Cadence has good lines. This is definitely a must read for Equestria Girls fans.

7807167 I thought words like "piss" were swear words?

7805955 Nah. I think your response definitely needs a "for me" in there.

Okay, this really isn't all that good. I mean, seriously the Shadowbolts know very well they were kind of asses, but as far as they knew "unleashing the magic" would have just resulted in Twilight gaining magical abilities like the Rainbooms. And, yeah, it kind of did in sort of, "going for a pistol and accidentally grabbing the grenade launcher beside it" kind of way. Odd analogy I know, but the best one I can think of. As for Cadence's rant, well yeah, that did kind of come out of left field. More time building it up and actually showing her having a progression with her patience running out would do some good. As is, it kind of just feels like using her as a mouthpiece.

7806222 That made me want to curl up in the corner and cry. Devastating.

Comment posted by kul deleted Dec 21st, 2016

She couldn’t be a bad guy, she was a prized student. She was one of the top athletes at the school, a top-league academic, and in line to achieve more accolades and scholarships than anyone else in her grade, moreso now that Twilight Sparkle was out of the picture. Indigo Zap was going to breeze through college on a full sports scholarship and then get a Master’s degree and a PhD and become an astronaut and be the first woman to set foot on Mars and then she’d get elected president and have a Great Dane named Teddy who’d also be the first dog bodyguard!
That was not the future of a ‘bad guy.’

Why not? Lex Luthor became president.

“I am a bad person…”

:fluttercry:

“Cadance!” Indigo shouted, jumping to her feet once more. “Why didn’t you tell us we were all being a bunch of assholes?”

:rainbowlaugh:

“Oh come on, how am I still looking like a bitch in these?!”

:rainbowlaugh:

I love the very concept of this story, and how it progressed into a hopeful end!

7808618 And, in Red Sun at least, he found out how to make humans to live to their 800's, and one of his descendants was the first mortal to step foot in the afterlife....and one became Superman due to time travel

I believe this sums up Cadance's rant towards the Shadowbolts perfectly:

7804908

Cadance: Now I know how Sisyphus feels.

“Sounds like something that Sunny Flare would invent back when she decided to go goth,”

I now cannot get the image out of my head...

The only people who think of themselves as villains reside in Saturday morning cartoons, and even some of those have more complex perspectives. As Indigo notes, the bad guys always lose; who wants to be one?

Excellent work in fleshing out the Shadow Five. I have a big soft spot for stories that do so.

I would love to see like a serialization of this.

Comment posted by MitchellTF deleted Dec 22nd, 2016

Yep, I enjoyed this.

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