The Platonic Pony Petting Café

by FrontSevens

The Humans (bonus/bogus chapter)

Ponies lined up outside of the café in Ponyville, each with a numbered ticket in their hooves. Inside sat two humans, Fred and Damien, sitting across from each other at a table. Each was flanked by a pony on either side.

The pony to Fred’s right poked his forearm. “Wow, your skin is really smooth and… squishy. Can I feel your other arm, too?”

“Can I rub your neck?” The pony on his left said. She started to massage his neck. “Hey, Rose Blossom, feel this. His neck is, like, squishy, but firm.”

“Ooh,” Rose Blossom said, rubbing the other side of Fred’s neck. “You’re right. Like an orange.”

“Can I feel your mane?” One of the ponies beside Damien moved her hoof up to Damien’s hair. She giggled. “Ooh! It’s so short and prickly. That feels nice.”

“It’s such a boring colour,” the other pony beside him said. Her horn lit up as she scratched her chin. “Mind if I change it to… hm… yellow? Or maybe a deep purple? Don’t worry, it’s a temporary spell.”

“Oooooh,” the other pony said. “I like purple. Do purple!”

Fred looked at Damien.

Damien looked at Fred.

“This… this feels weirder than I thought it would,” said Fred.

“Yup,” said Damien.

“I think this was a bad idea.”

“Yeah.”

“…Let’s never do this again.”

“Agreed.”

Comments

[Jonny Bench]

How about a chapter with discord (and maybe KP getting to meet him)

[ironwall]

Make chapter where Thorax and his changedlings get booed by humans and nobody want to pet them.
And them Chrysalis enter Cafe and she instantly steal everybodies hearts and love (figuratively and literally).

[Jonny Bench]

8179727 but i love the changelings (granted the newer models leave something to be desired)

[ironwall]

8179738
By changeDlings I mean new models, traitors to cheeseleg Queen of Waifu

[Morphy]

8179755

Changelings were already suggested as a means of opening a Pony Cafe anywhere in the world while still maintaining access to the "popular" ponies... they get fed while disguised and Twilight doesn't have to use the Mirror Pool to make hundreds of clone ponies for the Pony Cafe chain of stores.

[ironwall]

8179766
Shit, I forgot about this.
But you can still dream

[FrontSevens]

8179727
B-but I like the changelings :'(

I mean, yes, their new designs are an eyesore, but... but I like the changelings

[FrontSevens]

Also, shoot, I forgot to announce the next update lol

Next update: The Pie sisters (Maud, Limestone, and Marble [and also Pinkie ])

[pixelbit5]

Why u do dis. I can only handle so much. GIVE ME MORE LIKE BUTTONS, DAMMIT!!!

[BlueYoshi]

I just realized that you reached over 1000 likes for your story as soon as a I finished reading the new chapters.

[FrontSevens]

8179967
Thank you for reading the new chapters, then. I don't think I could've reached 1000 without you :o

[Jet Cannon]

8180042 The fug is this chapter???

[JavaScript]

This is simply genius.

[Bronycommander]

The other Way around in patting. Genius!

[ironwall]

8179857
I like changelings too, but this Season 6 finale shit is still revolting me.
They were so cool...

[Grif_Bladefeather]

shut up whiners, i'd change places with you in a heart beat!

[Jonny Bench]

8179755 now I understand! Yea new models =not cool

[Dirty Bit]

Funny and cute. Wouldn't want my hair color to change.

Now, making it long and straight, I can definitely get behind.

[Bronycommander]

8182567 Yeah, me too. Would be hilarious

[Scarheart]

8179727 I don't think they would get booed. Maybe confused for gummy bears and eaten, but not booed.

[QueenMoriarty]

...

This isn't Maud.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I do like how you slip the ongoing diplomatic developments into the petting.

And yeah, this is one of those things that doesn't work well the other way around. We just aren't as fuzzy or cuddly or otherwise optimized for petting.

[BlueNinja]

Personally I'm wondering what happens when any pony shows up to the petting cafe, and their voice actor is there to pet them.

[I need a new name tbh]

8186082 why can I imagine Tara strong riding on twilight back?

[Mr Swanky Hat]

Hands> hooves

[Scorppio500]

Ponies in MLP just look DESIGNED to be petted. We humans cannot compare to such cuteness. We're nearly hairless, clothing-wearing primates. Ponies in MLP are quadrupedal balls of floof and cuteness.

[somatic]

This story made my heart happy. My heart is not often happy. Thank you.

[LordHaydon]

With this chapter the author has earned my Like and Favorite.

[TheClassyLeviathan]

8210912
Amazing, everything you've said about humans is wrong, humans are ADORABLE!

[Boltstrike58]

I wouldn't mind being petted by ponies.