A hybrid Changeling/Earth Pony that was born to an unidentified Changeling mother and an Earth Pony father must cope with the daily pressure that she experiences, as she is pushed to her limits of adversity within herself and of darkness from elsewhere.
> ABOUT THIS STORY <
- This story takes place AFTER the Changeling invasion.
- Chrystil Mist, as said in the context, is 18... around the age (20) that I depict the Mane 6 to be.
- Some Chapters are MEANT to be slightly vague, while others are meant to be more in detail.
- This story was a project that I have been working on for a WHILE, but the beginning isn't to perfection as I had hoped ;(
Chapters (3)
Question before I read, can she shapeshift?
I have read not so good hybrid stories. This isn't one of them. I love it. Perfectly paced, with an air of mystery around it. And cliffhanger, don't forget the cliff hanger.
>> Tricky-Step
Sadly, being a Hybrid, she cannot shapeshift, so no. But she does have other qualities...
849731
If you read it, it would say no.
Great story, its a bit sad but it also speaks of hope.
I really like that, keep up the good work.
Liked and favorited, but just to let you know, you misspelled Canterlot every time that you said it.
Anyway, this is pretty well-written and has lots of possibilities. I'm looking forward to your next update.
decent but not that good, work on introducing the main character
So her not shapeshifting makes sense to the conflict. Is it me, or is the last part of the story needlessly underlined? During the beginning, I wasn't sure what was meant by "evils" Also, why move to Canterlot? Establish more motives and explanations on why things are happening within the story - but you don't need to do it with dry exposition. There are creative ways of doing this. I'll track this story.
Agree with the previous comments. It does have potential, please do follow through.
Please double check the underlining, it seems like there's a missing closing bracket.
Couple of minor mistakes:
... and her father had finally reached thier townhouse...
And the city is Canterlot, as far as I know. At the beginning I thought that Chrystil said "Chanterlot" because of some slight speaking disability, which would be cute and an interesting character quirk. But I realize you call the city as such the rest of the story.
Thank you so much for the constructive feedback, guys! I believe that I corrected every word "Canterlot" now, and fixed "their", as well as with the underline error. Just tell me if you spot any more mistakes; this story was kind of in a proof-reading state, anyway. Anyways, thanks again!
What each of my viewers have earned:
So *Awesome*!!!
I always give hybrid fics an even shake. There is something touching and sweet about them. In general they usually mean there was a romantic tale told in the past. So I came in with a certain bias towards the story.
It was... Nice. It suffered from a case of poorly-integrated purple prose, the characters felt bland and dry, there were no real explanations of why they had to move so often or why just looking at somepony would get her in trouble, and, most unfortunately, where her mother is.
It's not bad. It just has issues. Small ones. Though you flubbed a few lines, as though your own vocabulary bluescreened and had you put up what was inapplicable to the intended sentence idea. If I wasn't on my phone and forced to be slow about typing I'd point out specifics.
cant wait for the next chapter when is it?
>> Deathpony
The next chapter will probably come around in a week or so, or maybe even a few days... till then,
Interesting....
Definitely looking forward to the rest of this story. I would say that it is lacking a lil' bit in character development, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that's to keep an air of mystery and said problem will be alleviated in future updates.
Over all I like it, this is the first hybrid story I've read but it is an interesting premise, & I hope her condition is explained in more detail.
Also, I hope, "...as her heart turned to ice, and melted. Almost literally." is explained somehow, such as part of her condition or something, because that is an, unusual?, thing to write. & Chrystil is around thirty, correct?
Actually GrimReap2, I did this in my writing of the story on purpose to create a fog of mystery around the story. You will find more to Chrystil's character as the story progresses, believe me
Also, Chrystil is nearing her twenties. Sorry if I destroyed any dreams that you had prior to my explanation
856169
Mkay, I figured as much, and no, no dreams crushed, was just trying to get a sense of how she changed when she became a hybrid.
"She started to take pride in the black rims that lined her irises after more that eighteen years of looking at them."
&
"...and by the age of eleven she had started a small garden of her own beside thier large house. Life was simpler at the time. That was until..."
those two lines add her age to 29, assuming the eyes were a part of the change to a hybrid, which I, wrongly, assumed they were.
cant wait for the next chapter just keep on writing how you are
Thanks Deathpony !!!
*Gives you a
*
Clonetrooperkev
The. Picture. Equals. Perfection.
Oh, and thank you for your input!!!
I got a feeling Celestia would give her a chance, after all she is half pony and has yet to do anything wrong; Celestia would however probably bombard her with questions about her background and any abilities she may posses. Though I doubt most of the ponies living in Canterlot would even consider being anything but cruel to her.
Also your character strikes me as self loathing and possibly suicidal, while actually committing suicide would require a tragedy tag, a failed attempt and possibly getting caught would not require a change in tags. Also a failed attempt would probably cause Celestia to cook up some sort of plan to get her to stop hating what she is, and learn to love who she is, possibly by sending her to Ponyville.
I shall be awaiting more.
ALLONS-Y!!!
Yes, I agree with the above, that Celestia would be understanding and compassionate to a Ponyling. I think most of her questions would focus on the location of her mother because she is a compassionate, family-oriented being and would prefer to keep a family whole. And I would like to see her integrate into society in a slow and awkward fashion.
I wish I had a photo of myself. I have a grand
that I keep waxed.
Looking forward to more.
Make it about acceptance if anything. It shouldnt have a wicked tone of despair. Sure there will be NEIGHSAYERS, but overall, I believe Celestia and Luna wouldnt be so harsh to judge her because of some distant cousins
Thank you all, my royal citizens, for the input!
And about that idea of Princess Celestia... I hope you guys will like what I will do with her!
Signed,
#3
Just saw the update, so happy!! & the age makes sense now, I don't know if the description was changed or I just overlooked (which is extremely likely), but now my age question has been (mostly) quelled.
Now, on to what I think about the chapter, it was too short in my opinion, bit still good nonetheless. I would assume that the princesses would be understanding, maybe a but over cautious at first, but they would most likely accept her and even try to help her to some extent, the Canterlot ponies though, I would assume they would ostracize her, and by extension, her father.
Still like this story!
Great chapter, really enjoyed it.
/
YAY!!!
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909700
I was trying to hurry up and post this chapter before the day ended
Lazy me, putting the continuation of this story off until literally the last minute
909779
Oh who cares! It's up there now!
crap a changeling guard
cant wait for the next chapter
Awww, someling's got a crush
I'm still eager to find out what happened to Chrystil's mother.
Nice chapter, but could you please take the time to work out all the spelling errors when you finish a chapter, well if its ok with you ofcourse.
But unicorn is not spelled unicron.
911721
The time has been taken! Eeyup, I spell/grammar-checked the Chapter, and I probably cleared away any mess
And by the way, I'm trying out for my high school hoofball team, so instead of trying to crank a chapter out every five days, I'll possibly have to publish a Chapter every week or so. But I'll see how it goes!
And always,
Good chapter, but if I might give a small bit of advice, you don't need to separate every description into different paragraphs, it becomes rather jarring.
For instance:
The ponies walked down the center path of the wide, red carpeted hall.
Chrystil tried to take in the beauty of the scenery. The giant violet walls that stood on either side of the walkway were embellished with glorious stain-glass designs, huge drapes, and flags of the various cities of Equestria. The floor was white as pearl, and sunlight shot in through onto it with marvelous patterns.
Ponies of all sorts of high powers stood near the walls of the Royal Hall, watching Chrystil's every move. And Chrystil actually felt like she was the grand presentation to Canterlot. And she really was.
After walking down the rug for some time, the ponies had finally stopped a few meters away from the joint ruler's throne platform. And there, on the platform, sat Princess Celestia, in her normal position of comfort.
could have easily been written as one paragraph to improve flow. The first two paragraphs should have been combined, an if you wanted to keep it as a separate paragraph you could have improved upon it with more descriptions, so as to warrant it its own paragraph. The third one also should have been combined with the fourth, and had the nature of the ponies watching expanded upon.
Any ways, there's my two bits. I can't wait to see more.
912397
Do you mean football or soccer?
I always wonder why they call it football in America, its mostly played with hands.
912766
American football
912931
Do you know why they call it football at your place.
I'm Dutch and here we call soccer voetbal, if that is translated directly it would become football voet=foot bal=ball.
I know it's been like 3 months, but I'm still hoping for another chapter....