Chapter 3 - Atrium
Twilight Sparkle traipsed her way through the grandiose chamber, parting the waves of indigo and lavender that brushed against her on either side. Her many analogues trotted hither and thither across the great wooden floor, most appearing unconcerned about the peculiar nature of the situation. The current Princess of Friendship, and soon to be Princess of Headaches if she didn’t find a coffee in the near future, was impressed that in a room containing thousands of herself there was not one pony freaking out or causing a scene. While her first sight of the vast atrium full of Sparkles had nearly caused her to pass out, she was beginning to appreciate what a unique opportunity it was to study herself from an outside perspective, especially with so many data points to work with! She would have to get a notebook and start writing down her observations.
After she took care of one very important piece of business.
Extending her wings, she waited a moment as other nearby Sparkles gave her a wide berth before taking off and hovering a few meters above the ground. She had picked this behavior up from other Twilights, observing as they signaled and gave other Sparkles time to move. Twilight found this accommodating social custom a breath of fresh air after having experienced countless impromptu close-quarter takeoffs in her hometown, courtesy of Rainbow Dash. Now able to see over the mass of mares, Twilight took in a 360º view of her surroundings, searching frantically for her current objective. Behind her were a number of oaken doors similar to the ones she had exited from. As she watched a pair of doors opened, depositing a light-headed pony onto the doorstep before snapping closed once more. Curiously enough the Twilight who stepped into the room was a unicorn, not an alicorn like herself. Glancing about below her airborne hooves, she noticed that not all of the mares in the room were exact duplicates. A number of unicorn Twilights wandered through the mix, and even the occasional earth pony. Looking back up, Twilight noticed a number of her winged sisters lacked horns, and she thought that she might have seen a purple griffon out of the corner of her eye.
Building pain and pressure brought her back to the task at hand. She began zipping around the massive, elliptical room, gleaning a few glares from other airborne Sparkles. Above her stretched a massive skylight that lit the entire space. The stores on the far side of the atrium were too distant to see clearly, but she did notice a large obelisk near its center. Hastily soaring over, Twilight found a few hundred of herself standing or hovering around the structure, which upon closer inspection was a monumental directory. While immensely curious about every nook and cranny of this astonishing locale, finding one particular location had priority over everything else at the moment.
“Come on, come on!” The purple pony whined in distress, beginning to dance about in midair. Recognizing this trans-universal sign of a dangerously over-extended bladder, a pegasus whispered in her ear that there was a restroom at a nearby Hayburger, pointing towards the nearest wall. With a squeaky thank you, Twilight accelerated off towards the restaurant and straight into the filly’s room.
A few minutes later, Twilight found herself sitting on a stool eating an order of hay fries. This particular ‘herself’ looked friendly enough, and deciding that she needed to relax for a moment she joined her lunching counterpart. Trying to take her mind off of the fact that there had been a stallion’s room in the facility, she turned to her likeness and struck up a conversation.
“So… come here often?” she asked awkwardly.
The identical mare looked away from her fries and smiled. “You know, if I didn’t know myself so well I’d have thought you were trying to hit on me.”
Twilight blushed profusely, but before she could do more than blather incoherently for a moment she heard the other Sparkle chuckle amicably. “I’m just teasing. I get the feeling you’re a new arrival to the Census, huh?”
“Yeah, I just got here. Wait, how did you know that?” Twilight inquired.
“It’s the suppressed panic in your expression. All of the newbies have that look for the first couple of hours.” She dipped a fry into a large tub of ketchup before levitating it into her mouth.
“Oh… right.” Twilight mumbled.
“Hay, don’t worry about it,” she said through a mouthful of hay, “every Twilight goes through this at the start and nearly all of us get over it. If you're still having trouble later you should check out one of the ‘coping with anxiety’ classes offered over in quadrant 4. You can learn a lot more than just that old breathing technique that Cadence probably taught you.”
Twilight looked off in the direction that her double was pointing, straining her vision to see the various storefronts though the sea of purple.
“What else is in this place?” She asked, “I didn’t get a lot of time to look at the directory before rushing to use the bathroom.”
“Oh there’s a lot to see and do around here: Cafes, Hayburger joints, quill emporiums (just quills, no sofas), and study rooms for when you need some quiet. There are a lot of great seminars to attend as well; I’m heading to one on advanced checklist management in a few minutes.”
She took a quick sip of her soda as her eyes lit up with glee. “Oh, and of course there are tons of bookstores. There are probably more of those than everything else combined. Why do you think there are so many of us wandering around? Trick question, it’s the bookstores.”
Twilight marveled as she looked out at the far walls. “This place sounds like a paradise.”
“Heh, yeah, though you won’t be saying that after an eight hour shift on census duty. I thought my mane was going to catch on fire during my last shift directing new arrivals. Um, no offense.”
“None taken, I can’t imagine I was making things easy for anyone this morning. Do we have mornings here?” she added.
“The artificial light coming through the skylight changes on a rough day-night cycle that you learn to keep track of, but otherwise time doesn’t flow normally here in relation to your own world. When you get back you’ll find that almost no time has passed.”
“Great, so when I get home I’ll be tired and have a headache at 7 AM.” Twilight grumbled.
“You should grab yourself a latte before you head over to orientation. The staff here are super helpful and everything is payed for by the Council… from our taxes of course.” She finished with a roll of her eyes. “Oh, the entry to the orientation hall is at the near end of the atrium, not too far from here. You should head over soon and catch a tour.”
“Thanks, though I actually have a meeting coming up with the Head of the Registration Committee, so the tour will have to wait.”
“The Head of the Registration Committee, huh?” Her lookalike spoke sardonically and acquired a mischievous grin. “I remember meeting her when I first showed up a few months ago. Make sure to give her my regards.”
She gave Twilight a wink, leaving the lavender mare flummoxed. “You’ll find her office in the same area, and there should be adequate signage. My seminar is starting so I need to be off. It was nice meeting you Miss Sparkle.”
She reached out for a hoof shake. Twilight took it, and upon making contact she abruptly became aware that this Twilight’s designation was LT-7Q&D. The other mare got up from her stool and turned to leave. She stopped in the doorway and looked back towards the counter.
“Waiter, can you make sure that Miss Sparkle receives an iced choca latte before she leaves?”
“Yessiroonie, boss lady ma’am!” A remarkably chipper voice cried from the back room. There was a brief grinding and the sound of sloshing liquid before a door opened behind the counter, revealing a delectable looking blend of coffee, chocolate, and creamer, as well as a bright pink earth pony.
“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight gasped. It had been over an hour since she had seen a pony that wasn’t her in some capacity or another, making the bubblegum mare stand out even more than usual.
“Biya Twilight!” She cried as the duplicate left the restaurant. “Hiya Twilight! Enjoy the latte!” She repeated with equal glee, as if she hadn’t seen her mere moments ago.
“What are you doing in here? I thought it was only me in this world?”
“Well of course it’s not only you, silly! There are thousands of ponies in here every day! There’s Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Ms. Sparkle, Mrs. Sparkle, the occasional Mr. Sparkle, tiny Twilights, big ginormous Twilights with crazy flowy manes, griffon Twilights, manticore Twilight (I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen one of those so far), and YOU of course, the very newest Twilight Sparkle in this fine establishment! Well, except for that one of course.” Pinkie pointed at a new Twilight Sparkle who had just walked inside, and who looked equally surprised to be seeing Pinkie here. Before she could begin the conversation over, however, another Pinkie Pie came out of the back room with a plate of hay fries and engaged the new arrival.
The first Pinkie gave her co-worker a wink before returning to her charge. “The ‘Intra-Somethingal Collection of Sparkley Ponies Named Twilight’ contacted me and asked if I wanted to make a few extra bits while helping out a friend. I yelled ‘Sign me up!’ and I ended up here a few moments later, making hay burgers and shakes for hungry Twilights! After a few hours on shift I usually end up back home with a big bag of bits. No one ever notices that I’ve been gone and all of the clocks are always wrong, which is kind of rude but I got used to it. I can’t stay mad at those clocks.”
Twilight stared at her friend for a moment before doing the most logical thing she had done all day: taking a long, steady sip of her coffee. It occurred to her that the Pinkie she knew often talked about her job at the Hayburger, yet she had never actually seen the mare working at the one in Ponyville. The inexplicable amount of party supplies she could afford while working part-time at a bakery also came to mind. Deciding that the last thing she needed to be doing right now was trying to unravel the mysteries of Pinkie Pie, Twilight shrugged and went back to sipping her much-needed beverage.
Still a bit confused about the passage of time, Twilight decided it was best to be off so as not to miss her meeting. She thanked the Pinkie behind the counter for the drink and received an impassioned goodbye from both of the ones on shift. Turning back towards the entry doors, she spotted a large hallway leading off from the main room. The word ‘Orientation’ was spelled out above it in arching blue letters. Approaching the hall, she noticed a smaller door just off to the right with a small sign next to it that read ‘Office of Head of Registration Committee This Way.’ Happy to have had something go right today, Twilight pulled it open and stepped inside.
Following the door was a long and twisting corridor. After the first ten turns without seeing another door, or anything aside from the same tacky wallpaper, Twilight began to get annoyed. Everything else about this world had been quite practical in its design so far, but this passageway seemed to follow no logic at all, as if it had been designed purely to frustrate and disorient her. After several minutes of meandering she finally came to a highly polished and important looking black door. Steeling herself for a conference with a prestigious member of the Census, Twilight turned the handle with her magic and walked through the door with her head held high. She looked around with wide eyes, expecting to see immaculate furniture surrounding a pristine wooden desk, behind which would sit a well-groomed and professional looking Twilight Sparkle.
What she saw instead was the Orientation Hall.
Bewildered once more, Twilight turned her head right and found herself looking back out into the Atrium that she had so recently departed. Turning left, she saw a group of about twenty purple mares gathered a little way down the passage. There was a clatter of hooves as the head of the group came up to meet her. She was wearing a friendly smile across her muzzle but was also clearly trying her hardest not to roll her eyes.
“Hello Ms. Sparkle. If you’re done meeting the ‘Head of the Reconciliation Consensus’ we can proceed with the orientation.”
The guide took a few steps before the sound of a sputtering motor caught her attention. Turning back, she saw smoke pouring out of the ears of a stalling alicorn princess. As a few cylinders came back online and managed to begin pumping fuel to her brain, Twilight broke the silence.
“You… you mean the Head of the Registration Committee?” She muttered meekly.
The guide smiled kindly as she addressed the poor mare. “Yes, of course dear. Now come along, we have a lot to go over.”
As the guide pony returned to her group and began speaking, Twilight stared onwards blankly. After a few moments of contemplating just how thoroughly she had been duped, the newly-crowned ‘Princess of Gullibility’ downed the rest of her coffee in one big gulp, sighed in resignation, and begrudgingly followed the crowd.
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This story isn't going to be too confusing, is it? I hate those kinds of stories.
So... ? The head of the registration committee is Pinkie Pie?
7808376
No, the 'head of the committee' doesn't exist. She was pranked.
7808307
I imagine any transdimensional society formed entirely of alternate versions of Twilight Sparkle will involve some amount of complication...
7808447 either conclusion is supported by the text. Of course, the functional difference between no leadership and Pinkie leadership is nil.
7808838 I intended for it to have been a ruse intended to make sure that Twilight ended up where she needed to be by the higher ups. The idea is that any Twilight who is becoming a nuisance during registration is set up for a conference with the "Head of the Registration Committee" in an hour. This gets that Twilight to quickly finish her form, makes her feel like she's being listened to so that she doesn't cause any more hassle, and eventually leads her to Orientation, effectively keeping her out of trouble. So yeah, she got played by herself pretty good. Wherever the actual head of that department is I bet she's having a good laugh.
Had Twilight been a bit more awake at the time, her first sign that something wasn't quite right was the fact that she was able to get a same-day appointment set up without any hassle. That is essentially impossible in any bureaucratic system.
Oh, and Pinkie's are just good food service workers. They all have their food handler's licenses, they're great with customers, and the concept of working with alternate versions of themselves and around alternate Twilight's doesn't phase them in the least, so they require no on the job training. Can you imagine having to explain this to every Rarity or Dash who was hired?
7808923 there didn't seem to be that many totally new Twilight's so assuming a meeting was set up with someone to deal with new arrivals happened quickly is not out of the question. Plus it's Twilight. That means efficiency.
Frankly I think that this sort of approach would lead to a lot of Twilight's having nothing to do with this bunch
7810549 A fair point. Keep in mind though that we keep finding larger and larger groups of Twilights, and there are only so many higher ups in charge. That definitely isn't the only atrium, as certain Twilights don't mix well with others. I'm sure a Manticore Twilight getting into the Equine sector was a fun day at the office for everyone.
Twilight isn't perfect and has a tendency to let certain problems snowball at times. I figured I had some leeway to make the organization a little bit manipulative in the name of efficiency. Plus, in a story that is partly focussed on bureaucratic humor, things need to be a little dysfunctional. That's where the fun happens!
Finally, for Twilights who fight back against the system too much, the council has ways of keeping them in line. Let us not forget the harried Twilight from Chapter 2 who tried teleporting her way out.
7811058 yes well, there's the potential to be Twilights who leave and decide not to come back
7811589
No true Twilight could resist all those bookstores. Also she hasn't been shown an exit.
7811589 I'm sure many Twilights don't visit the Census very often for one reason or another, unless they have to. Keep in mind the census don't exactly ask the first time they bring in a Twilight, so if a Sparkle is trying to dodge census duty I'm sure they would have ways of bringing her in.
7812039
I kind of assume that even if all Twilights don't share in the vision of the census, they are generally likeminded enough to at least put up with it occasionally.
Knew that books were involved.
There is probably a huge laboratory somewhere in there where they once tried to understand the mysteries of the Pink One.
Of course nowadays the place is sealed shut behind a truly impressive set of indestructible doors and as many enchantments as all the Twilights could place with a huge sign right in front saying simply: Enope.
7811058
So it's basically "now that we've kidnapped you, do what we say or we'll torture you." ?
I imagine there would be more then a few Twilights who would level the place in an effort to fight back.
7815141
I'd imagine fighting an army of yourself is a losing proposition. Besides, even if Twilight isn't always an ultra bureaucrat she probably generally appreciates the project enough to contribute. I'm sure there's incentives for doing the work.
Quick update: I'm still working on the story! I got a little tied up and/or lazy over the holidays, but I decided that I wanted to finish the whole story before posting any more of it. More trans-dimensional tomfoolery is on the way in the not so distant future!
7859864
Oh sure it sounds like a great place. If it was an invitation of 'this is what we have, these are the dues, would you like to join?'
But what about the one who clearly doesn't want to be there and refuses to go along with it? Are they just going to keep her there and mentally torture her until she dies? And what if she is so despite to get out because something bad is happening to her world? Are they going to doom an entire world to an apocalypse over it?
And what about a combat trained alicorn Twilight who has had too many run ins with changelings? Imposable odds? yes. But the aftermath still isn't going to be pretty.
The idea of the story is neat. But the way things are being done in the story makes me think that the ones in charge of the place are mentally deficient.
7860093
Time is stopped so being there does no harm to the world she is from. And it's not like she's being restrained; the whole place looks like a big Twilight Sparkle themed shopping mall combined with government buildings. She could probably just ask for directions to the exit and one of her would help. Even if they force her to finish orientation, it does no worse than waste her time (and even then only her personal time, since at home none passes).
Assuming the rulers of the place are dumb is pretty dumb considering we haven't seen their strategies for dealing with uncooperative Sparkles. Considering Twilight is Twilight, it's probably very rare that they refuse to participate. If you want to bet that a super powerful one resists, then it seems reasonable to assume that even more super powerful ones support the system, nevermind the advantage they have of advance preparation.
Overall you're acting like this is some grave injustice or stripping of her freedom, but honestly it's the same as being born a citizen of a government that taxes you and maybe requires jury duty. Twilight just happens to be a "citizen" of a multiversal government and now the census has come calling. The analogy is almost perfect, in fact. So how can you decry this and not government in general?
7860271
Nobody seem concerned for her wellbeing when she passes out. And if she asked what day it is, that suggests to me that she has been there for awile.
She never asked for help or looked at a map in that time?
There may be more powerful ones supporting things, but unless they heavily restrain each one as soon as they arrive (which didn't happen) it opens up the possibility of something bad happening.
Who says I don't complain about the government? But if things get so bad that I can't stand it, I can get in my truck or on a plane and leave.
If the government said that I'm going to be forced to stay under their rule for the rest of my life, are you going to tell me that there is nothing wrong with that?
7860469
I think this particular government by definition encompasses all reality. How do you leave the multiverse?
7860529
That's exactly it. Since it seems you can't just ask to leave, that means that anyone pulled into this place is forced to be under their rule for the rest of that persons life.
"now that we've kidnapped you, do what we say"
7860544
Welcome to life? You're always under one government or another.
7860572
True. But I've got options.
7860582
I'm having trouble imagining a better option than one consisting entirely of variations of yourself.
7860595
I said before that it sounds like a great place, and I would honestly be interested in such a thing. If I was invited, not forced into it and kept there.
Clearly we are of 2 different minds on the issue. I believe I've made my opinion clear. If there is something else you wish to discus, that's fine. Otherwise, feel free to have the final word.
I appreciate all of the input I'm getting, and I'll try to make sure to paint a clearer picture of how the Census functions by the end.
Keep in mind that we see the Census from this Twilight's point of view. She's a little biased and not 100% reliable all of the time, so things might seem a bit rude or cruel from her perspective but not so much from an outside one.
Darn it. I know you said you're planning on finishing it before posting, but I keep going back and hoping for updates.
7898584 It's coming along! I almost posted updates a few times and I'm really glad I didn't. I swear every chapter I have to go back and rewrite a third of the last one to make sure everything adds up. Motivations are hard to get just right. I should have it ready to go next week sometime barring total apocalyptic annihilation. I uninstalled Fallout 4 to reduce the odds of that last thing happening.
7899760
Well OK. I'll tweet at the president to hold off on his plans for a week or two.
The current three chapters have been updated slightly. The changes are only to verbiage for the most part, not to content, so there isn't any need to re-read.
A new chapter will be posted tomorrow, and every day after that until the story's completion. Thank you all for being patient!
Yeah, there is nothing even a little bit sinister about this at all.
I'm a bit confused about the end of this chapter... She's supposed to have seen who-where-and when ? Are the other talking about Pinkie Pie ? ...is that the joke ?
8030918
I get the impression that there is no "Head of the Registration Committee", "Head of the Reconciliation Consensus" or "Chief Hoof of the Records Committee".
Any Twilight asking to speak to some-Twilight else gets an appointment with a fictitious "Head of Records and Coordination" or what-have-you.
And since no Twilight would want to be late for an appointment, they quickly complete their form and move on.
8553541
Thank you, I've had to explain this joke too many times now.
8553633 I don't get it.
Rereading this for research purposes so I can throw another Sparkle into the Census, and this hit me like a brick between the eyes:
That one aged very well.
10381355
I thought it would be in character for Pinkie to know something that no one, myself included, would know about until a few years in the future.