• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Little Tigress

Pony in new tiger hoodie with little to no idea of what she's doing


[Based on the bloopers of Legend of the Everfree ]

It all started with a touch...

Weeks ago Sunset touched Pinkie's forehead and entered on Pinkie's mind. Now they are in a relationship that Sunset doesn't know how to end.

Despite the suggestive title, is totally safe I assure you :scootangel:

Edited by: NotSoWickedWitch

Spanish translation here

Special thanks to:

Prism Phoenix

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

Good, I'm surprised on how well paced this is for a first, especially since you're native. Color me impressed on that.

But there are some mistakes, mainly ORs are usually missing the R.

The beginning of each word should be capitalized in the title. Except for maybe 'to.' I'd say more, but I'm very tired, and up very late.

This could use a bit more focus and it definitely has a bit of a stream of consciousness flair to it, but overall? It was cute, and I liked it.

7801964 Thank you very much, I've already corrected that :twilightsmile:

Well, this isn't the first story I've written, it is just my first story in this language :twilightsheepish:

7801967 Oh, thank you for telling me that! Already corrected :twilightsmile:

I was correct in my original guess.

"Capitalize all words in titles of publications and documents, except a, an, the, at, by, for, in, of, on, to, up, and, as, but, or, and nor."

7802874 Oh, okay I guess I'll have to pay attention to it in the future. Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it :pinkiesmile:

Just some final fixes that I missed:

doesn’t that

Take this off.

“Hiya there, Sunny!” said Pinkie when Sunset finally took a sit.

A seat.

The teal-eyed girl glanced again the

At the

Sorry for missing these! And amazing story, mon ami!

7803367 Already corrected! :raritywink:

Oh, don't worry, I'm glad you liked the story

The bus shortly arrived the moment she made it to her destination. Fortunately, there wasn’t much people to disturb or bother her, and Sunset thanked Celestia or whatever divinity that would be listening for allowing that to happen.

Should be 'weren't many people' but other than that I liked it. Though I do wonder what was in that letter.

Oh man...I really love this story. It's deep and emotional, and really well paced. I like the way that you wrote Sunset. It feels really sincere. Have a like and a fave. :twilightsmile:

7805810 Thanks! I was a little bit unsure on that one :twilightsheepish:

I'm glad you liked it! Huh, a real mystery :trollestia:

7806463 Thank you! :twilightsmile: I'm really glad you liked it :raritystarry:

The former Equestrian had knew it was thanks to her magic, the frequency of her visits to Pinkie’s mind, that this was all possible.

She was full of remorse, still. She knew that Pinkie didn’t care, rather enjoying it herself. Had she knew what could happen, Sunset would have stopped.


She could have learned to control her yearning of that randomness that only existed on Pinkie Pie.


And while she took she stepped on and took a seat, she had to quietly remind herself that in this world, Principal Celestia was just another employee of the system.

Shouldn't start with 'And'
Delete 'she took'.

On the streets wasn’t anyone else, anymore. Odd, because Fridays were the days there was more people on the mall

On the streets there wasn’t anyone else, anywhere. Odd, because Fridays were the days there were usually a lot of people in the mall

Pinkie Pie sure was waiting for her at the fast food court. It wasn’t strange, since if Sunset remembered correctly, that’s where the two usually hung out Pinkie waited there.

hung out so Pinkie would wait for her there.

as a taxicab driver you’d only know for an hour or two.


The girl in the table didn't even glance;


“D’aww!” exclaimed Pinkie, jumping from her sit and giving Sunset a suffocating hug.


but everyone calmed down when they realized the mortal cannons just threw confetti.

realized the cannons, that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, just threw confetti.

or something that just made Sunset regret her decision of brake up on the first place.

breaking up in

This is getting a little too long for comment section, I'll PM the rest in the morning when I feel a little more awake *YAWN*:pinkiegasp:
Nice one shot so far though!:pinkiehappy:

Hmm, not a bad little tale. I like the aspect of Sunset wanting to go into Pinkie's mind, it's very fitting. I think it's a nice touch that Sunset is the one who understands her, and the cake bit at the end was a nice finale.Really good little one-shot, keep up the good work!

An interesting, short read. Not exactly a romance, but neither a story just about friendship—which I think fits perfectly the state of Sunset and Pinkie’s relationship portrayed. After all, given the special consequences under which these two met, one can’t be really surprised :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment