The Sol Invictus sound like a bunch of sexually repressed christian soccer mums

7802370 Indeed to both your comment and your bio!

Thestrals were considered ‘a lost cause’ and ‘Lunatics’ by the church.

Missed opportunity to use the word 'heretics'. SMH.

Given the description of thestral social norms and Hollow Shades as a bastion for those norms, one would think that the Clocktower would be more of an open secret around these parts.

Thestrals were more comfortable around the idea of sex in almost all of its forms than the rest of Equestria. And because of this, members of the Sol Invictus Church were almost non-existent here, a fact that made Hollow Shades the perfect place for the other pony tribes to come down to have a little fun.

I dunno, I can't really see a "Church of Equestria" having the same kind of sexual repression the Abrahamic religions typically do. I've also sort of imagined ponies being accepting of sexual matters than our society is. Although, maybe they don't mind what's done in private but dislike anything being done in public that you couldn't put on a children's TV show. XD

Still, it sounds like Celestia herself would dislike this church... and not just because she doesn't seem to be the type to want worship. Doing the kind of crap they do, in her name, would probably attract her ire in a hurry.

Still, Hunter couldn’t help but feel annoyed seeing them pretend that they were asking the mares for the time or making excuses for themselves.

Also, I have no idea what you mean in this sentence.

ohhhhh this story is really getting good

Alright, next CTS fic marked for a drive by beat down of way to long commentary. Let's see what this tings got!

the streets of Hollow Shades.

I see this place pop up more and more lately. Its become like the default 'small pony village' for when you don't want to use Ponyville.

His grocery in his saddle bags

Missed a pluralization it feels like.

One might say he was more ‘bat-like’ than ‘pony-like’ than his thestral kin, perhaps

Hmmm, very, very interesting way of wording this, and nice way of revealing him a batpony. Now commence the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

His parents always told him he held the night and the stars in him, just like the town around him.

D'awwww... interesting writing so far, rather direct, laying out the info but, in a different way, it already feels like it has it's own 'voice' simply in how it's narrating. Or like it is being narrated to us almost.

looked like towers topped with wooden domes. These ground level buildings were mainly shops, government buildings, and the like.

How can something be both 'tower like' and only have a ground floor?

and ramps that allowed those who could not fly up to the neighborhood above.

Hollow Shades is more OSHA compliant then Cloudsdale, yay for them!

each one centered it’s facing with a large arching window,

huh?

However, if he turned left he could visit one of his favorite stores in town to see if anything new had arrived.

Hmmmm, this is decent, if a bit stiff and telly. Bit simple feeling in how it's going along, bit it's just the start.

The smoky crimson silhouetted groups of mares looking down at the streets for anypony who wanted company for an hour or two.

Oh.. it's THAT district.. my my just what 'store' is he headed to?

. Thestrals were more comfortable around the idea of sex in almost all of its forms than the rest of Equestria.

Which is odd, really I can't see Equestria being all THAT pent up about this stuff in the first place. But still, likely not to the extent of being just openly walking around offering to fuck for bits. So there is that. So this makes sense. It also makes batponies all the more awesome.

members of the Sol Invictus Church were almost non-existent here, a fact that made Hollow Shades the perfect place for the other pony tribes to come down to have a little fun.

Ehhh, ah, the Church.. this is a hard one to talk about, because it's not really a thing in the main fic. There are hints, but it's never touched on, but it is an official part of the canon, the issue is how to portray it with no baseline. For one, not making it to big a deal. By this point, it's more or less a sad pathetic little group of idiots shouting at ponies for things they don't like. Pretty much a slightly more larger scale WBC type deal that nopony else takes very seriously. More an annoyance then anything else to most. Still an annoyance, so why bother with them when you can just come have some batpony fun? But still, an odd thing that might be hard to really get and could go all over the place. But see how this fic deals with them.

Hunter couldn’t help but feel annoyed seeing them pretend that they were asking the mares for the time or making excuses for themselves.

Seriously dudes, don't be a pussy about buying pussy. These mares are professionals and you only look like an idiot.

Also so hollow Shades is like, Equestria's version of Amsterdam?

All around him were tables displaying various selections of dildos and flesh lights.

Okay sex store. Fits, Was thinking the 'store' might have been selling things a bit more.. equine.

Sex-based board games, fetish outfits, kink supplies, and more lined the walls.

Good to see CTRL at work. Or are these cheap knockoffs?

was tightly secure with all four hooves strapped in tightly,

And redundantly. But ohhh sexy fantasy time. I like this stallion.

And he had a whole stores worth of material to use. All he needed to do was-

“Hunter, you there?”

"You're leaking pre on the floor again."

But. awwwww bad mare, spoiling the fantasy.. but that was nice, really good way of showing right away... yeah this pony was made for CTS. And damn.. this is going to be hot.

“I asked if you liked the swing,”

Bend down a bit and you'll likely have your answer.

N-No thanks. I’m not into that kind of stuff.

Just say you are. Odds are every sex shop in Equestria has ties to CTS so it'll get you somewhere where you'll have plenty of mares eager to hop in that swing with you.

As he did, he passed by some blow up sex dolls of all four princesses,

.. I.. I just... that image... I cannot at all doubt such a thing would exist.... Cadance would likely enjoy that and love it. Celestia just being "Well have fun." Luna... flattered? And Twilight..... oh damn I pity the store that Twilight first sees hers in. That is.. that is.. yeah... that is kind of awesome and hot and....where do I get one.. or four?

She didn’t seem…nerdy or adorkable enough. It was as if they just got a model, slapped some glasses on her and thought nopony could tell the difference.

Ugggghhh... yeah know that type. Just... damn. Try a little will you!?

contained zebra mares getting gangbanged by pony stallions

Not QUITE as hot as the reverse, but close.. either way.. UNF!!!!!!

Also so how many of these are made either in CTS, or by CTS members?

Yes, this promised to be a very good read.

yes yes it does.... umm.. where do I get one?

Now here she was, on her knees with her forehooves and rear hooves tied together and pushing her stomach towards him.

Seriously, dude.... you have one AWESOME imagination!

ramming his unsheathed cock into its warmer while her screams caused it to vibrate. Only when they dulled would he attach the next-

.......... "I'll be in my bunk"

Yeah, if you are THIS kinky and awesome at getting into this mindset now.... ohhhh crap are you going to be so damn good in CTS.

dismissing the daydream before his cock really did unsheathe in this store

Eh not like it's anything they won't have seen before.

A few days ago he looked at a trio of identical sisters and saw himself rutting one of them in the ass while he hoofed the other two’s pussies in public.

Hmmm, not bad. But could go the extra mile. Rutting one after already having shot a load into another, the third busy licking her sister's marehood clean.

. Best case scenario in that situation would be her calling him a freak and never speaking to him again.

No, that's worst. Best case, you find out she's a member of a secret club all ABOUT that and you get an invite to all the sexy, kinky debauchery you can think of.

The worst case was being reported to the Sol Invictus Church.

Not a very 'worst case' again, no real power, just a bunch of angry,pissed off idiots. Not like they can actually do much.

Not wanting to become targets themselves, ponies steered clear of the building until it went out of business. Now, the owner was a bum living on the streets.

This is pushing things a bit to far. Yeah making a big public spectacle is the worst they can do, and can see that effecting business. Still a bit extreme but plausible, but "a bum on the streets" in Equestria... not buying it. Then again it is just a story he heard.

But second, you just got done saying how they don't exist in Hollow Shades and everypony here doesn't give a buck how you like to buck. So why worry?

he wasn’t about to throw it all away for some kinky sex.

Yeah, this is going a bit overboard on just how much sway intolerant, bigoted, stuck up assholes would likely have any power to do things in Equestria. Annoy, be a nuisance, cause some troubles, yeah, be that big.... hard to buy.

Those who left the safety of their home would either be shamed or asked if they had left to join the rest of Equestria in Harmony.

"Yes, so what the fuck are you assholes doing here then?"

“There is something I would like to speak to you about. Do you mind if I come in so we could speak more privately?”

Somepony was not as subtle as they thought about their kinks. And it's your lucky day because of that.

. If she saw it or even cared was beyond him, her expression never changing.

Very professional. Very nice. So yeah, Sip's case was just an aberration of sending the wrong mare simply because she knew him.

We are an ancient secret society that has remained hidden since the beginning of Equestria.

No it hasn't, it was a rather open thing in the beginning, it only became a secret after the whole Luna thing.

but you have no friends or family members who are members.

Alright reinforces the Sip thing, the only member he knew.. just happened to be one of the worst members to send. Also.

"This makes you quite the oddity as one of the only ponies in Equestria that doesn't know somepony in the Society." Sorry Mani, couldn't help it. Though guessing it's more because he doesn't really have many friends of family around. Still I like this, showing that they are not as big as they seem when you live right next door to the main home for them.

Basically, if he were to sign this he would be unable to tell anyone, be they pony or otherwise, about who had seen or where the locations of Clocktower facilities were. [/quote
Well, confidentiality agreement not to do that. The only compulsion is a bit of, reinforcement to avoid slips of the tongue, and an alarm to alert Clocktower if you do talk about it. But not a Unicorn, so can forgive not getting the details right.

We are not putting any pressure on you to do anything you don’t want to do. The door is open Star Hunter. What happens next is up to you.

Very well said.

So Star Hunter signed the contract right there, wanting to see what was through the door.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

All of the happy batpony

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is through it. Alright, time to see somepony new tour the society! And realize his fantasies are nothing compared to what he can just sit down and watch for real. Or even do.

Alright good start, solid, set up Hunter well, bit heavy with the church for my taste, but is a thing that's vaguely defined as is. Still nice simple set up with hints of some really damn good clop to come.. so yeah good one.