22 - Frilly Socks Part OMGPLZSTOP: The Return of the Revenge of the Bad Joke
"What do you want for dinner, dearie?" Mrs. Cake, bereft of her colt-y load, was all smiles and warm semi-motherly overtones as we trotted into the kitchen area. A nice, quiet family dinner. I haven't had one of those in years. The front 'store' had been darkened as we trotted through but the warm lights of the kitchen chased away the gloom. It was ... nice. I thought for a minute about Mrs. Cake's question, again trying to find the ever-elusive 'good' vegan dish. Still nothing though.
"I really have little preference. I mean, I'd love some ..." Mr. Cake cut me off, his face a furrowed frown.
"Uh sugar plum? Can we have a word before dinner?" His tone told everypony everything they would need to know. I stopped in the middle of the room, one hoof lifted and my face blanking in fear. The twins, happily trotting along with their mother, also stopped. They shared a look before edging away from the very still Mrs. Cake.
"Uh oh." Succinctly put, brain.
"Bruce?" Mr. Cake gulped and nodded, though she was far enough in front not to have seen it. His silence, however, was all the confirmation she needed. Her voice lowered a bit dangerously. "I see. Alright dearie. I'm coming." Mr. Cake trotted back out to the front area, a bit stiff-legged. "Bruce. You stay here, do you understand? Pound, Pumpkin. Go upstairs to wash up." At her words, the twins almost bolted up the stairs. I gave a very nervous little nod and tried to sink into the floor.
"Yes ma'am, Mrs. Cake." I was not taking any chances with my mouth.
With that, she almost sneered and trotted after her husband. I began to count flower designs on the walls as I wasn't moving. You couldn't pay me to move.
"What?!"
I had gotten only to the first dozen when I heard Mrs. Cake's shout. I think Princess Celestia heard it. I know Pinkie Pie did because I heard a more muffled cry from upstairs. I winced, cringing into the floor.
"Oh boy." Very articulate today, hmm brain?
"Now honeybun, we had a talk -" Mrs. Cake came storming back into the room - her face a reddish shade - with Mr. Cake following behind. Not flat-out purple as I was thinking it would be. At least that was something, right? Her hooves weren't 'clopping' on the wood flooring so much as 'stomping.' 'Tromping' works as well but the 'tromp of impending doom' doesn't sound that good.
"No! No, this is frankly unacceptable!" Mrs. Cake had lowered her voice a bit but it was still stuck in a 'loud' setting. She stopped when she saw me, her face a mix of anger and surprise. I suppose she thought I'd bolt at the shout but I was willing to face my demise like a man. Or maybe it was because I was too scared to move. She was huge!
"Gumdrop, he's really sorry." Mr. Cake galloped past his fuming wife and stood between her and I. I noticed his face was ... scared. He was scared. Oh god, he was scared! I was a bit nervous before, started to get a bit scared when I heard the shout but seeing that on a grown stallion's face, I was no longer scared.
I was utterly terrified.
"I am so sorry, you have no idea!" I buried my head in my hooves, clamping my eyes shut. Pain incoming, preparing life support.
"See, he won't do it again." I couldn't see but I could hear. And feel. The clopping of Mr. Cake's nervous hooves. The heavy breathing of Mrs. Cake. My senses heightened, I could smell the flour of the many spills on the floor. There was a musky odor in the room, something my mind immediately 'knew' was anger. I was really hoping that my mind was over-reacting.
"I won't, I won't even think about it. The very possibility of that thought maybe even perhaps crossing my mind at any time hasn't even begun to think about existing yet." Though my words may have been slightly muffled, I was fairly sure that the pair of ponies heard me as silence fell. Even Mr. Cake's nervous tapping of his hooves ceased. I added a very quiet whisper. "Please don't kill me."
"Bruce, I am very disappointed." Mrs. Cake didn't sound angry anymore. She sounded, well, sad. And hurt. I waited a moment, trying to think of the words to say. The words to make everything better. Words. Words that mean nothing, that can be said without meaning, without effect. Words that were hollow.
I nodded. Words meant nothing.
"... Carrot, dear. I think we need to talk about this ... this whole thing. Bruce, you go wash up for dinner." I removed my hooves from my face and looked up into the hurt faces of the two ponies that had put themselves out for me. That had taken me into their home and tried their best to make me feel welcome. Mrs. Cake was trying to look angry but her eyes told the truth even if her face did not. Mr. Cake just looked hurt.
"Yes ma'am." With the two adults watching me, I bounced up the stairs as best I could.
"Bruce, why do you get in so much trouble?" Pound was wiping his hooves on a hand towel in the now-crowded bathroom. His sister was scrubbing her hooves in the sink, standing on a stool that was a bit too high for my tastes. His face was wet around his muzzle and his hooves were still damp despite the copious amounts of wiping.
"I don't mean to." I rubbed a hoof across my eyes, wiping out some of the tears that threatened to spill. "I guess I just don't think things through."
"You're not very adult-like." Pumpkin shook her hooves off and hopped down from the sink. "Even if you think you are."
"No, no. You're right. I may have the memories of an adult but I sure don't have mind of one." I cautiously clambered up to the sink, leaning over to turn the tap with my mouth. Mmmm, the metallic taste really made me hungry. The water was cold against my hooves.
"Soo, you're like a half-adult colt?" I heard Pumpkin and turned to regard the twins. They were just standing there, hooves dried but on the bare floor. Why even wash? What is the point?
"I guess you could say that." I looked at the sink and the array of tooth brushes, tubes and what looked like bar soap. Bar soap, that makes even less sense. "Uh, can I ask y'all a question? What is expected of 'washing up?' Like, face and hooves?"
"Yup, just your face and hooves. You've never washed up before?"
"Uh, not beyond a bath really. No cause for it." I turned back to my task, idly poking at the bar of soap. Now how to grasp it, that was a mystery.
"P&P, Bruce? Are you almost done?" Mr. Cake's voice came muffled from below. The twins looked at each other before Pumpkin shouted out.
"Coming papa! You'd better hurry up, Bruce. Or you'll have to eat a cold dinner."
"Yeah."
Dinner was some type of veggie casserole with cheese. Pretty good, all things considered. Dinner also was a chore and a learning experience. They had forks. Forks and hooves, that was something I had never tried before. But I learned quickly. Ponies seem to have a 'second wrist' I guess because everypony else was grasping things by folding their hooves up onto their ... fetlocks. It took me a couple tries to get it - and some seriously odd looks from everypony else - but I managed it, in the end. The first few stabs of it were poorly aimed, however.
"Bruce, do you need help?" Mr. Cake asked. I grimaced. I really did not want to talk at all. Mrs. Cake was still kind of switching between glaring at me and looking sad.
"No, no. I, uhm, I think I can manage." I shot a smile at him and his wife. The twins were busy snickering at my fumbling attempts at pony-normalcy. Way to build up the old self-esteem there, guys. Mr. Cake nodded at me and turned back to his own meal.
And that was the extent of the conversation. The rest was filled with either the twins chattering on about their 'super fun' day or Mr. Cake and Mrs. Cake talking about orders and other business things. Pretty standard, I suppose. Nothing to see here, move along.
"Well, Bruce." Mrs. Cake piped up as we finished. Mr. Cake had gathered most of the dishes, waving off my attempts to stand and help. "Since you didn't listen to Carrot when he told you to stay near him, you don't get dessert. But that doesn't mean you can leave the table."
"Huh?" My confusion only lasted a bare second before realization hit. I smiled at her, making her own frown deepen. "Oh. That's kind of clever, actually. Not only is it a punishment in itself but it forces the chi-foal to sit and watch what rewards 'good little colts and fillies' get. Kind of smart."
"Yes, well, hopefully it will teach you that adults are to be obeyed." I rolled my eyes slightly, though I stopped them mid-roll with a sheepish grin. Don't push your luck, don't push your luck.
"I doubt it, the self-induced guilt and shame will probably do more." Damn it! What did I just say!?
"Bruce, you're not going to slither out of this with pity."
"Uh, that was never my intent, Mrs. Cake. I made a horrible mistake and I will accept the punishment of that mistake. Just saying. Unless it's sub-conscious or something. In which case it's still not my conscious intent." Mr. Cake delivered four giant bowls of ice cream to the twins, his wife and himself. She glared at me as I continued while the twins dug straight into theirs. "I'm serious! I suggested a spanking but it's foster care and that's a no-no." That got her to blink at least.
"What do you know about foster care?"
"Eh, been there and done that, got the tee-shirt." Not really. It was a pair of pants. Still ...
"You - you've been in foster care?"
"Uh," I stalled for time as I looked over at the twins. I hadn't yet burst the whole 'human' thing on them yet though I think Mrs. and Mr. Cake knew. "Well, not Equestrian foster care."
"Hmm." She and Mr. Cake shared a look before starting into their desserts. Slowly. I started to hum. Pour some sugar on me ... I felt it was apropos. That and it had been going through my mind for an hour for some reason. Couldn't remember all the words but I was humming and not singing.
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And now to go off to a Halloween party.
1338475
Nice plot insight there! The proof of your accurate musings is here for all to see~
this is another good chapter if I dont say so myself but still want to see their faces when they find Bruce is actually human at least I hope he is
MOAR
Yes! Been waiting for this all week!
At this point I'm expecting things to stop getting worse right after the apocalypse.
Seriously waiting for a meetig with Luna and Celestia.
I half expected Mr. Cake to come back into the room with a black eye.
God I fucking love this story!
well it sounds like our protagonist has a great taste in music
Why the hell doesn't this get updated more? I wants mah storeh!
Wild guessing begins here:
So this is what triggers the Cakes to go to Spring, saying they don't feel up to taking care of him? Knowing he's been "in the system" before probably isn't very encouraging.... But how is Rarity supposed to do better? Or does she not know all the details when she agrees to take him in?
... I wonder if the princesses will catch wind of this by accident when Spring ends up filing a request to neighboring nations, asking if they lost a child from their foster care systems who fits Bruce's description. Because that might be a serious diplomatic no-no.
Awesome!
1392716 Have fun! /o/
Is it just me or the chapters just keep getting smaller and smaller
Nice chapter, now off to the party I am attending this evening (suits and fine whiskey ftw).
holly shiet almost 30 chapters went but but it still feels like only the first 5 have gone by
it just messes with people when you tell them what there doing and what they should have done.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Hmm.. an extra hinge on the forehooves, I may have to steal that. I was going for tiny cilia on the bottom of the front hooves which could be controlled unconsciously.
Damn. The.ponies. In this multiverse!
Freaking believe him!
...awaiting further releases.
So much anger from Mrs. Cake... It's kind of horrifying, especially since she's the stronger of the two adults. The fact that she calmed down so quickly is even more terrifying since this fit of anger happened so fast; had she not been thinking clearly I would fear for Bruce's life (hell, I still do).
It's only been 1 day of taking care of the damaged colt that apparently knows how to cut open a kill. Did they expect him to suddenly start behaving?
Keep doing your thing Bruce. It only means more enjoyment for the rest of us.
1392890 Here here! We simply must have another chapter!
FOR ASGUARD!
Great chapter, and I'll accept what I can get, but it was too short.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applebloom.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Scootaloo.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
I eagerly await the next chapter.
1392716 Oh, and have a good time.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
lemme guess at the ending everyone dies? What a
!
Did you happen to see the Def Leppard tour?
Too short!
NEED MOAR!
It would be an interesting twist if he turns out to actually be crazy.
There is only one thing worse than not eating dessert: Not eating dessert while having to see others eating their desserts.
another great chapter
1392890
Your having too much fun with that picture...but I agree none-the-less!
Awwwww, why does a kickass fic like this have such short chapters, it ain't fair!!!!
Interest Levels: Dropping.
Plot Progress: Insufficient .
Core Meltdown: Imminent. Enough power remains for two chapters.
NOTICE: More plot development is required for this unit. Unless needs are met, subroutine 3A-49-"WhateverScrewIt"-B01 will take affect.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs46/f/2009/208/b/e/__Superintendent___Sad_by_Saint_Lulu.jpg
KEEP IT CLEAN!
1392890
I support this statement!
The joys of being in a body with a brain that hasn't fully developed yet.
they are right, unusually short, anyway hoping for more stuff, have fun
I just realized something, a colt in this version of Equestria is the equivalent of a little girl right? So you could have him totally pull of some creepy singing.
like this,
[youtube=adjbZRQdfhQ]
or this (though technically not a little girl)
[youtube=3keX0lPIadU]
I'm pretty sure you can find more creepy little girl songs for him to sing. Remember, just because he's on his 'good' behavior doesn't mean he can't make everyone else's lives a living hell. They're doing it to him by not even considering his story, so he's just returning the favor.
Enjoy that party.
And did Bruce goof?
1393108
Don't believe me? Try reading William Shakespeare's "Hamlet". It beat that cliche to death before it was a cliche.
Nah, writing every pony's death would be way too easy... and kind of moot... and a bit cliche... and overused... and BORING!
1393767
(Sarcastic tone): Calm down, Mr. Sunshine. Your optimism is overflowing.
1393882
Why so many older people wish they were young again, I'll never know.
1394065
I'd say he downright goofed. Eh heh.
1394232 guh Hamlet, i remeber reading that. but i see your point, admittedly it might be a bit (extremely) cliche but still, i like death
[youtube=VP_MJf1Mr-0]
Yup. take from that what you will.
Great and original as always.
1392829Wait, since when was Rarity an option for adoption. (Swear to god, did not think those words through.) I only remember Spring saying something about a couple families, but the Cakes were their primary choice. When did she mention other names?
At some point in this fic, I want to see Bruce wander into the Everfree forest, kill something, and eat it. The cakes could come along and find Bruce covered in blood, ripping small bits of gore off of the body, all the while writhing and moaning in the most intense foodgasm that anypony has ever seen.
So Pinkie does not join the Cakes for meals? Or is she still too heartbroken?
1393300 Wrong on my side, It is seeing my favorite food and also normal topics. We have thousands of disgusting and hilarious things to say at the table like Insects and here is the facts from QI Cicadas are the world’s loudest insects, with some of the 2,500 species reaching 120 decibels — the equivalent to what you hear when sitting in the front row of a loud rock concert.
The longest-living insect is the termite queen: they have been known to live for at least 50 years and some scientists believe they may live to 100.
The giant weta (Deinacrida heteracantha), a type of cricket endemic to New Zealand’s offshore islands, is the heaviest insect alive today. The largest specimen, a female, weighed 71g (2.5oz), three times heavier than the average house mouse, and was more than 85mm (3.4in) long.
" And we have even more when Watching the TV.
And great chapter and read this at 10 to 1 o'clock in the morning.
YEA!!!
Superb chapter - may I have MOAR please? :).
Brucey brucey brucey....when ya gonna stop digging holes for yourself?
1392784
i saw your avatar,
all i could think was:
"not sure if neigh~bor is getting raped, or listening to skrillex"