A Family Affair
Over the Edge and Over Again: Chapter 20
A Family Affair
It had begun to dawn on Rarity that, perhaps, their current plan of action was not as well thought through as it could have been. True, there wasn't much they could do given their current situation, but that didn’t stop the doubt from flooding through her mind whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Speaking of opportunities presenting themselves… there hadn’t been any. That was part of the underlying problem. Revolving their whole plan around some act of random happenstance seemed all well and good when it came to Discord’s world, but it could be – quite literally, if Discord so chose – an eternity before such a chance actually came about.
It hadn’t quite been an eternity yet, of course, but the prospect did not appeal.
Discord didn’t seem too keen on giving out any hints this time either. In hindsight, they were all rather lucky to get anything remotely like that from him the last time he was free. Maybe that was why he was keeping his mouth shut now?
Had Discord simply learned from his previous defeat? Apparently so.
As unfortunate as that was.
Or maybe Twilight had managed to get some snippet of information out of him. That would have been the ideal solution to their current dilemma. But as much as she loved that notion, Rarity still had her doubts; it wasn’t like Twilight to take anything more than half an hour to get through any given issue she found herself saddled with. She should have been back by now…
That brought them back to waiting.
And then, to top it all off, there was the whole issue with the pirates. They were probably the main reason Rarity was having her doubts in the first place; Discord was difficult enough to handle on his own, but an army of pirates laying siege to the city whilst he was out and about?
Hector ‘Big, Bad and Brainwashed’ Barbossa was hardly helping matters. He was probably just sat in a cabin somewhere on the ship, not a care in the world about the city of Canterlot below him. Pointing his wriggly little fingers in this and that direction for his crew to mindlessly follow.
Then there was poor Fluttershy…
“I still think we should get up there and search for Fluttershy,” Rainbow firmly stated, stamping her forehooves into the cobbled street.
“Sugercube, ya’ll have been sayin' that a while now. And every time you do, we point out they still have their pistols and you go and lose yer nerves.”
“Yeah, well…we still have to do something,” she hesitantly replied, lowering her ears as she peered forlornly at her back leg. She seemed to think on something before cringing, casting the thought aside. “I'm just, you know, not sure what that something is.”
Rarity and Pinkie couldn’t help but agree with the mare. The four of them were wandering through yet another side street, trying to avoid the larger ones and – by extension – the copies and clones wandering amidst them. Their numbers had seemingly increased and while not all of the pirates seemed inclined to attack on sight, none of the ponies were too keen on wandering into the open. Just in case.
“Is the ship back yet?” Rarity asked, her eyes cast towards Rainbow.
It had vanished for a time, rising up into the clouds. Rainbow had offered to go after it but reasoning from her friends had soon convinced her that going up there on her own was far from the sanest idea.
Not to mention all of the swords and pistols that were up there.
The pistols were proving to be a small problem, it seemed. Long ranged attacks were not the most helpful thing in the world when the opposing team had a large monopoly on them.
Regardless of the possible danger, however, Rainbow flew deftly into the air before she carefully pulled herself over the roof of the nearest building. Once she was sure that the coast was clear – because, quite frankly, those pirates got everywhere – Rainbow lifted herself onto the tiled roof. She took a long look over the city, or what she could see of it.
The sight didn’t do anything to settle her.
“Um...” was all she managed.
Some of the smaller buildings had escaped the carnage, sitting complete and resolute while all of the others struggled to support their own weight. The previously pristine white houses and stores were crumbling, falling apart and completely demolished in other places.
It wasn’t the whole city, but in the places that were broken and burned…well, you really noticed the difference.
Most of the ground was hidden behind the buildings surrounding them, but Rainbow could still hear the occasional yell or scream of a pony somewhere in the distance. She didn't even know where most of the ponies in Canterlot were hiding. If they were all inside their homes or any of the remaining buildings, Rainbow wondered how long they would last there.
Pulling her mind away from the thought of what everypony else in the city was going through, Rainbow looked up towards the ship that was most definitely back from its journey into the clouds. It was a dozen or so blocks away, still high above the buildings. As she squinted at it, focusing on the black vessel staining the shifting sky, there weren't just clouds above it.
There was smoke too.
Not that she had to squint very hard; the sight was hard to ignore. Mixed between the coloured and patterned clouds of Discord's Equestria, dirty plumes of smoke were billowing from the wooden ship. It seemed contained to one portion of it, somewhere above the deck.
It suddenly dawned on Rainbow Dash that the others were waiting for an answer. “Yeah, it's back,” she yelled. “And I think it's on fire!”
“It's...i-it's on fire?!” Rarity spluttered. Rainbow poked her head over the building and nodded back towards the ground, solemn.
Applejack and Pinkie stared up at Rainbow with the same mix of worry and apprehension on their faces. Rarity furrowed her brow, looking to the other and finally back up to Rainbow.
“We need to get up there,” she stated. “Now.”
“We could use the fire as a distraction!” Pinkie suggested, “Unless the Hectors can see through smoke.”
“Ya'll think you can go up there without being seen, Dash? And I mean really without being seen?”
“Of course I can,” Rainbow nodded with an almost cocky grin sneaking across her face at the prospect of finally doing some good. No sooner had the suggestion been said before Rainbow swiftly vanished from their view.
Rarity couldn't say anything before the cyan mare took her leave. Not that there was all that much to say on the issue. They had to do something. And this fire was the best set of cards they’d been dealt for a while.
“I hope they can't see through smoke,” Rarity quietly added.
“Even if they can, I doubt Rainbow's gonna go and fly in their faces.” At least, she hoped not. “Heck, they might not even care about her if their boats catchin’-”
Applejack’s ear very suddenly flicked to the side. Her head turned towards a foreign sound at the end of their current street. Pinkie followed her gaze.
Rarity quickly followed in their example. “Oh…o-oh dear...”
Much to her disdain, a Barbossa was stood there, flanked close by a three others. Rarity readied to charge, though not before something in particular about the lead pirate caught her attention. While the other clones stood there in formation and ready to attack, this one was already charging forward, a sword in hand with a crudely snapped blade. It didn't take the mares long to realise who the pirate was, or why the blade in question was broken.
He was the one Twilight had monumentally pissed off in the alleyway. Right back when this whole mess with the copies had started.
“T-that's a lot of pirates...” Pinkie pointed out.
The two other mares agreed, and after it was clear there wasn't anything substantial around them that was worthy of use as a weapon, they did the next best they could do. They ran for it.
Rarity still did her best at tossing – well, anything – from the ground. But her efforts weren't as effective – nor quite as heroic – as Twilight's own efforts at striking down the pirates. She was good at making clothes and fine frocks, not tossing garbage at aliens. Or doing it hard enough knock them out. And doing so whilst running at full speed hardly helped in the matter.
Applejack and Pinkie galloped ahead, leading the white mare on and swaying from side to side. If they were going to get shot at by a pistol, it seemed best not to run in a straight line. The bangs and small blasts against stone that littered the air behind them helped aid this theory.
None of them bothered to turn and check that they were indeed the ones being fired at. Not even Rarity once she gave up on the offense. They just ran forward, hoping to pull away from the livid, alien roar of the pirates.
Coming out into another street that ran horizontal to the one they'd just escaped from, the three mares took the briefest second to decide which way to go.
Out of panic and a slight smidgen of logic, right seemed the best option. The pirate ship hovered high in the air to the left and, even if the streets didn't join up, it seemed horribly unwise to head towards such a vessel when being pursued by those who owned the blasted thing.
Using the advantage of being on a new street and relatively out of sight, Rarity once again attempted her best shot at throwing whatever she could find at the pirates. She moved out of their sight, around a corner. She used her magic to levitate small stones, broken pieces of wall and clumps of metal into the air, flinging them down the road they had ran from.
The sound of broken grunts and a single harsh, pained moan escaped from the street before they were followed by a dull thud to the ground.
“Yes!” she squealed.
Ready to make full use of her valuable fleeing time – and more than ready to buck however many remained as they stormed out the street – Rarity briefly paused at the sight of Rainbow flying towards them, just off in the distance. She was waving her forehooves through the air, pointing quickly towards the ground.
Applejack and Pinkie turned back to look with the white unicorn and then searched the ground below their flying friend. They couldn’t help but widen their eyes.
“Fluttershy!” Pinkie beamed.
Hurtling across the ground below Rainbow was a small wooden cart. And at its front were a yellow pegasus and a skinny pirate pulling at the reigns. The human barely managed to keep up with her as he held tight to the harness, practically gliding with each massive set of steps; his feet only just managed to touch the ground every few seconds as it moved far too fast beneath him.
Much too focused on their lost friend running towards them, Rarity was the last to notice as the first pirate willing attack stormed out into the open. He snarled loud into Rarity’s ear, pathetically small sword raised as he tangled his dirty fingers into Rarity’s purple mane.
The Barbossa looked down upon his capture. His teeth bared, he lifted her into the air. He struggled at her weight but remained confident nonetheless. It wasn’t long before he raised his blade to the coat at her neck.
Though much like his prey had been, he seemed all too unaware of what going on in the world around him as a brief flash of pink hit his side and forced his form onto the ground. The remainder of his sword dropped to the cobbles with an empty chime.
The brute slammed his fists into the ground before looking up to acknowledge his attacker. He found himself forced back down onto his back.
“You do not hurt my friends!” Pinkie roared, stood over him with each of her forehooves held on to his shoulder. “Never, ever ever!”
The pirate tried to move, growling in response. A broken sound – something jagged and new – clawed its way out of his throat. “Make…me, Pie. Make me!”
He struggled for his sword, reaching over the stones only for Pinkie to remove herself without as much as another word. Pinkie Pie cantered merrily away, seemingly forgetting she'd ever attacked the pirate at all.
The Hector just furrowed his brow, looking around in dazed confusion before he seemed to realise that, yes, he was being let go. He growled again, snatching his sword and hastily getting to his feet as another set of hooves hit him with a solid force in the chest.
This time they were orange.
The man flew through the air for the briefest moment before landing back on the ground.
“And this time stay down,” Applejack yelled.
If the Barbossa had the ability to comprehend the waking world, he surely would have listened. His body lay there, dazed, and unwilling to get back up.
Applejack turned her head to see Rarity taking care of the third pirate that followed. And much like their rather overzealous predecessor they were just as willing to attack. Unlike the robbers and looters they had seen before, these pirates seemed perfectly willing to use their weapons as best they could.
But Rarity was using her magic as best she could. While she couldn't just cast a spell on the men, she could just as easily wield a weapon and hit them with that instead. Or an iron rod. An iron rod was the best she could do at the moment.
Each time the duplicate’s weapon came down she moved the rod in the way, none too sure how to successfully parry and fight back. Rarity took more steps back, cringing as the sword came down harder and harder, clanging with each well-aimed hit.
Forcing herself to stand still, Rarity waited for the next attack, growing tired of the pirate's seemingly endless amount of energy. Throwing her magic forward, and pushing the rod into the path of the sword. She smiled as the attack hit.
The clang was matched with the sound of a harsh snap, the metal of the sword cracking beneath the constant barrage of hits. The clone merely looked at the weapon, scowling at rarity as she swung the pole into his stomach. He winced once, not having a chance to think before the pole once again hitting him in the same spot. Then into the arm. And the legs.
The next attack just below the waist brought the pirate to his knees
One final swing slammed the rod into his face. The copy teetered around where it knelt, falling forward without so much as a grunt. The rod fell to the ground as Rarity let her magical influence vanish. She managed to half-heartedly smile before looking towards her friends.
Pinkie was somehow sat atop the final pirate, wearing his bandanna as a trophy of his defeat. It was cause for wonder, but like everypony else, Rarity had decided long ago it was best never to question anything the pink mare did. Or how she did it.
Not that she would complain about this particular instance.
What had gotten into the pirates? she wondered. Why did some only steal? Why did others go on the attack the first chance they got?
With the final pirate down, the mares turned their attention back to the approaching cart. And then to Fluttershy and one of the newer humans at her side. Then their view switched to Hector and a fatter human riding in the back of said cart, before eventually all for them continued on their route as they sped down the street.
Rarity remembered the humans. They were the ones that Applejack had helped earlier. She could even make out a little monkey in the back with the others.
Then Rainbow dropped down towards the ground, never landing as her wings flapped and refused to stop.
“Move! There are more Hectors coming!”
Rainbow's words were met with Pinkie casually looking back the way the cart had sped. Her gaze was met by the aforementioned pirates, and it was around that point she decided to calmly nod and follow in Rainbow’s advice.
Applejack and Rarity didn't find much to argue about either. If there was ever a time that Rainbow was to give them good, certain advice they were certain that now was that time.
It didn't take the mares long to realise that, despite the cart having wheels as well as two creatures to pull it, the mode of transport wasn't going as strong as it had appeared when they were motionless. It wasn't moving very fast, compared to how fast it could go with a couple of trained stallions at the helm. The three mares quickly caught up with the back end of the cart.
“Get out o' the way!” Barbossa – supposedly the one and only – barked at them, firing his pistol in their general direction. They took longer to move out of the way than they should have.
He fired in their direction regardless.
The ponies eventually leaped from his view and turned their heads to the see the small surplus of men charging to towards them, falling steadily into the distance. Slowly but surely, the men truly fell behind. More than a few fell from sight entirely as the succumbed to a well aimed bullet.
Rarity and Applejack turned back, looking at Pinkie as she now sat behind Barbossa with a certain monkey clawing playfully at her mane. She faced towards the front of the cart, ignorant of the little pest as she urged the drivers on. Fluttershy wasn't making so much as a peep as far as they could hear. The lankier human was being very imaginative with the insults he was throwing around, begging to be left alone while he ran.
The cart slowly began to turn and as Fluttershy and her partner pulled it towards the right, going of the larger main street, it pulled out of sight. The two ponies running on behind had no problem seeing it again when they turned.
The hell-fire of bullets stopped, and the fat one began to complain and moan. It didn't make much sense to Rarity, but the whining ended with him getting a smack on the head, compliments of his adoring captain.
The cart turned once again, slowing down as it was pulled into yet another street. As soon as the corner was turned, the previous speed returned and the action continued several time as the wooden cart twisted through the abandoned streets of Canterlot.
The entire ensemble of creatures soon came to a stop. Fluttershy and the skinny human unbuckled themselves from the harness and both promptly proceeded to fall to the ground, hugging it for dear life as they struggled for breath.
Applejack still stood by the entrance to the street they'd arrived inside, none too sure the pirate's were truly gone. They'd vanished into the distance several streets back. As much as she believed they'd all lost their pursuers, she still wanted to be sure.
Rainbow finally landed on the ground, ignoring everybody else present and heading straight for her yellow friend. Any friendly reunion and loving hug was halted the second she took a look at Fluttershy. The first chance she’d really had to do so.
“What...w-what happened to you?”
Fluttershy turned around, looking up to Rainbow from the ground as she awkwardly shifted around on her hooves. Her eyes wandered to the cart for the briefest of seconds, soon finding their way back to the other pegasus.
Her mane was cut and shaved, and whatever was left was nothing more than a few small tufts of hair here and there. Her tail hadn't fared any better: there was nothing but a small clump left of it. Her neck was red and swollen. Dim marks created a ring around her throat that did next to nothing to hide the small cuts and traces of dirty blood.
“I'm fine, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said with a smile, moving over to Rainbow and pulling her into a warm embrace. Dash returned the gesture, pulling the mare closer until they both calmly separated. Fluttershy smiled in a way that Rainbow couldn’t describe as anything other than reassuring. “I'm fine now.”
Nodding hesitantly at Fluttershy, Rainbow turned her attention back towards the rest of her friends. She moved to them, towards Barbossa – ready to talk the greatest of smack-down talks she had ever spoken in her life – only to find all three of them staring at the aforementioned captain, slouched in the back of the cart.
She had wanted some answers. But despite her wishes, she didn't like what she saw.
Barbossa was there, his teeth grinding horridly together and his nails digging into the wood upon which he sat. Every glance he could spare was aimed at the sky, as if nothing or anypony else was more worth his time.
His face was heavily bruised, tainted with heavy black and blue. Trickles of blood created small streams against the skin of his forehead. The left side of his head even had several small clumps of hair dyed and glued together with the congealed red.
The cuff of his left sleeve was coated in crimson too, and even more stained at various points on his chest and torso. His coat and shirt were torn and through the larger seams Rainbow could make out a dark of patch of blackened purple beneath his skin. If humans were anything like ponies, she knew that colour was never a good one to have beneath your skin.
And then there was his leg. It just...wasn't connected to the rest of his body. It was next to him. It was just laying there, limp and lifeless. Oozing.
The remainder of his leg was in even worse shape; blood escaped from the destroyed limb, drenching the lowest part of his trousers. Some had even seeped into the other leg, unless it was a different injury. For all Rainbow knew, it may well have been.
Rainbow couldn't tell where the limb was broken off. Her brief glimpse at the separated limb looked to be torn from around the knee, but she didn't want to look at it any longer than she needed too. She couldn’t stomach it anymore than her own injury.
Fluttershy's state momentarily escaping her, Rainbow was the first to speak up, much to the surprise of her friends. She asked, “What happened to you?”
The other mares did not try to hide their worry, even if they weren't as concerned for the man as they could have been. Especially after being chased by a near infinite army of him.
His response came back tired, much unlike all the conversations they’d had with him before. Despite that, it was just as dripping with sarcasm.
“Durin' our optimistic escape o' the ship flyin' in the sky, I were tossed off the damned thing while waitin' for yer friend te fly me down,” he said, flicking his head towards Fluttershy. Despite now being beside her friends, Barbossa cringed at the sharp, harsh pain the action brought. “Needless te say she didn't quite get me before the cobblestones broke me fall.”
Barbossa shuffled on the spot, wincing as he leaned on something he shouldn't have. He could swear his hips were broken now. Unless some of his ribs had fallen an unwelcome inch or two. He wasn't discounting that.
“All because this fat bastard broke Fluttershy's bloody wing!”
“I were pushed off too!” Pintel whined.
“Aye, but if ye weren't so thick she wouldn't have struggled te lift ye.”
The injured man once again winced as he felt something inside him move, accompanied by a very audible crack. The mares just looked on, distressed and not sure where they would even begin to discuss why he was in pain. Or if they could actually help.
“How are you even conscious?” Pinkie Pie asked, frowning. “I would not be conscious. I would on a snooze cruise! Several of them!”
“I'd rather not be,” he replied with a forced smile.
“On a snooze cruise?” Barbossa’s smile promptly vanished, replaced by a scowl unmatched by any other. Pinkie quietly decided that he had meant he’d rather not be conscious. Good thing too, because a snooze cruise sounded like just the right kind of thing for a hurt pirate. “It looks really sore...”
“Oh, it is,” he quickly answered back.
Pinkie thought on the spot for a moment, looking to each of his injuries and wondering what could be done about them. As much as she loved to be helpful to her friends, she wasn't too well versed in the ways of healing injuries. A cut or a bruise was fine, but a leg? It wasn't even attached to him anymore.
How was she meant to fix that? The power of hugs and kisses only took you so far.
A moment later the sky suddenly darkened, and an almighty smile returned to Barbossa’s face. His pet cackled from just behind and the sunlight beaming down onto the ground was replaced by the silvery sparkle of the moon.
A screech cut through the air as Jack succumbed to the curse, his fur and skin rotting away. Barbossa pushed his hand forward, watching as his life also crumbled away, leaving his nothing more than a broken cadaver in tattered rags.
“Finally.”
All flowing of blood ceased. His amputated limb became dry and barren. And his body decayed until blue skin and rotted muscle were the only things holding it all together. It made little sense to most minds, but then the curse had never bothered to follow how the human body was supposed to work: he’d seen enough of his crew to vouch for that.
Barbossa strained his shoulder, listening to the loud, enormous crack as the thing finally slipped back into place. He shifted his arms, clicking each of his fingers in turn as he felt his body dull and his senses dim to a complete standstill.
Shifting his back, he urged Jack towards his hand and the monkey eagerly obliged.
Then he lifted his hands up to the base of his neck. The ponies immediately shifted their vision away with sickly expressions as he cracked all the bones at the base of his skull. He pulled his decayed head free for the briefest of moments before forcing it back into place.
He had no idea how lucky he was, or whether he should have really died. But his neck had definitely been broken. Chipped. Cracked, or something as equally awkward to fix without a knife and a very cocky surgeon.
“He d-did not just take his – his head off...” Rarity tried to convince herself, holding back several heaves and a few more besides.
Reaching for his dismembered leg, he then pulled up the hem of his trousers. With another crack, and a forced twist, Barbossa looked down as his leg hung there. It needed light support, but it stuck fast.
He forced the limb further, watching as the joint of his knee finally clicked into its proper place. The putrid strings of his remaining muscles conformed back onto their natural positions.
He smiled – or at least, he assumed it looked like he was smiling – as he let his leg hang over the edge of the cart. He let it swing back and forth. A faint click sounded each time it moved, but he wasn't for caring.
“Better than havin’ te lug the bugger around.”
Barbossa got to his feet, paying attention to his body as a small number of cracks and clicks sounded out into the night. He looked around to see the small crowd giving him a whole a manner of different faces, though he couldn't but notice they all seemed a comically sick shade of green.
“Good to go now, then?” Pintel asked.
“As good as I'll get for now,” the captain eagerly replied. As if to prove it to himself, he once again stretched the deadened bones in his body. His back arched further than his muscles should have allowed, closely followed by the clicks he revelled in displeasing the ponies with. “But that doesn’t matter, Mister Pintel. I have things to do, and they be needin’ done.”
“Like…what?” Pinkie asked.
“Somethin’ I think we can all agree on gettin’, Pinkie Pie,” he calmly replied. Then he flashed the mares a rotten grin. “Revenge.”
☠
“Run this by me again, Twilight Sparkle. You thought that you could just wander in here, walk up to the Elements of Harmony, take them without me noticing, rescue your little dragon and the pretty pony princess before skipping out the front door on your merry way?”
“I got the Elements, didn’t I?”
Discord rubbed his claw against the bridge of his nose. If he was being honest with himself, he was growing bored with what he had once considered freedom. Sure, he was out and about, rendering reality obsolete and staying up as late as he wanted. Physics were mere dolls in his almighty toy chest.
He could turn planets into plants, gravity into gravy.
Make it rain raisins of days-ins.
Then why was he ...bored?
“You're missing the point, my dear. You can't just wander in here and take the one thing that could spell my doom. For one, it's a very, very boring way to round off a story. And so overdone, at that.”
“It gets the job done,” she hit back. Twilight floated aimlessly through the air of Celestia’s throne room. Or the remains of what had once been Celestia’s throne room. Discord had called dibs. “Like I said, I got the Elements halfway across the castle before you noticed they were gone.”
Oh, that's right. He knew why he was bored: he was the only one actually trying to have any fun around this pastel infested sugar bowl! The ponies just didn’t put in the effort like they used to. They weren’t even clocking in!
“Second,” he began, ignoring her previous and – if he was being perfectly honest – rude comment. “I don't know how naïve you think I am, but I did make sure to secure my freedom this time. And I mean actually secure it. It’s rather obvious that I am handsome and confident but last time I fear I may have overstepped that mark by perhaps a smidgen of a smidgen.”
He was…maybe a bit rash last time, he could see that now. He didn't really want to, but being turned to stone – for a second time, at that – had left him with quite a long while think about very little else. Especially when Celestia leaves you in the corner of the royal garden that nopony really tries to visit.
In a bizarre coincidence, it was after his statue was placed in that section of the garden that ponies started avoiding it. Either they had grown more perceptive of him after his little jaunt into the outside world or they were just being mean for meanness sake.
“What do you expect me to do? You didn't play by your own rules. You didn't even give us any clues this time!”
“Wha-” he spluttered. He just about caught his eyes before they rolled out into the sunset. “You honestly assumed I'd give you clues and a silly little riddle after how well that worked out for me last time?” Discord teased. “My dear, you hold me in such low regard.”
“I thought you'd be content with playing more games with us.”
“Yes, well, that was so last season, Twilight Sparkle. Maybe even two or three seasons by this point.” Frankly, he had no idea. Who knew how long it had been since this whole narrative had really begun. “Besides, games aren't all that fun when the other players take losing as well as you and your friends did.”
“You brain-washed my friends!” Twilight yelled. Her body involuntarily shifted into a small flock of stark naked ravens and raving naked storks before she managed to pull herself away. “And almost ruined Equestria!”
She wanted to ask about the birds but they were gone the moment she turned her head. Well, of course they’re gone, Discord wearily thought: they were only there for that one line. What did she expect?
Discord heaved an exaggerated sigh as he floated down from the ceiling, leaving Celestia’s throne behind. He readied to have the throne pop into something quite unlike a piece of furniture had any right popping into before merely letting the thing melt like thick ink into the paintwork. The rest of her furniture was just aimlessly floating here and there, much different from their appropriate sizes: writing desks for the ravens and all that jazz. He hadn't really gotten around to arranging the room how he wanted it.
Part of him had actually lost interest in playing with the furniture. It was…such a small thing. He had complete creative freedom to do what he wanted and he was still there, in Canterlot. Waiting for ponies to join in on a brand of fun that – for some incomprehensible reason – they had no interest of entertaining.
How droll, it was.
The magic mirror was among the flotsam and jetsam, bobbing up and down within the air as two regal mares stared out at him with disproving glares. At least, he assumed they were disapproving; he'd long since drawn a moustache and spectacles over the glass and you couldn’t very well take anyone seriously when they had a dapper moustache.
The purple unicorn currently drifting through the middle of the room was also floating around aimlessly, her motions not entirely dependent on the actual movement of her body. He could have wrapped her in up in duck tape or something as equally delicious to mispronounce but he oh so liked seeing her confused. The analytical types were always the best ponies to see confused, so subtlety was key.
“See, Twilight Sparkle? That's what a sore loser sounds like.”
“But we won!”
“You're not meant to keep playing the game after you lose!” he whined, snapping at the air until her coat turned orange, complete with scented rind. “And that's why I've started a new game! A game where there is no game, therefore, I can't actually lose playing it. Which means I win!”
The debatable logic aside, Twilight didn't pay the lord of chaos much heed. At least, she tried not to. She wasn't too sure what she was going to do. Not after she'd seen what happened to everypony else in the castle
“And what's more fun, sending you on a treasure hunt for the very things that could ruin absolutely everything I care about or having an army of alien pirates pillaging Canterlot?” The question wasn’t entirely rhetorical. He wanted the answer that was written on his card. “Come one, I’m going to need your final answer. What’s more fun, A: Sending you on a treasure hunt for the very things that could ruin absolutely everything I care about or B: Having an army of alien pirates pillaging Canterlot?”
There was five seconds left on the clock. Four. Three. Two.
One and three-quarters. One and a-
“And you think you’ll just be able to walk away from this?” Twilight asked, her voice almost accusing in its intensity. The clock promptly counted to zero and a claxon resounded around her ears. “You'll just end up trapped like you did last time. And the time before that.”
“That isn’t the answer I have written on my card,” he added flatly. “And I’m afraid not. Nope! Not this time. Because unlike last time, I've actually solved my problem before it actually became a problem. Namely Celestia. And Luna. And the Elements of Harmony. And the Royal Guard, just in case. I was just going to leave you outside to have fun with your new pirate friend.”
“How very noble of you,” Discord said.
“I know, right!” Discord also said. “But then you just came to me. Me! And I barely had to do anything!”
“You really thought we'd just leave you to do what you wanted? You thought that would be the end of it?”
“Not really, but I was willing to hope. Still, it was nice for you to come on your own: it was very kind to leave everyone else outside for me to play with.”
With another click of his fingers, Twilight wavered in the air before finally coming to a stop. She gasped as her form twirled and spun in circles through the air before she finally flew towards the princesses. Her body passed seamlessly through the glass of the mirror and with a brief quack her body hit the tiled floor inside.
Twilight shakily got to her hooves, stepping around to the sounds of tweets, honks and twangs. Each time her hooves tapped the ground, a new sound came from them. Never a tap, always something else.
“What?” she exclaimed, stepping on the spot before jumping up and down. Every single hit of her hooves came with something new. A horn, a buzz. The sound of an animal or an outdated catchphrase. “What's the point in that?!”
Discord held his paw and claw together, wiping a tear from his eye with a smile. The rip-in-cloth kind of tear, not the watery kind. He wasn’t that sentimental. “It got a reaction from you, didn't it?”
He peered through the mirrored glass, leaning on the golden rim as he casually motioned to those inside. He eagerly waved to the other inhabitants.
“Hello Celestia! Would you like anything? Some…uh,” he waved the air, searching for the word. “-food, perhaps? Oh, that reminds me.”
He finished his wave to the open air and, reaching behind his back, pulled out a bowl of fruit. The bowl vanished an instant later, reappearing within the mirror and then within the teeny cage the guards were trapped inside. The bowl dropped with a slight thud, and fruit inside sat motionless as the tiny guards gathered around.
“There. See, I remember to feed my pets. Can't let somepony starve inside my mirror now, can I?” Just think of the smell.
Celestia looked to the cage, her face still sombre and disinterested. She had long since given up on escaping. Luna had given up just as quickly. However, unlike the older sister, the Princess of the Night hadn't taken up such a dejected stance on the situation.
“You have given them fruit,” she stated. Somewhere, very far away, clapping could be heard. “You said natural fare was boring and predictable.”
“Well, it is. Things from plants are always the same! You'd think oranges would have at least tried to change in the last few thousand years, right? So I changed them myself!”
One of the guards braved the first bites, ignoring the giant orange at the sound of Discord's words. He slowly went for the apple instead. He struggled to actually grab the skin, gnawing at the thick skin in the hopes this would be a meal they could actually eat.
The last 'meal' they had been offered was dubious at best. Discord claimed it to be ice cream, but the guards didn't trust his word when it started to move around their cage demanding hugs.
The guard bit down, and chewed. The others waited behind, but rather than what they were expecting, the pony looked more confused than disgusted. He didn't gag, or spit out the food. He instead chewed it some more, tilting his head to the sides.
“It tastes like…blueberry shortcake?”
“See? What sort of Lord of Chaos would I be if I didn't go against character and feed my prisoners cake flavoured fruit every once and a while?” Discord nodded at his fine work. Oh, how very fine it was. “Now, how about you, arch-nemesis Celestia?”
“Are you having fun, Discord?” she asked.
He thought about the question for a moment, slipping into the mirror with them. While on the outside it had a fine golden border, inside the prison it just floated there: an empty, oval window into the real word.
“I think so. Maybe?” he attempted, though even he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. “Not as much as I could be, if I’m being quite honest. You bring up a fabulous point, Celestia!”
The white alicorn suddenly readied to speak again, losing out her plead as Discord vanished from the world of the mirror and back into the throne room. His form was still visible through the glass and a second later a small, gilded chest fell through. It hit the floor with a clatter as the contents fell free.
It was a collection of golden necklaces.
Twilight looked down at them, levitating the Element of Kindness into the air. She then turned her attention back to Discord.
But he was too busy to notice. He was thinking of what to do next. Celestia was right. She usually was when it came to…well, many subjects.
Was he enjoying freedom? Undoubtedly.
Was he having as much fun as he could possibly have ever in the whole history of forever and ever? Quite possibly...not.
Could he do better?
Oh yes.
“I think I've seen enough of this castle. Every evil tyrant and their swarm have tried to conquer this dusty old place.” It was cliché. Practically a trope for Equestria in and of itself.
So he moved somewhere else. He closed his eyes, sighing contently as he opened them again. He’d left the confines of the dusty old castle and found himself, quite rightly, on the deck of Hector Barbossa’s pirate ship.
It was black, piratey as the pirateiest thing one could imagine and very much in need of some good old fashioned elbow grease. Discord set a few tins of it down as he realised there was something quite prominent missing from his last visit.
Namely, there was a large hole where he distinctly remembered creating a cabin for the captain. The pirate had been very particular about the silly thing. It had gotten to the point where Discord just pulled out an old memory or two from the man himself and set it down.
He didn't really want to waste his time making an entire ship for a pirate when there was pillaging to be done!
Precious pillaging!
The cloned pirates still onboard just stared on as Discord surveyed their ship. With a minor click of his tail against the deck, the entire ship buzzed with energy until every last nail and board vibrated into life. The wood moved and churned as the broken vessel repaired itself. Spare parts jigged their way up from below deck and brooms danced their way around the ship to clean away dust and debris.
“Hmm...,” Discord said, peering at his handy work. “Maybe it needs to be bigger?”
His will be done, the ship grew. The crew on board just stared around. Not in awe, or in any sort of confusion. They just watched their ship grow larger as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
A smack on the glass of the mirror brought Discord away from his new project. Twilight Sparkle was forcing her hind legs into the glass, hardly forcing a crack to appear. Not to mention each hit was followed by a booty toot or a squelch.
“You know, I thought a pony like you would think better of me than to just assume I put a bit of glass in between you and your freedom. If anything, it’s rather insulting to your princess and the dragon if you think they didn’t already try it.”
“You won't get away with this,” she muttered.
“Perhaps not,” he admitted. Painfully.
Confidently! He meant confidently. “Though I think I've got a pretty good chance of it this time.”
Turning back to the ship, Discord looked out to the pirates who were now surrounding him. They all looked up, arms at their sides and brows creased with despicable smiles stretching across their faces. Every one of them the same, every one of them identical. In the same clothes, holding the same weapons. The same hair and the same eyes.
It was all the same.
And it was awful.
“Right,” Discord proudly proclaimed, a smile of his own curling against his lips. He eagerly rubbed his paw and claw together in glee. The copies of Barbossa began to glow bright until their very shapes began to blur and shift. “First things first! I think it’s about time I gave all of you a reboot.”
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Oh dear, Discord growing BORED? This will end in tears, for all involved.
Great addition of a chapter, now don't leave us hanging for the next for too long, you hear?
6650488
I-I'll try...
6650506 *hugs* Good works like this are worth waiting for. Take the time you need, I at least will be waiting patiently for the new.
Haven't read it yet, but I just wanted to say, DEAR GOD...THAT PICTURE!
As one of the 4 people keeping up with the story, cool. I was looking forward to this update for forever.
Yo man. Cool story. Your updates might be EXTREMELY few and far between, but they are well worth the wait. Keep up the good work. Much love
. -
Kevin.
HAH! There's definitely more than four here! Also, great chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
Okay team, the distraction was a success, but now Discord has Twilight and is headed out on an Equestria Vacation Cruise.
6650488
Or maybe it will end with him realizing that things just aren't as fun when you're the only one even trying. There's a reason people only play Solitaire when there's absolutely nothing else to do.
6650955
I honestly think that it's the reason that this story has gotten half the view that it has 
Everyone says this!
6654515
Even then, it will change very constantly and will vary wildly between any given story 
Hell, two of the most commonly shipped couples are gay; Lyra with Bon Bon and Vinyl Scratch with Octavia! You will see it pop up a lot, even in stories that don't focus on romance. I would perhaps get used to the idea 
Especially with the Mane 6: a few combinations of them are quite with each other.
It's normal for quite a large number of fandoms, but the My Little Pony fandom has an especially high number of characters that are seen as/happily accepted as/often portrayed as gay by a majority of the fandom
Though in the case of this story I made Fluttershy gay because it gave Barbossa some personal information that he could use to get under Fluttershy and Twilight's skin in their initial encounter with him. There won't be any romance in this story, but I kind of like stories that just have a bit of variation. It just feels more fleshy, you know? Actually...
On that note, Rainbow is now bisexual: I, the author, hath decreed
Bit cliché, I know. I doubt it'll come in the narrative at all but there we go.
6650488
6651861 Boredom has always been Discord's greatest enemy and biggest weakness. He's compelled to keep pushing more and more until something can finally push back, and he grows ever more bored in the process.
6660522 As I said, this isn't a romance story. There may be mentions but its not essential or integral to the plot: It was mostly done for the reasons stated.
As for the stereotype, I seem to have latched onto most of the other tropes that the fandom has in the early days of the story. Arriving in the Everfree, battling a Manticore, Discord getting free, yadda yadda yadda. I thought I was overdue another one, stereotypical of Rainbow or not
Again, it usually depends on the story who is seen as which sexuality, behaviour or otherwise. I just thought I'd throw another common interpretation along with everything else. I didn't mean to offend anyone 
If that has happened. If not, again, this isn't a romance story so its not integral.
6661000
Yeah, it can be a big problem and I didn't exactly help the stereotype. Still, I think it's kind of cool that any MLP character can be whateversexual when in a lot of fandoms people will try to keep them straight, but that's just my two cents on the matter
6662362
I don't think it really matters if a straight character is made gay (or bi, as the case could be).
What I meant was that here, in this fandom, a character can general be seen as batting for any team regardless of how they are portrayed in the show and more often than not being accepted by any given reader: Fluttershy is dating Rarity? Yeah, sounds good. Cherilee has broken up with Big Mac and starts dating Twilight? Featured! Caramel hits it off with Shining Armour? Probably featured too if the writing is good. Are all of these potential stories my cup of tea? Not really, but there isn't a problem with it.
I just don't see why being gay/not gay/was gay/was straight/isn't sure/Pinkie pie-sexual/bi-curious/Twi-curious needs to cause an issue. Especially in a story about a middle-aged pirate that had a throw away line to someone being gay
But we should probably hush up now
Lest we start, what could potentially be, a very heated argument that isn't entirely related to the story 
6666564
I don't mean too
Except with Rainbow Dash
She's lovely but if you're going to have anypony react badly to a pirate, then you know it has to be her.
Finally got around to reading the latest chapter. Man, I remember when I just started this fanfic, it was when I was only beginning to get into fanfics at all, and I spent the whole night reading all the chapters available at that point - I think Discord wasn't in them yet - which cost me a lot of energy the next day at university. And here I am now, not having gone to university for years upon years, with a job and everything, and Barbossa's still in Equestria.
6671209
I started this story as I was leaving college for my First Year in University and I'm now nearing the end of my Fourth Year.
Just think how I feel
The Cutie Mark Crusaders have literally gotten their Cutie Marks before Barbossa has managed to get out of Equestria. Discord's been freed a second time, And reformed! Twilight's tree has burned down! And she became a Princess! Twilight has even been to the Human World for crying out loud! The Doctor and Derpy have formally even been added into the show as best buds!
The fact that I thought this would only see me through the Summer Holidays makes feel there's some sort of strange irony in there. I really didn't intend for it to be as long as it currently is. There wasn't even a real ending in mind when I began this story.
Though there is now
Oh yes, I will get this thing finished 
One day. One day, I shall finish this story.
6672203 Yeah, gotta be weird having Discord a villain after he has been reformed and re-reformed. And even long enough that some people like me can't even remember him as a villain anymore.
Have the episodes with Discord past RoH influenced the way you do his character in this story btw? For me, KCaFO changed the way I saw the character. Well, more like cleared it up.
Also, I hope you can get it done before the fandom dies completely after the show ends
6672401
I really loved the character in his first appearance and I try to take his personality from that time into account for the story. But I like him even more in the state he's in now - his interactions, his mannerisms, his character development and the lessons he can help teach that other nicer characters won't necessarily get near. His brand of humour also tickles my fancy, much like Pinkie Pie's - and I admit that a lot of this will have dripped into how I write him now
But he was also never truly evil, as such. I mean, Celestia saw potential in him after all. I think as long you make sure you know that Discord used to get his kicks without ever really considering the effect his games had on others then you can separate his pre-reformation and post-reformation personalities quite easily
And if this fandom dies before this story finishes then I will have waited far too long
6674510 Yeah that's basically how I understood Discord after his reformation episode. I don't subscribe to a theory that he was something else and then BECAME an all-powerful entity, and if you presume that he was always all-powerful, it's really easy to imagine that he just doesn't understand that normal ponies can't deal with his shenanigans as easily as he is, because he's never been bound by rules or consequences. So he pretty much couldn't understand what he was doing to others, and he probably thought everyone was just a boring sore loser or unappreciative of his creativity. It seems like he needs an audience, after all.
I hate to speculate on a story that isn't published entirely but is planned out, but I kinda want Discord to accidentally make friends with one of the pirates or something now. I've always been a sucker for twists like that
6676098
While I refuse to spoil things - or force it in - I do intend to implement parts of that personality into this Discord. To what extent? Well, who knows? 
As I said, I'm a big fan of Discord post-reformation
6677849 Well I'm looking forward to finding out before I am placed into an old folks home!
Tnx for updating good sir
6723043
but I didn't want everyone to get along from the get go as is the case with a lot of crossover/HiE stories.
Likely down to me trying to not make everyone overly kind and fluffy in a situation that didn't really call for it. I may have gone too far
6724440
It's less the lack of kind and fluffy and more how everyone is bordering on outright irrational. The situation with Rainbow is probably the biggest offender.
"But he was threatening you and attacked me!"
"He wasn't threatening us and also you started it."
"...oh, right. So anyway, he's dangerous and attacked me!"
"He didn' attack you, you started it!"
"Oh, yeah. So how about that there attack on me!?"
It makes everyone look less unkind and more blatantly hypocritical. It's one thing to portray the disposition of the characters as less easy-going and more suspicious, but it should at least actually reflect the events of the story in some way. I honestly couldn't decide for a while whether they were being actively dishonest or whether you just weren't paying attention to your own characterization. Right now, I'm settling on actively dishonest.
6724475
Hell, even some of the ones that are getting put out now were originally drafted about a year or so ago. I've only just found the time to catch up and get them all cleaned up.
In my other defence, I wrote that chapter well over three years ago and I am more than well aware that quite a few of the earlier chapters hold silly/weird/irrational/frustrating moments for quite a few of the characters
7173162
Thank you for the pirate potato