To preserve her shot at joining the Wonderbolts, Lightning Dust must explain her actions to Spitfire. While recklessness has no place in Spitfire's squad, but maybe second chances do.
Editors: Chaotic Note, KiriSnow
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Jul, 2016
- offline last seen May 28th, 2017
Rose the Changeling
Hazel Bell is my waifu! Want to see my You Tube Channel?
Rose the Changeling
Joined 30th Jul, 2016 ·
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Hmm, a decent story, and better than Lightning having her career and finances ruined, like a lot of stories about her do.
This looks looks good rose
Hm...this was...okay, but it feels rushed. I do like Lightning Dust fics that, preferably, DO NOT lead her into a state of poverty and ones that try to make Mane Six look bad. However, this story made it clear that it COULD have turned into that kind of story; and that fact made this just a tad bit cringeworthy for my personal taste.
As for the conflict; waaaay too rushed. Like, I'm not sure if I really buy that Lightning Dust has changed, kind of rushed. I'm usually for short stories, but a plot like this deserves more meat.
Not to mention that it makes the grammar kinda awkward sometimes, but that's more of a minor issue for me; if I can understand what's going on, it's fine in my book. And I understood everything fine. Though consider pacing yourself next time---I see a talented writer in you that would shine if you'd just take your time with it.
Other than that, it was okay. I liked reading it, and just by NOT turning everyone but LD who nearly got ponies killed and anyone in stories that sympathize with her total dooshbags, I consider this an achievement. Good job, and I hope to see more stuff from you.