• Member Since 15th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen April 30th

SeventhElement


I make pony music mostly. Just here to horse around.

Sequels1

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Five hundred years after the death of the Crusaders, Twilight stumbles through life; every friend she makes eventually dies. Her mind is drowning in a thick fog of sorrow and loss, unable to think clearly and concisely. A storm is brewing, and Twilight must find a way to closure.

This story is meant to accompany a concept album I have written, you can listen to it here: https://seventhelement.bandcamp.com/album/fear-of-dark

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

Pretty good. The end comes as a bit confusing, but enjoyable all the same.

7795874 Glad you liked it, thank you for reading!

Just found your album; came from there to here. Nice story; I certainly want more from you, although you might want to work on more intriguing use of language--this reads a bit like a play-by-play. "Twilight does this. This happens. She knew she must do that." It gives the whole work a detached feel.

That might be what you were going for—it would fit with Twilight's weariness and extreme depression—though it also sucks the life and the fire out of the story. Moments like Twilight's encounter with the "all wrong" Twilight fall a little flat when the whole thing is just description.

Balancing the coldness of despair with the heat and warmth needed to keep a tale interesting is a difficult task, and I applaud you for trying. Keep writing, keep composing, and go forward, only forward.

7861336 Hey, thanks for listening and reading! It is sort of the point to be more descriptive and detached, Twilight is totally out of it for most of the story (moment of clarity being Faded Light, of course) so it's really hard for her to give any sort of reliable narrative that isn't just...a blur. I felt it would've been jarring to shift the narrative after that happened, so I kept it more detached. I did have some difficulty even describing the other Twilight, it's kinda hard to say what she's feeling when she doesn't even know what she's lookin' at, you know? Let alone the "narrator" or whatever. But yeah, I totally get what you're saying.

But yeah, I got some more ideas for things that are story + music, I always strive to move forward! Again, thanks for reading/listening!

Fantastic musical accompaniment as well as story mate.

I wouldn't say that Celestia is needed in characters tags. There are just few sentences about her. She figures only in one or two Twilight's thoughts without being a part of the actual story

7937716 There is a verrrry subtle part that does refer directly to her near the end, but I'll untag it, her motives and actions are quite unclear. Thanks

I am more than two years behind on finally reading (and holy crap listening) to this. I kept approaching both separately, and kept delaying because I wanted to have the opportunity to read along while listening to the album for the first time. Two freaking years of forgetfulness and stubbornly rejecting the convenient out of doing each separately.

Well, I'm glad I finally managed to hit my first listen through and my first read at the same time, even if I greatly regret it took me this long.

I enjoyed the exploration internalized confusion, and doubt. I thought the narration was spot on, given the subject's state, and I loved the thematics.
Looking forward to the next story/album (I'll attempt to get to it in less than two years this time)!

9528964
Glad you liked it dude, thanks for reading/listening!

Man this was really good. Great job on this story.

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